200 BLOGS!!

This is it! The big 200! I probably wouldn't have updated so soon after Chapter 11, but then I realized that I was at 200 and I had to do SOMETHING.

So, to celebrate 200 blogs, I've compiled some highlights. It's like one of those episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond where the writers ran out of ideas and the actors wanted to go home early, so instead of actually make an episode they just showed a bunch of clips from previous episodes.

September 20th, 2005
On an unrelated but equally relevant topic, I got an interview to work on the Jerry Springer Show. Isn't that funny? A little over a year ago I was making magic at Disney World, now I'll be working with trailer trash and mexican midgets. Well...maybe the difference between Disney and Springer isn't as big as one would think after all...


October 15th, 2005
Haha. Classy awards. In our little group, whoever does the most ridiculous things when they are drunk recieve the Classy award for the week. The first time I won was because I was still drunk at noon without ever going to bed. The second time was for not only swallowing Ashley's gum, but for drinking a 40 in plain sight on the train. Ohhh college.


November 13th, 2005
HAPPY 200th JESS! HERE'S TO 200 MORE!
I am, of course, referring to how many pounds Jess Dangles has lost since going on the South Beach diet! At this rate she might even be able to get out of bed by Christmas!


January 3rd, 2006
Maggie ate bologna off the floor and Jacob went psycho crazy and ate everything and anything. In our second adventure, Maggie took the bag from a box of wine, put it in her purse, and named it Super Tati. We shared stories about salad bars, mandarin oranges, and bringing home the bacon, all in reference to someone's vagina.


February 17th, 2006
Well it seems everyone was on top of their game last night. Steph and Libby made out like 3 times. Jess and I gave eachother hickies in the recliner while she played Kelly Clarkson repeatedly and sang along. Everyone else locked themselves in Ashleys bedroom. Then there's the "formal" that I'm not even going to say anything about. I could go on and on, but that's not cool because my good friends are putting it on and I will be respectful. I hope everyone who goes has fun, but I must politely decline my invitation. Thanks, but no thanks.


February 21st, 2006
















April 22nd, 2006
Is it really April 22? Seriously? No. It can't be. HP must have programmed the calender function of my computer wrong. RandomHouse has made a mistake in my tear-a-page calender. April. 22. Hardly. Just a few weeks ago I was oling up my face and hair to dress like a mechanic, in our bathroom that was covered in blood from Matt's costume. And how long ago did Jess give me the bacon tape for Christmas? Couldn't have been that long. Wasn't Dani sitting on my floor cutting out paper shapes while I played X-Men Legends II right after that?


May 20th, 2006
It was a good birthday. Jeff and Matt bought me an M&M's ice cream cake.


July 11th. 2006
Jess and I really should have a babysitter. Because we are children. We talk like children and we act like children. And alcohol only exacerbates this tendency. Perhaps I should mention the picture we took of putting our heads in the oven. Or the somersaults off of her brothers bed. Or rapping to 50 Cent and L'il Kim's "Magic Stick" at least 50 times. And let's not forget the mad libs. Walking over to her place, I knew that drunk mad libs with Dangles was going to be the icing on the cake. Unfortunately, due to the extreme amount of disgusting, volatile, racist, crude, and utterly filthy language we chose to use in said mad libs, I don't feel that this is a good place to post them.

August 8th, 2006
The most memorable OL experience so far definitely has to be when Jacob, Cam, Millie, and I watched Final Destination 3. Holy shit, what an evening that turned out to be. If you don't know why, then I guess you'll have to just wonder. It was bucknutty, to say the least. Lollapalooza was awesome. I was wondering if I would have as good of a time this year as I did last year. I most definitely did. even though I wasn't nearly as excited about the line-up, there were tons of bands that blew me away.

September 16th, 2006
Thanks to Baggy, and the fact that I happened to be friends with his new boss, I managed to snag a job as an office assistant at Student Affairs. It's pretty laid back and there's even time to do homework, so it's hard to complain about the work situation.

October 31st, 2006
Highlights-
-Jess Dangles spanking me with her whip and yelling "This is what slavery is like!"
-Maggie doing yoga in the middle of a party
-Elroy humping Wenda
-Going up to every single person I encountered that night and saying "I didn't know you were coming tonight!" over and over and over.
-Stealing a pumpkin decoration from Clark's
-Kicking a hole in someone's iPod costume
-Finding a Spiderman mask and telling Maggie to put it on. She did.
-This: I REFUSED to get off of that tire until somebody took my picture. Luckily Kate jumped up and joined me, otherwise this moment would have been long forgotten.
-Stepping on a girls foot and getting punched
-Getting inexplicably mad at someone dressed as the game Twister and telling everyone at the burrito place how much they sucked
-Trying to piss off every stranger I met
-Giving the Mexican guy at the burrito place 20 dollars for change and him walking away, then coming back acting like I never gave him a 20.
-Shielding Maggie while she pee'd in a doorway right on the corner of Halsted and Belmont -The plethora of stupid things we did but I will never remember.


January 1st, 2007
Happy New Year! Jesus take the wheel!


January 12th, 2007
The run.
It's weird that everything I've been working on for the past four months is over. The entire trip to Disney was incredible. I had an absolutely amazing time. It was the single most rewarding experience of my life, and hopefully I can convince at least one other person to do it next year. (No, not just go to Florida, but raise the money and train. If I can find the time, anyone can.)


January 30th, 2007
Things I hate at the moment:

Being sick because of the incident on Friday in which I had to make sure drunk Kara got home safe, as she continued to fall down, get in cars with strangers, piss people off, make out with old men, and or just plain refuse to keep walking. It was not unlike The Canterbury Tales.


February 12th, 2007
I’m excited to be moving on with my life and to try new things. I’m finally going to pursue what I’ve wanted to do all my life, and it’s exciting. I wish everyone actually could come with. In a physical sense, not just some cheesy sentimental blog post way. But at the same time, I love the fact that I have friends all over the world. And I know that all the people who are important to me will not be leaving my life any time soon.


March 4th, 2007
I'm really enjoying myself out here. A lot. I know that a lot of that has to do with the fact that it's barely been a week and I'm still in the honeymoon phase, and that soon the novelty of going to class at CBS Studios will wear off and I'll start to miss Chicago and everyone back there. And I'll of course find ways to make myself miserable like always. I have friends out here, which is good. I saw Rob last night, and I'm friends with the neighbors and with a bunch of people from class, but I just don't see myself meeting another group like the gang back in Chicago. Don't cry for me, though. I'm having the time of my life.

April 13th, 2007
I just want to reiterate the fact that I hate LA and I'm miserable. Not because I want sympathy. Not because I want to go home. Not because I'm lying. But because I want to look back on this part of my life in five years, whether I'm still in California and loving it, or back in Chicago, or selling tea-cozies made out of horse fur in Shipshewana, and remember how much I hate life right now. Because then I'll think to myself "Well, I'm so happy with where I am today, and I know that I'm a better, stronger, and faster(rule of three, every comic's best friend) because of hitting that low point.

Chapter 11: Part One: If You Don't Put Out That Cigarette I'm Moving To Disney World

This was the hardest chapter for me to write, by far. Have you ever cut yourself (not on purpose, you morbid freak) and then as soon as the wound started to heal, you just decided to take a pen, stab the wound, tear it open, and pour a carton of Morton Salt into it? That's kind of what reliving the Disney College Program is like. Okay, no. Not really. The College Program wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to me. It didn't degrade me, destroy my character, and spit me out as a hollow shell of what I used to be. Although, at times I definitely thought it would. It's hard to write about this experience because there's just so much that needs to be explained, and I don't know where to start. If Best Buy had two parts, then how many would the epic Disney tale take to unfold?

Let's just start the story already, and see where it takes us, shall we?

During my Freshman year at Western, my friend Alicia and I both interviewed for the Walt Disney World College Program. We were on our way back from our bi-weekly trip to the Rec Center (one of the few times we actually went, instead of just going to her place to get high, play The Sims, and half-heartedly convince ourselves that we were going to use the ab-roller) when we saw a flyer for an information meeting. I'm not quite sure how the conversation went, other than it segued to Alicia telling me I needed to find a girl to give me head, but all that really matters for the sake of this story is that we decided to go to the meeting and set up interviews. Flash forward a few weeks later, and both Alicia and I had gotten offers to go to Florida to work Quick Service Food & Beverage. And that is when I learned...

LESSON NUMBER 1: YOU ARE NOT THE PRIVIEST PRINCESS
Disney made sure that we got as little information as possible about most things. If you don't know a lot of what's going on, then you can't complain about it. It's kind of a subdued tactic that they employ in order to keep "cast members" in control. In this case, you were only given your specific "role" and program start date. You were not told where you would be working or exactly what you'd be doing. You could get offered a job in Operations and you could end up working Pirates of the Caribbean. Or, you could end up waving lightsabre-like wands and directing the trams in the parking lot. Which would you rather do? In this case, all Alicia and I knew was that we would be serving food and/or beverage in a quick manner. Now, regardless of whether it's a turkey leg cart, Pinocchio's kitchen, or McDonald's in DinoLand USA, leaving college halfway through your Freshman year to work Quick Service Food and Beverage didn't really seem...you know...applicable to my life goals. Even though I wasn't quite sure what my life goals were at the time, I had the utmost certainty it didn't involve stocking condiment bars and hawking overpriced popcorn in collectible buckets. Alicia and I both declined the offers, and never really thought about it again.

