# 1 - "Write a dialogue between a radio host and a troubled caller"

RON
Good evening, out there! This is Dr. Ron Hodgers, and you’re tuned into “The Voice of Reason” on 89.1, WIRX. Turn that dial any lower and you’ll be back at the top! Speaking of tops, my wife and I just got back from a very sensual...oh, looks like we have a caller! Caller, you’re on the air.

BRADLEY
Hello?

RON
Hello, caller, welcome to “The Voice of Reason.”

BRADLEY
Hi.

RON
What’s your name?

BRADLEY
Arthur.

RON
Well, Arthur, welcome to the show. Was there something in particular you wanted to talk about?

BRADLEY
Actually, yes. My name’s not Arthur. It’s Bradley.

RON
Okay...Bradley. What seems to be on your mind?

BRADLEY
Well, I have this problem. I’m always telling the truth. I’m worried that my honesty is starting to affect my relationships.

RON
Oh?

BRADLEY
No. I lied again. I’m a compulsive liar. And I have no relationships.

RON
I see. And...how long have you been having these compulsions?

BRADLEY
Since yesterday. For ten years. All my life.

RON
Well, which one is it, Bradley?

BRADLEY
All my life. For ten years. Since yesterday.

RON
The first step in seeking help is honesty, Bradley. You have to be honest with me, and you have to be honest with yourself.

BRADLEY
If I could be honest I wouldn’t need to call into your stupid show.

RON
Well, there’s no need for hurtful words...

BRADLEY
Sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was compulsive lying again.

RON
This problem of yours...it keeps you distanced from people, doesn’t it?

BRADLEY
No. Not at all. I married Kate Bosworth and we bought a condo on the beach in Thailand. We have three dogs. Galilee, Francisco, and Rue McClanahan. That’s a lie. I married Rue McClanahan. We live in Bali and have four kittens that are all named Crapshoot. That’s a lie too. I married a kitten and live inside Kate Bosworth. Help me, doctor! I can’t stop!

RON
Slow down there, Bradley. Just slow down for a second. You live in Thailand? Are you there right now?

BRADLEY
Yes. It’s raining with winds coming from the south-west at six miles per hour. No, I’m from Garrison County.

RON
I thought you said you were from Thailand?

BRADLEY
I said I’m a compulsive liar, remember?

RON
Oh, you did? That’s so funny because I have selective hearing! Haha!

BRADLEY
I had sex with your wife fifteen minutes ago and then I strangled her with your Egyptian Cotton sheets.

RON
Oh, we don’t have Egyptian Cotton sheets, Arthur. You must have me confused with another late-night radio doctor.

BRADLEY
So are you going to help me?

RON
Help you what?

BRADLEY
With my compulsive lying?

RON
You’re a compulsive liar? That’s so funny! I have a short attention span! Haha!

BRADLEY
I make macrame birds and then eat them. You have short term memory? I thought you said you had selective hearing. My father is a Navy Seal and plays Major League Baseball and won an Antoinette Perry award for his performance in A Streetcar Named Desire.

RON
Hello, caller. This is “The Voice of Reason.”

BRADLEY
What?

RON
Hi Arthur, what’s your name?

BRADLEY
It’s Bradley!

RON
And what seems to be on your mind, Sylvester?

BRADLEY
We already talked about this. I’m a compulsive liar.

RON
You’re a compulsive liar? That’s so funny! I have severe dementia! Haha!

BRADLEY
I rub peanut butter on my butt and then sit in bird seed.

RON
You’re listening to 89.1, WIRX. Turn that dial any lower and you’ll be back at the
top. Speaking of tops...

BRADLEY
I steal from stores and blame minorities.

RON
You’re a compulsive liar? That’s so funny! I have epilepsy!

BRADLEY
I killed the dinosaurs.

RON
It’s raining in Thailand?

BRADLEY
My testicles are the size of Bartlett pears and I have never left a woman unsatisfied.

RON
Good evening out, there! This is Dr. Ron Hodgers..

OMG GUYS!

OmG! Cars is really good but I still like The Incredibles better!

OmG! Time to start working on my Earl spec!

OmG! Went to make some minor revisions on Off The Clock and deleted half of it!

OmG! It's raining but Christmas is coming soon! Santa better have a poncho and galoshes!

OmG! Thought there was a spider on my neck it was just the tag of my shirt!

OmG! Got a new camera! Need to take some new pictures!

OmG! There's a Fan Club of me on Facebook and I have nothing to do with it! Don't even know the guy who started it!

OmG! The liggghhhhts!

OmG! I need to fold some laundry!

OmG! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows!?!? OMG!!!

OmG! Seeing The Santa Clause 3 tomorrow! Sooooooo excited but not really!

OmG! What am I going to do about housing in LA? At least I have my aunt and uncle if all else fails, right???

OmG! An indoor water park in Battle Creek!? Must go! Hope it's as cool as CEREAL CITY!!!

OmG! Seriously...I have nothing to do with that facebook group....

OMg! I made the G little instead of the M!

OmG! Borders is SPOILING ME with those email coupons!

OmG! OmG! OmG!!!!

i got my kicks in two-thousand and six

Since the Holidays pretty much warrant their own separate recap, and I will not be participating in anything all that interesting until New Year's Day, now is as good of time as any for 2006: A Year In Review.

To spice things up, I will incorporate elements of one of my favorite theatre games, "Two Truths and a Lie." For every month of the ending year, I will give three things that happened. But here's the twist...only two of them actually happened! Hence the name of the game.

Let's get to it. We've got twelve whole months to get through!

2006. A Semi-Truthful Account

January-
Maggie and I saw a homeless man dump out an entire bag of Cheetos for no reason.
After getting paid for Spring Orientation, I was finally not poor for the first time since September.
I was offered to sing backup for Outkast, but had to decline in order to devote my time to helping underprivileged kids learn cursive.


February-
FLYMF.com paid me roughly eight dollars to publish a story I had written about Red Robin in their February issue.
After eating an especially hot tamale, my tongue was burnt so bad that it had to be removed. It was replaced with the tongue of the late Don Knotts.
Got a hickey from Jess Dangles while making out in Libby's leather chair with Kelly Clarkson "Because of You" on repeat in the background.


March-
The group had a bet on who could go the longest without masturbating. I didn't participate on the grounds that it was pretty damn stupid.
After a few too many St. Patty's Day pints, I learned the hard way that all Leprechauns are men.
Didn't go to Mississippi for Spring Break. To this day, I still get asked why.

April-
I overdosed on foot cream.
Alicia and Jared came to town. We saw John Waters.
As the school year started to wind down, we all wondered where the hell the time went.

May-
Moved to Lincoln Park with Jeff and Matt
Got a job at My Pie.
Discovered the cure for the common cold. It's cancer.

June-
Went to the beach almost every day.
Discovered a manuscript that revealed the true identity of Jack the Ripper, but accidentally spilled chocolate pudding on the one page that would have solved one of history's greatest secrets.
Enjoyed my own personal late-night entertainment by listening to people fight and argue outside my window on Lill every day.

July-
Watched Final Destination 3 with Cam, Jacob, and Millie. The best part of Orientation. The best part of the summer. Possibly the best part of 2006.
Facebook groups became global.
Directed a successful Off-Broadway adaptation of "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret."

August-
Got Einsteinium taken off the periodic table of elements.
Lollapalooza was a lot of fun, even though I had my doubts.
Decided to run the half marathon at Disney World.

September-
Got a job at Student Affairs working with Baggy and Holly.
Started my final year at Columbia
Ate a walnut. Shell and all.

October-
Much to the chagrin of the shows most hardcore fans, I won Project Runway.
Halloween and the "I didn't know you were coming tonight!" debacle.
Formed a rap group called "Melk N' Cookiez" while sitting in traffic on 94.

November-
Decided to leave Chicago in February instead of June. (Although I still intend to be back for the summer.)
Got hit by a golf ball while running.
Started selling anthrax to terrorists on the black market.

December-
Raised $3,900 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.
Finished the semester in one piece.
Raised $3,900 to buy Justin Timberlake for a night.

finishing out '06 in the 6

I'm at home for the next few weeks, as everyone probably knows. Today I slept until 1, which isn't too bad. Please consider that I am used to Central time, so technically my body slept until noon. Also, I haven't had a decent sleep-in day for over a week. Plus, I did damn well this semester (A's in TV Program Development, Urban Geography, and Culture, Race and Media. The other two classes haven't been posted yet) and if I want to sleep in until Groundhogs Day, I deserve to.

The water pressure here is unbelievably horrendous. The shower head is tilted and basically sprays water onto the side of the shower. Spray is too strong of a word, though. It's barely a trickle. My nose runs with more force. Everybody seems to be used to this, since my complaints go unregistered. I could get a better rinse by standing outside in the rain. In Arizona. In July.

Karma catches up to me when I come home. I spend so much time at school complaining about all sorts of different things (well I guess it's usually about the same person, and we all know who that is), that the cosmos wait until I'm home to get back at me by unleashing the worst punishment known to man. I have to listen to my dad complain about everything to me. Mom spends too much money. Dan wants groceries. The credit card company charged him an extra 30 cents. The dryer will start fires if you don't change the lint trap. Every 10 minutes or so I am barraged with another topic, usually something that has nothing to do with me.

Speaking of Karma, I'm going to start writing my next spec. I've decided on My Name Is Earl. 30 Rock is barely into its first season, and The Office has been done to death. Don't get me wrong, I love The Office, but everyone and their brother uses it for a spec. What I need now is Earl on DVD. I'd buy it myself but first I'll see how Christmas goes. I think I put it on a list or two.

Leper High, while still near and dear to my heart, is on the back burner. See, here's the difference between an aspiring screenwriter and an aspiring TV writer. Screenwriters always write new material. Once they finish a script, they shop it around and hope someone takes interest in it. Essentially, this is about as easy as throwing a bee at a puppy.

A TV writer, on the other hand, writes scripts of shows that are already on television. Which means my wonderful ideas about families in the carnival, coke-nosers at Disney World, and lepers in high school have to wait in the wings while I write specs, which are what I need to have as a body of work.

