Things I hate at the moment:
Being sick because of the incident on Friday in which I had to make sure drunk Kara got home safe, as she continued to fall down, get in cars with strangers, piss people off, make out with old men, and or just plain refuse to keep walking. It was not unlike The Canterbury Tales.
Maui Fever. It's about a handful of young adults who happen to be oversexed, pompous, and highly irritating. Also, producers have to put the person's name at the bottom of the screen so you can tell them all apart, because they all look exactly the same (which is mediocre, at best). Wait, isn't that Laguna Beach?
The Dean of Student's office. It gets so hot in here, I've started incubating eggs in my pocket.
My Science of Nutrition teacher. I have received two emails from her telling me that I am doing the assignments wrong and to read the instructions she emailed to the class last week. I have sent her responses both times, telling her that I never received that email. Despite my asking twice, she has yet to send it. Communication with a teacher via email shouldn't be this hard...WHEN IT'S AN ONLINE CLASS.
Having a $100 gift card to the bookstore because I went to return a book after my credit card was cancelled. Wouldn't be such a bad thing if I was ever in my life going to buy textbooks again.
The Hills. I can't wait for the day when Lauren snaps and smothers Heidi with a pink chiffon throw pillow.
Things I love at the moment:
I may have found a place to stay in LA. My friend Sam's neighbor is renting out a bedroom in his house. $600 a month includes all utilities as well as internet and a cleaning service. Not to mention my own private bathroom. The owner has another house in Palm Springs where he apparently spends most of his time. It's also super close to the studios. Or, at least much much closer than my aunt and uncle.
LOST. WEDNESDAY. GAH.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Hero to Zero
The creator of Heroes told TV guide that a major character will be killed off in a few weeks. Of course, as per any time the announcement of a major character death is leaked, the fans are all a twitter. I love me some Heroes, and I love me some good character deaths, so I figured that the occasion calls for some speculation. So, whose gonna kick it?
Matt- Apparently the death is someone who has been around since the beginning. Couldn't be Matt since he didn't show up until the 2nd or 3rd episode. Odds: Unlikely
Mohinder- God, I hope so. The actor is terrible and the character is boring and pointless. He comes to America to find the Heroes, then as soon as he actually finds a hero, for no reason whatsoever he decides to give up and go back to India, only to have irrelevant and boring dreams that bring him back to America again. His character is just a device to bring characters together, and his voiceovers at the end of episodes are hokey beyond belief. Plus, he has no powers. Mohinder is my top choice. Odds: Likely.
Niki/Jessica- This is a tough one. Ali Larter is the main female of the show, so I can't really see them offing her at this point, especially when there's so much mystery surrounding her character. I could hypothesize that Jessica ends up killing Niki and taking over, but that doesn't make much sense because 1. They did the exact same thing on Angel and 2. Jessica might not be a good guy but everything she does is for what she thinks is Niki and her son Micah's best interest. Odds: It could go either way.
Simone- Simone is actually a little more useless than Mohinder, if you can believe it. However she's a lot more likable, and after Eden blew her brains out and Charlie's head got open like a can of beans, I'm not sure that the writers would kill off three females in a row. But then again, Ana-Lucia, Libby, and Shannon from Lost might disagree. Odds: More likely than Niki/Jessica, less likely than Mohinder.
Peter or Hiro- No way. They are fan favorites and not going anywhere.
Claire- The entire first half of the season used the catchphrase "Save the Cheerleader, Save the world." If she were to die, that makes the last 12 episodes irrelevant. Odds: Not a chance.
Nathan- I still think Nathan will become a bad guy, and that transition is going to take time. He'll definitely bite it eventually, but not next.
Micah- He's the only thing that DL and Niki/Jessica are fighting for. Without him that whole storyline is pointless.
Horn-Rimmed Glasses- I suppose he could be the one to go. Claire looking for her birth mother and all so there may not be any need for her adoptive father anymore. His motives are still unknown so we still can't figure out if he's bad or good. Also, HRG has Sylar in custody and has ties with the ever-so-mysterious-but-seems-to-know-everyone Linderman. If HRG turns out to be a bad guy, he'll be killed in order to make room for Sylar or Linderman. If he turns out to be good and then killed, it could be in a heart-wrenching scene when we finally discover that all he cared about was protecting Claire, as well as the world.
Matt- Apparently the death is someone who has been around since the beginning. Couldn't be Matt since he didn't show up until the 2nd or 3rd episode. Odds: Unlikely
Mohinder- God, I hope so. The actor is terrible and the character is boring and pointless. He comes to America to find the Heroes, then as soon as he actually finds a hero, for no reason whatsoever he decides to give up and go back to India, only to have irrelevant and boring dreams that bring him back to America again. His character is just a device to bring characters together, and his voiceovers at the end of episodes are hokey beyond belief. Plus, he has no powers. Mohinder is my top choice. Odds: Likely.
Niki/Jessica- This is a tough one. Ali Larter is the main female of the show, so I can't really see them offing her at this point, especially when there's so much mystery surrounding her character. I could hypothesize that Jessica ends up killing Niki and taking over, but that doesn't make much sense because 1. They did the exact same thing on Angel and 2. Jessica might not be a good guy but everything she does is for what she thinks is Niki and her son Micah's best interest. Odds: It could go either way.
Simone- Simone is actually a little more useless than Mohinder, if you can believe it. However she's a lot more likable, and after Eden blew her brains out and Charlie's head got open like a can of beans, I'm not sure that the writers would kill off three females in a row. But then again, Ana-Lucia, Libby, and Shannon from Lost might disagree. Odds: More likely than Niki/Jessica, less likely than Mohinder.
Peter or Hiro- No way. They are fan favorites and not going anywhere.
Claire- The entire first half of the season used the catchphrase "Save the Cheerleader, Save the world." If she were to die, that makes the last 12 episodes irrelevant. Odds: Not a chance.
Nathan- I still think Nathan will become a bad guy, and that transition is going to take time. He'll definitely bite it eventually, but not next.
Micah- He's the only thing that DL and Niki/Jessica are fighting for. Without him that whole storyline is pointless.
Horn-Rimmed Glasses- I suppose he could be the one to go. Claire looking for her birth mother and all so there may not be any need for her adoptive father anymore. His motives are still unknown so we still can't figure out if he's bad or good. Also, HRG has Sylar in custody and has ties with the ever-so-mysterious-but-seems-to-know-everyone Linderman. If HRG turns out to be a bad guy, he'll be killed in order to make room for Sylar or Linderman. If he turns out to be good and then killed, it could be in a heart-wrenching scene when we finally discover that all he cared about was protecting Claire, as well as the world.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
I had to share this.
Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay
These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
-- Joseph Romm, Washington
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
-- Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
-- Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
-- Roy Ashley, Washington
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
-- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
-- Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
-- Unknown
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
-- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
-- Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like"Second Tall Man."
-- Russell Beland, Springfield
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
-- Jennifer Hart, Arlington
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
-- Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
-- Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
-- Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
-- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
-- Joseph Romm, Washington
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
-- Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
-- Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
-- Roy Ashley, Washington
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
-- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
-- Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
-- Unknown
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
-- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
-- Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like"Second Tall Man."
-- Russell Beland, Springfield
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
-- Jennifer Hart, Arlington
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
-- Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
-- Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
-- Russell Beland, Springfield
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
-- Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
-- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Takin' Care of Biznass
I got a business card designed for me for free.
And I'm also getting a professional portfolio website done.
Why don't more people take advantage of the Portfolio Center? Seriously.
And I'm also getting a professional portfolio website done.
Why don't more people take advantage of the Portfolio Center? Seriously.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
A plea.
At the beginning of Winter, much of the world experienced unseasonably warm weather. By the end of December, record high temperatures were being recorded all over. People began to suspect Global Warming as the cause of this. Many people were even in a small state of panic.
And then something terrible happened.
It got cold out.
My fellow Americans,
Global Warming is a very real threat. However, it is not real enough. Our destruction of the ozone has only brought us warm weather up until January. Now, we must embark through the bitter cold on a daily basis. Numb fingers struggle to get keys into doors. Wet hair freezes in the blustery mornings. Heat must be turned up at night. What has happened to our fair and temperate Midwest winter?
So I ask of you. Please. Do everything you can to destroy the environment. Nobody likes to be cold. It makes people sick. It makes people unhappy. It makes people die from sickness...unhappily. I urge you all to drive cars as much as possible. Even if you have nowhere to go. Waste gas. Leave the car running in the driveway when you run inside because you forgot your cell phone. In fact, leave the car running all day. Do not use environmentally friendly hair products. Use aerosol cans. Go to Costco and buy crates and crates of aerosol products wholesale. Use styrofoam and don't recycle it. Burn rubber tires. Do whatever it takes. Do your part.
If we work hard, just imagine where we can be in only one year. I envision January 25th, 2007, to be a beautiful day. 70's and slightly breezy. Backyard barbecues, block parties, pool parties, beach parties...you name it. Don't you want your kids to live in a world where nobody has to suffer through winter? Don't you? Sure, we might be cutting the life of our planet in half by doing so, but isn't it worth it?
Thank you. And goodnight.
*This message paid for by the Steve Fucking Hates Walking To Class Foundation*
And then something terrible happened.
It got cold out.
My fellow Americans,
Global Warming is a very real threat. However, it is not real enough. Our destruction of the ozone has only brought us warm weather up until January. Now, we must embark through the bitter cold on a daily basis. Numb fingers struggle to get keys into doors. Wet hair freezes in the blustery mornings. Heat must be turned up at night. What has happened to our fair and temperate Midwest winter?
So I ask of you. Please. Do everything you can to destroy the environment. Nobody likes to be cold. It makes people sick. It makes people unhappy. It makes people die from sickness...unhappily. I urge you all to drive cars as much as possible. Even if you have nowhere to go. Waste gas. Leave the car running in the driveway when you run inside because you forgot your cell phone. In fact, leave the car running all day. Do not use environmentally friendly hair products. Use aerosol cans. Go to Costco and buy crates and crates of aerosol products wholesale. Use styrofoam and don't recycle it. Burn rubber tires. Do whatever it takes. Do your part.
If we work hard, just imagine where we can be in only one year. I envision January 25th, 2007, to be a beautiful day. 70's and slightly breezy. Backyard barbecues, block parties, pool parties, beach parties...you name it. Don't you want your kids to live in a world where nobody has to suffer through winter? Don't you? Sure, we might be cutting the life of our planet in half by doing so, but isn't it worth it?
Thank you. And goodnight.
*This message paid for by the Steve Fucking Hates Walking To Class Foundation*
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
My life on the C-List
I feel the needs to begin compiling a list of some of the more colorful housing opportunities I have come across on the Los Angeles Craig's List. Favorites so far include:
- A Vegan/Vegetarian house where you grow your own food and must be available on certain days to take part in clinics on creating a sustainable world.
- A "Magikal Hobbit House." Here's the kicker on the hobbit house. It's a decent price for February and March. That would be perfect for me. However, I'm not interested in living in a place described as magikal, even if it does have "plenty of magik knick-knacks to marvel"
- A transitional home that is extremely cheap and even has free wireless internet. The only problem is you need to provide proof that you are a recovering addict.
- A cozy 2 bedroom cottage with an enclosed "cat garden." And guess what...a "cat garden" is exactly what you would imagine it to be. It's a McDonald's Playplace for cats.
I really don't intend on finding a place to stay until I am out there, since I can always stay with my aunt and uncle. Finding listings like these really reinforce that intention. Although the hobbit house is pretty enticing. Could you imagine if I found a magikal hobbit house for vegetarian heroin addicts with cats?
In other news, I'm taking two online classes, which means I only have to take one class in the summer, which is for my minor. Meaning, if I were to get a job offer or some internship opportunity, I could easily drop my minor and still get a degree.
- A Vegan/Vegetarian house where you grow your own food and must be available on certain days to take part in clinics on creating a sustainable world.
- A "Magikal Hobbit House." Here's the kicker on the hobbit house. It's a decent price for February and March. That would be perfect for me. However, I'm not interested in living in a place described as magikal, even if it does have "plenty of magik knick-knacks to marvel"
- A transitional home that is extremely cheap and even has free wireless internet. The only problem is you need to provide proof that you are a recovering addict.
- A cozy 2 bedroom cottage with an enclosed "cat garden." And guess what...a "cat garden" is exactly what you would imagine it to be. It's a McDonald's Playplace for cats.
I really don't intend on finding a place to stay until I am out there, since I can always stay with my aunt and uncle. Finding listings like these really reinforce that intention. Although the hobbit house is pretty enticing. Could you imagine if I found a magikal hobbit house for vegetarian heroin addicts with cats?
In other news, I'm taking two online classes, which means I only have to take one class in the summer, which is for my minor. Meaning, if I were to get a job offer or some internship opportunity, I could easily drop my minor and still get a degree.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Also:
I forgot to add in my last post...
NBC called me the other day to see if I was interested in an internship in LA.
Holler.
NBC called me the other day to see if I was interested in an internship in LA.
Holler.
can I GRADUATE!?!?
At this point, it's not entirely surprising that my inability to pass up any opportunity, big or small, usually leads to an inconvenience of sorts. See: Team In Training, Columbia College Chicago, The Walt Disney World College Program, Summer Orientation, declaring a minor in Theatre...etc. It's no secret that if I could just let things be and ride the wave, I'd be done with college by now. I'd have a job. I'd be settled. I'd be looking back fondly.
Unfortunately, I can't just ride the wave. Because another wave comes along and I decide that the other wave looks just a little bit more exciting. So there I go. And it always turns out to be more exciting. And I never regret it. Regret is for people that are afraid to look forward.
But the issue is, every choice I make comes with a bonus repercussion, free of charge. At this point, these little endeavors of mine have caused me to be not only a 5th year super senior, but to still have summer classes to take after that.
Anyway, my point is...will I ever finish school!?!?!? I thought I had it all figured out. Take the last of my classes this semester, complete my minor and my gen eds, walk at Graduation (Navy Pier, suckers! But only this year, so be jealous.), do the One-Hour Drama Semester in LA program over the summer, and be done. It was perfect. My advisor even approved it. But then, I had to go and have dinner with the person in charge of the sitcom class. Now, the sitcom class is only offered in the spring. I had originally ruled it out, since it was not nearly as convenient as the summer program. However, Jack Gilbert made me realize that it's more important for me to do what I want to do (comedy) than do what's easier for me (drama). The sitcom class is right in the middle of pilot season, which is when the TV industry is truly hoppin'. So not only would I be taking this class because it's what I want to do in life, I'm taking it at the best time of the year to be in LA.
So now, I have to go to LA, then come back for three classes in the summer. Oh, and that means moving out of my apartment two months before the lease ends, but still paying rent. Also, I have to talk with my advisor and the chair of the department to see if I can get excused from Independent Producer's Workshop. But that means I would still need three more TV credits to graduate. And that means an internship (LA or Chicago) or taking some crappy summer class about motion graphics or something equally as irrelevant to me. I want to walk. To be honest, it's more important for me to walk at the ceremony than to actually get a diploma. My industry does not require a diploma. I really just want it to hang on the wall behind my desk some day. It will be a great conversation piece. I imagine those conversations to go something like this:
Angelina Jolie: What's that weird framed piece of paper on your wall?
Me: That's my diploma from Columbia College Chicago.
Angelina Jolie: It doesn't look like a diploma. It looks like the front of a menu.
Me: Yeah, it's pretty ugly, but it was important that I get it.
Angelina Jolie: Why? You don't need it.
Me: It has personal value. Go adopt a foreign kid.
Unfortunately, I can't just ride the wave. Because another wave comes along and I decide that the other wave looks just a little bit more exciting. So there I go. And it always turns out to be more exciting. And I never regret it. Regret is for people that are afraid to look forward.
But the issue is, every choice I make comes with a bonus repercussion, free of charge. At this point, these little endeavors of mine have caused me to be not only a 5th year super senior, but to still have summer classes to take after that.