"Role?" "Cast Member?" You're probably wondering if this was a full time job or a high school production of "Crazy For You." Before we go any further, let's get through...

LESSON NUMBER 2: YEAR OF A MILLION DREAMS, LAND OF A MILLION EUPHEMISMS
Here's a quick rundown of the Disney lingo.
"Cast Members" are employees.
Your "Role" is your job.
"Showkeepers" are the janitors.
"Guests" are customers.
"On stage" is anywhere that guests can go.
"Back stage" is an employees-only area
"Bad show" is when you are breaking one of the many guidelines to the "Disney Look" such as your earrings being larger than a quarter, your sideburns being too long, having a goatee, wearing too many rings, sunglasses where a guest can't see your eyes, or wearing white socks with black shoes (or even worse! black shoes with shorts!)
A "Disney Point" is the only way that you can direct a guest. You always point with two fingers, not one.

Now that you understand the fundamentals (and aren't they truly the building blocks of fun?) we can get back to the story. Alicia and I declined the jobs.

"But wait! Steve! Surely this chapter can't be over already!!!"

Not by a long shot, proverbial reader whom I just quoted in order to make a point and try a new literary device. The story is just beginning. Flash forward (again) to one year later. I hated life in Kalamazoo. Mostly, I just hated my roommates. They smoked cigarettes in the house. Once again, Disney was in town recruiting. Alicia backed out on me this time, but I still went to the interview. Somehow, I managed to get offered an even better position. I was asked to be a "Role Hopper." This meant that I got to be trained in all lines of business and "hop" (not literally. I have a bad knee) to different locations. I found out soon enough that all Role Hoppers worked at Epcot, and that they were affectionately named the Rescue Rangers. Cute, huh? Like I said, land of euphemisms. Impressionable young adults aren't going to say goodbye to their entire life and move to Florida to work 40 hours a week for 6 bucks an hour if they're called "everybody's bitch," but they certainly won't hesitate to be a "Rescue Ranger."

I had gotten a pretty sweet job offer. Way better than Quick Service Food and Beverage. Way better than practically every other job that the College Program offered. But now came the hard part. Committing. Did I actually want to do this? Sure, interviewing and seeing if you can get a job is all fine and good, but when it comes down to actually packing your bags, saying goodbye, and moving thousands of miles away all by yourself, it takes quite a bit of thinking. And thinking is exactly what I did. A lot of it. I had two weeks to accept or decline the offer...

..and I decided not to do it. It didn't seem worth it. I was transferring to Columbia after sophomore year. This would mean I would be cutting my days as a Bronco even shorter, and I didn't want to leave my friends any sooner than I had to. So, like every other momentous occasion in my life, I waited until the exact last moment possible make a commitment. Literally, the last moment. I was home for Thanksgiving break, and my parents had gone to bed at about 10:00. We had a lengthy discussion and I stuck by my conclusion that Disney wasn't for me. Sure, it seemed like fun, but what was I really going to get out of it? Was it really worth leaving my friends and family, and falling behind in school? Nope. We all broke into song and belted out "It's Your Thing" by the Isley Brothers, and that was that. I was staying at Western for another semester.

It was all but official. I wasn't going to participate in the Walt Disney World College Program.

Then, at 11:55 pm, 5 minutes before the deadline...I accepted the position.

LESSON NUMBER 3: I THINK I'M INDECISIVE. AREN'T I? OR NO?

Why did I accept all of the sudden? I don't know. What changed my mind? Hard to say. I got online and started checking out websites and message boards about the program, and something inside me just clicked. What's strange is that most of the websites and message boards that I visited were condemning the College Program. They were telling me NOT to do it. But, sometimes you just have to go against the grain. I often do things just because people tell me not to. I'm erratic that way. I mean, living in an apartment in Orlando with people from all over the country, working at the "Happiest Place on Earth," getting a serious tan...what could be better?

The next morning, I told my mom that I changed my mind, and that I accepted the job.

She said "good!"


And so that's how it happened. I suppose this isn't so much a part of the Disney story as it is an extremely long and drawn out (but still entertaining, so fuck you) prologue.

In retrospect, I could have just asked my roommates to stop smoking in the house. Instead, I moved to Florida.

An announcement

I'm going to China in the summer of 2008. This means that as soon as I get a real job, I am going to be doing some hardcore saving. This also means that aside from the trip to Florida for next year's marathon and trips home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I won't be traveling anywhere else. This means that the odds of me making another trip to Chicago between next month and the Summer of 2008 are less than slim.

But...I'm REALLY excited for China!

Pledge

So it's Earth Day and I was listening to talk radio on my way back from San Diego this morning. (Yeah, it's 5am, I got 3 hours of sleep, it's still dark and I can barely keep my eyes open, but TALK RADIO seemed like a good stimulant). They had on people talking about doing our part to be environmentally conscious and all that. I decided that I was going to go green and start taking the train or bus to work.

Then I found out that while there are various rail and bus routes that can get me to The Weinstein Co, the shortest one would take an hour and a half. Granted, it already takes me fifty minutes to drive to work in the morning, but to take the bus I would need to get up at 7 am, and I wouldn't get home until 9:30 pm. Then, I thought "oh, well maybe I'll take do this once a week, that's still doing my part!" But being realistic, I don't think I'll be able to handle that kind of commute even once a week. But then again, my original plan for Semester in LA was to live in Huntington Beach, and that would have been like a two hour commute...

So, I cannot pledge to take public transportation every day, and I highly doubt I could manage to take it even once a week. But, I do pledge to make an effort to occasionally take the bus or train to work or class.

Let's twist again

I just got back from a little run and I'm getting ready to go to San Diego, but I'm kind of scared to go to my car. It's the only one parked in the parking lot, and while the area is safe and my car is literally next to a Kindercare-type establishment, it is the only care in the parking lot, and there just happens to be a crazy old asian man standing in the middle of the lot shaking his hips.

Yeeeeaaaahhhh....

Something new for a change

I feel like I haven't really experienced much here. This thought occurred to me when pulled out my digital camera and realized I haven't taken a single picture in over a month. Once again, I blame it on the fact that I have no one to go places with. Once Flavin is out here, I promise you pix aplenty. But for now...anyone wishing I'd stop writing blogs that alternate between "I LOVE IT!" and "I HATE IT!" and want some juicy Hollywood bullshit, here you go.

-I stood in line in front of Marisa's little sister from The OC at Pinkberry.

-I walk down a street they use for Brothers & Sisters every day.

-I delivered a script to someone who is apparently very important at Disney. I had to go into this immaculate building. Even though I'm interning on the lot and have every right to be there, I still felt underdressed, because this place (it's called Team Disney) is gigantic, pristine, and intimidating. The pillars of the building are carved into the shape of the seven dwarves, and you can always tell which couriers haven't been on the lot before, because they stand in the parking lot taking cell phone pictures of it. Anyway, you walk in, and you're absolutely convinced that everybody is looking at you because you're wearing a black zip-up hooded sweatshirt and sneakers. Even though the important guy you're delivering to isn't dressed up either, the entire office gives off the distinct impression that they don't want you there and that you suck at life. It also smells like the Pirates of the Carribbean ride, for some reason.

- My friend Cam from Columbia is in San Diego this weekend, so I'm planning on driving down there tomorrow after Improv and spending the night. I'm excited because not only do I get to see a friend, but I get to go do something fun and California-like.

- The homeless people in LA are 300000 times crazier than the ones in Chicago. Fortunately, Weinstein is in an upscale neighborhood and Offspring is in Burbank, so I never really get to see them except when I'm driving up La Brea to get home. They're never out in the morning, it seems.

- Britney Spears has been rehearsing at a studio not to far from where I live.

- I have been putting off any sort of scriptwriting for far too long, so before I go to bed I'm going to finish an outline for 30 Rock and write a five page sketch that will end up not being funny.


There. See? My life in LA is slightly more fun than I let on. I think once I get a solid group of friends and have stuff to do, I surely won't mind living out here as much. I think I'm going to make some good friends in Improv, and the other interns start at Weinstein in a few weeks, so I'm crossing my fingers that pretty soon I'll have stories and pictures to share.

untitled

I just read a quote from some of the coroners in Virginia saying that the hardest part for them when they were bringing in bodies from the VT shooting was the constant barrage of ringing coming from the victims' cell phones. People trying to contact them to see if they're alright. I just find that chilling. Hearing some corny jingle, or a rap song like "Chain Hang Low," knowing that the person on the other line has just lost someone, and they don't know yet. And as the phone kicks into voicemail, you can't even begin to imagine how terrified those people must be.