I bought a new book called "The Writers Block" which has like 700 different words, ideas, and pictures which are meant to trigger your imagination when writing. My next blog will probably be inspired from whatever page I turn to in that book.

freedom-induced anxiety

I'm having a hard time coping with the loss of responsibility. Aside from running, I have no other obligations. I don't know how to function like this. I'm used to always having a script to work on or chapters to read or a pitch to prepare. Now I don't. But instead of embracing this new found freedom and relaxing, it just gives me more anxiety. I feel useless sitting around watching TV and reading for pleasure. So, while I try my hardest to let go of all of that stress, I have also made a list of things I want to do over break. Remember, my break lasts until the end of February, so I've got a lot of time here.

- Revise "Off The Clock" and my carnival pilot, for which I still haven't come up with a fitting name.
- Write another spec script. Top contenders include 30 Rock, The Office, My Name Is Earl, or How I Met Your Mother.
- Finish Catch 22.
- Finish training and run the half marathon (Tomorrow is 12 miles, but it's my last big training day before the run. Sigh. Of. Relief.)
- Sign up for an Improv class in LA.
- Snowboard. Snowboard. Snowboard.
- Write the chapter on Disney. It's a three parter, but I've already started, so something should be up soon.

I'm leaving work early now. By brother and his girlfriend are coming to Chicago for the weekend and this provides a wonderful excuse for me to peace out before five.

How odd...

- Five page Interview Research paper for Culture, Race and Media? DONE!
- Eighteen page show bible and five minute series pitch to TV Production & Development class? DONE! (Knocked that pitch out of the park, by the way. Let's just say it may have involved pretending to be different characters and the theme to Dawson's Creek)
- Oral presentation on the informal economy of Shanghai? DONE! (Didn't so much knock this one out of the park, it was more of a half-ass bunt)
- Raise $3,900 for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society? MOTHERFUCKIN' DONE!!! (Ok, still 76 bucks short but my Mom is going to finish that off today. Parents are great. So glad I decided to have them)

All I have to do now is make the cash into a money order and send in the rest of my donations, and revise my pilot script for Writing The Sitcom and that's it. No more responsibility. No more anything. Well..minus the run.

AGHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Doors Open on the Left at Graduation.

First, some advice to anyone who works the front desk of any office or other professional establishment. When eating your breakfast, lunch, second lunch if you're Jess Dangles, or even just a snack, always be sure to take small bites. This ensures that you are always one quick swallow away from oral communication (anyone who saw the terms "quick swallow" and "oral" and laughed, shame on you), as well as saving you from an embarrassing situation when the Dean of Students walks in and your mouth is full of Granola Bar.
I think my biggest issue in life is I'm smack in the middle of the home stretch to the real world. College is almost over for me, and it couldn't come any sooner. When I first started at WMU, and also when I came to Columbia, it was unfathomable that I would ever grow tired of going to college. But then one day I woke up and thought to myself "Holy shit what am I still doing here?!" To make matters worse, I'm essentially not done with school until the end of next summer at the latest, but that's only because my college career, much like my life in general, is a tad bit more complicated than it needs to be. When it comes to higher education, I'm taking the scenic route. Oh, and there's a detour. Not to mention a few road blocks. And the lines on the road are starting to fade so it's hard to drive at night. Okay, the last one wasn't really going with the road metaphor. I got a little sidetracked. Oh wow, now I'm on to trains. I should throw in something about airplanes and then things will really start to take off!

Shut up, Steve.

But yeah...I need to be done. Next semester doesn't count as actual school, since it's more or less me doing exactly what I want to do for a living. But then I still have those last three classes to take at Columbia, which is really going to piss on my parade. I want to have a job. I want to write and perform and have my job be my life. Even if I'm not an instant success and I'm working in a mail room, at least my job doesn't come home with me. And there's no schoolwork to be done at night either. If I'm delivering post all day, that's it. No oral presentation (oral? again?!) on the informal economy of Shanghai to prepare. Just me and my TiVo. Because yes, I will have TiVo.

College wasn't a waste or anything though. I mean sure, I only took about four or five classes that were in some way relevant to what I want to be my career. At least college prolonged the inevitable dive into adulthood. And hey, I met some cool people along the way as well. Not to mention these fun facts:

- Loki is the doer of good and the doer of evil. (Myth & Folk Literature)
- "Princess" is a European term. Hence, there is no such thing as an Indian Princess. (Literature & Culture of The US - Native American Studies)
- Parliament cigarettes have a recessed filter which is less likely to turn your teeth yellow. (Garneau Hall, Fall 2002)
- You can pot out of ANYTHING (Alicia)
- To create the dizzying perspective in Vertigo, Alfred Hitchcock zoomed the camera lens in while dollying the camera back. (Film Interpretation)
- A producer is the crossroads between Art and Commerce (The Television Producer)
- Transsexuals get hard nipples when cold (The Jerry Springer Show)
- McCarthyism sucked. (American History)
- When writing comedy, always trust the "Rule of 3" (Writing The Sitcom)
- Two tiny wings, eyes big and yellow, horns of a steer, but a lovable fellow! From head to toe, he's royal purple pigment, and there...Voila! You've got a Figment! (Walt Disney World)
- Take risks and stick with your choices (Improv Techniques)
- Tanning kills (Final Destination 3)
- "Steve, for being such a jackass, you really are a nice guy." (Lydia Cadena)

Run Run Rudolph

I ran from my apartment to the 600 S. Michigan building today. I left my flashdrive in the computer lab and figured this was a good way to go to school and see if it was still there, as well as get a ten mile run in. The flashdrive is gone, but luckily I was too hopped up on endorphins to care all that much.

When I came back inside, my face was numb. I was worried I had frostbite or something. Also, for some reason, every time I'd breathe through my nose, it would smell like smelling salts, which was odd. However, since I smell like ass and peanuts right now, I'd gladly take the smelling salt odor over body stink. Sidebar on smelling salt: If you're ever bored at work and your curiosity entices you to take a look at what is inside the enormous and extensive first aid kit, don't smell the smelling salt just to see if it's really that strong. Believe me. It is.

There is a certain art to forming a playlist for long distance running. Just because you like a song doesn't mean that you'll want to listen to it when your legs are ready to give out on you and there are tears frozen to your face with a half hour left to go. For instance, Broken Social Scene is by far the worst thing you could ever put on a playlist when running. All-American Rejects, however, is peppy and energetic and easy to listen to and go along with. In fact, the second to last song on every playlist I make is "Move Along." I hated this song before, but for some reason it keeps me going. The official song that I end every run with is "We Just Won't" by The Go! Team. In fact, The Go! Team is very good music to run to.

The dilemma of a workout playlist is even worse when running on a treadmill. In these cases, there is nothing to look at besides the sweaty and hairy man in a Kokomo tanktop in front of you on the elliptical machine. God help you if you don't have a video iPod. I recommend 311, Ashlee Simpson, Beck, Cobra Starship, The Killers, The Offspring, Less Than Jake, and OK Go for working out. Anything infectious that you can sing along to. Bad artists to work out to are Broken Social Scene, 30 Seconds To Mars, The Beatles, Pedro The Lion and Silverchair, despite being some of my favorite bands, are absolutely terrible when you're tired and sweaty and still have more to do.

...oh. And Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose.

How do you follow up a backwards story?

What if I reached my creative peak with that? What if I can never again write a blog as engaging, clever, funny, and creative as the backwards one? Will every attempt be futile? Will my life begin to revolve around nothing more than trying to top my last blogging accomplishment? Will I one day be a recluse who spends every minute of every day feverishly typing away, hoping to one day come up with something that will recapture the glory of the Make-A-Splash Edition?

Yeah. Probably. I'm going to need a bed pan for Christmas. Should I put it on my list for family or for Santa?

Dani, as well as the rest of you complainers, will be happy to know that you can now comment without word verification. That makes it easier for you. However, the new drawback is that your comment will not be posted until I review and accept it. But your poor little eyeballs no longer have to squint at those distorted letters, and your poor little fingies no longer have to hunt and peck for a bunch of random keys. Your welcome. Merry Christmas. Now get me my bed pan.

I'm not as overwhelmed as most people seem to be with the end of the semster. Don't get me wrong, I have a shit ton of stuff to get done, but I've been carrying a shit load of responsibility on my shoulders since early September, so finals week is just an extension of that.


-Finish my pilot for "Walks on the Run," about a family hiding out from the law, pretending to be carnies.

-Presentation on the informal economy of Shanghai for Urban Geography. Doesn't that just make your mouth water?

-Self-assessment paper for Improv (By far one of my favorite classes at Columbia. I look forward to it every day and sometimes I go as far as wishing I had gone into acting instead of writing.)

-Bible for Leper High (TV term, not an actual Bible. Jesus would not want to be affiliated with my animated comedy)


-Culture, Race and Media final. Haven't even started. Don't even care.

Oh, and fundraising. Anyone who hasn't donated needs to seriously get me some money because I have one week left and a lot more to go.

On another note, I solved the mystery of why our heat continues to go down to 65 degrees at night, effectively leaving me numb and with a borderline severe case of hypothermia. Turns out that our thermostat is for some reason programmed to go to 65 degrees throughout the day. I thought it was Matt turning it down just to make Jeff and me suffer, but no. It was actually the girls who lived here before us who had programmed the thermostat (and were apparantly breeding penguins in the apartment). Just call me Encyclopedia Brown.

This Just In

It has come to my attention that people our age do not pay enough attention to the news. There is a whole world around us, people! Don't you want to know what's going on in it? In the hustle and bustle of or crazy lives, sometimes we may not have the opportunity to sit down and read the paper or watch the news. And so, I have taken it upon myself to make a short list of the most important and pressing events that have occurred recently.

Kramer is racist.

Danny DeVito got drunk one night.

Britney Spears didn't wear panties when she went out.

Okay, I hope that you are all more well versed in today's current events. Now that you have more knowledge of what is going on in the world around you, you will no longer feel embarrassed or ashamed at dinner parties. You are very, very welcome.