Anyway, my point is...will I ever finish school!?!?!? I thought I had it all figured out. Take the last of my classes this semester, complete my minor and my gen eds, walk at Graduation (Navy Pier, suckers! But only this year, so be jealous.), do the One-Hour Drama Semester in LA program over the summer, and be done. It was perfect. My advisor even approved it. But then, I had to go and have dinner with the person in charge of the sitcom class. Now, the sitcom class is only offered in the spring. I had originally ruled it out, since it was not nearly as convenient as the summer program. However, Jack Gilbert made me realize that it's more important for me to do what I want to do (comedy) than do what's easier for me (drama). The sitcom class is right in the middle of pilot season, which is when the TV industry is truly hoppin'. So not only would I be taking this class because it's what I want to do in life, I'm taking it at the best time of the year to be in LA.
So now, I have to go to LA, then come back for three classes in the summer. Oh, and that means moving out of my apartment two months before the lease ends, but still paying rent. Also, I have to talk with my advisor and the chair of the department to see if I can get excused from Independent Producer's Workshop. But that means I would still need three more TV credits to graduate. And that means an internship (LA or Chicago) or taking some crappy summer class about motion graphics or something equally as irrelevant to me. I want to walk. To be honest, it's more important for me to walk at the ceremony than to actually get a diploma. My industry does not require a diploma. I really just want it to hang on the wall behind my desk some day. It will be a great conversation piece. I imagine those conversations to go something like this:
Angelina Jolie: What's that weird framed piece of paper on your wall?
Me: That's my diploma from Columbia College Chicago.
Angelina Jolie: It doesn't look like a diploma. It looks like the front of a menu.
Me: Yeah, it's pretty ugly, but it was important that I get it.
Angelina Jolie: Why? You don't need it.
Me: It has personal value. Go adopt a foreign kid.
Monday, January 15, 2007
This time, you've gone too far
Well, first of all, I'd like to mention that the Disney chapter (Number eleven, for anyone who pays attention...see: Dani) will probably be finished and up by the end of the week. Or, at least part of it will. I'm not sure how many parts Chapter 11 will come in but if Best Buy gets two (and a prologue!) I can't see my experiences at the happiest place on earth fitting neatly into one entry. But who knows.
I've started this new thing where I read before bed. This solves two problems of mine. I never seem to find the time to sit down and read, and also, I have a hard time falling g asleep. Also, reading makes me tired. Ergo, reading before bed has many benefits.
Oh, and also, it turns out that I love running now. I especially love it in the cold. It felt like 19 degrees out, and it was snowing, and it was dark out, but I still ran four miles and it felt great.
Here are some things I need to complain about:
Puff Daddy's Proactiv commercial. "It helps me preserve my sexy." Really, Diddy? You're making MILLIONS of dollars as a rap mogul. Is it really necessary for you to hawk face wash?
Twentyfour-Seven. In case you haven't noticed MTV's formula, as soon as something becomes successful, they scramble to make a half-assed reality show about the same thing. Sometimes it works, (Laguna Beach is clearly inspired by The OC) and sometimes it doesn't. (Remember Surf Girls? No? Remember Blue Crush? Case in point). Now, since Entourage is so popular, producers (or imps from the bowels of Hell, you'll have to check the credits to find out for sure) decided to make a real life version of it. The only difference is that instead of interesting characters with complicated relationships and comic perspectives, they gave us a variable parade of douche bags. How is it that a fiction show has richer characters than a show about real people? I don't know. I'm still puzzling over the hippie guy saying that writing affirmations on his water glass changes the molecules. Yawn.
Dirt. So, once upon a time there was this provocative and intriguing show on FX called Nip/Tuck. It did really well. However, since logistically speaking it was only possible to create just over a dozen episodes per season, FX decided to make a new show that was essentially the same thing as Nip/Tuck only set in the world of tabloid journalism. By "the same thing as Nip/Tuck," I mean lots and lots of dirty sex. The news has been all a twitter with the fact that Courtney Cox has shed her image as Monica from Friends to play a ruthless journalist. Oh, by the way, 10 years ago, when Scream came out, the news was all a twitter over the fact that Courtney Cox had shed her image as Monica from Friends to play a ruthless journalist. Wow Court, way to progress.
Hogan Knows Best. Watching them move into a new house and yell at the Mexican landscapers isn't all that exciting. Watching them learn Spanish is a bore. Watching the daughter record a music video and the son rebel in every way possible because he is jealous of his sister's fame(?) is as intellectually stimulating as popping a can of pringles. However, I continue to watch, hoping each week that this will in fact be the episode where the family learns that the Mom is actually a man. I mean come on, have you SEEN HER???
I've started this new thing where I read before bed. This solves two problems of mine. I never seem to find the time to sit down and read, and also, I have a hard time falling g asleep. Also, reading makes me tired. Ergo, reading before bed has many benefits.
Oh, and also, it turns out that I love running now. I especially love it in the cold. It felt like 19 degrees out, and it was snowing, and it was dark out, but I still ran four miles and it felt great.
Here are some things I need to complain about:
Puff Daddy's Proactiv commercial. "It helps me preserve my sexy." Really, Diddy? You're making MILLIONS of dollars as a rap mogul. Is it really necessary for you to hawk face wash?
Twentyfour-Seven. In case you haven't noticed MTV's formula, as soon as something becomes successful, they scramble to make a half-assed reality show about the same thing. Sometimes it works, (Laguna Beach is clearly inspired by The OC) and sometimes it doesn't. (Remember Surf Girls? No? Remember Blue Crush? Case in point). Now, since Entourage is so popular, producers (or imps from the bowels of Hell, you'll have to check the credits to find out for sure) decided to make a real life version of it. The only difference is that instead of interesting characters with complicated relationships and comic perspectives, they gave us a variable parade of douche bags. How is it that a fiction show has richer characters than a show about real people? I don't know. I'm still puzzling over the hippie guy saying that writing affirmations on his water glass changes the molecules. Yawn.
Dirt. So, once upon a time there was this provocative and intriguing show on FX called Nip/Tuck. It did really well. However, since logistically speaking it was only possible to create just over a dozen episodes per season, FX decided to make a new show that was essentially the same thing as Nip/Tuck only set in the world of tabloid journalism. By "the same thing as Nip/Tuck," I mean lots and lots of dirty sex. The news has been all a twitter with the fact that Courtney Cox has shed her image as Monica from Friends to play a ruthless journalist. Oh, by the way, 10 years ago, when Scream came out, the news was all a twitter over the fact that Courtney Cox had shed her image as Monica from Friends to play a ruthless journalist. Wow Court, way to progress.
Hogan Knows Best. Watching them move into a new house and yell at the Mexican landscapers isn't all that exciting. Watching them learn Spanish is a bore. Watching the daughter record a music video and the son rebel in every way possible because he is jealous of his sister's fame(?) is as intellectually stimulating as popping a can of pringles. However, I continue to watch, hoping each week that this will in fact be the episode where the family learns that the Mom is actually a man. I mean come on, have you SEEN HER???
Friday, January 12, 2007
the run.
It's weird that everything I've been working on for the past four months is over. The entire trip to Disney was incredible. I had an absolutely amazing time. It was the single most rewarding experience of my life, and hopefully I can convince at least one other person to do it next year. (No, not just go to Florida, but raise the money and train. If I can find the time, anyone can.)
So I left Thursday morning. Millie was a saint and offered to drive me to the airport, which was great. Since I find airplanes to be terrifying, it was nice that I didn't have to go to the airport alone. It was also nice considering I didn't have to get up fourteen hours early to take the red line to the blue line. The flight was fine, aside from taking off which is by far the scariest part. We landed in Florida, blah blah blah, took the shuttle to the resort, blah blah blah. Nothing exciting really happened on Thursday. We went to the Athletic Expo at the Wide World of Sports Complex to pick up our chips and bibs and free stuff. I had no idea the Marathon Weekend would include so much swag.
Friday was a big day for me. It was the return to Epcot. Not gonna lie, it was actually pretty emotional. I had a hard time sleeping the night before. It's hard to explain to anyone else how I feel about that place. When you love something so much, but also hate it with every ounce of your being, you develop a strange relationship with it. In a way it was like going back to a house I moved out of, where another family had moved in and made themselves at home. I went on all of the important rides, such as Mission: Space (they put up an umbrella, partly because I got second degree sunburns when I worked there), Test Track, and Soarin', which was being built when I was there. Our Team in Training Pasta Party was at Epcot also. That was an experience in itself. I guess I never really thought of where the money was going to as I raised it. Yeah, I knew I was raising money for Leukemia & Lymphoma to run a half marathon at Disney, but I never really gave it much thought. Being there and seeing first-hand the difference that we can make and seeing the stories of people whose lives have been affected by blood cancers made it all real. It was so inspiring to be among these heroes who have gone through so much, and are so grateful for what you're doing. In fact, the entrance to the party was lined with cheering fans. It was incredible. I will never, ever, forget that.
Speaking of unforgettable, the half marathon was on Saturday, Now, since the starting time was at 6 am, and the bus came to get us at 3, I had to get up at 2 am. That's not an easy time to get up. Nearly impossible, actually. You go to bed at 2 am, or you wake up to go to the bathroom at 2 am. But you don't get up to run 13 miles at 2 am. Man's body was not made for that. The race was extremely crowded. I wanted to finish in 2 hours and 6 minutes, in order to beat my cousin's time, but having a fast pace at the Disney Marathon is next to impossible. It was just as crowded as walking through the actual parks would be. Then, once we got to Magic Kingdom, and I ran into Donald, I knew that I'd regret taking my time to enjoy it all. So, I finished in 2 hours and 26 minutes. That's a pace of eleven minutes per mile. Not bad, considering how many times I stopped for pictures. Now, people told me that endurance events can be quite addictive. Now I know why. The feeling you get when you're running through a cheering crowd is like nothing else. Adding to that is the fact that I was part of TNT, and there were a lot of people who would call out my name and some words of encouragement. I can't wait to do a full marathon, now. I wish I could participate in Team in Training again, but I need a break from the fundraising. I've thought about doing the Chicago marathon, but I don't have any interest in it, to be honest. I'd much rather go to San Diego. If I do, this means I'll start training again in a few weeks. Better relax as much before then.
After the run, I went to Magic Kingdom with my parents. Now, as if the getting up at 2 am and running a half marathon weren't exhausting enough, walking around the park until 9 am sure took its toll on me. I had a great time and was glad to have some fun with my parents, but by the end of the day I was dead. I walked into the hotel room and literally laid on the bed and passed the fuck out.
Sunday was Animal Kingdom. Not much to say, really, except that Expedition Everest, which was being built when I was in the program, is phenomenal, and totally worth waiting four hours for your fast pass to take effect. I didn't have time for MGM, which is sad because that used to be my favorite, but I had more stuff to do at the other parks, and something had to be cut. After DAK (abbreviation that we Cast Members would use. Neat, huh?) I went to the Team in Training Victory Celebration. From there I went to Epcot, because I was NOT, I repeat NOT, leaving Orlando without seeing Illuminations.
On Monday I slept in a little bit (meaning I got up at 9) and then packed up. Disney had this great feature called Disney Magical Express. They not only take you from the airport to the hotel, they also take you back at the end of your trip. And they take your luggage for you and print your boarding pass so you don't have to stand in line at the airport. With the extra bit of time, I met up with the parents and we went to Downtown Disney for a little bit of souvenir shopping. Their flight was two hours before mine so they dropped me back off at the hotel and we said our goodbyes.
I got back to Chicago and Ashley, Baggy, Dave, and Dangles all came to pick me up at the airport. It was good to see everyone and to be back in Chicago, but it was also sad that such an amazing and memorable weekend, which I had worked so hard for, had come to an end.
I'm DEFINITELY doing the fundraising and going back next year. And I'm DEFINITELY doing the full marathon instead of the half. I actually kind of regret not doing the full to begin with, but it was a long hard semester and I'm not sure I could have pushed myself any further than I already did. As I said, I'm going to try to convince others to do it with me this time. The feeling you get when you're running through the park, being cheered on by complete strangers screaming your name, all while knowing that you helped make a difference in people's lives...it's totally worth the four months of hard work.
So I left Thursday morning. Millie was a saint and offered to drive me to the airport, which was great. Since I find airplanes to be terrifying, it was nice that I didn't have to go to the airport alone. It was also nice considering I didn't have to get up fourteen hours early to take the red line to the blue line. The flight was fine, aside from taking off which is by far the scariest part. We landed in Florida, blah blah blah, took the shuttle to the resort, blah blah blah. Nothing exciting really happened on Thursday. We went to the Athletic Expo at the Wide World of Sports Complex to pick up our chips and bibs and free stuff. I had no idea the Marathon Weekend would include so much swag.
Friday was a big day for me. It was the return to Epcot. Not gonna lie, it was actually pretty emotional. I had a hard time sleeping the night before. It's hard to explain to anyone else how I feel about that place. When you love something so much, but also hate it with every ounce of your being, you develop a strange relationship with it. In a way it was like going back to a house I moved out of, where another family had moved in and made themselves at home. I went on all of the important rides, such as Mission: Space (they put up an umbrella, partly because I got second degree sunburns when I worked there), Test Track, and Soarin', which was being built when I was there. Our Team in Training Pasta Party was at Epcot also. That was an experience in itself. I guess I never really thought of where the money was going to as I raised it. Yeah, I knew I was raising money for Leukemia & Lymphoma to run a half marathon at Disney, but I never really gave it much thought. Being there and seeing first-hand the difference that we can make and seeing the stories of people whose lives have been affected by blood cancers made it all real. It was so inspiring to be among these heroes who have gone through so much, and are so grateful for what you're doing. In fact, the entrance to the party was lined with cheering fans. It was incredible. I will never, ever, forget that.
Speaking of unforgettable, the half marathon was on Saturday, Now, since the starting time was at 6 am, and the bus came to get us at 3, I had to get up at 2 am. That's not an easy time to get up. Nearly impossible, actually. You go to bed at 2 am, or you wake up to go to the bathroom at 2 am. But you don't get up to run 13 miles at 2 am. Man's body was not made for that. The race was extremely crowded. I wanted to finish in 2 hours and 6 minutes, in order to beat my cousin's time, but having a fast pace at the Disney Marathon is next to impossible. It was just as crowded as walking through the actual parks would be. Then, once we got to Magic Kingdom, and I ran into Donald, I knew that I'd regret taking my time to enjoy it all. So, I finished in 2 hours and 26 minutes. That's a pace of eleven minutes per mile. Not bad, considering how many times I stopped for pictures. Now, people told me that endurance events can be quite addictive. Now I know why. The feeling you get when you're running through a cheering crowd is like nothing else. Adding to that is the fact that I was part of TNT, and there were a lot of people who would call out my name and some words of encouragement. I can't wait to do a full marathon, now. I wish I could participate in Team in Training again, but I need a break from the fundraising. I've thought about doing the Chicago marathon, but I don't have any interest in it, to be honest. I'd much rather go to San Diego. If I do, this means I'll start training again in a few weeks. Better relax as much before then.
After the run, I went to Magic Kingdom with my parents. Now, as if the getting up at 2 am and running a half marathon weren't exhausting enough, walking around the park until 9 am sure took its toll on me. I had a great time and was glad to have some fun with my parents, but by the end of the day I was dead. I walked into the hotel room and literally laid on the bed and passed the fuck out.
Sunday was Animal Kingdom. Not much to say, really, except that Expedition Everest, which was being built when I was in the program, is phenomenal, and totally worth waiting four hours for your fast pass to take effect. I didn't have time for MGM, which is sad because that used to be my favorite, but I had more stuff to do at the other parks, and something had to be cut. After DAK (abbreviation that we Cast Members would use. Neat, huh?) I went to the Team in Training Victory Celebration. From there I went to Epcot, because I was NOT, I repeat NOT, leaving Orlando without seeing Illuminations.
On Monday I slept in a little bit (meaning I got up at 9) and then packed up. Disney had this great feature called Disney Magical Express. They not only take you from the airport to the hotel, they also take you back at the end of your trip. And they take your luggage for you and print your boarding pass so you don't have to stand in line at the airport. With the extra bit of time, I met up with the parents and we went to Downtown Disney for a little bit of souvenir shopping. Their flight was two hours before mine so they dropped me back off at the hotel and we said our goodbyes.