I also read about a girl who was one of only four people in her class of 25 that wasn't shot. Can you imagine? I mean, seriously. Take a second and think about that. Put yourself in that situation. Think about one of your actual classes. For me, I chose Speech: Communicating the Message, because there were about 30 of us. Now think about all of the people in your class. Pick four of them randomly. Don't think about who you like, who you don't like. Don't think about who's a good person or who's not so nice. Don't think about who is late or absent a lot. The shooter sure didn't. Just pick four people. And there you have it. The quiet guy that falls asleep in the back all the time, the girl who never turns her cell phone off, the guy who failed every test because he always came stoned, and that bitch who yells at you for kicking her chair. Of the entire class, they're the only ones who got out. You're probably dead. Odds are certainly not in your favor. Why? Would it be to cliche to say "God only knows?"

Now comes the inevitable persecution of the shooter. You'll hear tons of people saying he was a sick fuck and deserves to burn in hell and that sort of thing, but in a lot of ways, I feel sorry for him. Obviously, it's a heinous act and a terrible tragedy, that goes without saying. But I don't hate this guy. I pity him. I pity that he never received the help or treatments that someone with so many mental issues needed. I pity him because as a society, we failed him miserably. I don't believe that people are born bad, or that they make decisions like this because they are evil. I believe that the world not only ignored his needs, but in many ways nurtured his violent tendencies. And because of that, innocent people suffered. Don't hate him. Don't hate anything at all. Hate is what caused this tragedy in the first place. When something doesn't make sense to you, don't go to that dark place in your heart. Try to understand it. Try to make sense of it. If I were a less clever writer, and I wanted to end this paragraph with a cliche as well, I'd probably say that "hate breeds hate."

How do you come back from an experience like this? My heart truly goes out to all of the students at Virginia Tech. How do you go back to class? How do you go about your life? How do you ever feel safe again? How does anybody ever feel safe again? Why does anybody ever feel safe to begin with? If nothing else, doesn't this tragedy demonstrate that an "unspeakable act of horror" can take place anywhere, anytime? These were normal college kids. These kids were me and you. They had families. They had dance parties. They had adventures. They went to Starbucks. They played video games. They blogged. The had facebook accounts. They missed their high school friends.

Sure, it didn't happen to you. And you probably don't even know anyone that goes to Virginia Tech (I don't). And in a few weeks, you get to go back on with your life and put this unpleasantness behind you. I'm not trying to sound ominous by saying "It could be you!" I think your local action news does a plenty good job instilling that state of mind already. All I'm getting at here is...none of us are really that different. We're all in this crazy, mixed-up, tragic, awful, beautiful world together. And on Monday morning, our team lost 33. Try and remember that.

-----
Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.

I don't hate life anymore, for now.

Writers write.

That's what Uncle Jim told me last week when I went to Huntington Beach for Easter. Writers write.

He also told me never to hire my friends, that public television should be dismantled, and that horses should have lights strapped to their heads in case they escape their stables after dark, but for now, but that's neither here nor there.

So why can't I write lately? I mean, aside from blogging which I don't even really consider actual writing because it takes no creativity whatsoever. I know I need to work on something. I need to keep "flexing that muscle," as many of our guest speakers at CBS said. I can't help it though, I'm just never in the mood. I blame it on the internships. When you're reading scripts for 10 hours a day, by the time you get home at 8pm, writing your own is the second to last thing on your mind. (The last thing on your mind, of course, is strapping a light to a horse's head). So I'll just save it for this weekend. Then there's no excuse.

Speaking of weekends, I love my improv class. Wait, Steve, didn't you already take improv? No, you fucking moron. I dropped it because I was too advanced and because I got a job at Universal (see how well that worked out?) Now I'm in a higher level, and the people in it with me are loads of fun. Some are even my age, which is a nice change of pace.

Drive is one of my new favorite shows. It just started but I'm already obsessed. It's by the guy that did Firefly and Wonderfalls, so you know it's not just some lame ripoff of Fast and the Furious. My mouth is wide open for the entire duration of an episode. You know, in a few short weeks, I will have a degree in Television. That makes me pretty close to a professional. In the court of law, I could be an expert witness. Therefore, my opinions on TV programs should be taken seriously. Have I led anyone astray before? I mean, who wasn't watching Lost Season 1 obsessively in Baggy's room? Ashley, do you not love Veronica Mars and The Office? And Jeff sure loves himself some Heroes and 30 Rock. Trust me people, I know what's good for you. And Drive is is the fucking echinacea of television programming.

I hate life a little bit less now. Partly because I have discovered Drive, but mostly because it's midweek, and I'm always happiest when I'm interning. Weekends are a bit hard to deal with, because that's when I've got nothing to do and realize how lonely I am, but Monday through Friday I'm happy as an overworked and unpaid clam.

I switched my plane tickets. I'm going to be In Chicago from May12th-15th, then Novi from the 15th-19th. I did this mostly so that I wouldn't be alone in Cali on my birthday. Sure, I'm still flying back on my birthday, but at least I'll be able to spend most of the day with my family. The day I turned 20 in Florida was far and away the most miserable day of my life and I just don't even want to relive that experience again, so I'm VERY happy to be home for it this time. Also, it just so happens that I have an hour and a half layover in Chicago on my Birthday when I fly back to LA. No. I didn't plan that. But if anyone wants to stop by Midway and surprise me, feel free. Chances are good I won't be at Lolla this year, and for Thanksgiving and Christmas I'll be going right to Michigan. So if you don't see me at the airport, there's a good chance the rest of your 2007 will be Steveless.

I made this quiz in December 2003. TAKE IT!

What does Steve think of YOU???

Nobody likes your bad attitude. Maybe you're trying to seem more interesting by being so negative, but it's really just annoying. Lot's of people have it worse than you, so eat shit. If life sucks so bad just kill yourself already.
Take this quiz!








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Wandering AIMlessly

I just want to reiterate the fact that I hate LA and I'm miserable. Not because I want sympathy. Not because I want to go home. Not because I'm lying.

But because I want to look back on this part of my life in five years, whether I'm still in California and loving it, or back in Chicago, or selling tea-cozies made out of horse fur in Shipshewana, and remember how much I hate life right now. Because then I'll think to myself "Well, I'm so happy with where I am today, and I know that I'm a better, stronger, and faster(rule of three, every comic's best friend) because of hitting that low point." Without the bitter, the sweet just ain't as sweet. I'm fucking motivated, man. People seem to forget how driven I am. I want to do what I want to do and no smog-ridden, asshole-infested, earthquake-prone shithole of a town is going to stop me from doing what I've set out to do. Plus, my parents paid a lot for my college.

I'm in on a Friday night blogging. That should tell you how bitter we're talking here. However, that will just make the proverbial sweet even tastier when it comes along.

I'm also fasting from AIM. One week, at least. I've already uninstalled it, so this is pretty serious. I think AIM is fantastic and shudder at the mere thought of graduating college in an era without instant communication with friends right at my fingertips, but I also shudder at how much I use it. And for the most meaningless of conversations, too. No, not you, Jess! U no I b luvin' wut we share. So, no AIM for a week. Gives me a chance to write. Gives me a chance to go out and meet people (yeah fucking right, where am I gonna go?) Gives me a chance to spend less time reading away messages and moping.

Universal sent me my last paycheck. Suckers, I totally wasn't even going to ask for it. I considered it a "sorry I quit and fucked you over" payment. But hey, I could totally use that forty bucks right now.

Well, that's all I've really got. I want to revise my earl script for the last time and be COMPLETELY done with it, and write that sketch I've been talking about all week, so now that my life is sans instant messanger, that should be a bit easier. My computer might be AIMless, but I sure as hell am not.

This is a Microsoft Word blog. I’m writing it in my nook (nook? knook? knuk?) at Weinstein. Actually, I don’t even really have a nook. My boss has a nook. I have a small piece of that. A fraction of the knuk, if you will. It is now 10:30 and Karen is not here. I’ve been here since 9:30. I opened up Final Draft to write some sort of funny sketch that I had an idea for (about a crazy uncle, inspired by the true-life story of my crazy uncle), but I’m just not all that inspired for fiction right now. Maybe later.

Update: Karen is not coming in. She’s got a migraine. So now I’m sitting in a slightly more cramped corner of a slightly bigger office, with my laptop crammed up between a fax machine and a printer. I’ve been told to sit tight until they have something for me to do, but it’s now 11 and I’m still chilaxing. They (and by “they” I mean the British guy who has adopted me as his own for the day) told me to hang tight and go on the internet, but since the IT people haven’t set me up for the wireless network at Weinstein, I can’t get on. Which means there really isn’t a whole lot for me to do on my computer besides type on word and scroll through my massive collection of Victorian-themed pornography.

This weekend I went to Huntington Beach for Easter. It was nice. I wish it was sunnier so that I could have enjoyed more time at the ocean, but it was still relaxing overall. I got up early on Sunday and ran a few miles on the beach, then I watched the surfers by the pier. I really, really, want to surf. But interning full time means no income. No income means no surfing. It also means no fixing the scratch on my car, no new clothes, and no fancy non-sandwich dinners. I’ll survive, though. And if money gets so tight, I’m sure I’ll find a decent job for weekends, if need be.

I’ve been here for nearly two hours and all I’ve done so far is make a phone call.