I can't believe I didn't already tell this story

A few days ago I went to the Roosevelt Gym. It's not as gross as everyone says it is, it's actually pretty decent. Anyway, I go into the locker room and there is this guy wearing tight grey shorts that I thought were underwear, and a shirt that literally leaves all of his stomach exposed. A midriff, I guess. I didn't think too much about it, just that it was weird, but that people actually do wear shirts like that to lift weights...in 1987.

What was weird is when he started brushing his teeth with an electric toothbrush. Because he brushed them for like 5 minutes...and then...and then he laid down on the floor. On his back, with his knees sticking up. And he was still brushing his teeth. For another five minutes. On his back.

Is this some sort of dental trick that I am unaware of? Because I'll have you know, when it comes to teeth cleaning, I know all the tricks of the trade. (I already told you my dentist LOVES me)

creative purge

So I've decided that every night before bed, I am going to write. Not a blog. Not random, numbered facts. A story. Most likely in script form, although I would not rule out a short story or something at some point. Five pages, maximum each night (if it's in script format, that is). Maybe it's a scene from a bigger story I've come up with. Maybe the whole story is only that five pages. Who knows. But I've always got some crazy stories swimming around in my head and it's time to start getting them out. Maybe I'll even post some of them on here from time to time ("Me being the completely self-absorbed person that I am, I have decided that...blah blah blah").

Steve's Morning- The "Make A Spash" Edition

By the time I finished this blog, I had to go to class. Guess I'll have to work on making my show funnier later today.

My shoes are in the dryer right now. I hope I don't break it. I remember watching "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer," and there was a scene where Brandy put her sneakers in the dryer and Jennifer Love Hewitt yelled at her. Later on in the movie Brandy found the maid's head in the dryer when she opened it up thinking that the clunking noise she heard was a pair of shoes. Brandy lived in the end. So the moral of the story is...go ahead and put your shoes in the dryer. Someone else may die, but It doesn't affect you. I felt kind of bad at first, as I walked away and heard the pounding of my New Balances as they were tossed about inside the machine. What if I break the dryer? But now that I'm back upstairs in my apartment, I can't hear it, and I left that concern down in the basement with my shoes.

When I came home, I was soaking wet. My shoes and socks were squishy and soggy. For as much as I love playing in water, I do hate the feeling of wet socks.

Before I had even stepped off the train, I had decided not to stay dry. I love walking in the rain. I especially love jumping in puddles. I think everyone has one small thing that they enjoy from their childhood that is considered unacceptable by the standards of grown-ups. Mine is puddles. Good thing I was ready to get wet, because not only was the rain still coming down hard, but Altgeld and Montana were actually flooded. It was at least three inches of water that I had to traverse. Other people would have had to walk all the way back to Fullerton and then walk on the actual street up Sheffield in order to avoid Lake Montana, but not puddle-hoppin' Steve. I dove right in.

It was pouring when the train went above ground after North/Clybourn. Literally pouring. You couldn't even see drops of water, it seemed like Lincoln Park was under a giant faucet. What was even more unsettling was the fact that fifteen minutes ago, when I got on the train at Harrison, it wasn't raining at all. Now, less than twenty minutes later, the streets were flooded.

I felt bad for being late for my meeting, and my teacher had a good point. On my way out of the 600 building I decided that I was going to sit down at some point today and really figure out what makes my show funny. I'd also email it to the teacher, not only to show him more of my ideas but also as a form of sucking up since I wanted to make up for being tardy. I wasn't walking the dog until later, so maybe I'd have time before I left for school again this afternoon?

I finally showed up to the meeting at about 9:55, giving us less than five minutes to actually talk about Leper High. We did end up talking for quite some time, and he seems to like the direction I'm taking the show. He brought up a good point though. What makes LH funny? Sure, I can take any episode idea and write a story that's funny, but what is the underlying humor of the actual concept? High School kids have leprosy. Yeah, that's funny. But how far can you go with that? The show won't last if it's just a one trick pony. The leprosy joke will wear out eventually.

I checked my phone while I was on the train. We were at the Lake stop. Fuck, already 9:48? I'm twenty minutes late and still ten minutes away! And what a terrible Red Eye. I didn't even read most of it.

Didn't leave until 9:20. Not a good idea, especially since I had a meeting with my TV Program Development teacher at 9:30. Oh well, guess I'm gonna be late. The weather wasn't bad when I left the apartment. I still wore my gloves, but it wasn't terribly cold. I always wear my gloves, anyway. I may never bring an umbrella, but at least I have my gloves in case there's a sudden drop in temperature. Speaking of umbrellas, I hope it doesn't rain today...

I woke up this morning and started getting ready for school.

A Mile-High Pity

Wait a minute…didn’t The Real World Key West just end like..I don’t know…THIS MORNING? Seems like I was just witnessing the antics of Svetlana and…ummm…I guess that’s the only name I remember. Whatever the case may be…it’s already time for another one. Although, from the looks of it, they could easily be using the exact same cast as the last three seasons. I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Remember Frankie? I miss her. Good ol’ boat-fearin’ self-mutilatin’ freak show Frankie. I hope she's well.


MTV claims this is an entirely new group of seven strangers, so I’ll just go with the flow. Here they are…

Meet Colie! She’s graduating college! In New Orleans! Don’t think MTV won’t use this as an opportunity for an “emotional” montage of Hurricane Katrina‘s devastation. They're trying to tug at the heartstrings. Keep tugging. Colie is the first person we meet in the cast. We also spend the longest amount of time with her. This shows three things.

1. Colie is the “every man” of the group, whom we will relate with the most.
2. Colie will be the last person to leave the house on the final episode.
3. I’m already fucking sick of her. She kind of looks like Claire Forlani’s lanky and awkward brother.

Meet Jenn! She’s a dancer for the Oakland Raiders! She loves to party! She is a board-certified neurosurgeon. Can you guess which one of those I made up?

Meet Tyrie! Black guy from Omaha. Wait…black guy from Omaha? How’d he get there? He refers to Jenn’s chest as “Silocone Valleys.” I throw up a little on my keyboard.

Meet Alex! ASU student. Majoring in Psych. AKA: going to be on a million RW/RR Challenges when he can’t get a real job. (See: The Miz).

Meet Brooke! Doe-eyed southern belle. She wants an adventure and to meet new people and learn new things. Blah blah blah...

Meet Stephen! He goes to a historically black college. Wait..what? Another black guy? Wasn't there a Tyrie, or something? Omaha? Wait, did the Real World Denver already end? Is this a new season? I’m confused….there couldn’t be TWO black guys...What's going on!?

Meet Davis! He’s a Souther Baptist. Loves church. So does Stephen! They bond over their love of God. They’re gonna go to church together. (Sidenote: Davis is obviously the gay one. Shhhh we‘re not supposed to know yet!)

The Denver house basically looks like every other Real World house of recent years. Crazy weird furniture that looks entirely too uncomfortable to actually sit on. Strange props such all over the place. Wait…is that a ski lift chair? The bar is a Jeep? The cast goes crazy and loses their shit over the whole place. Wow, like you’ve never seen a giant fish tank before?

Davis wonders if Stephen will have a religious issue with “some of the things he brings into the house.” Yeah, he’s gay but it’s a secret. Didn’t I already say that? If that's not an obvious giveaway, I don't know what is...

Everyone goes to get alcohol, because MTV apparently didn’t stock the house (Which I find hard to believe). Colie and Davis stay behind. They are in the hot tub talking and Davis admits to being gay, but says he isn’t ready to tell anyone. Wait…didn’t we already know that he was gay? Meanwhile, Stephen is ranting about homosexuals and how wrong and bad they are. Oh wow. This is the first time in my memory that I can think of a gay guy on The Real World having a hard time being accepted. Oh, except for the original Real World. And San Francisco. And Hawaii. And Key West. And Paris. Chicago...Miami...I mean…just off the top of my head. But aside from that…The Real World 18 is TOTALLY original.

Truth or Dare time. Jenn says that she is totally cool with making out and getting drunk. Wow. Color me shocked. One of the black guys tells Alex to make out with Colie’s neck. Deep down I hope he bites her jugular. That would make things slightly less predictable at this point. Plus I hate Colie.

Alex and Colie flirt and make out. They go to bed together. The next day, Colie can’t keep her mouth shut about Alex, even though nobody is listening to her. Not Jenn. Not Brooke. Not even me. I’m programming my voice mail and thinking about what I want for dinner.

After a long day of laying in the sun, Jenn decides that she is so tired and needs to shower and relax in bed. You deserve it, girl. It’s been a long day. I mean after all that tanning, you must be EXHAUSTED.

Brooke is once again complaining that nobody is gay. Little does she know Davis is talking about his big queer lifestyle in the other room, with his sister Garland. Wait…Garland? Are you serious?

….GARLAND?!!?

Having consumed the entire suppy of liquor in the house, the cast heads to a bar to do some mid-afternoon drinking. Laughs and good times. Until JENN ASKS IF ANYONE IS GAY! OH GOD JENN! DAVIS IS! BUT STEPHEN IS A HOMOPHOBIC! AND HE’S HIS ROOMMATE! OH NO! Stephen admits to having “a bad perception of what gay people are.” Which you have to admit, is a lot more eloquent than “Damn! I hate fags!” Stephen just cant BELIEVE it, though. Davis seemed so straight! How can he be gay? Stephen confesses to the camera that this is a totally different experience than he thought it would be. Ummm..I knew there’d be a gay guy. Everyone else knew there’d be a gay guy. Dumb Brooke even knew there’d be a gay guy. What were you expecting? The notion of two African Americans in the house has definitely thrown all of our perceptions off.

Apparently, Davis’ mom thinks he’s going to hell. She hates him. I can’t wait for her to visit. Her and Stephen can burn pictures of Matthew Shepard and protest funerals together.

Tattoo talk. Alex shows everyone his ridiculous tattoo on his upper thigh, which says “Hey!” Not to be outdone when it comes to being an unoriginal dumbass, Jenn proclaims how badly she wants a tattoo of lips on her ass. Get it? “Kiss my ass?” Ohhhh Jenn. She's a party girl, did you know?