I got back to Chicago and Ashley, Baggy, Dave, and Dangles all came to pick me up at the airport. It was good to see everyone and to be back in Chicago, but it was also sad that such an amazing and memorable weekend, which I had worked so hard for, had come to an end.
I'm DEFINITELY doing the fundraising and going back next year. And I'm DEFINITELY doing the full marathon instead of the half. I actually kind of regret not doing the full to begin with, but it was a long hard semester and I'm not sure I could have pushed myself any further than I already did. As I said, I'm going to try to convince others to do it with me this time. The feeling you get when you're running through the park, being cheered on by complete strangers screaming your name, all while knowing that you helped make a difference in people's lives...it's totally worth the four months of hard work.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Better than GI Joe?
Today at work, Millie was choking really badly, and I had to give her the heimlich maneuver. True story. I'm a real American hero.
Marathon weekend blog later.
Marathon weekend blog later.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
I leave for Florida tomorrow morning. The run is on Saturday, so I have a few days of relaxing in the sun (it's supposed to be in the 80's this weekend, that alone makes all of this training worth it). I still need to pack, and, more importantly, make a good playlist for my iPod. I am anticipating this run to be a challenge, but not extremely hard because...
1. I've done all the training.
2. It will be warm weather, I'm used to biting cold and wind.
3. I don't have to wear a hat, gloves, two shirts, and a million pairs of pants when I do it.
4. It's only a half marathon.
I hate flying. I should also make that clear. I am terrified of flying. Yes. Terrified. I hate it.
I'm excited to go back to Disney. Problem is, I have three partial days to do everything. Fortunately, I worked there for almost a year, so I know what to see and what to skip. Living With the Land Boat Ride? Yeah, I'll pass, thanks. Test Track? You know it.
Today is pretty much the last day of my break. After Florida, there's spring orientation, and then I go back to work in the office. Well, it was a good break, and life will still be far less stressful than it was this past semester, so I can't complain.
Things to do today:
1. Pack
2. Make a good playlist
3. Go get gatorade and pretzels (carbs and salt)
4. Read the rest if my preparation guide.
5. Run (only 30 minutes though)
6. Hang out for a bit.
7. Go to bed early.
1. I've done all the training.
2. It will be warm weather, I'm used to biting cold and wind.
3. I don't have to wear a hat, gloves, two shirts, and a million pairs of pants when I do it.
4. It's only a half marathon.
I hate flying. I should also make that clear. I am terrified of flying. Yes. Terrified. I hate it.
I'm excited to go back to Disney. Problem is, I have three partial days to do everything. Fortunately, I worked there for almost a year, so I know what to see and what to skip. Living With the Land Boat Ride? Yeah, I'll pass, thanks. Test Track? You know it.
Today is pretty much the last day of my break. After Florida, there's spring orientation, and then I go back to work in the office. Well, it was a good break, and life will still be far less stressful than it was this past semester, so I can't complain.
Things to do today:
1. Pack
2. Make a good playlist
3. Go get gatorade and pretzels (carbs and salt)
4. Read the rest if my preparation guide.
5. Run (only 30 minutes though)
6. Hang out for a bit.
7. Go to bed early.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Have A Happy New Year, Jesus Take The Wheel!
Sooo...New Year's. That sure was something else. It was a "PTFO some time after 4 and sleep until 1:30 to avoid a hangover but you still kind of have one anyway" kind of else.
The night started at Jenny and Abbi's place for gift exchange. I had drawn Zach's name, and he drew mine, and the bastard didn't show up, so I didn't get to trade presents yet, but the night was still fantastic. Since I just got a new camera after the last one's disaster in the car door, I think I'll include some pictures so you can see what a great photog I am.
We played drinking games for a while. Loaded Questions is the most fun game in the world, but playing it without the board with seventy-four people on New Year's Eve is not the most desirable of circumstances. Throwing Smartee's (or as IDIOT DANI CALLS THEM...SWEET TARTS!!! IDIOT GIRL!) into Ashley's cleavage was another popular parlor game. Then, we had apparently had enough alcohol in our system to do what we always do when we drink. Take an enormous amount of weird pictures...
Then it was midnight and the champagne was flowing, the poppers were popping, and the sparklers were...sparkling. The champagne was sparkling too, so try not to get those confused, alright? Jenny, Dani, and I went through about a dozen sparklers trying to take good sparkler pictures, this is the best I got for each of us. (Mine sucks) Jenny kind of looks like she's in a Harry Potter movie. EXPELIARMUS!
Then, a few of us wanted to go to Bacci, which was closed. However, I didn't truly become a shit show until we were on the train. Much like Halloween and the "I didn't know you were coming tonight!" debacle, everyone who I walked by, got a jolly "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" from me. Everyone. Everywhere. In front of the closed Bacci, on the train platform, on the train. After a while, when that started to get stale, I started telling people that Dani and I just got married. One girl even took a picture of us on her camera phone. She's probably looking at it right now wondering who the fuck we are. Then I started saying "Jesus take the wheel!" to everyone. Or "Happy New Year, Jesus take the wheel!" or "I just got married! Jesus take the wheel! Happy New Year!"
When I got home, the glass on the front door of our building was broken, and I let some shady guy in who was looking for his girlfriend. Well, that broken glass should have been an indication of some sort, but I was drunk and wanted to be helpful. I then took the opportunity to introduce myself to my upstairs neighbors who were walking their dog. Seemed like a good time for that, right? Shadester asked if he could use my phone, I said I didn't have one. Both of my neighbors said they didn't have phones either, and all three of us were secretly hoping to God that our phones didn't ring and expose our lies. Then the cops came about some disturbance that may or may not have been linked to the shady guy who I let into the building. Despite my better judgment (which had actually went on vacation several hours earlier) I stood in my open doorway and watched the entire event unfold.
And now it's 2007.
The night started at Jenny and Abbi's place for gift exchange. I had drawn Zach's name, and he drew mine, and the bastard didn't show up, so I didn't get to trade presents yet, but the night was still fantastic. Since I just got a new camera after the last one's disaster in the car door, I think I'll include some pictures so you can see what a great photog I am.
We played drinking games for a while. Loaded Questions is the most fun game in the world, but playing it without the board with seventy-four people on New Year's Eve is not the most desirable of circumstances. Throwing Smartee's (or as IDIOT DANI CALLS THEM...SWEET TARTS!!! IDIOT GIRL!) into Ashley's cleavage was another popular parlor game. Then, we had apparently had enough alcohol in our system to do what we always do when we drink. Take an enormous amount of weird pictures...
Then it was midnight and the champagne was flowing, the poppers were popping, and the sparklers were...sparkling. The champagne was sparkling too, so try not to get those confused, alright? Jenny, Dani, and I went through about a dozen sparklers trying to take good sparkler pictures, this is the best I got for each of us. (Mine sucks) Jenny kind of looks like she's in a Harry Potter movie. EXPELIARMUS!
Then, a few of us wanted to go to Bacci, which was closed. However, I didn't truly become a shit show until we were on the train. Much like Halloween and the "I didn't know you were coming tonight!" debacle, everyone who I walked by, got a jolly "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" from me. Everyone. Everywhere. In front of the closed Bacci, on the train platform, on the train. After a while, when that started to get stale, I started telling people that Dani and I just got married. One girl even took a picture of us on her camera phone. She's probably looking at it right now wondering who the fuck we are. Then I started saying "Jesus take the wheel!" to everyone. Or "Happy New Year, Jesus take the wheel!" or "I just got married! Jesus take the wheel! Happy New Year!"
When I got home, the glass on the front door of our building was broken, and I let some shady guy in who was looking for his girlfriend. Well, that broken glass should have been an indication of some sort, but I was drunk and wanted to be helpful. I then took the opportunity to introduce myself to my upstairs neighbors who were walking their dog. Seemed like a good time for that, right? Shadester asked if he could use my phone, I said I didn't have one. Both of my neighbors said they didn't have phones either, and all three of us were secretly hoping to God that our phones didn't ring and expose our lies. Then the cops came about some disturbance that may or may not have been linked to the shady guy who I let into the building. Despite my better judgment (which had actually went on vacation several hours earlier) I stood in my open doorway and watched the entire event unfold.
And now it's 2007.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
I hate to do this...
I hate posting more than one entry in the same day. But I also hate adding "Update!" to an already posted entry. However, I just had to bite the bullet on this one, since the news I have just can't wait.
All grades were posted, and I did indeed get a 4.0 this semester. Soooo that means...
Six classes.
All A's
A job
Training for a half marathon
Raising $3,970 (and counting) for charity
I did damn good. Sure, none of this is entirely new information, but seriously. I worked my ass off and I intend to pat myself on the back for it until my arm falls off.
Do you need some ice? Since your heart is swelling from all that pride...
All grades were posted, and I did indeed get a 4.0 this semester. Soooo that means...
Six classes.
All A's
A job
Training for a half marathon
Raising $3,970 (and counting) for charity
I did damn good. Sure, none of this is entirely new information, but seriously. I worked my ass off and I intend to pat myself on the back for it until my arm falls off.
Do you need some ice? Since your heart is swelling from all that pride...
Wet Christmas
Christmas was good. I got more TV boxed sets than I know what to do with (24, Rescue Me, Curb Your Enthusiasm, etc) and will definitely be downgrading my Netflix plan for the next few months.
My Dad's side of the family came over on Christmas Eve. My grandpa is still at the rehab center for his legs and couldn't get out, which made things a lot different, but on Christmas Day my aunt checked out a day room at the nursing home so we had our festivities their. It was a good time, except for the fact that the people who work at nursing homes (especially those who work at nursing homes on Christmas Day) are decidedly malicious. I should explain, however, that my grandfather is not spending the rest of his life in a nursing home. He had surgery and broke his leg and has been in a hospital bed for like five weeks. He's at the nursing home for therapy so he can learn to walk and hula hoop and participate in roller derby's again. The nursing home, however, is chuck full of scary scary old people, and I don't enjoy it all that much. An 85 year old woman kissed me and told me she was single. She wasn't rich, either. Believe me. That thought crossed my mind. My aunt told me to find a rich old lady with one foot in the grave and the other foot on a banana peel.
Wait...that has nothing to do with CHRISTMAS!!! Back on topic, Steve. Back on topic. Oh, my mom wanted the whole family to wake up and go to church at 9am. My brother and my dad claimed they would go, but when it came to the 8am wake-up call, they conveniently slept through my mother's pleas. I, on the other hand, not only woke up and went to church, I put on a suit as well. Yes. A shirt, tie, and jacket. Me. Steve. A suit. And it wasn't a Homecoming Dance. That's a Christmas Miracle. I should have taken pictures...I think my mom wants me to put the suit back on so she can.
After the nursing home, we went to my other grandparents' for more food and fun. My Grandpa Balagna got cold and put on a Members Only jacket. That was a true Christmas miracle, also.
I'm not really motivated to do anything with anyone while I'm home. It's been a long semester and I'm perfectly content with sitting around on my ass. However, Millie and I have discussed a Detroit Fun Day, so we'll see if that happens. I'm here until Saturday.
My Dad's side of the family came over on Christmas Eve. My grandpa is still at the rehab center for his legs and couldn't get out, which made things a lot different, but on Christmas Day my aunt checked out a day room at the nursing home so we had our festivities their. It was a good time, except for the fact that the people who work at nursing homes (especially those who work at nursing homes on Christmas Day) are decidedly malicious. I should explain, however, that my grandfather is not spending the rest of his life in a nursing home. He had surgery and broke his leg and has been in a hospital bed for like five weeks. He's at the nursing home for therapy so he can learn to walk and hula hoop and participate in roller derby's again. The nursing home, however, is chuck full of scary scary old people, and I don't enjoy it all that much. An 85 year old woman kissed me and told me she was single. She wasn't rich, either. Believe me. That thought crossed my mind. My aunt told me to find a rich old lady with one foot in the grave and the other foot on a banana peel.
Wait...that has nothing to do with CHRISTMAS!!! Back on topic, Steve. Back on topic. Oh, my mom wanted the whole family to wake up and go to church at 9am. My brother and my dad claimed they would go, but when it came to the 8am wake-up call, they conveniently slept through my mother's pleas. I, on the other hand, not only woke up and went to church, I put on a suit as well. Yes. A shirt, tie, and jacket. Me. Steve. A suit. And it wasn't a Homecoming Dance. That's a Christmas Miracle. I should have taken pictures...I think my mom wants me to put the suit back on so she can.
After the nursing home, we went to my other grandparents' for more food and fun. My Grandpa Balagna got cold and put on a Members Only jacket. That was a true Christmas miracle, also.
I'm not really motivated to do anything with anyone while I'm home. It's been a long semester and I'm perfectly content with sitting around on my ass. However, Millie and I have discussed a Detroit Fun Day, so we'll see if that happens. I'm here until Saturday.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
# 1 - "Write a dialogue between a radio host and a troubled caller"
RON
Good evening, out there! This is Dr. Ron Hodgers, and you’re tuned into “The Voice of Reason” on 89.1, WIRX. Turn that dial any lower and you’ll be back at the top! Speaking of tops, my wife and I just got back from a very sensual...oh, looks like we have a caller! Caller, you’re on the air.
BRADLEY
Hello?
RON
Hello, caller, welcome to “The Voice of Reason.”
BRADLEY
Hi.
RON
What’s your name?
BRADLEY
Arthur.
RON
Well, Arthur, welcome to the show. Was there something in particular you wanted to talk about?
BRADLEY
Actually, yes. My name’s not Arthur. It’s Bradley.
RON
Okay...Bradley. What seems to be on your mind?
BRADLEY
Well, I have this problem. I’m always telling the truth. I’m worried that my honesty is starting to affect my relationships.
RON
Oh?
BRADLEY
No. I lied again. I’m a compulsive liar. And I have no relationships.
RON
I see. And...how long have you been having these compulsions?
BRADLEY
Since yesterday. For ten years. All my life.
RON
Well, which one is it, Bradley?
BRADLEY
All my life. For ten years. Since yesterday.
RON
The first step in seeking help is honesty, Bradley. You have to be honest with me, and you have to be honest with yourself.
BRADLEY
If I could be honest I wouldn’t need to call into your stupid show.
RON
Well, there’s no need for hurtful words...
BRADLEY
Sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was compulsive lying again.
RON
This problem of yours...it keeps you distanced from people, doesn’t it?
BRADLEY
No. Not at all. I married Kate Bosworth and we bought a condo on the beach in Thailand. We have three dogs. Galilee, Francisco, and Rue McClanahan. That’s a lie. I married Rue McClanahan. We live in Bali and have four kittens that are all named Crapshoot. That’s a lie too. I married a kitten and live inside Kate Bosworth. Help me, doctor! I can’t stop!
RON
Slow down there, Bradley. Just slow down for a second. You live in Thailand? Are you there right now?
BRADLEY
Yes. It’s raining with winds coming from the south-west at six miles per hour. No, I’m from Garrison County.
RON
I thought you said you were from Thailand?
BRADLEY
I said I’m a compulsive liar, remember?
RON
Oh, you did? That’s so funny because I have selective hearing! Haha!
BRADLEY
I had sex with your wife fifteen minutes ago and then I strangled her with your Egyptian Cotton sheets.
RON
Oh, we don’t have Egyptian Cotton sheets, Arthur. You must have me confused with another late-night radio doctor.
BRADLEY
So are you going to help me?
RON
Help you what?
BRADLEY
With my compulsive lying?
RON
You’re a compulsive liar? That’s so funny! I have a short attention span! Haha!
BRADLEY
I make macrame birds and then eat them. You have short term memory? I thought you said you had selective hearing. My father is a Navy Seal and plays Major League Baseball and won an Antoinette Perry award for his performance in A Streetcar Named Desire.
RON
Hello, caller. This is “The Voice of Reason.”
BRADLEY
What?
RON
Hi Arthur, what’s your name?
BRADLEY
It’s Bradley!
RON
And what seems to be on your mind, Sylvester?
BRADLEY
We already talked about this. I’m a compulsive liar.
RON
You’re a compulsive liar? That’s so funny! I have severe dementia! Haha!
BRADLEY
I rub peanut butter on my butt and then sit in bird seed.