Oh wow, I just met a girl at Weinstein who is dating a kid I went to high school with. She knows a bunch of my high school friends, and a bunch of people from Columbia. Small world. If Karen didn’t have a migraine I never would have discovered this. Crazy.

Bored. Computer with no internet is so useless.




UPDATE:
Boss never came in. I read a script and wrote coverage. Had Baja Fresh for lunch. The end.

not the band

Let me start by saying that all I eat these days are sandwiches. That's it. Lunch and dinner on a daily basis. Sandwiches. With two unpaid internships takng up all of my time, I can't afford much else. Maybe I'll buy some pitas next time I grocery shop (as long as I don't go over my $30 a week on groceries limit). Don't get me wrong, I'm not regretting accepting offers from both Weinstein and Offspring. I'm just sick of sandwiches.

Offspring is really cool. It's super relaxed, and I basically sit on a comfy couch and read all day. My boss is really really cool, too. I'm excited for the people at both my internships to get to know me and discover that I'm not some weird asshole, because it's been brought to my attention before that I'm not the best with first impressions.

Anyway...Offspring. I basically read scripts all day, just like I do at Weinstein. Today I read the script for an upcoming Adam Sandler movie that we're making, so in a year or so when that comes out, I get to feel special and say "oh em gee I remember when that was in development!" The best part of Offspring is that we are on the Disney lot, so I get an awesome badge and get to feel super cool parking on the lot and walking past all the soundstages. And I can eat lunch at the fancy commissary with all the famous people. My boss saw The Rock today. I didn't see him, but I could faintly smell what he was cooking.

Neither of my internships have to do with TV, which sucks, but these are what are going to get me an opportunity to have an agent read my stuff. Or, they will at least lead to a job that will lead to an agent reading my stuff. It's hard to complain when you're just starting out. My concern at this point, believe it or not, is that my internships will lead to a successful well-paying job and I will end up deciding that I DO like LA and won't go back to Chicago. Although by the time I came back to Chicago, everyone would most likely be gone anyway.

Oh, I got to go to a free screeing of Grindhouse last night. It's a fucking sweet movie. I also saw Shy Labuff at the premiere of Disturbia. I don't know how to spell his name, but it's too fucking hard so I'm not even gonna try. He should change it to something easier to sound out.

Cuz it's my jawb

I started interning at The Weinstein Company today. You're probably wondering what it's like. Well, let me tell you.

You're probably wondering about my desk. I don't have one. I have an end table that I put my computer on. I'm constantly in the way, but I'm working at a premiere film production company, and there are a lot of college students that would love to be sitting at my make-shift desk, so I'm not complaining. Speaking of other college students, none of the other interns start until mid-May, but I'm there now. I'm not sure why this is, but as long as I'm still out by July 1st, I don't care.

You're probably wondering where the office is. It's right across the streets from the La Brea tarpits, if that means anything to you. It's fancy and has a courtyard with fountains. The fact that I never had an official interview and was basically hired off my cover letter left me feeling a bit apprehensive about the validity of this internship, but I do officially work at the LA offices of The Weinstein Company, which is neat-o. Yes. There is a hyphen in neat-o.

You're probably wondering what I do all day. Well, my days are about ten hours long or so. Today I spent the first half organizing, labeling, and putting covers on the many, many scripts that Karen, my boss, has lying around. As a story editor, she has a shitload of scripts to read. So many, in fact, that she can't get through them all. And who is there to help her read through the shitty scripts? That would be me. My second half of the day was spent reading a screenplay and writing coverage (a summary and comments). Basically, a majority of the screenplays sent to companies are shit. My job is to read the shit, mark it as shit, and tell my boss that it's shit, so that she has one less piece of shit to read. I had to sign some confidentiality papers, which sucks because this blog would be a perfect place for entries of the "OMG you won't believe this fucking script I read today and how stupid it was" variety.

I like it. Long hours and actual work are nots things that I have ever been fond of, but I'm working in the industry and its pretty exciting.

Fake Baggy is almost as obnoxious as Real Baggy (almost)

Maybe two internships wasn't smart? I mean...45 hours a week of not getting paid? Okay, that's not true. Offspring doesn't pay but I do get 30 bucks a week from Weinstein. So....if I spend 30 bucks a week of my own money, and the 30 bucks from Weinstein, I can sustain a living for at least a month. Then I go home, graduate college, hopefully get money from family, and that will sustain me for a little bit longer. Maybe I'll find some sort of flexible weekend job, too. We'll see.

I should be at Universal right now for my last shift. But I skipped it. I want to go running and be productive. I don't want to spend a nice day wearing a straw hat and stamping hands. Most of the people I work(ed) with are either much older than me or obnoxious high school kids, which probably added to my already legitimate reasons for quitting. As for the two internships and quitting my job business...I came out here to work in the industry. Not to work at Unviersal Studios Hollywood. Sure things aren't all that lucrative at the moment but two internships doubles my chances of getting a job, plus doubles my contacts, which doubles my chances of getting my scripts read, which doubles my chances of getting an agent in the future.

I auditioned for Groundlings and passed, so I got into the school. All that means is I don't suck, so I don't have to take the intro workshops. I'm really excited to start next week. Who knows, if I decide I love improv more than writing, I may be back in Chicago sooner than planned. But for now, my plan is to stay in Cali, live with Mike for a year, then next June I'll reevaluate my life and see where I want to be and what I want to do.

Yesterday was the last day of Semester in LA, so if you don't count my online Bio class (which I wouldn't, since I put more effort into making a turkey sandwich than I put into studying), I am officially done with college! Sure, I'm interning, which means I'm still a college student and getting credit and what not. But, as of today I am officially on the "done with class, time to get a real job" train. It's very overwhelming. I already miss SLA. In 24 hours I've gone from going to a bungalow at the CBS Studio Center and hanging out making jokes all day, to being at the absolute bottom of the latter. Luckily, starting Tuesday I get to feel important again when I start at The Weinstein Company and get to work in the Variety building in LA. And even more exciting on Thursday when I go into Offspring Entertainment for the first time, which is on the Walt Disney Studios lot.

Since I skipped work, I'm making up for it by being ultra-productive. Meaning...

1. Finally send out the Thank You cards that I have had for 2 months.
2. Go running.
3. Final revisions of my Earl spec.
4. Laundry.
5. Clean room.
6. Call my grandma.

As of now, I haven't done any of it. I swear, I'll start soon.

Sorry Dani

I promised a chapter eleven, but it turns out the version I wrote a few months ago is gone, so I'm going to have to start over. Disney is a hard one to write about because there's just so much to cover, and I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it. It's like scaling Mount Everest, only without the lack of oxygen and high chance of impending death.

Anyway...Disney. Chapter 11. Some day. I promise.

I just can't be funny and creative in this blog right now. My spec for My Name is Earl basically drained all that out of me. But hot damn I am so proud of how that script turned out. The class really seemed to like it, and even the teachers had a lot of good things to say. Good to know that the tireless nights I stayed up until 4am revising were worth it. I just need to revise it one more time based on the notes from todays table (only four scripts were chosen to be tabled. Mine was chosen by a guest speaker who used to work on Freaks and Geeks and Roseanne. Yeah. Kinda cool.) and I'm officially done with it. Then it will sit around while I intern at The Weinstein Company and Offspring Entertainment, and as I try to find a way to get an agent to read it. I'll probably submit it in my application for the Warner Brothers Writers Workshop, but that program is so competitive and the odds are not in my favor so I'm not going to get my hopes up. Although it would be incredible beyond words.

Today was also my auditon at Groundlings. If all went well, which I'm confident it did, I'll be placed out of the intro workshops and into the actual school.

Then I came back and had to take an online Bio test. Now, I failed the last test, never studied, never read the chapters, don't even own the book, and have no idea what hemoglobin is, but I still managed to get a semi-solid 31/39. Internet classes really should be banned, since Wikipedia pretty much helps those of us who don't care about learning overcome any challenge.

Last night was another 4am night, and I'm starting to pass out. You know when you have those crazy little mini-dreamlike thoughts right before you're about to fall asleep? I think I've been in one all day.

I was wrong

I said I was going to intern at Underground, but I'm not anymore. I just got an internship here

Have I really not blogged in a week???

The parents got mad at me today because I overdrew on my checking and they found out that I'm out of money. They're not mad I'm out of money. They're mad that I didn't call and ask for help. I dunno, I just try to be as self-reliant as possible. They pay for my college and let me do the semester in LA, so asking for anything extra would make me feel guilty. Everything's taken care of, now. And tomorrow I'm setting up a bank account at the Universal credit union for my paychecks. It will be nice to have ATM usage again, since there are no National City Banks out here and it's getting annoying that I have to run inside target and by some Bubble Tape just to get cash back to go to City Walk.

Class is great. I'm bummed it's almost over. We've had some amazing speakers come in and talk to us. Actual successful people, too, not like the halfway-there teachers at Columbia who never seemed to make it. One of the big producers for Malcolm In The Middle came in, and the showrunner for Bernie Mac, and a ton of people that wrote for different shows. Did I ever mention that my teacher was a producer on Full House? I meant to.

I got an internship, but it's not my top choice. I'd love to get something more exciting that's on a lot and has some big names, but none of those people seem to be returning my phone calls or emails, and I think that I better just take what I can get. So, as of now, I will probably be interning at Underground Films (www.undergroundfilms.net). The people there are really cool, and since it's small it's a great opportunity to make contacts with important people. Plus, there's a dog.

I don't feel like writing anymore.

1. I'm going to take more pictures. Well, seeing as how I haven't really taken a single one, I could take a picture of my pinky toe and I've officially lived up to my promise of taking more pictures.

2. Don't expect cheesy pictures of me with random celebrities. Unless I happen across someone that I am a huge fan of, I don't really intend to approach them for a picture or autograph. I just find it incredibly tacky. They're just people.

3. I have no cell phone. Sorry. Stop texting me because I ain't gettin' it.

4. Work started. It's okay. From March 25th - April 15th I am going to be really damn busy. There's a chance I won't have a single day off at all, but I really need money so I'm not complaining.

5. I miss my Chicago friends more and more each day. I love everything out here but I'm not clicking with anyone like I did with everyone at Columbia. I'm sure with work and my upcoming internship and improv class things will pick up, but I'd give anything for some familiar faces. Can't wait for Flavin to get out here.

6. Tatty

sickly

I'm home sick from school but that doesn't mean I have time to rest, unfortunately. I still have errands to run, outlines to write, a FILTHY room to clean, etc. I remember when staying home from school meant laying on the couch drinking Vernors in a cup shaped like a crayon while watching Eureka's Castle. My, how the times have changed. My attitude is changing. Possibly due to the fact that I can never enjoy anything for too long before I start to miss complaining, but mostly I'm just starting to miss Chicago and Michigan. My grandparents are all getting old and I feel like I'm ditching out on the family as their health declines. Not to sound too glib, though. I'm having a great time. Celebrity Watch is up to five sightings now, including Nikki Cox, Harold Parrineau (Michael from Lost), Bob Barker in the cafeteria (sorry Ashley you would bt SO disappointed if you saw him sans make-up), Marisa Jaret Winokur, and Mark McGrath.

Although I am sick today, I still got to go to the Jericho panel last night. The next paragraph is for those people who posted asking for me to write about Paley Fest. If you have no interest in Jericho, just skip this paragraph and go onto the next one.
1. Two deaths are coming up. Pamela Reed says that these were very difficult to deal with because the cast becomes a family.
2. Episode 18 has a HUGE reveal about Hawkins. BIG BIG BIG.
3. By the end of the season we'll know more about the state of the rest of the world. Season 2 (god willing) will go even deeper into that.
4. Skeet Ulrich is just as cool in person as Jake Green.
5. Heather is coming back.
That's about all I can remember right now. The cast was really fun and seems to get along well. We watched the episode that is airing tonight and it's pretty good. A good Hawkins Family episode.

Annnyway, back to the real world, where nuclear attacks have yet to destroy us all. I have an internship interview tomorrow at Booya Studios which is cool because I'm meeting with the owner. They did MTV's Fear, by the way.

I'm also excited for my interview at Offspring Entertainment on Monday because they have an even more extensive list of productions, including the Hairspray movie starring...AMANDA BYNES.

Now I must go to the post office and come back to watch The Riches.

LA cool

I'm keeping quite busy these days. Aside from school and work I'm trying to go out and do as much as I can. Case in point, last night I went to go see two plays that my teacher produced. It was opening night and we got in free, and it was an excellent opportunity to brown nose. Seriously, me? Brown nosing? Has LA changed me that much in such a small period of time? The plays were pretty good. One was about a court room drama and the other was about a couple in a fertility clinic. All of my college education must be paying off because I was able to analyze the themes and characters and figure out why two plays that were so completely different shared the same bill.

Tonight I'm staying in. I have another day of orientation at Universal tomorrow and I'm already tired and with daylight savings time...I'm just not up to going out. That's right, anyone who hasn't seen my updated facebook info may not know this. I have officially accepted a job at Universal Studios Hollywood. I knew the Disney College Program would come back to help me out later on in life. I have enough money for April's rent but not much else, so this is a good way for me to make spending money. I'm actually really excited to be back in a theme park. When we first walked backstage (yes, Universal calls it "backstage" also), I remembered how exciting it was and how important I felt when I first got to go behind the scenes at Disney World. It will be a good job. It will be flexible around my internship, which is what's most important.

Tuesday I'm going to Hollywood for the Museum of Television and Radio's Paley Festival Panel with the cast and crew of Jericho. Yes, ladies, even Skeet Ulrich will be there. I'm really excited for this. I've started watching episodes of the show online to catch up and be prepared. It's actually pretty good. I recommend it to anyone with similar tastes as me. Baggy will be disappointed to know that the panel with the entire cast and crew of Heroes was tonight and I did not attend. That one sold out fast and was by far the biggest night of the festival. I went to try to get standby tickets, but it didn't seem promising so I left.

Wednesday I'm seeing a show at Groundlings. I dropped my pointless improv class because of work, and because I realized that I'm a bit more advanced than Basic Level Workshop A. I have an audition for a higher on the 19th.

Friday I'm going to a taping of Two and a Half Men. I really don't like this show. At all. But it's a good experience and should be fun. Plus, when you watch live shows being taped, everything is always HILARIOUS. Like Leno. When you're in the studio and he gives his monologue, he's the funniest man in the world. Then you watch that episode at night and barely crack a smile. The magic of television, I suppose.

This was boring. I didn't even try to be clever and insightful. But look how much fun stuff I'm doing!!!!

I get two free tickets to Universal. First two people who come out here get them. It's a new competition.

a cautionary tale. presented to you by your local produce section

I was going to die. I was sure of it. This was the moment. My twenty-two years on earth had all led up to this, my final breath. I guess my fear of plane crashes was unwarrented. Who would of known that something so small, so every day, was going to be the death of me. Not even those with the wildest of imaginations could have predicted that tomato salad would be the catalyst of my untimely demise. Would a psychic have known? Would a palm reader look at my hand as be able to tell me, "You are going to die when you try to choke down a grotesque tomato salad, because you want to be polite and clean your plate?"

Luckily, I survived to tell the tale. Tomato salad did not do me in. It came awfully close, but I shall live on, perhaps a little wiser for the wear. But if I had died, I would have accepted full responsiblity. I am the soul person who is liabal for very event, every small moment, and every decision that led me up to the tomato salad of doom.

I needed a place to live in LA. As a full time college student with a decent but by no means spectacularly high-paying job as an office assistant, my piggy bank wasn't exactly overflowing. My lack of funds meant that I would never be able to afford the prestiguous Oakwood apartments. I had to resort to more economical opportunities. If I wanted to find a place, I would need to do something a little bit unconventional.

Which led me to Andy and Pam. A friend of mine had told me that their neighbors were looking to sublet a bedroom in their house, and the rent was reasonable. Actually, it was beyond reasonable. It was a steal beyond compare. I seized the opportunity, thinking only of the cheap rent and my sunny and fabulous life in Los Angeles. I did not, however, think about the fact that I would be sharing a house with completely strangers. Three, to be exact. There was Andy and Pam, the married couple, and Steve, the detective who lived in the basement but was never there. At first I thought that Steve was made up, and that Andy and Pam were insane and planned on killing me. The evidence started piling up for this theory. On my first day in the house, they put a plastic cover on my mattress. I was, of course, certain that this was to protect the mattress from stains when they snuck in my room in the middle of the night to chop me to bits with a hacksaw. I did, however, finally meet Steve. He was, in fact, a detective. I instantly felt better about living in the house with strangers. They couldn't kill someone under their own roof with a detective in the basement, could they? Well, I suppose if the detective was corrupt and in on the whole plot, they could. But I tried not to think about that.

The days went by and I still woke up every morning, all of my limbs in tact, in a squeaky bed. There were awkward moments, since these were complete strangers, even something as every day as packing a lunch can be a tad uncomfortable when you're doing it in someone else's kitchen. Someone who you have known for less than a fortnight. I kept to myself as much as possible. I'd try to eat big lunches so that I didn't have to leave my room for food in the evenings. Don't get me wrong, they were nice people, it was just an incredibly weird situation. You'd handle it the same way, I'm sure.

One day I got home from school early, and Andy was home for his lunch break. He had a colleauge from the office over and planned on grilling some bratwursts. Now, I hate bratwurst, so when Andy asked me if I'd like to join them for lunch, a polite decline would have been the best response. But I had barely taken the time to get to know these people and I felt if I was going to be staying in their home for three months, I couldn't rely on being a recluse at every moment of the day. Having brats with these business men was just a small step towards making this house a home.

I'm not a fan of tomatoes. I hate them. Sometimes, when I'm feeling lazy, I won't bother to take them off of my taco or hamburger, but for the most part I could definitely live in a world sans tomatoes. Andy apparently loves tomatoes. So much, in fact, that his idea of a salad is to cut up tomatoes and douse them in some sort of horrid vinegar dressing that I can only describe as the urine of death. I had gotten through the bratwurst just fine, but these pile of soggy, oozing tomatoes was staring at me relentlessly the entire time. Finally, I knew I had to knuckle down and get through this. I had to be polite, right? I couldn't just leave a whole serving of tomato salad on my plate. Not when he had made it from scratch just moments before. Had I been so opposed to the consumption of tomatoes, the moment he started cutting them up for salad would have been the most opportune moment to declare my distate for them. Alas, that moment had passed, and I had no other options.

A trick I learned from eating disgusting food when I was younger: swallow and don't chew. Chewing leads the food spending even more time on your taste buds, which, obviously, leads to tasting. What you want to do is get the food as far back in your mouth as possible and swallow it whole. This worked for a few bites of the salad. The problem was that the tomatoes were cut rather large, and so I was swallowing fairly substantial sizes. Each bite got worse and worse. My gag reflex began to kick in. But I had to keep going. I had to prove to these two people, one whom I live with and have to see every day, the other a man I've never met before in my life but still seemed rather judgmental (and that intimidated me), that I could clean my plate. I'm an adult and I can eat a plate of tomatoes, see?

It was the last tomato that did me in. My esophagus couldn't take anymore. It contracted and refused to let the chunk of tomato budge. I couldn't swallow it, I couldn't cough it up, and I sure as hell couldn't panic and let the others know I was choking. So I sat there politely, choking to death, tears beginning to well in my eyes, wondering how Andy was going to explain this to my parents.

"Well, we were sitting there eating tomato salad, which he seemed to really enjoy since he ate all of it, and then he just dropped dead into his plate."

Then I thought about my funeral, and how they'd probably serve tomato salad on account of the fact that I enjoyed it so much that I allowed it to take my life.

Somehow, let's just chalk it up to Deus Ex Machina, the chunk of tomato, which in retrospect was roughly the size of Jupiter, passed through my throat and I could breath again. Andy and the stranger never knew how close I was to death, and I learned a valuable lesson about eating vegetables.

Kidz Bop: Horrifyingly True Tales!

Tonight we went to karaoke at the Oakwood. The Oakwood is pretty notorious for being the number one haven for child actors and their disturbingly over-dedicated parents. This means that this is not the kind of karaoke night that you or I may be used to. It's not really karaoke night at all. It's an excuse for the parents to get their kids up on stage and exploit them one last time before the day is through. It's a mixture of hilarious ("OH MY GOD DID SHE JUST THROUGH HER COWBOY HAT INTO THE CROWD???), heartbreaking ("these kids are getting set up for failure, their parents should take them home and let them be kids.), and just plain fucking adorable ("awww she knows all the words to that High School Musical song and she's only four!).

You're not really sure what to make of the whole thing. There's a large woman who walks around and passes out candy to everyone, but she gives dirty looks to anyone over the age of fifteen, claiming that she "may not be a mother, but she's a great-aunt forty-five times over, and she knows how rude teenagers can be." There's also Karaoke man. You never see him, but you hear his ominous voice throughout the entire show. Much like the Wizard of Oz, you feel both threatened and in awe of his power, even though he is really nothing more than a man with a microphone and a few instrumental CDs. Also, when he says things like "Hannah and Marie are singing 'So Yesterday.' Is it me, or is that song so yesterday???" the level of awe, as well as the level of being threatened, plummet drastically.

The kids are surprisingly supportive of each other. They all sit in the front and cheer for each other and talk excitedly in between songs. I guess I figured there would be more backstabbing and complaining but it seems that the parents do most of that.

Seriously though, I couldn't get enough of it. The choreography. The pretensiousness. The clothes. Oh God, the clothes. Should eleven year olds be wearing tanktops with mini-skirts? Should they have highlights? Should they be wearing make-up? No. They should be pissing their pants and watching Nickelodeon. It's crazy.

One boy sang "Livin' La Vida Loca" and he took his shirt off in the beginning. He was wearing a wifebeater underneath. And wanna know what's really twisted? People CHEERED when he took his shirt off. A little boy is stripping and parents are cheering. How disturbing is that? It was almost as bad as the oversexed trio of eleven-year-old-girls channeling their inner Britney and singing "I Love Rock & Roll." "Channeling their inner Britney," of course, is a euphamism for "gyrating provacatively on each other, groaning and moaning as if participating in coital activities on stage, and doing everything that a good parent would raise their kids to do better than."

sing...until your lungs give out

I hate the new Fall Out Boy song. I swear, I do. But for some reason that defies all laws of science, I find myself turning it up and singing along when I'm driving to Studio City with my windows down every morning. It's a terrible, terrible song, though. I do realize that. But...I just can't help it. This ain't a sceeeeeeeene.

I'm really enjoying myself out here. A lot. I know that a lot of that has to do with the fact that it's barely been a week and I'm still in the honeymoon phase, and that soon the novelty of going to class at CBS Studios will wear off and I'll start to miss Chicago and everyone back there. And I'll of course find ways to make myself miserable like always. I have friends out here, which is good. I saw Rob last night, and I'm friends with the neighbors and with a bunch of people from class, but I just don't see myself meeting another group like the gang back in Chicago. Don't cry for me, though. I'm having the time of my life.

Through some sort of combination of my desire to always be busy and my paranoia that I am spending too much money, I have started the process of getting a job. Disney is too far from where I live in Burbank, but Universal Studios is right down the street, and so I have a second interview there on Monday. I could have gotten a job working a ride, but my availability didn't work out with that because of school. So instead I'm interviewing to work the front gate. I would do this until SLA is over, and then either transfer to one of the attractions or audition to be a studio tour guide. I'll most likely pursue the tour guide option. Since I have to have an internship to graduate, and most internships don't pay, it's probably wise for me to get a job. I loved working the turnstiles at Disney so I think I might enjoy this.

I still don't have an internship lined up, but I still have a month. I'm not all that concerned about finding one, since I've already been in contact with several people, and the only reason that nothing has worked out is because I'm not available until the end of March and they all need people now.

I think I'm finally coming to the realization that I am indeed laying the foundation to build a life out here. Maybe not forever, but for a while. Not much of a surprise, though. We all knew deep down that I wasn't coming back to Chicago.

The married couple is super nice, if not slightly awkward still. They offer me dinner a lot, which is nice, and the guy showed me around while the girl showed me how to work the TiVo in case I wanted to watch every episode of American Idol ever aired (I HAVE always wanted to see Fantasia Barrino take home the gold...). I've only seen the detective twice, which is a bummer because they say he has really good stories to tell and I'm interested in hearing them, but he is home for about fifteen minutes twice a week and that's it. No Dani, he doesn't wear a detective coat. But he does wear suspenders. I think it's a rule that detectives wear suspenders. I think it's so that their pants don't fall down and interfere with a crime scene.

In a few weeks I'm going to a big Museum of Radio & Television Panel with the cast and crew of Jericho. So now I'm catching up on every episode so far so that I have at least a slight idea of what's going on. Jericho wasn't my first choice, but The Office, Heroes, Dexter, Nip/Tuck, and The Simpsons were sold out already. I may show up for the Heroes one next week and see if I can get a standby ticket, if only to see how plastic Hayden Panitierre looks in real life.

I'm also going to the taping of a pilot. I read the script of it and I can tell you with a fairly decent amount of certainty that you will never see this show on the air because it's not funny at all. Molly Shannon is in it, though. But does that really mean anything anymore?

Life in LA isn't all that overwhelming, but I find that I keep overwhelming myself. Obsessively looking up jobs and internships, always feeling like I'm not writing enough, worrying that I should do one thing instead of another. I don't even really know how to describe it. I think I am forgetting that I am still in school and way off from any sort of real career. Take the job situation, for instance. I need to start making money in the next few weeks. Well, I don't NEED to but I probably should. Being poor would kind of suck. So I of course think to myself "well, any job would be fine. I'll go find a Starbucks or something."

That's all well and good, but then this other Steve voice pops into my head and says "You're in LA! Find a production company! Work on a film! Do something in your field!" So I spend much time scouring craig's list and other entertainment job sites for something temporary and part time, since class is of the 9-5 nature. Of course, no good job in my field is looking for help on nights and weekends, so that doesn't do much good. I did apply as a tour guide at Universal Studios which I BETTER hear back about, since I've worked for NBC Universal before, and I have theme park experience. Plus I could do night/weekend types of things. Plus its money.


This is boring. I wasn't funny or anything. Sorry for wasting your time.


Oh, I live with a detective in the basement.

5 random facts to let you know I'm still alive.

5. In and Out Burgers are okay. That's it. Just okay.

4. Today I got to go to the set of CSI NY, According to Jim, and a lecture with Will Forte (current SNL cast member) and Lorraine Newman (one of the original SNL cast members). The lecture was at Groundlings. It was really inspiring and I'm so glad that I'm going back into performance stuff, especially Improv. I mean, I was an Acting minor at Columbia but I'm just not a theatre person. I love all of the Writing & Producing stuff that I've done, and that's still something I'm gunning for, but I think somewhere between the ages of 18 and 22 I forgot what a passion I have for performing, specifically improv and comedy. Also interesting to note that Will Forte did a lot of writing for shows and backstage work before joining SNL.

3. I'm all settled into my place in Burbank. I'm subletting from Andy and Pam. They are a super nice married couple who might be just a little too nice. They are spoiling me like no other. For what I am paying a month, I am already getting an amazing deal. On top of that, they bought a rug to put in my room and want to get a flat screen TV for it too. Granted, after I leave they will continue to rent out the room, so it's not like these presents are specifically for me, but it's still awkward. The most awkward part is the plastic mattress cover they put on my bed. Are they worried that I'm a chronic bed wetter, or are they planning on stabbing me to death in my sleep? And which of those two is worse?

2. Every day I get to drive past Warner Brothers Studios, and I see the water tower and think of Animaniacs.

1. I scratched my new car already and I'm really pissed off about it. This is negative so I feel that this shouldn't be number one. I want to end on something fun and interesting.

1.1 Apparently in Las Vegas, they feel that everyone already knows the area code, so the phone book doesn't list it, nor do any billboards or signs with phone numbers. Nothing tells you what the area code of Las Vegas is. Lucky for me, I remember watching TRL one day when 702, the girls that sang "Where My Girls At?" came on. They explained that their name came from the area code of their home town, Las Vegas. Sure enough, I tried 702 and it worked. So a crappy band, mindnumbing television series geared towards adolescents with no personalities, plus my ability to remember the most useless information but inevitably discard anything of any actual importance almost instantly, pretty much a trifecta that saved our day.

Did Lewis and Clark stop in Vegas? Because I did.

Okie shmokie, here we go. I know you've been salivating over the thought of reading about my drive out west, and I'd hate to keep you waiting any longer than I already regrettably have. Hopefully nobody is suffering from a bout of hysterical blindness as a result of my departure. I'd sure hate for you to miss out on reading about my spiritual experience in the Texas panhandle.

Let's start with Thursday, since the whole experience really did begin with Steven's Last Night in Town. Ashley said she could drive me to the train station, but first she had to give blood. I'm not sure if anyone knows that Ashley gave blood on Thursday. She's been quite discreety about it. She barely mentioned it to anyone. So she comes to pick me up and unfortunately we didn't get to the train station in time. I missed it. Had to leave Friday morning instead. I really wasn't that upset. It meant I got to watch my Thursday night comedies with Jeff one last time, and I could hang out with my friends without the sadness of goodbyes or the stress of packing, since all that had been done.

Friday morning I got up, got my stuff together, and went outside to catch a cab. This took about a half hour. I called my mom to tell her I'd probably miss the bus (I got a bus ticket this time) because every cab was full. For over a half hour, I waited in the freezing cold, waving unsuccessfully to every cab that drove by. At this point, my fingers (we all know how Steve's fingers get) are in excrutiating pain, I can't even hold my suitcase handle. I'm leaving Chicago and I'm stressed and I can't figure out if I want to burst into tears, punch a wall, or go throw a brick through Ashley's window. I decided on the brick, but a cab finally showed up and took my to Union Station. I almost missed the bus, but it all worked out. The rest of Friday included dinner with family, scouring Craig's List for apartments and jobs, and unpacking my stuff from Chicago. Then my Dad told me that he wanted to leave at 6 am. Now, it's midnight and I'm still unpacking everything in my life that I had in Chicago. Now, I have six hours to pack my life for California. Of course this takes an unnecessarily long time because I keep going online and there's a Growing Pains marathon on, but I managed to finish packing and tear myself away from the Seavers at 4am for an entire hour of sleep.

EXPEDITION AMERICA: DAY 1

My Dad woke me up and we drove, drove, drove...for an hour. We got to Jackson and the roads were bad and the Focus is swerving and fishtailing all over the place. We can barely go 40. Trucks are passing us. This is not good, and since the car is new, we assume of course that something is wrong with it. It takes a good two hours or so to get to Fort Wayne, where we decide to have the car looked at. We pull into a Ford dealership and they look at everything and guess what they find? Nothing. Apparently the roads are just THAT bad. Black ice, people. Ever heard of it? The road where we had the most trouble was now closed because of a jack-knifed semi. My car was fine. Good to know. We end up making our way to Springfield, Missouri, a good 400 miles short of our goal, which was Oklahoma city. Here is a collection of every exciting thing we passed between Novi and Springfield.



That's the long and short of it. We got to Springfield, ate at Pizza Hut, where my parents couldn't get over the three foot mohawk this girl had (which was pretty out of place in Missouri), and I marveled at how much I love southern accents.

DAY 2

We got up super early and drove. This was probably the best/worst time I had with my parents in a long time. The bests included: Noticing that the book my Mom bought to keep track of miles and the trip says "I got your mom's digits" on the front and having to explain to her why that's funny, as well as call everyone I know to tell them. Listening to mariachi on AM radio. Listening to a call-in talk show for truckers on AM. Basically anything on AM radio in Texas. Driving across the Hoover Dam at 3am. My mom asking if the giant spinning things were wind or solar power (hint: they're spinning).



What you are looking at is the largest cross in the Western Hemisphere. We drove by it and the sign says that this is the spiritual experience of a lifetime. So, naturally, I had to share it with you. Sidenote: there is a giant cross exactly like this in Missouri. But that one doesn't have a sign or a giant stage for plays, so I guess it's not as spiritual. It doesn't even have a gift shop to buy a T-Shirt that says "my parents went to the largest cross and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

The worst parts of Day 2 include but are not limited to...Being in the car for almost 24 hours. Driving past miles, miles, miles, and miles of nothing. Not getting to Vegas until 4 am. Not finding a place to stay in Vegas until 5 am.

Day 3. Vegas, baby.

Vegas isn't exactly my cup of tea. I had fun, this much is true. But it just wasn't all I expected it to be. This could be related to the fact that I went with my parents, who weren't all that interested in drinking and titty bars. I gambled a bit, drank a bit, watched Heroes, drank and gambled some more. We went to downtown Las Vegas which is where the trashy locals go and I think I found it to have more character than the Strip. The strip is like Disney World and downtown Las Vegas is like...a strip mall, essentially.


As you can see, the people flock to downtown Vegas, where the cocktail waitresses are as loose as the slots.

Is this where the new James Bond movie was filmed? I'd say...no.



So the day after Vegas, I think we're on to day 4, we drove to Huntington Beach, where I am now. I had an internship interview, which went well but I can't work until the end of March after class, and the position may be filled by then. The lady said to stay in contact with her about other internships and possibly even something with writers, so that's cool. Someone just called while I was writing this from another production company that works on 24 and did Felicity. It's exciting, but now I have to call and say "sorry, not available until March. Do you love me enough to to call back?"

Last night my Mom's cousins came into town with their kids. I still couldn't tell you who I'm related to, whose name is whose, and who brought the chihuahua, but I do know there were twelve of us. It was a good time. I like getting to know family that I don't know that well. It's like meeting a stranger but already having a bond because you know you're of the same blood, and that they probably sent you money when you graduated High School.

When they left, my mom's cousin gave me a hug. Normal, since she's one of the few people that I actually know. She hugged me pretty tight and for a little bit longer than a normal hug. I was kinda confused but I didn't think much of it. He daughter just moved out here and I am now too and she knows how tough this is for my mom, so it probably had something to do with that. Then I realized that she had lost her oldest daughter in a car accident a few years ago, and that this long hug might have something to do with that. Just kind of makes you think.

The parents left today, so I'm a little glum. My mom was a wreck at the airport. I tried to think of something inspiring and emotional yet clever to say, but instead just shouted out LOOOOOOVE YOOOOOUUUUUUUUU across the street as they went inside. If anything, I embarrassed her enough to stop missing me. You'd think it would be easier since I moved out in 2002, went to Kalamazoo, then Orlando, then Chicago, but I guess not. I got back from the airport just fine, now I'm sitting around. I need to work a LOT on my Earl spec (as in...write the whole thing) because my application for Nickelodeon is due next week. I also want to run. I need to return the blank CD's I bought at Ralph's since they cost like twenty bucks and that's ridiculous, and then I'm going up to Glendale tonight for a barbecue to meet the people I will most likely be living with. So, that's where I am right now. Any questions? Comments? Concerns?

I'm in California. I'm exhausted to the point of brain dead so don't expect a huge update on the cross country trip any time soon.

Alas, I am here. Huntington Beach with my parents for a few days, looking at some places tomorrow and an internship interview(!). Hopefully by next week I'll have a place to hang my Tigers hat. We'll see.

It's after midnight, and I'm writing about Pasta Roni why?

I got bit by the culinary bug tonight and decided to make something fancy. I decided on pasta because it's both easy and satisfying. Also, when you have a pot boiling on the stove, you really feel like you're accomplishing something. It seemed like fun to try something new, so I made shells in a white cheddar sauce, because not only is my palette constantly seeking exotic new tastes, but it was also the only kind of Pasta Roni I had left.

The Pasta Roni box has a large red banner across it that reads "Now Better Tasting!"

I just don't feel that this is a good way to entice buyers to try your product. I mean, my first thought when I read the box was "Oh God, this must have really tasted like shit before if their major selling point is that it no longer tastes like it used to." Then I wondered how this decision came about. Does Pasta Roni have tasting labs? And if so, where are they? I can assure you they are not in Italy because the term "Pasta Roni" is by and large an inexcusable assault on the Italian language.

But most importantly, do you think some jackass actually got a raise for coming up with such a million dollar idea?

President of Pasta Roni: We need to increase sales! Any ideas?
Bob: Soccer tournaments?
Lance: Istanbul?
Peter: Make it taste better?
President of Pasta Roni: GENIUS!!!

Now Peter is sitting in his corner office, sending his kids to expensive private school where they learn to ride horses, and cheating on his wife with his sultry new secretary which he thinks is really exotic because she's Hispanic but really she's from Boise and just tans a lot, all because he had the innovative and cutting-edge idea to make Pasta Roni taste better. And this is just the beginning! Thanks to Peter's intuition, other companies are following suit!

-Ford Motor Company has announced plans to make cars better.

-McDonalds is currently researching methods of making milkshakes taste milkshakier.

-Harold's Chicken Shack will soon begin removing all feathers from the product before deep frying and serving it.

So remember, friends. When life seems tough, and you feel like there's no way out. Before you go reaching for some deadly mixture of opiates and COX-2 inhibitors, think of Peter.

...Then swallow the pills.

Parting gifts

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."
~Gilda Radner

“Whoever starts out toward the unknown must consent to venture alone”
-Andre Gide


Let me preface this entire piece with one statement. I have absolutely no intention of staying in Los Angeles. Okay, okay…don’t take the cork out of the champagne just yet. I have no intention of going back to Chicago, either. So what does this mean? Do I intend to move to Vegas? Boston? Sierra Leone? As passionate as I am about gambling, beans, and conflict diamonds, the answer is sill no. Simply put, I have no intentions at this point. I intend to get a job and to pursue my dream, but at this point, I just see no reason to commit to anything. I’m young. I have options. Let’s just throw the paper airplane and see where it lands, right? For now, all I can guarantee (whenver I write “guarantee,” I sound it out in my head. “Gwar-an-tee.”) is that I’m spending five weeks in LA for school. Where will I be come April 1st? Given the date, I will be committing hijinks and foolery of all sorts, but the location where said foolery will take place? File that under TBD. Wow…that was quite a preface.

This was supposed to be one of my famous “Bye! Love you!” posts, and here I am going on talking about phonetic spelling and April Fool’s Day. Talk about a digression.

The fact of the matter is, I am not sad to leave. I don’t know why. It could be because I was an emotional wreck the entire week, and that well had simply run dry. It could be because I’m just so glad to not be living with a certain someone anymore that the immense amount of ecstasy I’m feeling overpowers any sorrow. Or, maybe…just maybe…I’m not sad to leave because everyone is coming with me.

Don’t let’s be silly, you know I’m speaking figuratively. So don’t start posting sublet ads on Craig’s List and shopping for sandals. You’re all staying put in Chicago. Suckers. How’s the weather, by the way?

Seriously though. Everyone is coming with me, in a way. Let’s have a party. What kind of salsa should I bring? I was thinking mild, just so everyone can eat it.


I will always make an extra effort to please the people important to me. So, Ashley is coming with me.

I will always take the greatest amount of joy in life’s smallest and simplest pleasures. So, Dani is coming with me.

I will always overanalyze every possible outcome of every situation, but ultimately trust my instincts. So, Baggy is coming with me.

I will always look for ways to shake life up, even if it means a few ferocious fights now and then. So, Kara is coming with me.

I will always clap my hands and cheer like an adolescent every time something funny happens. So, Jeff is coming with me.

I will always be loyal to my friends. So, Dave is coming with me.

I will always make left turns when most people seem to be going right. So, Christian is coming with me.

I will always maintain a healthy balance of competitive edge and sincerity. So, Jenny is coming with me.

I will always say the most random things at the most inappropriate times. So, Jess is coming with me.

Moving away is scary. The unknown is terrifying. Goodbyes can be tragic. But I’m just not seeing that this time. Maybe leaving Western and Disney has desensitized me to the whole thing, but I’m just not feeling any of that gloom right now. I’m excited to be moving on with my life and to try new things. I’m finally going to pursue what I’ve wanted to do all my life, and it’s exciting. I wish everyone actually could come with. In a physical sense, not just some cheesy sentimental blog post way. But at the same time, I love the fact that I have friends all over the world. And I know that all the people who are important to me will not be leaving my life any time soon.

A beautiful Outlook on things.

Every so often, mankind comes forth with a new invention that does more than turn the pages of the book of time. It creates a new chapter entirely. The automobile. Chemotherapy. Youtube. What do these three creations have in common? They have improved our lives in ways we never thought possibly. Little did I know, however, that an even more groundbreaking invention had been brought to life. And it slipped right past me, without so much as a peep. Right under my nose this whole time, and hidden in my Start Menu. It's name?

Microsoft Outlook.

Not since iTunes has a program that comes standard with all computers made my life so much easier. Of course having instant access to my gmail account without signing onto the internet is great, but that's only the tip of the iceberg. Hell, Outlook isn't even an iceberg, it's a glacier. A giant frozen mass of organized convenience.

To say I like to keep lists of things to do would be as heavy an understatement as saying that Hitler had a mild distaste for Jews. I love lists. With everything that is pure in my heart, I love making lists of things that I need to get done. Luckily, with school, work, an upcoming graduation, and moving across the country next week, I have plenty of things to add to my list on a daily basis. With Outlook, I have a checklist of the eighteen trillion things that I need to get done. I do still carry around my Far Side planner so that I can scrawl things like "ask Dad about exhaust filter" into every square inch of free space. But once I get home, make no mistake, I happily transfer each and every task, no matter how trivial, into my Outlook Task folder.

On top of that, there's a Calender and Contacts list as well. Why haven't I been using this since 2003? Tell me that. Please. Enlighten me as to why it took me this long to actually open this godsend of computer software.

On an unrelated but equally relevant topic (although major Steve points* will be awarded to anyone who can find an interesting connection), Anna Nicole Smith died. Isn't that insane? Brynne, who you may remember from Chapter One and Chapter Ten texted me earlier to tell me. Initially, I didn't believe her. I had a few reasons to be less than credulous to her claim. Namely, the time I told her that the Crocodile Hunter had died. This was several years before he actually did die (which, in retrospect, coats the entire story in a dark shade of irony). So naturally I just assumed this was a lie and that Brynne was getting back at me for a trick I played on her almost eight years ago. But I decided to check the internet, as it is seemingly so reliable to begin with, and see for myself. Lo and behold, it made front page news as CNN.com. Brynne was telling the truth.




*Steve points can only be redeemed for sarcastic comments, witty insights, or valuable life lessons. They cannot be exchanged for cash value and are not redeemable in Idaho, Wyoming, and parts of New Jersey.

I'm not pro-protest

I don't understand these student protests against the Bush Administration. Okay, let me clarify. I understand why students want to protest, and their point of view on everything, but what I don't understand is their incessant need to skip class in order to rally. I feel as though there are more Anti-Bush protests in a month than there are Fridays. What baffles me the most is how these organizations are always calling for students to skip class that day to make a statement. First of all, you're in college. No one gives a shit if you skip class. The only statement that's making is "I didn't go to class today." Students make that statement on a daily basis, regardless of the Bush Administration and genocide in Iraq. Second, you're PAYING to go to school. Dollars come out of your pocket and go to your college, and in return, you get to attend class, learn, get a piece of paper, and maybe (if you're lucky) get a job. So, what part of skipping class to protest makes sense from an economical standpoint? To me, it's like going to the grocery store, buying a dozen boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and then protesting Hershey's Candy by not eating your cereal. Can't you protest on a Saturday? Can't all of the organizations who put these together come together to form one big one? Flaws. All I see are flaws.

In terms of LA, everything is going well. I got a car yesterday. A Focus. Liquid Grey. Here are a few true facts about why I got a car.
1. I'm graduating and I'm going to need one anyway.
2. LA is not a commuter city.
3. I'm under 25 and it is more economical to drive out there than rent one.
4. Since my Dad works for Ford and knows people and gets discounts, its better for me to get a car here.

My sublet may have fallen through. Sucks, because I was going to have my own bedroom and bathroom in a virtually empty house with all utilities (even internet and cleaning service) included for $600 a month. But it was only a temporary thing anyway, so I'm not going to worry about it. Once I get to California I'll stay with my Aunt and Uncle until I find a place.

I'm going to get a part-time job right away. Well, maybe not right away, but soon. Nothing too rigorous. But since SLA is supposed to be rather calm and easy, there's no reason I can't work 10-15 hours a week somewhere. I'm going to be more picky about it though. The days of My Pi and Campus Colors are over. I'd like to find a job relevant to what I want to do in life, but that might not happen right away. As it is now, I have saved enough money for almost two months of rent and an Improv class at Groundlings. But I don't have enough for food or any other per diem expenses ("per diem", as you know, is latin for "Busty Prostitutes") Plus there's that car I'm going to need to start paying for eventually. