I didn't go to bed on Saturday. And I was still drunk at noon. I've been told that I win the classy award for the weekend. The thing is...I can't figure out what I did the whole night/morning. This is what I know.
Went out to Rock Bottom, had 2 shots and a beer. Met up with Lauren and Ken. Went to Cam's party, which had just been broken up. That, however, didn't stop me from drinking like a fiend. So yeah...let's see. Vodka was being chased with water, I drunk dialed every person in every single area code in the world. Went to White Hen at 3am for more chasers. Came back, called Twigger, who I talked to for about an hour. Then it was 5. And I decided I wanted to go to the lake and watch the sunrise. Well at about 5:45, I still had an hour to go, and decided I needed to rest for a few minutes...on the bathroom floor. Woke up and it was light out. Then puttered around doing who knows what until I changed and took out my contacts at 11. Welcome to college.
I've started listening to old radio shows every night when I go to bed. It helps me fall asleep. Last year Jill let me borrow some CD's of "The Shadow," which is so far my favorite. "The Avenger" is pretty good too. I can't listen to music, it keeps me up, but shows don't. I really don't pay much attention to them either. In fact I couldn't tell you what happened in an entire episode of any of them.
I start at Jerry Springer on Friday. Pretty excited. I'm sure I'll have tons of stories to tell about that. Fridays are office days for me so nothing too big will happen my first day. Mondays we record the show, and I work with the guests. That'll get interesting. Oh, apparently my grandma wants tickets to "Harry Springer." What do I do? My grandparents are coming in a few weeks. I think my grandpa would actually really want to go...but I can't give them tickets! They're my grandparents!! It's Jerry Springer!! They'll see boobs! Big fat ones!!
Speaking of big fat ones...oh no. Now I sound like a jerk. I shouldn't call people fat. I was just trying to come up with a transition between two stories. I didn't want this to seem too choppy. That and...well the girl was fat.
Our fitness center has been having serious problems with the treadmills lately. There are five, but at any given time, three of them don't work. You're lucky if two are working, even luckier if one is open. So I go down there, two girls are using them. One girl is running, the other-the girl I was just talking about a second ago- is walking. Good for you for walking. Fitness is important and I honestly commend you on recognizing that. HOWEVER, walking on a treadmill while talking on your cell phone and walking at the speed of 2 is NOT really exercise. Especially when after 2 minutes of walking, you press stop, and FUCKING STAND THERE, ON THE TREADMILL FOR 5 MINUTES. What, are you done? Get enough? Nope apparently not. Turn it back on, walk for 2 more minutes, rest for 5. It was like this for about a half hour. Now I'm not complaining that this girl was trying to work out. But if you want it to mean anything, put some fucking effort in.
Speaking of effort (I'm good at transitions), not a lot of of effort was put into this...
The People Mover
This is the website for Detroit's beloved transportation system...the people mover. Thanks to Kara for sending me to this site. Make sure you have your volume up when you check it out. You don't want to miss the people mover song!!!
I don't know if people not from Detroit will enjoy this as much as people from Detroit will. You see, you Chicago people think Detroit is just some crime infested cesspool. It's really not. It's got a lot of good stuff. Yeah it's kind of lame and a joke...but that's what we love about it. It's kind of endearing.
What we lack in web design capability and transit systems...we make up for in funk and soul.
I went to Panda Express today because I wanted me some orange chicken. Guess what time it closed. 2. Guess what time it opens. 11. It is open from 11-2. Three hours. What the fuck is the point. Then when I came home I hit my head on the table. I was even more pissed. So I took a 2 hour nap. Screw you panda express!
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Saturday, September 24, 2005
AO-etiquette (see what I did there?)
OK, here's the thing...
There are tons of things to do on a computer, aside from AIM. Homework...homework is one of them. Check e-mail. Read a good blog (or just settle for mine). Look at news/sports/weather. Play minesweeper. Play the Sims. Write a novel. Design websites. Make pictures. Look at porn. Upload your own porn.
The fact is...sometimes I might be doing something on my computer in addition to being on AIM. Usually homework. Sometimes minesweeper. Probably not porn because that requires closing the blinds which I am entirely too lazy to do. I can watch all the porn I want at Libby's anyway.
So...doing other things besides AIM. What does this mean to you, my AOL buddy? It means the fact that I am online does NOT mean I am devoting every ounce of my attention to you. It means I am here. Yes. I am available to be contacted. Yes. I will respond at some point. Yes. It doesn't mean that I will, or even can, respond the second you message me. So hold your freaking horses. I hate when I recieve something like this, all within 10 seconds:
NeedyNelly: Hey.
NeedyNelly: Are you there?
NeedyNelly: Fine I guess you are ignoring me. Bye.
Actually Nelly, I was not ignoring you. I was trying to finish a paragraph in my essay. Peace out.
Oh but Steve, why not put up an away message? Wouldn't that be easier? If you're too busy to be talking, why not do the right thing and let people know you aren't available, instead of complaining that people want to talk to you.
I'm not complaining that people want to talk to me. I'm complaining when people expect me to respond faster than you can say "aol face" I hate when the little beep hasn't even finished beeping and already I've gotten "WHERE ARE YOU"
Know what's awesome? The fact that you can now message people while you still have an away message up. Comes in handy. Genius. Yeah I had DeadAIM, you could do it on that, but still. I don't go for the add ons anymore. I prefer my messenger services like I prefer my street drugs. 100% all natural.
Another lesson...If there are stairs. Take them. Now everyone knows it is common courtesy to take the stairs down or up one level. Actually, it's called the "down 2 up 1" rule. Don't take the elevator down 2 flights or up 1. If you do, you risk being gutted and hung in the elevator shaft. "Down 2 up 1" isn't enough for me. I have bad elevator rage. In general, just don't get on after I get on and get off before I get off. That's wasting my time. I'm going from 3-14. If you are going from 5-12, fuck off. Get another elevator I'm not waiting. Sorry you broke your foot, crutches are a nuisance and that cast looks painful. But you're still walking to floor 7.
There are tons of things to do on a computer, aside from AIM. Homework...homework is one of them. Check e-mail. Read a good blog (or just settle for mine). Look at news/sports/weather. Play minesweeper. Play the Sims. Write a novel. Design websites. Make pictures. Look at porn. Upload your own porn.
The fact is...sometimes I might be doing something on my computer in addition to being on AIM. Usually homework. Sometimes minesweeper. Probably not porn because that requires closing the blinds which I am entirely too lazy to do. I can watch all the porn I want at Libby's anyway.
So...doing other things besides AIM. What does this mean to you, my AOL buddy? It means the fact that I am online does NOT mean I am devoting every ounce of my attention to you. It means I am here. Yes. I am available to be contacted. Yes. I will respond at some point. Yes. It doesn't mean that I will, or even can, respond the second you message me. So hold your freaking horses. I hate when I recieve something like this, all within 10 seconds:
NeedyNelly: Hey.
NeedyNelly: Are you there?
NeedyNelly: Fine I guess you are ignoring me. Bye.
Actually Nelly, I was not ignoring you. I was trying to finish a paragraph in my essay. Peace out.
Oh but Steve, why not put up an away message? Wouldn't that be easier? If you're too busy to be talking, why not do the right thing and let people know you aren't available, instead of complaining that people want to talk to you.
I'm not complaining that people want to talk to me. I'm complaining when people expect me to respond faster than you can say "aol face" I hate when the little beep hasn't even finished beeping and already I've gotten "WHERE ARE YOU"
Know what's awesome? The fact that you can now message people while you still have an away message up. Comes in handy. Genius. Yeah I had DeadAIM, you could do it on that, but still. I don't go for the add ons anymore. I prefer my messenger services like I prefer my street drugs. 100% all natural.
Another lesson...If there are stairs. Take them. Now everyone knows it is common courtesy to take the stairs down or up one level. Actually, it's called the "down 2 up 1" rule. Don't take the elevator down 2 flights or up 1. If you do, you risk being gutted and hung in the elevator shaft. "Down 2 up 1" isn't enough for me. I have bad elevator rage. In general, just don't get on after I get on and get off before I get off. That's wasting my time. I'm going from 3-14. If you are going from 5-12, fuck off. Get another elevator I'm not waiting. Sorry you broke your foot, crutches are a nuisance and that cast looks painful. But you're still walking to floor 7.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Oprah bashing...and why I'm good at fixing things
In second grade Mrs. Purcell told us that when you write a story you should never come up with the title until the story is over. While this sounds like some sort of obscure metaphor for life, it's not. I'm just saying. I didn't come up with a title for this entry yet. If I came up with a title then I'd feel obligated to stay on topic, and once I feel obligated to do something, well shit, I don't want to do it anymore.
I don't know what to talk about. Hmmm...too bad I didn't come up with a title yet. Then I'd know exactly what to talk about. Why am I still talking about the fucking title? I'm dwelling.
I could talk about how badly I need to shower because I just ran 2.5 miles. Yeah I know it's really nothing but I'm not exactly captain of the track team so show a little respect for my accomplishment. Running is supposed to release endorphins, which is supposed to make you feel good, but really it just made me feel sweaty and irritated. Screw running. Is Taco Bell still open? You might be surprised to know how much I've started running lately. Well, this is what I figure. Someone who is 45 years old and weighs 600 pounds would probably do ANYTHING if they could go back in time to when they were 21 and run a little bit more. Wouldn't you think? I don't want to be that person and look back on some moment when I decided to get a cheesy gordita crunch instead of workout. Serious...is Taco Bell still open?
On an unrelated but equally relevant topic, I got an interview to work on the Jerry Springer Show. Isn't that funny? A little over a year ago I was making magic at Disney World, now I'll be working with trailer trash and mexican midgets. Well...maybe the difference between Disney and Springer isn't as big as one would think after all...
A lot of people have said not to do it. "Go work for Oprah," is what my mom and everyone else in the world has told me to do. Yeah OK. See, there are two problems with that:
1. Everyone and their Uncle Ernie would kill to be an intern for Oprah.
2. I've already worked for an overgrown black tyrant:
Exhibit A
Pretty impressive that I got that picture on here isn't it? Yeah I,'ve always been really good with technology and computers and shit. I learned from my brother, who fixed his Game Boy when we were kids by throwing it across the dining room. Ever since then I have firmly believed that problems with computers can be fixed the same way as problems with people. Violence. A few years ago my computer crashed and the tech support guy, Justin (Funny, I can barely understand him through his extremely thick accent, but am really supposed to believe his name is JUSTIN) refused to tell me how to fix it. The scene went like this.
Steve: It won't start, this little cursor keeps blinking and nothing happens.
"Justin:" OK, I know what to do to fix it, but your warrenty expired last week. So I can't help you.
Steve: So the answer to my problem is sitting right in front of you but you can't help me?
"Justin:" That's right.
Steve: Fine I'll fix it myself.
Steve hangs up the phone, restarts the computer and bangs the keyboard with his hands as hard as he can. Computer functions perfectly fine once more. Steve realizes he has no need for HP's bullshit bureaucratic help line policy.
OK I think I came up with a title. So the story must be over. For now.
I don't know what to talk about. Hmmm...too bad I didn't come up with a title yet. Then I'd know exactly what to talk about. Why am I still talking about the fucking title? I'm dwelling.
I could talk about how badly I need to shower because I just ran 2.5 miles. Yeah I know it's really nothing but I'm not exactly captain of the track team so show a little respect for my accomplishment. Running is supposed to release endorphins, which is supposed to make you feel good, but really it just made me feel sweaty and irritated. Screw running. Is Taco Bell still open? You might be surprised to know how much I've started running lately. Well, this is what I figure. Someone who is 45 years old and weighs 600 pounds would probably do ANYTHING if they could go back in time to when they were 21 and run a little bit more. Wouldn't you think? I don't want to be that person and look back on some moment when I decided to get a cheesy gordita crunch instead of workout. Serious...is Taco Bell still open?
On an unrelated but equally relevant topic, I got an interview to work on the Jerry Springer Show. Isn't that funny? A little over a year ago I was making magic at Disney World, now I'll be working with trailer trash and mexican midgets. Well...maybe the difference between Disney and Springer isn't as big as one would think after all...
A lot of people have said not to do it. "Go work for Oprah," is what my mom and everyone else in the world has told me to do. Yeah OK. See, there are two problems with that:
1. Everyone and their Uncle Ernie would kill to be an intern for Oprah.
2. I've already worked for an overgrown black tyrant:
Exhibit A
Pretty impressive that I got that picture on here isn't it? Yeah I,'ve always been really good with technology and computers and shit. I learned from my brother, who fixed his Game Boy when we were kids by throwing it across the dining room. Ever since then I have firmly believed that problems with computers can be fixed the same way as problems with people. Violence. A few years ago my computer crashed and the tech support guy, Justin (Funny, I can barely understand him through his extremely thick accent, but am really supposed to believe his name is JUSTIN) refused to tell me how to fix it. The scene went like this.
Steve: It won't start, this little cursor keeps blinking and nothing happens.
"Justin:" OK, I know what to do to fix it, but your warrenty expired last week. So I can't help you.
Steve: So the answer to my problem is sitting right in front of you but you can't help me?
"Justin:" That's right.
Steve: Fine I'll fix it myself.
Steve hangs up the phone, restarts the computer and bangs the keyboard with his hands as hard as he can. Computer functions perfectly fine once more. Steve realizes he has no need for HP's bullshit bureaucratic help line policy.
OK I think I came up with a title. So the story must be over. For now.
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