RON
You’re listening to 89.1, WIRX. Turn that dial any lower and you’ll be back at the
top. Speaking of tops...
BRADLEY
I steal from stores and blame minorities.
RON
You’re a compulsive liar? That’s so funny! I have epilepsy!
BRADLEY
I killed the dinosaurs.
RON
It’s raining in Thailand?
BRADLEY
My testicles are the size of Bartlett pears and I have never left a woman unsatisfied.
RON
Good evening out, there! This is Dr. Ron Hodgers..
Good evening, out there! This is Dr. Ron Hodgers, and you’re tuned into “The Voice of Reason” on 89.1, WIRX. Turn that dial any lower and you’ll be back at the top! Speaking of tops, my wife and I just got back from a very sensual...oh, looks like we have a caller! Caller, you’re on the air.
BRADLEY
Hello?
RON
Hello, caller, welcome to “The Voice of Reason.”
BRADLEY
Hi.
RON
What’s your name?
BRADLEY
Arthur.
RON
Well, Arthur, welcome to the show. Was there something in particular you wanted to talk about?
BRADLEY
Actually, yes. My name’s not Arthur. It’s Bradley.
RON
Okay...Bradley. What seems to be on your mind?
BRADLEY
Well, I have this problem. I’m always telling the truth. I’m worried that my honesty is starting to affect my relationships.
RON
Oh?
BRADLEY
No. I lied again. I’m a compulsive liar. And I have no relationships.
RON
I see. And...how long have you been having these compulsions?
BRADLEY
Since yesterday. For ten years. All my life.
RON
Well, which one is it, Bradley?
BRADLEY
All my life. For ten years. Since yesterday.
RON
The first step in seeking help is honesty, Bradley. You have to be honest with me, and you have to be honest with yourself.
BRADLEY
If I could be honest I wouldn’t need to call into your stupid show.
RON
Well, there’s no need for hurtful words...
BRADLEY
Sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was compulsive lying again.
RON
This problem of yours...it keeps you distanced from people, doesn’t it?
BRADLEY
No. Not at all. I married Kate Bosworth and we bought a condo on the beach in Thailand. We have three dogs. Galilee, Francisco, and Rue McClanahan. That’s a lie. I married Rue McClanahan. We live in Bali and have four kittens that are all named Crapshoot. That’s a lie too. I married a kitten and live inside Kate Bosworth. Help me, doctor! I can’t stop!
RON
Slow down there, Bradley. Just slow down for a second. You live in Thailand? Are you there right now?
BRADLEY
Yes. It’s raining with winds coming from the south-west at six miles per hour. No, I’m from Garrison County.
RON
I thought you said you were from Thailand?
BRADLEY
I said I’m a compulsive liar, remember?
RON
Oh, you did? That’s so funny because I have selective hearing! Haha!
BRADLEY
I had sex with your wife fifteen minutes ago and then I strangled her with your Egyptian Cotton sheets.
RON
Oh, we don’t have Egyptian Cotton sheets, Arthur. You must have me confused with another late-night radio doctor.
BRADLEY
So are you going to help me?
RON
Help you what?
BRADLEY
With my compulsive lying?
RON
You’re a compulsive liar? That’s so funny! I have a short attention span! Haha!
BRADLEY
I make macrame birds and then eat them. You have short term memory? I thought you said you had selective hearing. My father is a Navy Seal and plays Major League Baseball and won an Antoinette Perry award for his performance in A Streetcar Named Desire.
RON
Hello, caller. This is “The Voice of Reason.”
BRADLEY
What?
RON
Hi Arthur, what’s your name?
BRADLEY
It’s Bradley!
RON
And what seems to be on your mind, Sylvester?
BRADLEY
We already talked about this. I’m a compulsive liar.
RON
You’re a compulsive liar? That’s so funny! I have severe dementia! Haha!
BRADLEY
I rub peanut butter on my butt and then sit in bird seed.
RON
You’re listening to 89.1, WIRX. Turn that dial any lower and you’ll be back at the
top. Speaking of tops...
BRADLEY
I steal from stores and blame minorities.
RON
You’re a compulsive liar? That’s so funny! I have epilepsy!
BRADLEY
I killed the dinosaurs.
RON
It’s raining in Thailand?
BRADLEY
My testicles are the size of Bartlett pears and I have never left a woman unsatisfied.
RON
Good evening out, there! This is Dr. Ron Hodgers..
Thursday, December 21, 2006
OMG GUYS!
OmG! Cars is really good but I still like The Incredibles better!
OmG! Time to start working on my Earl spec!
OmG! Went to make some minor revisions on Off The Clock and deleted half of it!
OmG! It's raining but Christmas is coming soon! Santa better have a poncho and galoshes!
OmG! Thought there was a spider on my neck it was just the tag of my shirt!
OmG! Got a new camera! Need to take some new pictures!
OmG! There's a Fan Club of me on Facebook and I have nothing to do with it! Don't even know the guy who started it!
OmG! The liggghhhhts!
OmG! I need to fold some laundry!
OmG! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows!?!? OMG!!!
OmG! Seeing The Santa Clause 3 tomorrow! Sooooooo excited but not really!
OmG! What am I going to do about housing in LA? At least I have my aunt and uncle if all else fails, right???
OmG! An indoor water park in Battle Creek!? Must go! Hope it's as cool as CEREAL CITY!!!
OmG! Seriously...I have nothing to do with that facebook group....
OMg! I made the G little instead of the M!
OmG! Borders is SPOILING ME with those email coupons!
OmG! OmG! OmG!!!!
OmG! Time to start working on my Earl spec!
OmG! Went to make some minor revisions on Off The Clock and deleted half of it!
OmG! It's raining but Christmas is coming soon! Santa better have a poncho and galoshes!
OmG! Thought there was a spider on my neck it was just the tag of my shirt!
OmG! Got a new camera! Need to take some new pictures!
OmG! There's a Fan Club of me on Facebook and I have nothing to do with it! Don't even know the guy who started it!
OmG! The liggghhhhts!
OmG! I need to fold some laundry!
OmG! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows!?!? OMG!!!
OmG! Seeing The Santa Clause 3 tomorrow! Sooooooo excited but not really!
OmG! What am I going to do about housing in LA? At least I have my aunt and uncle if all else fails, right???
OmG! An indoor water park in Battle Creek!? Must go! Hope it's as cool as CEREAL CITY!!!
OmG! Seriously...I have nothing to do with that facebook group....
OMg! I made the G little instead of the M!
OmG! Borders is SPOILING ME with those email coupons!
OmG! OmG! OmG!!!!
Monday, December 18, 2006
i got my kicks in two-thousand and six
Since the Holidays pretty much warrant their own separate recap, and I will not be participating in anything all that interesting until New Year's Day, now is as good of time as any for 2006: A Year In Review.
To spice things up, I will incorporate elements of one of my favorite theatre games, "Two Truths and a Lie." For every month of the ending year, I will give three things that happened. But here's the twist...only two of them actually happened! Hence the name of the game.
Let's get to it. We've got twelve whole months to get through!
2006. A Semi-Truthful Account
January-
Maggie and I saw a homeless man dump out an entire bag of Cheetos for no reason.
After getting paid for Spring Orientation, I was finally not poor for the first time since September.
I was offered to sing backup for Outkast, but had to decline in order to devote my time to helping underprivileged kids learn cursive.
February-
FLYMF.com paid me roughly eight dollars to publish a story I had written about Red Robin in their February issue.
After eating an especially hot tamale, my tongue was burnt so bad that it had to be removed. It was replaced with the tongue of the late Don Knotts.
Got a hickey from Jess Dangles while making out in Libby's leather chair with Kelly Clarkson "Because of You" on repeat in the background.
March-
The group had a bet on who could go the longest without masturbating. I didn't participate on the grounds that it was pretty damn stupid.
After a few too many St. Patty's Day pints, I learned the hard way that all Leprechauns are men.
Didn't go to Mississippi for Spring Break. To this day, I still get asked why.
April-
I overdosed on foot cream.
Alicia and Jared came to town. We saw John Waters.
As the school year started to wind down, we all wondered where the hell the time went.
May-
Moved to Lincoln Park with Jeff and Matt
Got a job at My Pie.
Discovered the cure for the common cold. It's cancer.
June-
Went to the beach almost every day.
Discovered a manuscript that revealed the true identity of Jack the Ripper, but accidentally spilled chocolate pudding on the one page that would have solved one of history's greatest secrets.
Enjoyed my own personal late-night entertainment by listening to people fight and argue outside my window on Lill every day.
July-
Watched Final Destination 3 with Cam, Jacob, and Millie. The best part of Orientation. The best part of the summer. Possibly the best part of 2006.
Facebook groups became global.
Directed a successful Off-Broadway adaptation of "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret."
August-
Got Einsteinium taken off the periodic table of elements.
Lollapalooza was a lot of fun, even though I had my doubts.
Decided to run the half marathon at Disney World.
September-
Got a job at Student Affairs working with Baggy and Holly.
Started my final year at Columbia
Ate a walnut. Shell and all.
October-
Much to the chagrin of the shows most hardcore fans, I won Project Runway.
Halloween and the "I didn't know you were coming tonight!" debacle.
Formed a rap group called "Melk N' Cookiez" while sitting in traffic on 94.
November-
Decided to leave Chicago in February instead of June. (Although I still intend to be back for the summer.)
Got hit by a golf ball while running.
Started selling anthrax to terrorists on the black market.
December-
Raised $3,900 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.
Finished the semester in one piece.
Raised $3,900 to buy Justin Timberlake for a night.
To spice things up, I will incorporate elements of one of my favorite theatre games, "Two Truths and a Lie." For every month of the ending year, I will give three things that happened. But here's the twist...only two of them actually happened! Hence the name of the game.
Let's get to it. We've got twelve whole months to get through!
2006. A Semi-Truthful Account
January-
Maggie and I saw a homeless man dump out an entire bag of Cheetos for no reason.
After getting paid for Spring Orientation, I was finally not poor for the first time since September.
I was offered to sing backup for Outkast, but had to decline in order to devote my time to helping underprivileged kids learn cursive.
February-
FLYMF.com paid me roughly eight dollars to publish a story I had written about Red Robin in their February issue.
After eating an especially hot tamale, my tongue was burnt so bad that it had to be removed. It was replaced with the tongue of the late Don Knotts.
Got a hickey from Jess Dangles while making out in Libby's leather chair with Kelly Clarkson "Because of You" on repeat in the background.
March-
The group had a bet on who could go the longest without masturbating. I didn't participate on the grounds that it was pretty damn stupid.
After a few too many St. Patty's Day pints, I learned the hard way that all Leprechauns are men.
Didn't go to Mississippi for Spring Break. To this day, I still get asked why.
April-
I overdosed on foot cream.
Alicia and Jared came to town. We saw John Waters.
As the school year started to wind down, we all wondered where the hell the time went.
May-
Moved to Lincoln Park with Jeff and Matt
Got a job at My Pie.
Discovered the cure for the common cold. It's cancer.
June-
Went to the beach almost every day.
Discovered a manuscript that revealed the true identity of Jack the Ripper, but accidentally spilled chocolate pudding on the one page that would have solved one of history's greatest secrets.
Enjoyed my own personal late-night entertainment by listening to people fight and argue outside my window on Lill every day.
July-
Watched Final Destination 3 with Cam, Jacob, and Millie. The best part of Orientation. The best part of the summer. Possibly the best part of 2006.
Facebook groups became global.
Directed a successful Off-Broadway adaptation of "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret."
August-
Got Einsteinium taken off the periodic table of elements.
Lollapalooza was a lot of fun, even though I had my doubts.
Decided to run the half marathon at Disney World.
September-
Got a job at Student Affairs working with Baggy and Holly.
Started my final year at Columbia
Ate a walnut. Shell and all.
October-
Much to the chagrin of the shows most hardcore fans, I won Project Runway.
Halloween and the "I didn't know you were coming tonight!" debacle.
Formed a rap group called "Melk N' Cookiez" while sitting in traffic on 94.
November-
Decided to leave Chicago in February instead of June. (Although I still intend to be back for the summer.)
Got hit by a golf ball while running.
Started selling anthrax to terrorists on the black market.
December-
Raised $3,900 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.
Finished the semester in one piece.
Raised $3,900 to buy Justin Timberlake for a night.
finishing out '06 in the 6
I'm at home for the next few weeks, as everyone probably knows. Today I slept until 1, which isn't too bad. Please consider that I am used to Central time, so technically my body slept until noon. Also, I haven't had a decent sleep-in day for over a week. Plus, I did damn well this semester (A's in TV Program Development, Urban Geography, and Culture, Race and Media. The other two classes haven't been posted yet) and if I want to sleep in until Groundhogs Day, I deserve to.
The water pressure here is unbelievably horrendous. The shower head is tilted and basically sprays water onto the side of the shower. Spray is too strong of a word, though. It's barely a trickle. My nose runs with more force. Everybody seems to be used to this, since my complaints go unregistered. I could get a better rinse by standing outside in the rain. In Arizona. In July.
Karma catches up to me when I come home. I spend so much time at school complaining about all sorts of different things (well I guess it's usually about the same person, and we all know who that is), that the cosmos wait until I'm home to get back at me by unleashing the worst punishment known to man. I have to listen to my dad complain about everything to me. Mom spends too much money. Dan wants groceries. The credit card company charged him an extra 30 cents. The dryer will start fires if you don't change the lint trap. Every 10 minutes or so I am barraged with another topic, usually something that has nothing to do with me.
Speaking of Karma, I'm going to start writing my next spec. I've decided on My Name Is Earl. 30 Rock is barely into its first season, and The Office has been done to death. Don't get me wrong, I love The Office, but everyone and their brother uses it for a spec. What I need now is Earl on DVD. I'd buy it myself but first I'll see how Christmas goes. I think I put it on a list or two.
Leper High, while still near and dear to my heart, is on the back burner. See, here's the difference between an aspiring screenwriter and an aspiring TV writer. Screenwriters always write new material. Once they finish a script, they shop it around and hope someone takes interest in it. Essentially, this is about as easy as throwing a bee at a puppy.
A TV writer, on the other hand, writes scripts of shows that are already on television. Which means my wonderful ideas about families in the carnival, coke-nosers at Disney World, and lepers in high school have to wait in the wings while I write specs, which are what I need to have as a body of work.
I bought a new book called "The Writers Block" which has like 700 different words, ideas, and pictures which are meant to trigger your imagination when writing. My next blog will probably be inspired from whatever page I turn to in that book.
The water pressure here is unbelievably horrendous. The shower head is tilted and basically sprays water onto the side of the shower. Spray is too strong of a word, though. It's barely a trickle. My nose runs with more force. Everybody seems to be used to this, since my complaints go unregistered. I could get a better rinse by standing outside in the rain. In Arizona. In July.
Karma catches up to me when I come home. I spend so much time at school complaining about all sorts of different things (well I guess it's usually about the same person, and we all know who that is), that the cosmos wait until I'm home to get back at me by unleashing the worst punishment known to man. I have to listen to my dad complain about everything to me. Mom spends too much money. Dan wants groceries. The credit card company charged him an extra 30 cents. The dryer will start fires if you don't change the lint trap. Every 10 minutes or so I am barraged with another topic, usually something that has nothing to do with me.
Speaking of Karma, I'm going to start writing my next spec. I've decided on My Name Is Earl. 30 Rock is barely into its first season, and The Office has been done to death. Don't get me wrong, I love The Office, but everyone and their brother uses it for a spec. What I need now is Earl on DVD. I'd buy it myself but first I'll see how Christmas goes. I think I put it on a list or two.
Leper High, while still near and dear to my heart, is on the back burner. See, here's the difference between an aspiring screenwriter and an aspiring TV writer. Screenwriters always write new material. Once they finish a script, they shop it around and hope someone takes interest in it. Essentially, this is about as easy as throwing a bee at a puppy.
A TV writer, on the other hand, writes scripts of shows that are already on television. Which means my wonderful ideas about families in the carnival, coke-nosers at Disney World, and lepers in high school have to wait in the wings while I write specs, which are what I need to have as a body of work.
I bought a new book called "The Writers Block" which has like 700 different words, ideas, and pictures which are meant to trigger your imagination when writing. My next blog will probably be inspired from whatever page I turn to in that book.
Friday, December 15, 2006
freedom-induced anxiety
I'm having a hard time coping with the loss of responsibility. Aside from running, I have no other obligations. I don't know how to function like this. I'm used to always having a script to work on or chapters to read or a pitch to prepare. Now I don't. But instead of embracing this new found freedom and relaxing, it just gives me more anxiety. I feel useless sitting around watching TV and reading for pleasure. So, while I try my hardest to let go of all of that stress, I have also made a list of things I want to do over break. Remember, my break lasts until the end of February, so I've got a lot of time here.
- Revise "Off The Clock" and my carnival pilot, for which I still haven't come up with a fitting name.
- Write another spec script. Top contenders include 30 Rock, The Office, My Name Is Earl, or How I Met Your Mother.
- Finish Catch 22.
- Finish training and run the half marathon (Tomorrow is 12 miles, but it's my last big training day before the run. Sigh. Of. Relief.)
- Sign up for an Improv class in LA.
- Snowboard. Snowboard. Snowboard.
- Write the chapter on Disney. It's a three parter, but I've already started, so something should be up soon.
I'm leaving work early now. By brother and his girlfriend are coming to Chicago for the weekend and this provides a wonderful excuse for me to peace out before five.
- Revise "Off The Clock" and my carnival pilot, for which I still haven't come up with a fitting name.
- Write another spec script. Top contenders include 30 Rock, The Office, My Name Is Earl, or How I Met Your Mother.
- Finish Catch 22.
- Finish training and run the half marathon (Tomorrow is 12 miles, but it's my last big training day before the run. Sigh. Of. Relief.)
- Sign up for an Improv class in LA.
- Snowboard. Snowboard. Snowboard.
- Write the chapter on Disney. It's a three parter, but I've already started, so something should be up soon.
I'm leaving work early now. By brother and his girlfriend are coming to Chicago for the weekend and this provides a wonderful excuse for me to peace out before five.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
How odd...
- Five page Interview Research paper for Culture, Race and Media? DONE!
- Eighteen page show bible and five minute series pitch to TV Production & Development class? DONE! (Knocked that pitch out of the park, by the way. Let's just say it may have involved pretending to be different characters and the theme to Dawson's Creek)
- Oral presentation on the informal economy of Shanghai? DONE! (Didn't so much knock this one out of the park, it was more of a half-ass bunt)
- Raise $3,900 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society? MOTHERFUCKIN' DONE!!! (Ok, still 76 bucks short but my Mom is going to finish that off today. Parents are great. So glad I decided to have them)
All I have to do now is make the cash into a money order and send in the rest of my donations, and revise my pilot script for Writing The Sitcom and that's it. No more responsibility. No more anything. Well..minus the run.
AGHHH!!!!!!!!!!
- Eighteen page show bible and five minute series pitch to TV Production & Development class? DONE! (Knocked that pitch out of the park, by the way. Let's just say it may have involved pretending to be different characters and the theme to Dawson's Creek)
- Oral presentation on the informal economy of Shanghai? DONE! (Didn't so much knock this one out of the park, it was more of a half-ass bunt)
- Raise $3,900 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society? MOTHERFUCKIN' DONE!!! (Ok, still 76 bucks short but my Mom is going to finish that off today. Parents are great. So glad I decided to have them)
All I have to do now is make the cash into a money order and send in the rest of my donations, and revise my pilot script for Writing The Sitcom and that's it. No more responsibility. No more anything. Well..minus the run.
AGHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, December 11, 2006
Doors Open on the Left at Graduation.
First, some advice to anyone who works the front desk of any office or other professional establishment. When eating your breakfast, lunch, second lunch if you're Jess Dangles, or even just a snack, always be sure to take small bites. This ensures that you are always one quick swallow away from oral communication (anyone who saw the terms "quick swallow" and "oral" and laughed, shame on you), as well as saving you from an embarrassing situation when the Dean of Students walks in and your mouth is full of Granola Bar.
I think my biggest issue in life is I'm smack in the middle of the home stretch to the real world. College is almost over for me, and it couldn't come any sooner. When I first started at WMU, and also when I came to Columbia, it was unfathomable that I would ever grow tired of going to college. But then one day I woke up and thought to myself "Holy shit what am I still doing here?!" To make matters worse, I'm essentially not done with school until the end of next summer at the latest, but that's only because my college career, much like my life in general, is a tad bit more complicated than it needs to be. When it comes to higher education, I'm taking the scenic route. Oh, and there's a detour. Not to mention a few road blocks. And the lines on the road are starting to fade so it's hard to drive at night. Okay, the last one wasn't really going with the road metaphor. I got a little sidetracked. Oh wow, now I'm on to trains. I should throw in something about airplanes and then things will really start to take off!
Shut up, Steve.
But yeah...I need to be done. Next semester doesn't count as actual school, since it's more or less me doing exactly what I want to do for a living. But then I still have those last three classes to take at Columbia, which is really going to piss on my parade. I want to have a job. I want to write and perform and have my job be my life. Even if I'm not an instant success and I'm working in a mail room, at least my job doesn't come home with me. And there's no schoolwork to be done at night either. If I'm delivering post all day, that's it. No oral presentation (oral? again?!) on the informal economy of Shanghai to prepare. Just me and my TiVo. Because yes, I will have TiVo.
College wasn't a waste or anything though. I mean sure, I only took about four or five classes that were in some way relevant to what I want to be my career. At least college prolonged the inevitable dive into adulthood. And hey, I met some cool people along the way as well. Not to mention these fun facts:
- Loki is the doer of good and the doer of evil. (Myth & Folk Literature)
- "Princess" is a European term. Hence, there is no such thing as an Indian Princess. (Literature & Culture of The US - Native American Studies)
- Parliament cigarettes have a recessed filter which is less likely to turn your teeth yellow. (Garneau Hall, Fall 2002)
- You can pot out of ANYTHING (Alicia)
- To create the dizzying perspective in Vertigo, Alfred Hitchcock zoomed the camera lens in while dollying the camera back. (Film Interpretation)
- A producer is the crossroads between Art and Commerce (The Television Producer)
- Transsexuals get hard nipples when cold (The Jerry Springer Show)
- McCarthyism sucked. (American History)
- When writing comedy, always trust the "Rule of 3" (Writing The Sitcom)
- Two tiny wings, eyes big and yellow, horns of a steer, but a lovable fellow! From head to toe, he's royal purple pigment, and there...Voila! You've got a Figment! (Walt Disney World)
- Take risks and stick with your choices (Improv Techniques)
- Tanning kills (Final Destination 3)
- "Steve, for being such a jackass, you really are a nice guy." (Lydia Cadena)
I think my biggest issue in life is I'm smack in the middle of the home stretch to the real world. College is almost over for me, and it couldn't come any sooner. When I first started at WMU, and also when I came to Columbia, it was unfathomable that I would ever grow tired of going to college. But then one day I woke up and thought to myself "Holy shit what am I still doing here?!" To make matters worse, I'm essentially not done with school until the end of next summer at the latest, but that's only because my college career, much like my life in general, is a tad bit more complicated than it needs to be. When it comes to higher education, I'm taking the scenic route. Oh, and there's a detour. Not to mention a few road blocks. And the lines on the road are starting to fade so it's hard to drive at night. Okay, the last one wasn't really going with the road metaphor. I got a little sidetracked. Oh wow, now I'm on to trains. I should throw in something about airplanes and then things will really start to take off!
Shut up, Steve.
But yeah...I need to be done. Next semester doesn't count as actual school, since it's more or less me doing exactly what I want to do for a living. But then I still have those last three classes to take at Columbia, which is really going to piss on my parade. I want to have a job. I want to write and perform and have my job be my life. Even if I'm not an instant success and I'm working in a mail room, at least my job doesn't come home with me. And there's no schoolwork to be done at night either. If I'm delivering post all day, that's it. No oral presentation (oral? again?!) on the informal economy of Shanghai to prepare. Just me and my TiVo. Because yes, I will have TiVo.
College wasn't a waste or anything though. I mean sure, I only took about four or five classes that were in some way relevant to what I want to be my career. At least college prolonged the inevitable dive into adulthood. And hey, I met some cool people along the way as well. Not to mention these fun facts:
- Loki is the doer of good and the doer of evil. (Myth & Folk Literature)
- "Princess" is a European term. Hence, there is no such thing as an Indian Princess. (Literature & Culture of The US - Native American Studies)
- Parliament cigarettes have a recessed filter which is less likely to turn your teeth yellow. (Garneau Hall, Fall 2002)
- You can pot out of ANYTHING (Alicia)
- To create the dizzying perspective in Vertigo, Alfred Hitchcock zoomed the camera lens in while dollying the camera back. (Film Interpretation)
- A producer is the crossroads between Art and Commerce (The Television Producer)
- Transsexuals get hard nipples when cold (The Jerry Springer Show)
- McCarthyism sucked. (American History)
- When writing comedy, always trust the "Rule of 3" (Writing The Sitcom)
- Two tiny wings, eyes big and yellow, horns of a steer, but a lovable fellow! From head to toe, he's royal purple pigment, and there...Voila! You've got a Figment! (Walt Disney World)
- Take risks and stick with your choices (Improv Techniques)
- Tanning kills (Final Destination 3)
- "Steve, for being such a jackass, you really are a nice guy." (Lydia Cadena)
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Run Run Rudolph
I ran from my apartment to the 600 S. Michigan building today. I left my flashdrive in the computer lab and figured this was a good way to go to school and see if it was still there, as well as get a ten mile run in. The flashdrive is gone, but luckily I was too hopped up on endorphins to care all that much.
When I came back inside, my face was numb. I was worried I had frostbite or something. Also, for some reason, every time I'd breathe through my nose, it would smell like smelling salts, which was odd. However, since I smell like ass and peanuts right now, I'd gladly take the smelling salt odor over body stink. Sidebar on smelling salt: If you're ever bored at work and your curiosity entices you to take a look at what is inside the enormous and extensive first aid kit, don't smell the smelling salt just to see if it's really that strong. Believe me. It is.
There is a certain art to forming a playlist for long distance running. Just because you like a song doesn't mean that you'll want to listen to it when your legs are ready to give out on you and there are tears frozen to your face with a half hour left to go. For instance, Broken Social Scene is by far the worst thing you could ever put on a playlist when running. All-American Rejects, however, is peppy and energetic and easy to listen to and go along with. In fact, the second to last song on every playlist I make is "Move Along." I hated this song before, but for some reason it keeps me going. The official song that I end every run with is "We Just Won't" by The Go! Team. In fact, The Go! Team is very good music to run to.
The dilemma of a workout playlist is even worse when running on a treadmill. In these cases, there is nothing to look at besides the sweaty and hairy man in a Kokomo tanktop in front of you on the elliptical machine. God help you if you don't have a video iPod. I recommend 311, Ashlee Simpson, Beck, Cobra Starship, The Killers, The Offspring, Less Than Jake, and OK Go for working out. Anything infectious that you can sing along to. Bad artists to work out to are Broken Social Scene, 30 Seconds To Mars, The Beatles, Pedro The Lion and Silverchair, despite being some of my favorite bands, are absolutely terrible when you're tired and sweaty and still have more to do.
...oh. And Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose.
When I came back inside, my face was numb. I was worried I had frostbite or something. Also, for some reason, every time I'd breathe through my nose, it would smell like smelling salts, which was odd. However, since I smell like ass and peanuts right now, I'd gladly take the smelling salt odor over body stink. Sidebar on smelling salt: If you're ever bored at work and your curiosity entices you to take a look at what is inside the enormous and extensive first aid kit, don't smell the smelling salt just to see if it's really that strong. Believe me. It is.
There is a certain art to forming a playlist for long distance running. Just because you like a song doesn't mean that you'll want to listen to it when your legs are ready to give out on you and there are tears frozen to your face with a half hour left to go. For instance, Broken Social Scene is by far the worst thing you could ever put on a playlist when running. All-American Rejects, however, is peppy and energetic and easy to listen to and go along with. In fact, the second to last song on every playlist I make is "Move Along." I hated this song before, but for some reason it keeps me going. The official song that I end every run with is "We Just Won't" by The Go! Team. In fact, The Go! Team is very good music to run to.
The dilemma of a workout playlist is even worse when running on a treadmill. In these cases, there is nothing to look at besides the sweaty and hairy man in a Kokomo tanktop in front of you on the elliptical machine. God help you if you don't have a video iPod. I recommend 311, Ashlee Simpson, Beck, Cobra Starship, The Killers, The Offspring, Less Than Jake, and OK Go for working out. Anything infectious that you can sing along to. Bad artists to work out to are Broken Social Scene, 30 Seconds To Mars, The Beatles, Pedro The Lion and Silverchair, despite being some of my favorite bands, are absolutely terrible when you're tired and sweaty and still have more to do.
...oh. And Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
How do you follow up a backwards story?
What if I reached my creative peak with that? What if I can never again write a blog as engaging, clever, funny, and creative as the backwards one? Will every attempt be futile? Will my life begin to revolve around nothing more than trying to top my last blogging accomplishment? Will I one day be a recluse who spends every minute of every day feverishly typing away, hoping to one day come up with something that will recapture the glory of the Make-A-Splash Edition?
Yeah. Probably. I'm going to need a bed pan for Christmas. Should I put it on my list for family or for Santa?
Dani, as well as the rest of you complainers, will be happy to know that you can now comment without word verification. That makes it easier for you. However, the new drawback is that your comment will not be posted until I review and accept it. But your poor little eyeballs no longer have to squint at those distorted letters, and your poor little fingies no longer have to hunt and peck for a bunch of random keys. Your welcome. Merry Christmas. Now get me my bed pan.
I'm not as overwhelmed as most people seem to be with the end of the semster. Don't get me wrong, I have a shit ton of stuff to get done, but I've been carrying a shit load of responsibility on my shoulders since early September, so finals week is just an extension of that.
-Finish my pilot for "Walks on the Run," about a family hiding out from the law, pretending to be carnies.
-Presentation on the informal economy of Shanghai for Urban Geography. Doesn't that just make your mouth water?
-Self-assessment paper for Improv (By far one of my favorite classes at Columbia. I look forward to it every day and sometimes I go as far as wishing I had gone into acting instead of writing.)
-Bible for Leper High (TV term, not an actual Bible. Jesus would not want to be affiliated with my animated comedy)
-Culture, Race and Media final. Haven't even started. Don't even care.
Oh, and fundraising. Anyone who hasn't donated needs to seriously get me some money because I have one week left and a lot more to go.
On another note, I solved the mystery of why our heat continues to go down to 65 degrees at night, effectively leaving me numb and with a borderline severe case of hypothermia. Turns out that our thermostat is for some reason programmed to go to 65 degrees throughout the day. I thought it was Matt turning it down just to make Jeff and me suffer, but no. It was actually the girls who lived here before us who had programmed the thermostat (and were apparantly breeding penguins in the apartment). Just call me Encyclopedia Brown.
Yeah. Probably. I'm going to need a bed pan for Christmas. Should I put it on my list for family or for Santa?
Dani, as well as the rest of you complainers, will be happy to know that you can now comment without word verification. That makes it easier for you. However, the new drawback is that your comment will not be posted until I review and accept it. But your poor little eyeballs no longer have to squint at those distorted letters, and your poor little fingies no longer have to hunt and peck for a bunch of random keys. Your welcome. Merry Christmas. Now get me my bed pan.
I'm not as overwhelmed as most people seem to be with the end of the semster. Don't get me wrong, I have a shit ton of stuff to get done, but I've been carrying a shit load of responsibility on my shoulders since early September, so finals week is just an extension of that.
-Finish my pilot for "Walks on the Run," about a family hiding out from the law, pretending to be carnies.
-Presentation on the informal economy of Shanghai for Urban Geography. Doesn't that just make your mouth water?
-Self-assessment paper for Improv (By far one of my favorite classes at Columbia. I look forward to it every day and sometimes I go as far as wishing I had gone into acting instead of writing.)
-Bible for Leper High (TV term, not an actual Bible. Jesus would not want to be affiliated with my animated comedy)
-Culture, Race and Media final. Haven't even started. Don't even care.
Oh, and fundraising. Anyone who hasn't donated needs to seriously get me some money because I have one week left and a lot more to go.
On another note, I solved the mystery of why our heat continues to go down to 65 degrees at night, effectively leaving me numb and with a borderline severe case of hypothermia. Turns out that our thermostat is for some reason programmed to go to 65 degrees throughout the day. I thought it was Matt turning it down just to make Jeff and me suffer, but no. It was actually the girls who lived here before us who had programmed the thermostat (and were apparantly breeding penguins in the apartment). Just call me Encyclopedia Brown.
Monday, December 04, 2006
This Just In
It has come to my attention that people our age do not pay enough attention to the news. There is a whole world around us, people! Don't you want to know what's going on in it? In the hustle and bustle of or crazy lives, sometimes we may not have the opportunity to sit down and read the paper or watch the news. And so, I have taken it upon myself to make a short list of the most important and pressing events that have occurred recently.
Kramer is racist.
Danny DeVito got drunk one night.
Britney Spears didn't wear panties when she went out.
Okay, I hope that you are all more well versed in today's current events. Now that you have more knowledge of what is going on in the world around you, you will no longer feel embarrassed or ashamed at dinner parties. You are very, very welcome.
Kramer is racist.
Danny DeVito got drunk one night.
Britney Spears didn't wear panties when she went out.
Okay, I hope that you are all more well versed in today's current events. Now that you have more knowledge of what is going on in the world around you, you will no longer feel embarrassed or ashamed at dinner parties. You are very, very welcome.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
I can't believe I didn't already tell this story
A few days ago I went to the Roosevelt Gym. It's not as gross as everyone says it is, it's actually pretty decent. Anyway, I go into the locker room and there is this guy wearing tight grey shorts that I thought were underwear, and a shirt that literally leaves all of his stomach exposed. A midriff, I guess. I didn't think too much about it, just that it was weird, but that people actually do wear shirts like that to lift weights...in 1987.
What was weird is when he started brushing his teeth with an electric toothbrush. Because he brushed them for like 5 minutes...and then...and then he laid down on the floor. On his back, with his knees sticking up. And he was still brushing his teeth. For another five minutes. On his back.
Is this some sort of dental trick that I am unaware of? Because I'll have you know, when it comes to teeth cleaning, I know all the tricks of the trade. (I already told you my dentist LOVES me)
What was weird is when he started brushing his teeth with an electric toothbrush. Because he brushed them for like 5 minutes...and then...and then he laid down on the floor. On his back, with his knees sticking up. And he was still brushing his teeth. For another five minutes. On his back.
Is this some sort of dental trick that I am unaware of? Because I'll have you know, when it comes to teeth cleaning, I know all the tricks of the trade. (I already told you my dentist LOVES me)
Thursday, November 30, 2006
creative purge
So I've decided that every night before bed, I am going to write. Not a blog. Not random, numbered facts. A story. Most likely in script form, although I would not rule out a short story or something at some point. Five pages, maximum each night (if it's in script format, that is). Maybe it's a scene from a bigger story I've come up with. Maybe the whole story is only that five pages. Who knows. But I've always got some crazy stories swimming around in my head and it's time to start getting them out. Maybe I'll even post some of them on here from time to time ("Me being the completely self-absorbed person that I am, I have decided that...blah blah blah").
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Steve's Morning- The "Make A Spash" Edition
By the time I finished this blog, I had to go to class. Guess I'll have to work on making my show funnier later today.
My shoes are in the dryer right now. I hope I don't break it. I remember watching "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer," and there was a scene where Brandy put her sneakers in the dryer and Jennifer Love Hewitt yelled at her. Later on in the movie Brandy found the maid's head in the dryer when she opened it up thinking that the clunking noise she heard was a pair of shoes. Brandy lived in the end. So the moral of the story is...go ahead and put your shoes in the dryer. Someone else may die, but It doesn't affect you. I felt kind of bad at first, as I walked away and heard the pounding of my New Balances as they were tossed about inside the machine. What if I break the dryer? But now that I'm back upstairs in my apartment, I can't hear it, and I left that concern down in the basement with my shoes.
When I came home, I was soaking wet. My shoes and socks were squishy and soggy. For as much as I love playing in water, I do hate the feeling of wet socks.
Before I had even stepped off the train, I had decided not to stay dry. I love walking in the rain. I especially love jumping in puddles. I think everyone has one small thing that they enjoy from their childhood that is considered unacceptable by the standards of grown-ups. Mine is puddles. Good thing I was ready to get wet, because not only was the rain still coming down hard, but Altgeld and Montana were actually flooded. It was at least three inches of water that I had to traverse. Other people would have had to walk all the way back to Fullerton and then walk on the actual street up Sheffield in order to avoid Lake Montana, but not puddle-hoppin' Steve. I dove right in.
It was pouring when the train went above ground after North/Clybourn. Literally pouring. You couldn't even see drops of water, it seemed like Lincoln Park was under a giant faucet. What was even more unsettling was the fact that fifteen minutes ago, when I got on the train at Harrison, it wasn't raining at all. Now, less than twenty minutes later, the streets were flooded.
I felt bad for being late for my meeting, and my teacher had a good point. On my way out of the 600 building I decided that I was going to sit down at some point today and really figure out what makes my show funny. I'd also email it to the teacher, not only to show him more of my ideas but also as a form of sucking up since I wanted to make up for being tardy. I wasn't walking the dog until later, so maybe I'd have time before I left for school again this afternoon?
I finally showed up to the meeting at about 9:55, giving us less than five minutes to actually talk about Leper High. We did end up talking for quite some time, and he seems to like the direction I'm taking the show. He brought up a good point though. What makes LH funny? Sure, I can take any episode idea and write a story that's funny, but what is the underlying humor of the actual concept? High School kids have leprosy. Yeah, that's funny. But how far can you go with that? The show won't last if it's just a one trick pony. The leprosy joke will wear out eventually.
I checked my phone while I was on the train. We were at the Lake stop. Fuck, already 9:48? I'm twenty minutes late and still ten minutes away! And what a terrible Red Eye. I didn't even read most of it.
Didn't leave until 9:20. Not a good idea, especially since I had a meeting with my TV Program Development teacher at 9:30. Oh well, guess I'm gonna be late. The weather wasn't bad when I left the apartment. I still wore my gloves, but it wasn't terribly cold. I always wear my gloves, anyway. I may never bring an umbrella, but at least I have my gloves in case there's a sudden drop in temperature. Speaking of umbrellas, I hope it doesn't rain today...
I woke up this morning and started getting ready for school.
My shoes are in the dryer right now. I hope I don't break it. I remember watching "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer," and there was a scene where Brandy put her sneakers in the dryer and Jennifer Love Hewitt yelled at her. Later on in the movie Brandy found the maid's head in the dryer when she opened it up thinking that the clunking noise she heard was a pair of shoes. Brandy lived in the end. So the moral of the story is...go ahead and put your shoes in the dryer. Someone else may die, but It doesn't affect you. I felt kind of bad at first, as I walked away and heard the pounding of my New Balances as they were tossed about inside the machine. What if I break the dryer? But now that I'm back upstairs in my apartment, I can't hear it, and I left that concern down in the basement with my shoes.
When I came home, I was soaking wet. My shoes and socks were squishy and soggy. For as much as I love playing in water, I do hate the feeling of wet socks.
Before I had even stepped off the train, I had decided not to stay dry. I love walking in the rain. I especially love jumping in puddles. I think everyone has one small thing that they enjoy from their childhood that is considered unacceptable by the standards of grown-ups. Mine is puddles. Good thing I was ready to get wet, because not only was the rain still coming down hard, but Altgeld and Montana were actually flooded. It was at least three inches of water that I had to traverse. Other people would have had to walk all the way back to Fullerton and then walk on the actual street up Sheffield in order to avoid Lake Montana, but not puddle-hoppin' Steve. I dove right in.
It was pouring when the train went above ground after North/Clybourn. Literally pouring. You couldn't even see drops of water, it seemed like Lincoln Park was under a giant faucet. What was even more unsettling was the fact that fifteen minutes ago, when I got on the train at Harrison, it wasn't raining at all. Now, less than twenty minutes later, the streets were flooded.
I felt bad for being late for my meeting, and my teacher had a good point. On my way out of the 600 building I decided that I was going to sit down at some point today and really figure out what makes my show funny. I'd also email it to the teacher, not only to show him more of my ideas but also as a form of sucking up since I wanted to make up for being tardy. I wasn't walking the dog until later, so maybe I'd have time before I left for school again this afternoon?
I finally showed up to the meeting at about 9:55, giving us less than five minutes to actually talk about Leper High. We did end up talking for quite some time, and he seems to like the direction I'm taking the show. He brought up a good point though. What makes LH funny? Sure, I can take any episode idea and write a story that's funny, but what is the underlying humor of the actual concept? High School kids have leprosy. Yeah, that's funny. But how far can you go with that? The show won't last if it's just a one trick pony. The leprosy joke will wear out eventually.
I checked my phone while I was on the train. We were at the Lake stop. Fuck, already 9:48? I'm twenty minutes late and still ten minutes away! And what a terrible Red Eye. I didn't even read most of it.
Didn't leave until 9:20. Not a good idea, especially since I had a meeting with my TV Program Development teacher at 9:30. Oh well, guess I'm gonna be late. The weather wasn't bad when I left the apartment. I still wore my gloves, but it wasn't terribly cold. I always wear my gloves, anyway. I may never bring an umbrella, but at least I have my gloves in case there's a sudden drop in temperature. Speaking of umbrellas, I hope it doesn't rain today...
I woke up this morning and started getting ready for school.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
A Mile-High Pity
Wait a minute…didn’t The Real World Key West just end like..I don’t know…THIS MORNING? Seems like I was just witnessing the antics of Svetlana and…ummm…I guess that’s the only name I remember. Whatever the case may be…it’s already time for another one. Although, from the looks of it, they could easily be using the exact same cast as the last three seasons. I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Remember Frankie? I miss her. Good ol’ boat-fearin’ self-mutilatin’ freak show Frankie. I hope she's well.
MTV claims this is an entirely new group of seven strangers, so I’ll just go with the flow. Here they are…
Meet Colie! She’s graduating college! In New Orleans! Don’t think MTV won’t use this as an opportunity for an “emotional” montage of Hurricane Katrina‘s devastation. They're trying to tug at the heartstrings. Keep tugging. Colie is the first person we meet in the cast. We also spend the longest amount of time with her. This shows three things.
1. Colie is the “every man” of the group, whom we will relate with the most.
2. Colie will be the last person to leave the house on the final episode.
3. I’m already fucking sick of her. She kind of looks like Claire Forlani’s lanky and awkward brother.
Meet Jenn! She’s a dancer for the Oakland Raiders! She loves to party! She is a board-certified neurosurgeon. Can you guess which one of those I made up?
Meet Tyrie! Black guy from Omaha. Wait…black guy from Omaha? How’d he get there? He refers to Jenn’s chest as “Silocone Valleys.” I throw up a little on my keyboard.
Meet Alex! ASU student. Majoring in Psych. AKA: going to be on a million RW/RR Challenges when he can’t get a real job. (See: The Miz).
Meet Brooke! Doe-eyed southern belle. She wants an adventure and to meet new people and learn new things. Blah blah blah...
Meet Stephen! He goes to a historically black college. Wait..what? Another black guy? Wasn't there a Tyrie, or something? Omaha? Wait, did the Real World Denver already end? Is this a new season? I’m confused….there couldn’t be TWO black guys...What's going on!?
Meet Davis! He’s a Souther Baptist. Loves church. So does Stephen! They bond over their love of God. They’re gonna go to church together. (Sidenote: Davis is obviously the gay one. Shhhh we‘re not supposed to know yet!)
The Denver house basically looks like every other Real World house of recent years. Crazy weird furniture that looks entirely too uncomfortable to actually sit on. Strange props such all over the place. Wait…is that a ski lift chair? The bar is a Jeep? The cast goes crazy and loses their shit over the whole place. Wow, like you’ve never seen a giant fish tank before?
Davis wonders if Stephen will have a religious issue with “some of the things he brings into the house.” Yeah, he’s gay but it’s a secret. Didn’t I already say that? If that's not an obvious giveaway, I don't know what is...
Everyone goes to get alcohol, because MTV apparently didn’t stock the house (Which I find hard to believe). Colie and Davis stay behind. They are in the hot tub talking and Davis admits to being gay, but says he isn’t ready to tell anyone. Wait…didn’t we already know that he was gay? Meanwhile, Stephen is ranting about homosexuals and how wrong and bad they are. Oh wow. This is the first time in my memory that I can think of a gay guy on The Real World having a hard time being accepted. Oh, except for the original Real World. And San Francisco. And Hawaii. And Key West. And Paris. Chicago...Miami...I mean…just off the top of my head. But aside from that…The Real World 18 is TOTALLY original.
Truth or Dare time. Jenn says that she is totally cool with making out and getting drunk. Wow. Color me shocked. One of the black guys tells Alex to make out with Colie’s neck. Deep down I hope he bites her jugular. That would make things slightly less predictable at this point. Plus I hate Colie.
Alex and Colie flirt and make out. They go to bed together. The next day, Colie can’t keep her mouth shut about Alex, even though nobody is listening to her. Not Jenn. Not Brooke. Not even me. I’m programming my voice mail and thinking about what I want for dinner.
After a long day of laying in the sun, Jenn decides that she is so tired and needs to shower and relax in bed. You deserve it, girl. It’s been a long day. I mean after all that tanning, you must be EXHAUSTED.
Brooke is once again complaining that nobody is gay. Little does she know Davis is talking about his big queer lifestyle in the other room, with his sister Garland. Wait…Garland? Are you serious?
….GARLAND?!!?
Having consumed the entire suppy of liquor in the house, the cast heads to a bar to do some mid-afternoon drinking. Laughs and good times. Until JENN ASKS IF ANYONE IS GAY! OH GOD JENN! DAVIS IS! BUT STEPHEN IS A HOMOPHOBIC! AND HE’S HIS ROOMMATE! OH NO! Stephen admits to having “a bad perception of what gay people are.” Which you have to admit, is a lot more eloquent than “Damn! I hate fags!” Stephen just cant BELIEVE it, though. Davis seemed so straight! How can he be gay? Stephen confesses to the camera that this is a totally different experience than he thought it would be. Ummm..I knew there’d be a gay guy. Everyone else knew there’d be a gay guy. Dumb Brooke even knew there’d be a gay guy. What were you expecting? The notion of two African Americans in the house has definitely thrown all of our perceptions off.
Apparently, Davis’ mom thinks he’s going to hell. She hates him. I can’t wait for her to visit. Her and Stephen can burn pictures of Matthew Shepard and protest funerals together.
Tattoo talk. Alex shows everyone his ridiculous tattoo on his upper thigh, which says “Hey!” Not to be outdone when it comes to being an unoriginal dumbass, Jenn proclaims how badly she wants a tattoo of lips on her ass. Get it? “Kiss my ass?” Ohhhh Jenn. She's a party girl, did you know?
The gang comes home from a night of volunteer work...I mean...drinking. Alex and Colie plan to go to bed together. Alex tells her he’ll meet her upstairs in twenty minutes. And what does he need this twenty minutes for? To do shots with cheerleader Jenn, of course. Colie is now upstairs PTFO’d while Alex and Jenn start making out downstairs. The two of them put a pizza in the oven and go make out in the guest room. Colie wakes up, which we are supposed to believe is because the timer from the oven went off, but I imagine that one of the producers threw a shoe at her so that she would get up and go downstairs.
Alex breaks Colie’s heart by saying he doesn’t want to hook up with roommates. See, Colie is playing the part of the girl with an unrequited infatuation for another roommate who will never get a fucking clue. This is something we haven’t seen before, either! Except for the original Real World. And Las Vegas. And San Diego. And Philadelphia. Boston. Hawaii. New Orleans…
Alex, after telling Colie he doesn’t want to hook up with a roommate, goes off with Jenn and seals the deal. Leading us to the quote of the night.
“And then I realize….oh my god. I’m having sex.”
-Jenn
MTV claims this is an entirely new group of seven strangers, so I’ll just go with the flow. Here they are…
Meet Colie! She’s graduating college! In New Orleans! Don’t think MTV won’t use this as an opportunity for an “emotional” montage of Hurricane Katrina‘s devastation. They're trying to tug at the heartstrings. Keep tugging. Colie is the first person we meet in the cast. We also spend the longest amount of time with her. This shows three things.
1. Colie is the “every man” of the group, whom we will relate with the most.
2. Colie will be the last person to leave the house on the final episode.
3. I’m already fucking sick of her. She kind of looks like Claire Forlani’s lanky and awkward brother.
Meet Jenn! She’s a dancer for the Oakland Raiders! She loves to party! She is a board-certified neurosurgeon. Can you guess which one of those I made up?
Meet Tyrie! Black guy from Omaha. Wait…black guy from Omaha? How’d he get there? He refers to Jenn’s chest as “Silocone Valleys.” I throw up a little on my keyboard.
Meet Alex! ASU student. Majoring in Psych. AKA: going to be on a million RW/RR Challenges when he can’t get a real job. (See: The Miz).
Meet Brooke! Doe-eyed southern belle. She wants an adventure and to meet new people and learn new things. Blah blah blah...
Meet Stephen! He goes to a historically black college. Wait..what? Another black guy? Wasn't there a Tyrie, or something? Omaha? Wait, did the Real World Denver already end? Is this a new season? I’m confused….there couldn’t be TWO black guys...What's going on!?
Meet Davis! He’s a Souther Baptist. Loves church. So does Stephen! They bond over their love of God. They’re gonna go to church together. (Sidenote: Davis is obviously the gay one. Shhhh we‘re not supposed to know yet!)
The Denver house basically looks like every other Real World house of recent years. Crazy weird furniture that looks entirely too uncomfortable to actually sit on. Strange props such all over the place. Wait…is that a ski lift chair? The bar is a Jeep? The cast goes crazy and loses their shit over the whole place. Wow, like you’ve never seen a giant fish tank before?
Davis wonders if Stephen will have a religious issue with “some of the things he brings into the house.” Yeah, he’s gay but it’s a secret. Didn’t I already say that? If that's not an obvious giveaway, I don't know what is...
Everyone goes to get alcohol, because MTV apparently didn’t stock the house (Which I find hard to believe). Colie and Davis stay behind. They are in the hot tub talking and Davis admits to being gay, but says he isn’t ready to tell anyone. Wait…didn’t we already know that he was gay? Meanwhile, Stephen is ranting about homosexuals and how wrong and bad they are. Oh wow. This is the first time in my memory that I can think of a gay guy on The Real World having a hard time being accepted. Oh, except for the original Real World. And San Francisco. And Hawaii. And Key West. And Paris. Chicago...Miami...I mean…just off the top of my head. But aside from that…The Real World 18 is TOTALLY original.
Truth or Dare time. Jenn says that she is totally cool with making out and getting drunk. Wow. Color me shocked. One of the black guys tells Alex to make out with Colie’s neck. Deep down I hope he bites her jugular. That would make things slightly less predictable at this point. Plus I hate Colie.
Alex and Colie flirt and make out. They go to bed together. The next day, Colie can’t keep her mouth shut about Alex, even though nobody is listening to her. Not Jenn. Not Brooke. Not even me. I’m programming my voice mail and thinking about what I want for dinner.
After a long day of laying in the sun, Jenn decides that she is so tired and needs to shower and relax in bed. You deserve it, girl. It’s been a long day. I mean after all that tanning, you must be EXHAUSTED.
Brooke is once again complaining that nobody is gay. Little does she know Davis is talking about his big queer lifestyle in the other room, with his sister Garland. Wait…Garland? Are you serious?
….GARLAND?!!?
Having consumed the entire suppy of liquor in the house, the cast heads to a bar to do some mid-afternoon drinking. Laughs and good times. Until JENN ASKS IF ANYONE IS GAY! OH GOD JENN! DAVIS IS! BUT STEPHEN IS A HOMOPHOBIC! AND HE’S HIS ROOMMATE! OH NO! Stephen admits to having “a bad perception of what gay people are.” Which you have to admit, is a lot more eloquent than “Damn! I hate fags!” Stephen just cant BELIEVE it, though. Davis seemed so straight! How can he be gay? Stephen confesses to the camera that this is a totally different experience than he thought it would be. Ummm..I knew there’d be a gay guy. Everyone else knew there’d be a gay guy. Dumb Brooke even knew there’d be a gay guy. What were you expecting? The notion of two African Americans in the house has definitely thrown all of our perceptions off.
Apparently, Davis’ mom thinks he’s going to hell. She hates him. I can’t wait for her to visit. Her and Stephen can burn pictures of Matthew Shepard and protest funerals together.
Tattoo talk. Alex shows everyone his ridiculous tattoo on his upper thigh, which says “Hey!” Not to be outdone when it comes to being an unoriginal dumbass, Jenn proclaims how badly she wants a tattoo of lips on her ass. Get it? “Kiss my ass?” Ohhhh Jenn. She's a party girl, did you know?
The gang comes home from a night of volunteer work...I mean...drinking. Alex and Colie plan to go to bed together. Alex tells her he’ll meet her upstairs in twenty minutes. And what does he need this twenty minutes for? To do shots with cheerleader Jenn, of course. Colie is now upstairs PTFO’d while Alex and Jenn start making out downstairs. The two of them put a pizza in the oven and go make out in the guest room. Colie wakes up, which we are supposed to believe is because the timer from the oven went off, but I imagine that one of the producers threw a shoe at her so that she would get up and go downstairs.
Alex breaks Colie’s heart by saying he doesn’t want to hook up with roommates. See, Colie is playing the part of the girl with an unrequited infatuation for another roommate who will never get a fucking clue. This is something we haven’t seen before, either! Except for the original Real World. And Las Vegas. And San Diego. And Philadelphia. Boston. Hawaii. New Orleans…
Alex, after telling Colie he doesn’t want to hook up with a roommate, goes off with Jenn and seals the deal. Leading us to the quote of the night.
“And then I realize….oh my god. I’m having sex.”
-Jenn
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
the TRUE story of Thanksgiving!! and educational essay
Back in the day, before America was discovered by the white man, it was owned and operated by Native Americans. Only, since the country was not yet named "America," they did not call themselves Native Americans. That name was just one of the many gifts that they were given, along with guns, alcohol, and blankets infected with smallpox. So anyway, the Natives were totally into mother earth and all that. They grew crops and believed in all sorts of spiritual stuff about the ground and trees, or whatever. They sure did love them some nature.
So eventually, white people came over to America and pretty much started to have their way with it. The pilgrims came over on the Mayflower in 1620, and they were all "Holy shit, our harvests are going to be mad bountiful, yo. Jesus is the MAN! He totally wants us here, because like...England is fucking awesome and shit."
Apparently, since the pilgrims didn't have any sort of AccuWeather forecast or Doppler radar, they weren't quite prepared for the weather. The biggest mistake they made would probably be arriving in the Winter. That's kind of stupid. But tickets were cheaper, since it was an off-peak travel time. Things weren't good, and a bunch of them started dying of pneumonia and consumption. Consumption was actually what they called tuberculosis. With a name like that, you'd think it wasn't all that bad. Especially since it's a story about Thanksgiving, consumption sounds nice. But actually it was their body being "consumed" by disease, not their delicious turkey and cornbread stuffing being "consumed" by hungry pilgrims.
Anyway...there were only like 100 pilgrims that came on the Mayflower to begin with. And it was no Carnival Cruise. The people were dropping like flies. At one point, less than ten of them were even well enough to go get food and water and stuff. Eventually a tribe of Natives felt sorry for the poor bastards and decided to help. One dude, named Squanto, stayed and lived with the pilgrims and gave them animal skins and taught them how to get vegetables and basically how to survive, since the pilgrims clearly had no fucking idea what they were doing. England certainly hadn't sent their finest. Which makes sense...I mean...why risk the good ones?
Pilgrims started surviving, and due to what I can only imagine was an insatiable sexual appetite, they even started to reproduce a little. Their harvest that year was apparently really good, although compared to eating dirt and grass, anything would seem super. The survivors decided to have a little "Thank God we're not dead like those other suckers" feast, to give thanks and praise to God and stuff. Since Squanto had been so cool, they decided to invite a few Indians and their families. What they didn't know, however, is that much like Mexicans, Indian families were huuuge, and like, ninety people came. They totally outnumbered the Pilgrims, but it was all good, because unlike Mexicans, the Indians made sure to bring food and to share.
But no one was really giving thanks to each other, or thinking about things they were thankful for. They mostly were just thanking God (translation: looking for an excuse to party hard), and going through the sale papers to see what kind of Christmas shopping they could get done the next day.
And everyone lived happily ever after, as well as positively and accurately portrayed in the history books.
The End
One of the original decorations that the Pilgrims used at the first Thanksgiving. Available at your local Wal-Mart
So eventually, white people came over to America and pretty much started to have their way with it. The pilgrims came over on the Mayflower in 1620, and they were all "Holy shit, our harvests are going to be mad bountiful, yo. Jesus is the MAN! He totally wants us here, because like...England is fucking awesome and shit."
Apparently, since the pilgrims didn't have any sort of AccuWeather forecast or Doppler radar, they weren't quite prepared for the weather. The biggest mistake they made would probably be arriving in the Winter. That's kind of stupid. But tickets were cheaper, since it was an off-peak travel time. Things weren't good, and a bunch of them started dying of pneumonia and consumption. Consumption was actually what they called tuberculosis. With a name like that, you'd think it wasn't all that bad. Especially since it's a story about Thanksgiving, consumption sounds nice. But actually it was their body being "consumed" by disease, not their delicious turkey and cornbread stuffing being "consumed" by hungry pilgrims.
Anyway...there were only like 100 pilgrims that came on the Mayflower to begin with. And it was no Carnival Cruise. The people were dropping like flies. At one point, less than ten of them were even well enough to go get food and water and stuff. Eventually a tribe of Natives felt sorry for the poor bastards and decided to help. One dude, named Squanto, stayed and lived with the pilgrims and gave them animal skins and taught them how to get vegetables and basically how to survive, since the pilgrims clearly had no fucking idea what they were doing. England certainly hadn't sent their finest. Which makes sense...I mean...why risk the good ones?
Pilgrims started surviving, and due to what I can only imagine was an insatiable sexual appetite, they even started to reproduce a little. Their harvest that year was apparently really good, although compared to eating dirt and grass, anything would seem super. The survivors decided to have a little "Thank God we're not dead like those other suckers" feast, to give thanks and praise to God and stuff. Since Squanto had been so cool, they decided to invite a few Indians and their families. What they didn't know, however, is that much like Mexicans, Indian families were huuuge, and like, ninety people came. They totally outnumbered the Pilgrims, but it was all good, because unlike Mexicans, the Indians made sure to bring food and to share.
But no one was really giving thanks to each other, or thinking about things they were thankful for. They mostly were just thanking God (translation: looking for an excuse to party hard), and going through the sale papers to see what kind of Christmas shopping they could get done the next day.
And everyone lived happily ever after, as well as positively and accurately portrayed in the history books.
The End
One of the original decorations that the Pilgrims used at the first Thanksgiving. Available at your local Wal-Mart
Saturday, November 18, 2006
thanksgiving issue
Remember in elementary school when you would make a little construction paper cornucopia and you were supposed to take it home and have every member of your family write down something they were thankful for then put it inside the cornucopia to read at Thanksgiving dinner? Only you instead took the brown paper funnel home and shoved it under your bed, only to discover it several months later when you are forced to clean your room because it was so messy that your dad took your video games away?
I love Thanksgiving. I have several good memories of it. Like the time I told my mom her turkey tasted just like lunch meat (I meant it as a compliment. I was like six).
I sill sit at the kids table. Only, none of us are kids anymore, so it's technically just a smaller table. We still call it the "kids table." My Aunt Audrey sits there too.
This is what I'm presently thankful for:
Supportive family and friends.
Going to LA in the Spring.
The fact that I now consider four miles a "short" run.
The people that came to my benefit, have donated to my cause, or plan to donate.
Classes being almost over.
My improv class.
For Your Consideration
My Name is Earl, The Office, Scrubs, and 30 Rock all on the same night.
Going home for six days and having no stress and nothing to worry about (aside from training and still having to raise $1700, of course)
I love Thanksgiving. I have several good memories of it. Like the time I told my mom her turkey tasted just like lunch meat (I meant it as a compliment. I was like six).
I sill sit at the kids table. Only, none of us are kids anymore, so it's technically just a smaller table. We still call it the "kids table." My Aunt Audrey sits there too.
This is what I'm presently thankful for:
Supportive family and friends.
Going to LA in the Spring.
The fact that I now consider four miles a "short" run.
The people that came to my benefit, have donated to my cause, or plan to donate.
Classes being almost over.
My improv class.
For Your Consideration
My Name is Earl, The Office, Scrubs, and 30 Rock all on the same night.
Going home for six days and having no stress and nothing to worry about (aside from training and still having to raise $1700, of course)
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Pressure
My mom sent me a Halloween care package (more like "SCARE PACKAGE!!! bwa hahahaha!).
It has the requisite chocolates and other sorts of snacks that are bad for you, including marshmallow peeps, which I adore. Also, she made me Halloween cookies! Pumpkins and ghosts! Despite the fact that the pumpkins are heart-shaped with orange frosting, and the ghosts were clearly made with a gingerbread man cookie-cutter, I appreciate the effort, as well as the spike in my sugar intake.
I posted a listing on craigslist saying that I am looking for a place sublet while in LA. I got one back already from a guy who has a second bedroom in his apartment available. He said he was an actor and apparently lives close to Studio City. My intentions had been to find a sublet for a one-bedroom or a studio, in which I would not be staying with another person who is a complete stranger. However, this guy, this actor guy, left me his name, and so I decided to IMDB it. Turns out that he's had walk-on roles on several shows, like House and Charmed. Also, his brother is a casting assistant for Bones. Originally I was concerned that this person was going to be psychotic or a stalker, but I'm the one looking him up online. What a strange role reversal.
I've got a paper due tonight, and then the first act of my pilot is due Thursday. Normally, my Thursday nights consist of me relaxing and being glad that my workload is done for the week, however Thursday is the benefit, so it looks like I don't have that luxury this time around. Oh well, I guess going home next Tuesday for six days of relaxing and drinking with old friends will make up for that. I'm trying not to think about the benefit at this time. Thinking about it only seems to open the already wavering flood gates of worry. Will it go well? Will a lot of people come? And most importantly, will I raise a lot of money? It's really starting to come down to the wire with the fundraising, and that is what's freaking my out the most. Like...it's freaking me out a LOT. I can't think about it right now. I've got a paper on gentrification to write.
It has the requisite chocolates and other sorts of snacks that are bad for you, including marshmallow peeps, which I adore. Also, she made me Halloween cookies! Pumpkins and ghosts! Despite the fact that the pumpkins are heart-shaped with orange frosting, and the ghosts were clearly made with a gingerbread man cookie-cutter, I appreciate the effort, as well as the spike in my sugar intake.
I posted a listing on craigslist saying that I am looking for a place sublet while in LA. I got one back already from a guy who has a second bedroom in his apartment available. He said he was an actor and apparently lives close to Studio City. My intentions had been to find a sublet for a one-bedroom or a studio, in which I would not be staying with another person who is a complete stranger. However, this guy, this actor guy, left me his name, and so I decided to IMDB it. Turns out that he's had walk-on roles on several shows, like House and Charmed. Also, his brother is a casting assistant for Bones. Originally I was concerned that this person was going to be psychotic or a stalker, but I'm the one looking him up online. What a strange role reversal.
I've got a paper due tonight, and then the first act of my pilot is due Thursday. Normally, my Thursday nights consist of me relaxing and being glad that my workload is done for the week, however Thursday is the benefit, so it looks like I don't have that luxury this time around. Oh well, I guess going home next Tuesday for six days of relaxing and drinking with old friends will make up for that. I'm trying not to think about the benefit at this time. Thinking about it only seems to open the already wavering flood gates of worry. Will it go well? Will a lot of people come? And most importantly, will I raise a lot of money? It's really starting to come down to the wire with the fundraising, and that is what's freaking my out the most. Like...it's freaking me out a LOT. I can't think about it right now. I've got a paper on gentrification to write.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Its 5pm
And I've started drinking. Hell. I deserve it. My weekends are borderline non-existent at this point. Not going out Thursday is tolerable, but having to stay in on Fridays to get up and run the next day is another issue entirely. So it's five o'clock, I ran eight miles, and I'm ready to drink. I mean, sure, I'm in the process of cleaning my room, doing laundry, and perhaps working on my script for Writing the Sitcom, but I can do that while drinking. A mature adult can handle drinking while accomplishing other tasks in their daily life. Or maybe that's not a mature adult, maybe that's a good alcoholic. But still, I'd rather be a good alcoholic than a bad one.
I think there are three main rules to abide by in order to not become an alcoholic. No drinking on weeknights (Thursday not withstanding), not drinking before 7pm, and not drinking alone. I suppose that I am guilty of two of those right now, but the fact that I ran eight miles as part of my goal to run a half marathon and raise $3,900 for Leukemia is sure to grant me some sort of alcoholic amnesty.
I think there are three main rules to abide by in order to not become an alcoholic. No drinking on weeknights (Thursday not withstanding), not drinking before 7pm, and not drinking alone. I suppose that I am guilty of two of those right now, but the fact that I ran eight miles as part of my goal to run a half marathon and raise $3,900 for Leukemia is sure to grant me some sort of alcoholic amnesty.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
I Love LA
I was about a half hour late for Urban Geography yesterday. I was walking Shilo and on our way back inside, she randomly sat down in the grass. So I sat down with her. It was a beautiful Fall day and I had absolutely no motivation to get to class on time. I just wanted to lay there and stare at the sky all day. I didn't though. Even when doing such things as letting my mind wander, I get too restless. So I brushed the leaves off my bottom and went to class.
I just signed up for my Spring Semester classes.
Writer's Roundtable in LA
Pitching Series Concept in LA
Analyzing Sitcom Structure in LA
Conceiving and Writing the Sitcom Show Bible in LA
In case you still haven't caught on...I decided to do the Comedy program in the Spring. Sure, it'll be inconvenient on many, many levels. I still have to pay rent in Chicago. I have to come back for classes in the summer. I can't take an improv class right away next semester. I can't go to New Orleans with ReachOut. However, this program is a chance for me to see what it's like to do EXACTLY what I want to do as a career, so I can't sacrifice that.
I talked to my parents about it. They're cool.
I'll be there from Feburary 15th-March 30th. Then, it's back to Chicago for Summer classes. However, if something amazing came up and it was between a great opportunity in LA or back to Chicago to finish up three summer classes, there's a very real possibility that I would put college on hold.
I just signed up for my Spring Semester classes.
Writer's Roundtable in LA
Pitching Series Concept in LA
Analyzing Sitcom Structure in LA
Conceiving and Writing the Sitcom Show Bible in LA
In case you still haven't caught on...I decided to do the Comedy program in the Spring. Sure, it'll be inconvenient on many, many levels. I still have to pay rent in Chicago. I have to come back for classes in the summer. I can't take an improv class right away next semester. I can't go to New Orleans with ReachOut. However, this program is a chance for me to see what it's like to do EXACTLY what I want to do as a career, so I can't sacrifice that.
I talked to my parents about it. They're cool.
I'll be there from Feburary 15th-March 30th. Then, it's back to Chicago for Summer classes. However, if something amazing came up and it was between a great opportunity in LA or back to Chicago to finish up three summer classes, there's a very real possibility that I would put college on hold.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Commerce
So we're halfway through the semester, and I just discovered that my roommate is taking the same class as me. He has it Wednesday mornings, and I have it Wednesday afternoons, 40 minutes after him. Just goes to show how much communication means to me.
Semester in LA....Spring or Summer? Spring or Summer? Comedy or Drama? I can't freaking decide. They both have so many pros and cons, which I continue to recite inside my head ad nauseam, that I don't know how I'll ever decide. I do know that getting advice from people is absolutely useless. Whatever a person says, I disagree with. If they say do Spring, I decide I want to do summer. If they say Summer, then it's vice versa. And if they don't give me a straight answer and say that either way is fine, I snap at them for pointing out the obvious. So...basically, please don't post a comment trying to give me advice. I am not in a place right now where I can handle advice.
What am I doing writing a blog right now? I have to finish my commerce paper. I have to revise and print my spec for It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (which was just renewed for a third season! 15 episodes next summer! Now my spec isn't worthless!) plus I have to do more work on characters for Leper High. I was tempted to post part of my Leper High script, but I decided against in on the grounds that it would be considered too self-indulgent. If you're interested, let me know and I'll do it.
Semester in LA....Spring or Summer? Spring or Summer? Comedy or Drama? I can't freaking decide. They both have so many pros and cons, which I continue to recite inside my head ad nauseam, that I don't know how I'll ever decide. I do know that getting advice from people is absolutely useless. Whatever a person says, I disagree with. If they say do Spring, I decide I want to do summer. If they say Summer, then it's vice versa. And if they don't give me a straight answer and say that either way is fine, I snap at them for pointing out the obvious. So...basically, please don't post a comment trying to give me advice. I am not in a place right now where I can handle advice.
What am I doing writing a blog right now? I have to finish my commerce paper. I have to revise and print my spec for It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (which was just renewed for a third season! 15 episodes next summer! Now my spec isn't worthless!) plus I have to do more work on characters for Leper High. I was tempted to post part of my Leper High script, but I decided against in on the grounds that it would be considered too self-indulgent. If you're interested, let me know and I'll do it.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Chapter 10: Killing Time at the LCP: The Month Before The Mouse
I left Kalamazoo. My roommates were doing a bang-up job of giving me reasons for justifiable homicide, and getting the hell out of that house was the best thing I could do in order to ensure everyone's safety. I can't imagine what life would have been like if I stayed in Kalamazoo. Where would I be right now? Probably living back at home with my parents, still in debt from being convicted of criminal negligence because I accidentally burnt the house down when I made a grilled cheese drunk at 3 in the afternoon on a Wednesday. I hated my house, hated school, and hated myself. I had some good friends though. Friends that I really miss today. But I needed to escape. So I came across a flyer for the Walt Disney World College Program and a few months later, I moved to Orlando, Florida. However, I'm getting ahead of myself. This isn't about Disney. This is about the month in between Kalamazoo and Orlando.
This is a hard chapter to write. Not because I went through some sort of emotional difficulty or any type of hard time. I was not battling clinical depression and I did not have an eating disorder. Life was fine. I was a little nervous, what with the moving away all by myself coming up, but that's not why this is a hard chapter to write. The reason this isn't easy is simple:
I worked at a pizza place for a month over Christmas break.
There. Basically I just gave you all there is to know about my time at Little Caesar's Pizza. How do I create a whole chapter of it? I'll try my best to put a spin on it. Perhaps I'll make my boss a cross dresser in a wheelchair. And instead of a pizza place, it's a brothel. There! Now things are really coming along. It's a well-known rule of writing that you should never tell your audience how boring the subject matter ahead is going to be. That's just telling them to stop reading. You've probably already quit. Or you're close to it. Or you've decided to start cooking while continuing with this chapter, because you've got a lot to do today and don't have time to just sit and read.
Well, now that I've spent a good amount of paragraphs talking about things of absolutely no relevance, I guess we can begin.
I was leaving for Disney on January 28th, 2004. But I came home from WMU at the beginning of December. I felt the need to get a job at this point, to keep myself from going crazy. What would I do all day for two months besides obsess over whether or not I made the right decision, make lengthy lists of things to take to Florida that I didn't actually need, and talk to my friends back at WMU as they poured on the guilt of which I'm highly susceptible as it is. So, I set out to find a job. By pooling my various resources, I happened upon one rather quickly. Brynne, the same Brynne from Twist & Shout, happened to be working at Little Caesar's and said she could probably get me a job. Now, had we told the managers right away that I would only be working there for about a month, I doubt I would have gotten the job. But by saying that I had left school for an internship but was staying home instead not only provided a great excuse for why I left college, but also opened the door for when I did quit to go to Disney. That was Brynne's genius right there. I take no credit.
I started on Christmas Eve. That was no problem. I think I've worked on Christmas Eve almost every year since I was fourteen. Twist and Shout, Best Buy, and PacSun all had me working on Christmas Eve. It's really not that bad. My family doesn't come over until around 5:00 anyway, and most places close early on Christmas Eve, so I would be back in time regardless. Working on New Year's Eve was a little bit harder. Not only because I received drunken phone calls every fifteen minutes from one of my friends asking why I didn't go back to Kalamazoo that night, but also because the guy I was working with was socially awkward and just plain weird. It was not a night to remember.
Work was easy. Make pizza. Sell pizza. Make more pizza. Sell it. Make one to eat. Eat it. The best part of the day was when we would lay pizza boxes on the ground (because the ground was nasty) and sleep on them. The worst part was when I had to be there at 7am to make like 100 pizzas which had to be taken to the local elementary schools. You know how on pizza day every slice always had three pepperonis on it? That was no happy accident. Three very tired, possibly hungover, and extremely lazy underachievers had to get up when it was still dark out just to do that.
So time stood still for about a month while I worked at Little Caesar's. Aside from work, life wasn't bad. We took a lot of trips to Canada and drank a lot. That always passes the time. A little less than a week before I moved to Florida, I finally told the boss I was quitting. Well, I left him a note. I never liked confrontation when it comes to quitting jobs. But I did do the very responsible thing of coming in after he left the next day to ask Brynne if he read it. See? It's important to be mature when working in a professional atmosphere.
And that was Little Caesar's.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Ow!
So I was running today. Eight miles, actually. I remember when I first started training, and running four miles was intimidating enough as it is. Now I'm on eight? Since when was I the kind of person who can run even SIX miles and not think anything of it?
Anyway, I got hit by a golf ball. I was up around Irving Park on the Lake Shore running path, which is right by a golf course. Out of nowhere, a golf ball comes flying at me and hits me in the thumb and chest. My thumb still hurts pretty bad, and my chest had a bruise. I looked around to see where it came from. Being consistently picked on and made fun of when I was younger, my first reaction whenever anything like this happens (not that I get pelted with golf balls a great deal, but any sort of anonymous harm) is that somebody did it on purpose. Don't ask me why. It's not because I'm conceited and think the world revolves around me. More or less, I think that somebody better than me is somehow out to get me. Don't ask me why. Self-esteem issues, I suppose. Anyway, that sort of feeling is always fleeting, and this case was no exception. I looked over to the golf course and saw the culprit, waving his hand apologetically. Well, not even apologetically, it looked more like he was waving to say "Hello!" but "apologetically" is not only a big word, but gives a sense of payoff to the story.
I kept the golf ball. I have no idea why. I ran up to Wilson and on my way back I knew that this was the spot where I got hit. So I looked for it and sure enough, found that sucker in the grass. It's a Nike one too. Probably made by kids in a sweatshop. The bastard endorses sweatshops AND he unapologetic ally aims to pelt innocent passers-by with golf balls!
I decided I was going to take the ball to Florida. I mean, it's kind of funny. I'm training for this run and out of nowhere I get beamed with a golf ball. Watching it from an outside perspective (or, apparently, even from the perspective of the guy who hit me) had to be pretty funny. Not really America's Home Videos funny, since the ball didn't hit me in the groin. But funny nonetheless.
There was really no rhyme or reason (I don't understand this phrase. What kind of "rhyme" would there be?) to why I kept it and decided to take it with me to Disney World. I just wanted to. Or wait...maybe there is a reason...
A mu'fuckin' golf ball. I worked under that thing for 8 months, you know. Most boring ride in the history of the world. More boring than waiting in line to pay for a toll road.
Anyway, I got hit by a golf ball. I was up around Irving Park on the Lake Shore running path, which is right by a golf course. Out of nowhere, a golf ball comes flying at me and hits me in the thumb and chest. My thumb still hurts pretty bad, and my chest had a bruise. I looked around to see where it came from. Being consistently picked on and made fun of when I was younger, my first reaction whenever anything like this happens (not that I get pelted with golf balls a great deal, but any sort of anonymous harm) is that somebody did it on purpose. Don't ask me why. It's not because I'm conceited and think the world revolves around me. More or less, I think that somebody better than me is somehow out to get me. Don't ask me why. Self-esteem issues, I suppose. Anyway, that sort of feeling is always fleeting, and this case was no exception. I looked over to the golf course and saw the culprit, waving his hand apologetically. Well, not even apologetically, it looked more like he was waving to say "Hello!" but "apologetically" is not only a big word, but gives a sense of payoff to the story.
I kept the golf ball. I have no idea why. I ran up to Wilson and on my way back I knew that this was the spot where I got hit. So I looked for it and sure enough, found that sucker in the grass. It's a Nike one too. Probably made by kids in a sweatshop. The bastard endorses sweatshops AND he unapologetic ally aims to pelt innocent passers-by with golf balls!
I decided I was going to take the ball to Florida. I mean, it's kind of funny. I'm training for this run and out of nowhere I get beamed with a golf ball. Watching it from an outside perspective (or, apparently, even from the perspective of the guy who hit me) had to be pretty funny. Not really America's Home Videos funny, since the ball didn't hit me in the groin. But funny nonetheless.
There was really no rhyme or reason (I don't understand this phrase. What kind of "rhyme" would there be?) to why I kept it and decided to take it with me to Disney World. I just wanted to. Or wait...maybe there is a reason...
A mu'fuckin' golf ball. I worked under that thing for 8 months, you know. Most boring ride in the history of the world. More boring than waiting in line to pay for a toll road.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Someone Crazy Is Coming In Today
I'm at work awaiting a confrontation with a crazy person.
I haven't eaten all day today. My stomach grumbled for fifteen seconds straight. I counted it. I need to grocery shop. Tonight, maybe.
My TV Program Development teacher loves Leper High. The whole class does.
My Writing The Sitcom teacher hates it. I wanted to kill two birds with one stone and use that same show idea for both classes, guess I can't do that. I have a good one for Writing the Sitcom though, so it's cool.
Jenny is right. Breakfast is very important, and I need to stock up on more oatmeal and yogurt, cause that's what gets me up in the morning. I'm not a morning person at all, but I need something in my tum-tum. Even if it's just a yoplait.
It's weird that I'm still going to be at Columbia next semester, and next summer even, but I'm not signing up for Spring classes. I really really want to, because I love doing it, but it seems likely I'll be doing Semester in LA, so no Oasis for me. It's okay though, by the time Spring Orientation is over I'll be so sick of making people's schedules anyway.
I need to make sure I can still walk even if I need to take three summer classes. I know at WMU you can. I'll be damned if I miss out on graduating at Navy Pier. Especially since it's the one and only year that this will happen.
I am STARVING.
I haven't eaten all day today. My stomach grumbled for fifteen seconds straight. I counted it. I need to grocery shop. Tonight, maybe.
My TV Program Development teacher loves Leper High. The whole class does.
My Writing The Sitcom teacher hates it. I wanted to kill two birds with one stone and use that same show idea for both classes, guess I can't do that. I have a good one for Writing the Sitcom though, so it's cool.
Jenny is right. Breakfast is very important, and I need to stock up on more oatmeal and yogurt, cause that's what gets me up in the morning. I'm not a morning person at all, but I need something in my tum-tum. Even if it's just a yoplait.
It's weird that I'm still going to be at Columbia next semester, and next summer even, but I'm not signing up for Spring classes. I really really want to, because I love doing it, but it seems likely I'll be doing Semester in LA, so no Oasis for me. It's okay though, by the time Spring Orientation is over I'll be so sick of making people's schedules anyway.
I need to make sure I can still walk even if I need to take three summer classes. I know at WMU you can. I'll be damned if I miss out on graduating at Navy Pier. Especially since it's the one and only year that this will happen.
I am STARVING.
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