The gang comes home from a night of volunteer work...I mean...drinking. Alex and Colie plan to go to bed together. Alex tells her he’ll meet her upstairs in twenty minutes. And what does he need this twenty minutes for? To do shots with cheerleader Jenn, of course. Colie is now upstairs PTFO’d while Alex and Jenn start making out downstairs. The two of them put a pizza in the oven and go make out in the guest room. Colie wakes up, which we are supposed to believe is because the timer from the oven went off, but I imagine that one of the producers threw a shoe at her so that she would get up and go downstairs.

Alex breaks Colie’s heart by saying he doesn’t want to hook up with roommates. See, Colie is playing the part of the girl with an unrequited infatuation for another roommate who will never get a fucking clue. This is something we haven’t seen before, either! Except for the original Real World. And Las Vegas. And San Diego. And Philadelphia. Boston. Hawaii. New Orleans…

Alex, after telling Colie he doesn’t want to hook up with a roommate, goes off with Jenn and seals the deal. Leading us to the quote of the night.


“And then I realize….oh my god. I’m having sex.”
-Jenn

the TRUE story of Thanksgiving!! and educational essay

Back in the day, before America was discovered by the white man, it was owned and operated by Native Americans. Only, since the country was not yet named "America," they did not call themselves Native Americans. That name was just one of the many gifts that they were given, along with guns, alcohol, and blankets infected with smallpox. So anyway, the Natives were totally into mother earth and all that. They grew crops and believed in all sorts of spiritual stuff about the ground and trees, or whatever. They sure did love them some nature.

So eventually, white people came over to America and pretty much started to have their way with it. The pilgrims came over on the Mayflower in 1620, and they were all "Holy shit, our harvests are going to be mad bountiful, yo. Jesus is the MAN! He totally wants us here, because like...England is fucking awesome and shit."

Apparently, since the pilgrims didn't have any sort of AccuWeather forecast or Doppler radar, they weren't quite prepared for the weather. The biggest mistake they made would probably be arriving in the Winter. That's kind of stupid. But tickets were cheaper, since it was an off-peak travel time. Things weren't good, and a bunch of them started dying of pneumonia and consumption. Consumption was actually what they called tuberculosis. With a name like that, you'd think it wasn't all that bad. Especially since it's a story about Thanksgiving, consumption sounds nice. But actually it was their body being "consumed" by disease, not their delicious turkey and cornbread stuffing being "consumed" by hungry pilgrims.

Anyway...there were only like 100 pilgrims that came on the Mayflower to begin with. And it was no Carnival Cruise. The people were dropping like flies. At one point, less than ten of them were even well enough to go get food and water and stuff. Eventually a tribe of Natives felt sorry for the poor bastards and decided to help. One dude, named Squanto, stayed and lived with the pilgrims and gave them animal skins and taught them how to get vegetables and basically how to survive, since the pilgrims clearly had no fucking idea what they were doing. England certainly hadn't sent their finest. Which makes sense...I mean...why risk the good ones?

Pilgrims started surviving, and due to what I can only imagine was an insatiable sexual appetite, they even started to reproduce a little. Their harvest that year was apparently really good, although compared to eating dirt and grass, anything would seem super. The survivors decided to have a little "Thank God we're not dead like those other suckers" feast, to give thanks and praise to God and stuff. Since Squanto had been so cool, they decided to invite a few Indians and their families. What they didn't know, however, is that much like Mexicans, Indian families were huuuge, and like, ninety people came. They totally outnumbered the Pilgrims, but it was all good, because unlike Mexicans, the Indians made sure to bring food and to share.

But no one was really giving thanks to each other, or thinking about things they were thankful for. They mostly were just thanking God (translation: looking for an excuse to party hard), and going through the sale papers to see what kind of Christmas shopping they could get done the next day.

And everyone lived happily ever after, as well as positively and accurately portrayed in the history books.

The End





One of the original decorations that the Pilgrims used at the first Thanksgiving. Available at your local Wal-Mart

thanksgiving issue

Remember in elementary school when you would make a little construction paper cornucopia and you were supposed to take it home and have every member of your family write down something they were thankful for then put it inside the cornucopia to read at Thanksgiving dinner? Only you instead took the brown paper funnel home and shoved it under your bed, only to discover it several months later when you are forced to clean your room because it was so messy that your dad took your video games away?

I love Thanksgiving. I have several good memories of it. Like the time I told my mom her turkey tasted just like lunch meat (I meant it as a compliment. I was like six).

I sill sit at the kids table. Only, none of us are kids anymore, so it's technically just a smaller table. We still call it the "kids table." My Aunt Audrey sits there too.

This is what I'm presently thankful for:

Supportive family and friends.

Going to LA in the Spring.

The fact that I now consider four miles a "short" run.

The people that came to my benefit, have donated to my cause, or plan to donate.

Classes being almost over.

My improv class.

For Your Consideration

My Name is Earl, The Office, Scrubs, and 30 Rock all on the same night.

Going home for six days and having no stress and nothing to worry about (aside from training and still having to raise $1700, of course)

Pressure

My mom sent me a Halloween care package (more like "SCARE PACKAGE!!! bwa hahahaha!).

It has the requisite chocolates and other sorts of snacks that are bad for you, including marshmallow peeps, which I adore. Also, she made me Halloween cookies! Pumpkins and ghosts! Despite the fact that the pumpkins are heart-shaped with orange frosting, and the ghosts were clearly made with a gingerbread man cookie-cutter, I appreciate the effort, as well as the spike in my sugar intake.

I posted a listing on craigslist saying that I am looking for a place sublet while in LA. I got one back already from a guy who has a second bedroom in his apartment available. He said he was an actor and apparently lives close to Studio City. My intentions had been to find a sublet for a one-bedroom or a studio, in which I would not be staying with another person who is a complete stranger. However, this guy, this actor guy, left me his name, and so I decided to IMDB it. Turns out that he's had walk-on roles on several shows, like House and Charmed. Also, his brother is a casting assistant for Bones. Originally I was concerned that this person was going to be psychotic or a stalker, but I'm the one looking him up online. What a strange role reversal.

I've got a paper due tonight, and then the first act of my pilot is due Thursday. Normally, my Thursday nights consist of me relaxing and being glad that my workload is done for the week, however Thursday is the benefit, so it looks like I don't have that luxury this time around. Oh well, I guess going home next Tuesday for six days of relaxing and drinking with old friends will make up for that. I'm trying not to think about the benefit at this time. Thinking about it only seems to open the already wavering flood gates of worry. Will it go well? Will a lot of people come? And most importantly, will I raise a lot of money? It's really starting to come down to the wire with the fundraising, and that is what's freaking my out the most. Like...it's freaking me out a LOT. I can't think about it right now. I've got a paper on gentrification to write.

Its 5pm

And I've started drinking. Hell. I deserve it. My weekends are borderline non-existent at this point. Not going out Thursday is tolerable, but having to stay in on Fridays to get up and run the next day is another issue entirely. So it's five o'clock, I ran eight miles, and I'm ready to drink. I mean, sure, I'm in the process of cleaning my room, doing laundry, and perhaps working on my script for Writing the Sitcom, but I can do that while drinking. A mature adult can handle drinking while accomplishing other tasks in their daily life. Or maybe that's not a mature adult, maybe that's a good alcoholic. But still, I'd rather be a good alcoholic than a bad one.

I think there are three main rules to abide by in order to not become an alcoholic. No drinking on weeknights (Thursday not withstanding), not drinking before 7pm, and not drinking alone. I suppose that I am guilty of two of those right now, but the fact that I ran eight miles as part of my goal to run a half marathon and raise $3,900 for Leukemia is sure to grant me some sort of alcoholic amnesty.

I Love LA

I was about a half hour late for Urban Geography yesterday. I was walking Shilo and on our way back inside, she randomly sat down in the grass. So I sat down with her. It was a beautiful Fall day and I had absolutely no motivation to get to class on time. I just wanted to lay there and stare at the sky all day. I didn't though. Even when doing such things as letting my mind wander, I get too restless. So I brushed the leaves off my bottom and went to class.

I just signed up for my Spring Semester classes.

Writer's Roundtable in LA
Pitching Series Concept in LA
Analyzing Sitcom Structure in LA
Conceiving and Writing the Sitcom Show Bible in LA

In case you still haven't caught on...I decided to do the Comedy program in the Spring. Sure, it'll be inconvenient on many, many levels. I still have to pay rent in Chicago. I have to come back for classes in the summer. I can't take an improv class right away next semester. I can't go to New Orleans with ReachOut. However, this program is a chance for me to see what it's like to do EXACTLY what I want to do as a career, so I can't sacrifice that.

I talked to my parents about it. They're cool.

I'll be there from Feburary 15th-March 30th. Then, it's back to Chicago for Summer classes. However, if something amazing came up and it was between a great opportunity in LA or back to Chicago to finish up three summer classes, there's a very real possibility that I would put college on hold.

Commerce

So we're halfway through the semester, and I just discovered that my roommate is taking the same class as me. He has it Wednesday mornings, and I have it Wednesday afternoons, 40 minutes after him. Just goes to show how much communication means to me.

Semester in LA....Spring or Summer? Spring or Summer? Comedy or Drama? I can't freaking decide. They both have so many pros and cons, which I continue to recite inside my head ad nauseam, that I don't know how I'll ever decide. I do know that getting advice from people is absolutely useless. Whatever a person says, I disagree with. If they say do Spring, I decide I want to do summer. If they say Summer, then it's vice versa. And if they don't give me a straight answer and say that either way is fine, I snap at them for pointing out the obvious. So...basically, please don't post a comment trying to give me advice. I am not in a place right now where I can handle advice.

What am I doing writing a blog right now? I have to finish my commerce paper. I have to revise and print my spec for It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (which was just renewed for a third season! 15 episodes next summer! Now my spec isn't worthless!) plus I have to do more work on characters for Leper High. I was tempted to post part of my Leper High script, but I decided against in on the grounds that it would be considered too self-indulgent. If you're interested, let me know and I'll do it.

Chapter 10: Killing Time at the LCP: The Month Before The Mouse

I left Kalamazoo. My roommates were doing a bang-up job of giving me reasons for justifiable homicide, and getting the hell out of that house was the best thing I could do in order to ensure everyone's safety. I can't imagine what life would have been like if I stayed in Kalamazoo. Where would I be right now? Probably living back at home with my parents, still in debt from being convicted of criminal negligence because I accidentally burnt the house down when I made a grilled cheese drunk at 3 in the afternoon on a Wednesday. I hated my house, hated school, and hated myself. I had some good friends though. Friends that I really miss today. But I needed to escape. So I came across a flyer for the Walt Disney World College Program and a few months later, I moved to Orlando, Florida. However, I'm getting ahead of myself. This isn't about Disney. This is about the month in between Kalamazoo and Orlando.

This is a hard chapter to write. Not because I went through some sort of emotional difficulty or any type of hard time. I was not battling clinical depression and I did not have an eating disorder. Life was fine. I was a little nervous, what with the moving away all by myself coming up, but that's not why this is a hard chapter to write. The reason this isn't easy is simple:

I worked at a pizza place for a month over Christmas break.

There. Basically I just gave you all there is to know about my time at Little Caesar's Pizza. How do I create a whole chapter of it? I'll try my best to put a spin on it. Perhaps I'll make my boss a cross dresser in a wheelchair. And instead of a pizza place, it's a brothel. There! Now things are really coming along. It's a well-known rule of writing that you should never tell your audience how boring the subject matter ahead is going to be. That's just telling them to stop reading. You've probably already quit. Or you're close to it. Or you've decided to start cooking while continuing with this chapter, because you've got a lot to do today and don't have time to just sit and read.

Well, now that I've spent a good amount of paragraphs talking about things of absolutely no relevance, I guess we can begin.

I was leaving for Disney on January 28th, 2004. But I came home from WMU at the beginning of December. I felt the need to get a job at this point, to keep myself from going crazy. What would I do all day for two months besides obsess over whether or not I made the right decision, make lengthy lists of things to take to Florida that I didn't actually need, and talk to my friends back at WMU as they poured on the guilt of which I'm highly susceptible as it is. So, I set out to find a job. By pooling my various resources, I happened upon one rather quickly. Brynne, the same Brynne from Twist & Shout, happened to be working at Little Caesar's and said she could probably get me a job. Now, had we told the managers right away that I would only be working there for about a month, I doubt I would have gotten the job. But by saying that I had left school for an internship but was staying home instead not only provided a great excuse for why I left college, but also opened the door for when I did quit to go to Disney. That was Brynne's genius right there. I take no credit.

I started on Christmas Eve. That was no problem. I think I've worked on Christmas Eve almost every year since I was fourteen. Twist and Shout, Best Buy, and PacSun all had me working on Christmas Eve. It's really not that bad. My family doesn't come over until around 5:00 anyway, and most places close early on Christmas Eve, so I would be back in time regardless. Working on New Year's Eve was a little bit harder. Not only because I received drunken phone calls every fifteen minutes from one of my friends asking why I didn't go back to Kalamazoo that night, but also because the guy I was working with was socially awkward and just plain weird. It was not a night to remember.

Work was easy. Make pizza. Sell pizza. Make more pizza. Sell it. Make one to eat. Eat it. The best part of the day was when we would lay pizza boxes on the ground (because the ground was nasty) and sleep on them. The worst part was when I had to be there at 7am to make like 100 pizzas which had to be taken to the local elementary schools. You know how on pizza day every slice always had three pepperonis on it? That was no happy accident. Three very tired, possibly hungover, and extremely lazy underachievers had to get up when it was still dark out just to do that.

So time stood still for about a month while I worked at Little Caesar's. Aside from work, life wasn't bad. We took a lot of trips to Canada and drank a lot. That always passes the time. A little less than a week before I moved to Florida, I finally told the boss I was quitting. Well, I left him a note. I never liked confrontation when it comes to quitting jobs. But I did do the very responsible thing of coming in after he left the next day to ask Brynne if he read it. See? It's important to be mature when working in a professional atmosphere.

And that was Little Caesar's.

Ow!

So I was running today. Eight miles, actually. I remember when I first started training, and running four miles was intimidating enough as it is. Now I'm on eight? Since when was I the kind of person who can run even SIX miles and not think anything of it?

Anyway, I got hit by a golf ball. I was up around Irving Park on the Lake Shore running path, which is right by a golf course. Out of nowhere, a golf ball comes flying at me and hits me in the thumb and chest. My thumb still hurts pretty bad, and my chest had a bruise. I looked around to see where it came from. Being consistently picked on and made fun of when I was younger, my first reaction whenever anything like this happens (not that I get pelted with golf balls a great deal, but any sort of anonymous harm) is that somebody did it on purpose. Don't ask me why. It's not because I'm conceited and think the world revolves around me. More or less, I think that somebody better than me is somehow out to get me. Don't ask me why. Self-esteem issues, I suppose. Anyway, that sort of feeling is always fleeting, and this case was no exception. I looked over to the golf course and saw the culprit, waving his hand apologetically. Well, not even apologetically, it looked more like he was waving to say "Hello!" but "apologetically" is not only a big word, but gives a sense of payoff to the story.

I kept the golf ball. I have no idea why. I ran up to Wilson and on my way back I knew that this was the spot where I got hit. So I looked for it and sure enough, found that sucker in the grass. It's a Nike one too. Probably made by kids in a sweatshop. The bastard endorses sweatshops AND he unapologetic ally aims to pelt innocent passers-by with golf balls!

I decided I was going to take the ball to Florida. I mean, it's kind of funny. I'm training for this run and out of nowhere I get beamed with a golf ball. Watching it from an outside perspective (or, apparently, even from the perspective of the guy who hit me) had to be pretty funny. Not really America's Home Videos funny, since the ball didn't hit me in the groin. But funny nonetheless.

There was really no rhyme or reason (I don't understand this phrase. What kind of "rhyme" would there be?) to why I kept it and decided to take it with me to Disney World. I just wanted to. Or wait...maybe there is a reason...



A mu'fuckin' golf ball. I worked under that thing for 8 months, you know. Most boring ride in the history of the world. More boring than waiting in line to pay for a toll road.

Someone Crazy Is Coming In Today

I'm at work awaiting a confrontation with a crazy person.

I haven't eaten all day today. My stomach grumbled for fifteen seconds straight. I counted it. I need to grocery shop. Tonight, maybe.

My TV Program Development teacher loves Leper High. The whole class does.

My Writing The Sitcom teacher hates it. I wanted to kill two birds with one stone and use that same show idea for both classes, guess I can't do that. I have a good one for Writing the Sitcom though, so it's cool.

Jenny is right. Breakfast is very important, and I need to stock up on more oatmeal and yogurt, cause that's what gets me up in the morning. I'm not a morning person at all, but I need something in my tum-tum. Even if it's just a yoplait.

It's weird that I'm still going to be at Columbia next semester, and next summer even, but I'm not signing up for Spring classes. I really really want to, because I love doing it, but it seems likely I'll be doing Semester in LA, so no Oasis for me. It's okay though, by the time Spring Orientation is over I'll be so sick of making people's schedules anyway.

I need to make sure I can still walk even if I need to take three summer classes. I know at WMU you can. I'll be damned if I miss out on graduating at Navy Pier. Especially since it's the one and only year that this will happen.

I am STARVING.

This is Halloween

I think this picture really sums up my Saturday night. It was Cam's party. The whole gang went, which was nice because I haven't really had a chance to party with everyone in such a long time, so this was very much needed. The party itself...well I don't think it was very exciting or eventful...but I definitely had consumed enough alcohol that even standing in line at the DMV would have felt like the Thanksgiving Parade, so I was in good spirits. Around 1am or so, things really got crazy. By the time we left the party at 2, Maggie and I were pretty much unleashed on the town, and boy was it a shit show.

Highlights-
-Jess Dangles spanking me with her whip and yelling "This is what slavery is like!"
-Maggie doing yoga in the middle of a party
-Elroy humping Wenda
-Going up to every single person I encountered that night and saying "I didn't know you were coming tonight!" over and over and over.
-Stealing a pumpkin decoration from Clark's
-Kicking a hole in someone's iPod costume
-Finding a Spiderman mask and telling Maggie to put it on. She did.
-This:

I REFUSED to get off of that tire until somebody took my picture. Luckily Kate jumped up and joined me, otherwise this moment would have been long forgotten.
-Stepping on a girls foot and getting punched
-Getting inexplicably mad at someone dressed as the game Twister and telling everyone at the burrito place how much they sucked
-Trying to piss off every stranger I met
-Giving the Mexican guy at the burrito place 20 dollars for change and him walking away, then coming back acting like I never gave him a 20.
-Shielding Maggie while she pee'd in a doorway right on the corner of Halsted and Belmont
-The plethora of stupid things we did but I will never remember.

Ohhh I love Halloween. I wanted to dress up again tonight but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. I'll probably head over to the Diversey house and watch a scary movie with everyone. What a good way to spend Halloween, though.

This week is busier than usual because I have to plan and host an Open Forum for the television department. Basically I need to reserve a room, order food, and get people to come, so it's not exactly planning Princess Diana's wedding, but it's still an unwelcome addition to the already large list of things to do.

For Writing the Sitcom I have to come up with two show ideas. I had a GREAT idea for a show about this guy who is basically fate's bitch. He receives assignments that cause him to change the course of other people's lives in big ways. Make people fall in love, get rich, die, etc. Well, I thought it was a great idea. And so did the creators of "Wonderfalls," a show on Fox about the EXACT. SAME. THING. The show was critically acclaimed though, so at least I'm sniffing up the right tree.

Now it's time to get some reading done for Urban Geography so I'm not completely overwhelmed at 11 pm after the movie when I still have a ton of homework to do.

And that's that.

His Boy Elroy

7 out of 10 people on average seem to be able to figure out I'm Elroy Jetson. The other 3 always think I'm a train conductor, and offer an enthusiastic "Choo Choo!"

I'm not a train conductor...but maybe next year. It would be nice to get more use out of these overalls...actually no, it wouldn't. They are way too snug for my own liking. So scratch that. I'm loving being Elroy though. Check out the hat. See the antenna? ELROY!

I'm getting sick again. Not that I've been sick before, but I've been "getting sick" before. I seem to take care of myself well enough to the point where I am almost constantly at a state of almost-sickness, but never actually sick. I didn't get up early to run this morning, which pisses me off because that is why I went to bed early last night and didn't stay at Jacob's Halloween party, but I still plan on running today. In a little bit, after I finish cleaning my room and make some pasta. I'm drinking Airborne water right now, so that should take about six hours for me to finish choking down, then it's go time.

I'm going to LA next semester instead of in the summer. I think. I'm crossing my fingers that I get into the program. I met the guy who teaches the classes out there, and a few of us even got to go to dinner with him, and he made it sound like anyone who applies and wants to go generally gets to go. Here's hoping...

My plan had always been finish up at Columbia in the Spring Semester, then do Semester in LA in the summer for Writing the One-Hour Drama. That way, I'm done with school and I don't have to come back for school and if any good opportunities arise, I can nab them without worrying about coming back to finishing school.

The problem arose when I realized that I am a comedy person. Sure, Off The Clock is written as a one-hour drama, but it's still more a comedy than anything else. And I need to continue this. I love one-hours, I really do. A lot. I'm obsessed with so many of them. But what I'm good at writing is funny. And the best part is, our classes are on the CBS lot, which industry people call "Sitcom University." How can I pass that up? But the comedy program is in the spring. So...my new plan is Semester in LA in the Spring (it's basically just the month of March, so it's not a huge deal) then come back for Summer classes, then probably go back to LA and find something through the contacts and friendships I've built through the spring program. My biggest issue is still that I have to leave LA. What if I get an awesome job offer? Or a paid internship? Then what? Well that's a road I'll cross when I get there. Many people, even the chair of the TV Department, said to do the comedy program and come back to finish school. So the bad news is you'll have no Steve for all of March. The good news is you'll have me all summer long!

Two Years Running

For the second year in a row, I got a "Who's Who in American Colleges" award. Which is kind of strange, but I suppose I do kind of do a lot more on campus than most people. It doesn't really mean all that much. I get a certificate, which I give to my mom, and my name gets put in an overpriced book that nobody buys except for insane parents of other students whose names are mentioned. The only real benefit, aside from picking up girls at parties, will be to put it on my resume.

I hate cheesy transitions. So instead of starting paragraph number two with "Speaking of resumes..." I'm going get right to it. I actually will be updating my resume soon, because I'm going to apply for an internship at CEO Exchange, a show that's filmed in Chicago at WTTW. I need four more credit hours of TV classes and a think an internship would really be the best way to go with that, so I can get some more real life experience. Also, I'd be working right by Maggie, which would be all sorts of counterproductive.

I've kind of gotten used to the whole concept of being busy, and so I have no intentions of taking it easy next semester. Sure, things will be a little lighter. I won't be walking the dog anymore, which means I won't feel rushed every afternoon as I try to get to Streeterville and back in less than an hour. And I'll have finished the half marathon, so I will actually be able to go out two nights out of the week instead of one. Oh, I'll still be a runner though. But getting up at 7am to run 8 miles on a Saturday morning? Check the box that says "things I can live without."

I'll be a part time student, somewhat. With the internship I'd still be considered full-time, with 12 credit hours, but only three classes. One acting class and two gen eds. I can take any gen ed whatsoever. Anyone wanna take a class with me? Something fun, though, My days of Descartes and inorganic compouds are over. I'm talking History of Chicago or Candy Tasting Seminar. Then of course there's work. I'll continue at Student Affairs, because it's just so convenient, and something like 20 hours a week is actually just the right amount of money to keep from going broke but not terribly stressful. In fact I've actually saved a little bit of money.

So that's not exactly a cake walk, but it's a step down from where I'm at now. Cake walk? What's that supposed to mean, anyway? Not stressful? Untrue. Cake walks can be extremely stressful. It's like musical chairs, but there's even more at stake. And when you win, you have to carry a cake around all night, and that pretty much puts a damper on any plans you may have had, especially if you wated to go out after.

Today in Improv, the musical director from Second City came and we did improv singing. Kind of like the games they play on "Who's Line Is It Anyway." We would start a short little improv scene and as soon as the teacher started playing the piano, whatever you were talking about, you had to burst out into song. It was actually a lot of fun, despite the fact that I don't sing. I've really come to realize how much I love improv. I definitely want to continue studying it. Next semester I'd like to take another class, maybe at Second City even. I think it's one of the few things in the world that I'm actually capable of, and with some formal training, who knows.

Okay I really need to get started on homework.

Oh Blogger, I just wanna stickwhitchu

I thought about going over to myspace and do my blogging from there. That way all my myspace friends can easily read what I have to say, and what not. But I changed my mind. Unless you have sever artheritis of the finger, or that weird disease that the kid on Nip/Tuck has, then clicking over to Blogger shouldn't be too arduent of a task.

I want to apologize to Dani. I said I'd have Chapter 10 done by the end of the week. Not only is that going to be delayed indefinitely, but I can't even provide an estimated date to expect that. This must be how JK Rowling feels when she's writing Harry Potter.



So...Chapter 10 is being written. It's just a hard one to write. Because I was only there for a month. And there was nothing interesting about it. In fact, I'd use the term "nothing to write home about," but there's too much irony in that.

I went grocery shopping today and realized how healthy I eat now. Well maybe not exactly healthy, but I don't eat junk. I get Wheat Thins instead of chips, yogurt instead of cookies, and it never even crosses my mind to get pop. And I always make sure to buy at least two kinds of fruit and two kinds of vegetables. Today I got a pomegranete which I had to google how to eat because every time I've tried I make a huge mess. My only weakness when it comes to food I don't need is chips and salsa. I love my chips and salsa and that's not going to change. Ever.

The fundraising is going well. I'm at $1,400, but that's still not halfway. We do, however, have a date and time for the benefit. It's November 16th at Pint from 8-11. I'm really excited for this. Even if I don't make that much money, it's cool to be able to say I co-hosted a benefit for Leukemia, and would probably look good on a resmue if I was ever going to get a real-person job. But since I'm not, it will go forever overlooked.

Oh, and I finally got my final project online. So, that's cool. I'd like you all to take a moment and watch.



Did you like it? It's super grainy because it's compressed for a smaller screen, but I'm not about to do anything to change that. I'm really more into the writing aspect of television, so it's doubtful I'd ever go back and make something like this again, but I had a lot of fun editing and putting it together. And even if I try to get a job as a writer, I feel like this is a good depiction of my sense of humor and style of storytelling. And it's on my iPod so I can take it and show important people everywhere I go.

The gay couple two doors down from us are really into pumpkin carving. Every day they add another jack-o-lantern to their front porch. As of now there's about five, plus a pile of seven or eight uncarved pumpkins that will no doubt become happy glowing orange faces in the near future. Speaking of Halloween, I need to get started on my costume. As a matter of fact, I'm going to be going to Ragstock in a few minutes to try to get some green overalls.



I'll also need a green hat and something for the collar.

Somethign Suri-ous

I wrote an entry about this documentary we watched in Urban Geography called "The Corporation," and how disturbing it was, and how unsettled it made me feel. I also talked about growing up and how hard it can be when you realize all of your old friends are moving away and you'll never see them again.

But then I did something. Something bold. Something new. No, I didn't buy Tivo. Something bigger! I put myself into the shoes of the reader. Sure, I can sit and type till the cows come home about how so and so is moving to this or that city. Oh, how the words to flow when I talk about this movie and how it made me feel. Hell, I can easily create a streamline directly from my consciousness to the keyboard. But see, that often makes things boring as shit. I don't write this to wax philosophical (I've always wanted to use the term "wax philosopihcal") or to open up about things like my feelings and inner thoughts. That's gay (derogatory! language of oppression! Sensitivity training!). I write this to be funny. So, it's about time we got back to basics.

But you should see "The Corporation." Serious.

I've been thinking about Baby Suri today. I don't know why. Most likely because I was playing Text Twist and "suri" was not counted as a word. I knew it wouldn't but I had to try anyway. I mean, if "tat" counts as a word, you never know. Anyway, back to the issue at hand. Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, Baby Suri is Jesus? Isn't it weird that they capitalize "baby" when you say Baby Suri? Kind of like a hurricane is a hurricane, but Hurricane Katrina is a proper noun. Baby Suri ain't just any baby.

Suri was born and the country just went ape shit about it. And oh man, how badly did people want to see this child? Badly. Shit, they were like counting how many days had gone by without a picture of her being released. Didn't they call it Suri-Watch? That's crazy. I bet someone tried to issue an Amber Alert on that kid. So, this fascination, nay, OBSESSION, with Baby Suri, whose intitials are BS, an irony not lost on myself, makes me wonder. All of this hullaballoo over one baby? Maybe Baby Suri is a prophet! It's the only explanation. The world rejoices the birth and awaits to see the Christ child (in an exclusive Vanity Fair spread)! I mean, we all know God has a sense of humor (ever see a platypus?), and what is funnier than reincarnating his son as the daughter of a Hollywood star gone bananas and Joey Potter? Good one, God! Oh, and to make them SCIENTOLOGIST on top of that! Too much!

Of course, there is another possibility. Something a little less outlandish than Baby Suri being Jesus. Beware of false prophets, they say. They shall come to you in sheeps clothing. So, there's an equal chance that Suri is actually the opposite of what I just said. Suri is actually Satan. I don't know if you've read the bible or not. I haven't, but I've seen The Omen (the original one, not even the Julia Stiles one! Talk about cred!) and I consider that an equally reliable source on everything Catholic. So apparently Satan is going to come to earth and make everyone believe that he is some sort of savior and going to make our lives better. The whole sheeps clothing thing. Do you get it now? Then, once everyone in the world is convinced that this person is our savior...BAM! Eternal damnation! Baby Suri conned us all! You're probably wondering how I know so much. Well, let's just say I saw part of Left Behind II on a bus once. This theory is quite plausible. I mean, look at Suri's parents. Tom Cruise has clearly already converted to the evil side, and Katie Holmes has no soul anyway. Who else would bring the face of evil into our world? Ben and Jen? DOUBT IT!

Hey, it could happen.

am i some sort of schemer??

I'm at about $500 for the fundraising so far. What's making me nervous is I need $1,000 in two weeks. I can't say I'm not surprised by the underwhelming (shouldn't even say "underwhelming," a better term would be "complete lack of") support from my peers. But I promised myself this wouldn't become a rant of how none of my friends are donating. Because it's not the deadline yet. There is still some time, and I do intend to crack down on the non-donors, so to complain at this point is a little premature.

I really wouldn't be upset right now if it weren't for my aunt. She apparently told my mom she thought this was a scam. A scam? A letter from The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is a scam? Oh, how did I not discover this before! Leukemia is not even a real disease! It was created by college students to scam their relatives out of money! I was so blind, but now I see! Okay, so ignoring the fact that she thinks that running a marathon for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is apparently not a legit form of charity, how about the fact that I'm her nephew???

She also asked questions such as "What if he doesn't raise enough money? What if he doesn't even run it?"

Yeah, so nice of you to cover up your own motives of being a cheap ass by questioning my abilities to raise the funds and participate in the event. Please.

Annnyway...I'm going to do it. There's nothing to stop me. And once I get all my donation letters out, host the benefit (by the way, Steph is doing an AMAZING job with that), and get all of MY FRIENDS TO DONATE (NOT SO SUBTLE INSINUATION), I should be alright.

If I were in the UC right now...

I wouldn't be 3/4 done with my homework at 10:14 pm, like I am right now. I wouldn't have even started it. I'd be in Carly's apartment next door watching whatever stupid movie her and Eileen rented from the machine downstairs. We would be drinking wine and eating chips and dip. We might or might not be in our pajamas.

If I wasn't next door, I'd most likely be at a "homework party" in Baggy's room. Everyone would be there. Maybe even Jill. No one is doing homework at this party though. Ashley is pretending to. She has her computer and the Word document is open, but that's as far as she's gotten. Because she is talking to me on AIM, even though I am sitting in the same room. We're probably making fun of Matt, who is sitting right next to her on the futon. He reads our conversation and laughs at us.

Baggy is on his computer. He doesn't have any homework. It's an easy semester for him. Dave is drawing. He is up on Baggy's bed. Jenny and Christian are watching some artistic movie on Baggy and Ryan's tv. No one is really paying much attention to it because we don't get it. Dani is in the room too but she didn't bring her computer. She didn't need it. She brought magazines and scissors. I don't know if she's making a collage for class or just for fun.

I leave Baggy's and go over to Whore Island for a bit. Libby and Marc are fighting/watching TV. Steph is super busy with some work but I go in and say hello anyway. We sing a country song together and then I go in Jess's room. We sit and catch up on how our lives are. Then I steal one of Ashley's granola bars and Jess has a 100 calorie snack. We turn off the light and play with her glow in the dark retainer!

Back down to my apartment. I said I'd be right back when I left Baggy's but everyone knew I wouldn't. I end up going back up 2 hours later. But everyone left.

Je vie pour le week-end

That title is for Baggy. I bet he feels so smart.

It's Saturday night.

The 4way is happening.

Maggie is coming to pick me up because I don't feel like taking the train.

I got up and ran 6 miles at 8 this morning, but took a long long nap so I shouldn't be passing out.

Tomorrow is the first day in two weeks that I have absolutely NOTHING planned and NOTHING to do and I plan to take full advantage of that.

Tomorrow I should have a full update of the 4way.

Maybe I'll take my camera?

I almost wrote Chapter 10 today.

In fact I did write "Chapter 10"

In the title line.

Then I changed my mind.

ummm

Twigger just introduced me to Prussian Blue.

are

you

serious?





there's a story in this. i'm oddly inspired.


no, not to secure the existence of our people and our white children.

to write.

i'm inspired by the hate, in a strange way. how can two girls so young and sweet looking be so disturbingly hateful? they must have a crazy ass mother, who is probably equally as intriguing as the girls themselves.

tuff enuf?

Okay, so I think I'm starting to slow down. Getting up at 8am every morning is getting harder. Pushing myself to go to all of my classes is a challenge. Following my training schedule for the run is getting tougher and tougher.

And we aren't even halfway through the semester? Hokey smoke, Bullwinkle.

Now is the time where I really have to push myself. I need to plow through feelings like these, because the second I start to slip, it will be a snowball going downhill. It starts with slacking on an assignment, skipping a class, or missing a training session, but I know that will only be the start.

So I can't let that happen. It's gonna be a busy semester, hell, it already IS a busy semester. But the worst is yet to come, and I need to make sure I'm ready.

Mmmm My Computer Tastes Like Internet.

I'm going home this weekend. Sorry. You can't play with me. Try to find your way in the world without me. I know it won't be easy, but come Sunday, this challenge will have made you stronger, and perhaps a little wiser for the wear. Seeing as how I was going to have to choose between Dean's party and the OL reunion anyway, this effectively removes any blame that can be laid upon me for not showing up at any said festivities.

I got my first piece of feedback from Slamdance, where I entered Off The Clock in their teleplay contest. I really have no expectations of winning, placing, or even having one person tell me it didn't suck. The only reason I entered was for the feedback. An industry professional reading my work and giving me pointers on how to improve it? I'll have one of those and a side of sweet potatoes, thanks. They came up with a really good logline for Off The Clock, which I now intend to use for my own personal gain. So here it is:

Off The Clock: Amusement park employees party off-hours in stark contrast to the fantasy they’re paid to create during the day for families on vacation.

Have I ever actually explained the plot to OTC before? I don't think I have. I probably shouldn't have. Now all seven of the people that read my blog are going to copy my idea and high-tail it to Hollywoodland with dollar signs in their eyes and stardom in their dreams. Oh, just leave me in the dust, I guess. I deserve it for failing to exercise more discretion. Oh wait, I already registered my story with The Writer's Guild. I'll take my dollar sign eyeballs and stardust dreams back, please.

Speaking of multitasking...oh wait, we weren't speaking of multitasking? Sorry. Well now I am.

Oh, and speaking of multitasking, I am currently at work, doing homework, writing in my blog, and playing Text Twist. Not to mention the inevitable AIM conversations that pop up sporadically throughout the day. I'd like to get my homework done, but Text Twist is definitely second on my list of priorities, so I can't feel too ashamed if my synopsis of ideological analysis has to wait until another day.

Classes are pretty good. I don't hate any of them. Urban Geography and Culture, Race, and Media are currently my least favorite, but even they aren't that terrible. I love Improv, of course. Who didn't think I would? And Writing The Sitcom is a blast because I get to write a spec script for It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. With OTC and now this, if I'm not carving out my niche as an offbeat, dark humorist, I'm most definitely reserving a ticket on the express bus to Hell. Unless incest and taking advantage of suicidal girls is kosher, in which case, I expect a job with Disney Channel any day now. I hope Suite Life of Zach & Cody is hiring writers. TV Program Development is a lot of fun too. My current project is called "Leper High." It's an animated sitcom about a high school where everybody has leprosy.

Hmm...too much writing, not enough Text Twist.

i want a puppy

I am having to exercise an exorbitant amount of self-control in order to keep from looking up the following things online:

-LA apartments (It's not even October. I have lots and lots of time)
-Dogs (Too busy right now to bring in and train an animal, although next semester...)
-Tivo (A VCR will have to suffice for now)

Ashley has been here for the past week. I'm coming to terms with the fact that she is never leaving, although she claims that she is. We have done a lot of cooking which has been beneficial to both our wallets and our bodies. We've done chicken, pizza, sloppy joe (which may not exactly be as beneficial to my body as I think) and some other things. Tomorrow we're making steaks! Right now Ashley is watching the new episode of 7th Heaven on the CW. Apparently Ruthie is gone? So Jessica Biel, Barry Watson, Simon, and Ruthie have all moved out. But somehow those Camdens still manage to keep their house chuck full of troubled and/or misguided kids who just need some lovin' and maybe a bit of Jesus in their life.

Fundraising is going well. Training is also coming along. I got in touch with my training mentor, and my patient honoree. Hopefully I will meet them both soon.

So that's about it for now. School is going well. I'm busy, but we all know that by now, and beating a dead horse isn't necessary.

Chair-itty

I'm sitting at work. This is my schedule of things to do for the next hour:

Take the stuff out of my old bag and put it in the new bag Shannon gave me.
Throw out my garbage.
Blog.
Look at phones on T-Mobile website (that referral money should hopefully be coming at the end of the month.


And...that's about it.

Classes are good. I like TV Program Development a lot. The story I'm working on right now is called Leper High. Yeah, pretty straightforward title there. It should be fun. Oh, and I love Improv class. I'm auditioning for the Improv team tomorrow. Yeah, as if I need more activities to keep me busy. Speaking of which, I didn't get cast in the show I got called back for, but the truth is, that's a good thing. If I was in a show right now, I would be at school from 9am until 10 pm every day of the week for at least a month. And two or three saturdays. This would not include time to train for the marathon either. Sad I didn't get cast? Yes. Relieved? Also yes. I guess all my classes are good. I'm busy, but it's a good busy. I'm busy doing things I enjoy. I'm busy running. I'm busy writing. I'm busy working.

Coming Soon: I'm throwing a benefit to raise money for Leukemia & Lymphoma. It's going to be about $20 or so per person, with all of that going to charity. It's not really a donation, however, because that will entitle you to all of the alcohol you want. And if I hear one more person say "people won't want to do that, there are cheaper ways to get drunk" I will shoot someone.

1. It's a benefit. It's for CHARITY. Getting drunk is a positive side effect of that. It's not a kegger. (although if I have another party, I fully intend on calling it "Kegger for Cancer"
2. 20 dollars is a HELL of a good deal for as many drinks as you want. Ever been to a bar before? Yeah. Exactly.
3. I talked to Steph and we might even try to find a bar to host it at. If that's the case, the young ones can't come anyway, and will be free to shotgun beers and do shots of Skol without any complaining from me.

So, mark you calenders for either the 20th or the 21st of October. If you are one of my out-of-town readers, start looking into train or plane tickets. It's going to be a good time for a good cause, and I'd love to see you there. I might even charge $15 to people who wear green and purple. I would be more worried about getting people to come, but with all of the stuff I've done on campus, I've met enough stand-up folks through Student Government and Orientation and everything else that I know I can count on some of you.

http://www.active.com/donate/tntil/SSzlaga
On an unrelated but equally relevant topic, I got my graduation audit. And it's official! I can graduate. This means nothing to me, since I have been well aware of this fact for the past three years, but it does make my mom feel more comfortable having it in writing on a piece of paper with Columbia letterhead. So Semester in LA next summer is a definite go. I've already started looking at apartments online, just for fun. Hopefully things work out with Flavin so I don't have to do this alone.

And that's about all I've got.

PLEASE HELP!

http://www.active.com/donate/tntil/SSzlaga


that is the address to the website where you can make donations for my Team In Training Fundraising. Remember, all of your money is going to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. It is NOT going to pay for my trip to Florida. If you would also like to pay for my trip to Florida, that's cool too.


Again, that address is
http://www.active.com/donate/tntil/SSzlaga


Please send it to all of your family and friends. This is really something big that I'm taking on, and I need all the help I can get. So be sure to visit the website. It's
http://www.active.com/donate/tntil/SSzlaga

bite off more than you can chew

I don't know what possessed me to become so involved and active this semester. I guess it's not that much of a surprise. Ever since I came to Columbia I've been taking on more and more, but this semster I am really pushing it.

Taking six classes was somewhat necessary. I need to make sure that I am done after Spring. And taking six classes now will hopefully help so that I can be part time next semester, meaning I can have a full time job and save up money for LA.

Then there's SGA. I was the TV Department Senator last year, so of course I came back to do it again. Actually, I did NOT want to do Student Government again, but once I had competition for the Senator position, it suddenly became much more important for me to run for Senator again.

And a job. Thanks to Baggy, and the fact that I happened to be friends with his new boss, I managed to snag a job as an office assistant at Student Affairs. It's pretty laid back and there's even time to do homework, so it's hard to complain about the work situation.

And the other job. I told my cousin I would start walking Shilo again in September. I had to stick with my word, despite the fact that I barely have time to get over there and back between classes on some days. I'd say that I can't do it, but the other dog walkers have already made their fall schedules, and I would be causing a big hassle if I quit two weeks after starting again. And it's an extra forty bucks a week.

And the marathon. I've been following the training schedule (even getting up at 6am to run on Saturdays) and things haven't been too hard yet, but that's only because we're on four miles. Once I'm running double that, running is going to be harder to fit in

And the fundraising. To do the marathon I have to rasie $3,900. That's a lot of money. But I can do it. I have full confidence that I can raise that much, if not more. I've even set up a website for people to make their donations online. I've compiled an enormous mailing list for the site. Now I just need to type up a letter and send it out to everyone. I've also got some Team In Training stationary and envelopes for the people who don't know about internet.

And I entered Off The Clock into a teleplay competition.

And I'm going to help Maggie and some other people write a screenplay.

And I auditioned for a show, even got a callback.

Basically I am gone from 9am-9pm Monday through Friday. But it's not bad. In two years I'm going to look back on these college days, which are rapidly decreasing, and be glad that I did so much.

Classes are good. I'm going to be doing a lot of work, and a lot of writing especially. I'm definitely glad I finished Off The Clock before classes started.

Oh, and I just found out that my friend's mom reads this. I'm quite excited. I hope that wasn't a secret that I wasn't supposed to know about, but I haven't been this exciting about other people's parents since Carrie Burnett's mom cried when I jumped in front of the subway train in After The Fall.

I bought two books online because they were cheaper. Too bad they never came and the sellers at half.com are no longer registered users. Too bad they have about 20 pieces of negative feedback claiming to never receive their books. Too bad I now have to go buy them for their full outrageous price at the bookstore. Too, too bad.

I'm going to take a nap before you're even up.

You know, I've never come up with the title of a blog entry before I've written it. I'd suggest other people do the same. It makes things more interesting. Especially for those of you, who shall remain anonymous, that tend to come up with entries such as "23-pdjsakxjaps" and so forth.

Today was my first day of training for the marathon. Only problem was, I couldn't find it. Driving directions to the Wilson exit off Lake Shore don't do much good when you're getting off the Montrose Brown Line. By the time I even got to Lake Shore, it was 7:20. And I was a mile south of where training had started twenty minutes earlier. Realizing that I wasn't going to make it, and that my first official training day would be next Saturday instead of today, I decided to make something of the fact that I got up at 6am for this, so I ran home from Montrose. Now I'm tired. Fighting the urge to nap, but in a situation where it's either nap or shower, I choose the one that requires less energy.

When I got home, I went to Dominick's and bought ingredients for an omelette. So yeah, an early morning run and a healthy breakfast. Look at me.

It's Obligatory

This summer I...

Moved out of the UC and into Lincoln Park with Jeff and Matt
Got a job at My Pie, a pizza restaurant.
Tried to go to the beach as much as possible.
Spent a lot of time alone.
Took Shilo to the beach.
Went to the Zoo with Jenny, Christian, Jeff and Baggy.
Decided to stop putting a comma before the "and" when listing things.
Said goodbye to Ashley about 7 times.
Said goodbye to Dani twice.
Stop going to work at My Pie so that I could go home for my Aunt's pool party.
Saw Dangles' boobs in the elevator at her brother's condo.
Made politically incorrect Mad Libs and did summersaults off of a bed.
Went to Lollapalooza and loved it.
Worked New Student Orientation for the second year.
Made some awesome new Orientation Leader friends.
Joined the gym again.
Decided to train for a marathon.
Got wasted and sang "Colors Of The Wind"
Found an awesome beer pong partner in Carolyn.
Comforted Millie on the night we're not supposed to talk about.
Made up the most ridiculously fun ID card games with Cameron.
Found out Annie was having my baby.
Went back to Novi for two weeks.
Tanned.
Said goodbye to Alicia as she moved to China.
Said nevermind to the goodbyes I said to Ashley.
Got EXTREMELY silly and watched Final Destination 3 with Jacob, Millie and Cam. (By far my favorite moment of the summer)
After waiting for months, FINALLY saw Snakes On A Plane (loved it)
Played Garfield Drinking Game with Dean and Dangles.
Rearranged my desk.
Finished writing my script for Off The Clock.
Bought earplugs due to the noisy people coming home from bars at 3am.
Bought a fancy journal/notebook for $15.
Wore sunglasses.
Went back to Kalamazoo for a night.
Turned 22.
Rollerbladed all over the city.
Missed my Upass



Looking back on this summer, have you...

01. Drank alcohol?
Like I need to answer that.

02. Cried?
When Millie spit her pizza into her hand three times

03. Kissed anyone?
yes

04. Been on a vacation to a different state?
Michigan? No Iowa for me this year...

05. Been on a vacation to a different country?
No.

06. Been to the beach?
I went there quite a few times at the beginning.

07. Been to an island?
Not that I know of

08. Done drugs?
Final Destination 3. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

09. Smoked?
No. Shut up!

10. Snuck out?
Yes, and my roommates grounded me when they found out.

11. Had a sleepover?
Kalamazoo

12. Stayed up all night?
No! Pretty close though that one night at Cam's

13. Slept in someone elses bed?
Maggie Ness.

14. Went pee in a pool?
Sick. Never

15. Went skinny dipping?
No.

16. Been on the computer a lot?
Too much

17. Played video games?
At the beginning. Whatever happened to Resident Evil 4...

18. Listened to an ipod/mp3 player?
yes

19. Been on over 30 car rides?
Doubt it.

20. Been grounded?
This is gay.

21. Been to a party?
A few

22. Regret something?
Nope!

23. Been dumped?
Nope!

24. Lied?
Yeeessss

25. Done anything against the law?
Final Destination 3

26. Been camping?
Nope

27. Got in a fight?
Nope

28. Got a new hair do?
I got it cut?

29. Stayed at a hotel?
No.

30. Talked on the phoNe all night?
Yeah right, and use all my minutes?

31. Went shopping?
yes

34. Someone ask you out?
Nope. Stupid.

35. Got in a car with a stranger?
no

36. Lost someone close?
No.

37. Had someone sleep in your bed?
No

38. Been to a movie?
Snakes on a motherfuckin' plane

39. Been to a club?
No.

40. Slept in?
yes

41. Got tanner?
yup

42. Watched TV for more than 5 hours?
Oh god. When I had the first season of Veronica Mars, you can bet I did.

43. Tried something new?
I had a roast beef sandwich

44. Did homework?
No.

45. Learned something new?
Probably

46. Went surfing?
No.

47. Went dancing?
No.

48. Been to a concert?
Lollapalooza

49. Quoted a movie?
We quoted a lot of FD 3 and SOAP

50. Played with fire?
No.

51. Made new friends?
A bunch of awesome OLs

52. Who is the person/people you were with the most?
Millie, Cameron, Jacob, and Carolyn.

53. What is your favorite ice cream this summer?
Rocky Road

54. What was the best day?
Final Destination 3 at Jacob's with Millie and Cam. Don't even start me on this.

55. What is your biggest regret so far this summer?
Breaking too many plans.

56. What is your favorite song this summer?
Hmmm...hard one. Probably Colors Of The Wind

57. What is your favorite movie this summer?
Little Miss Sunshine

58. Is this the best summer so far?
It's up there

59. Are you looking forward to school starting?
I suppose...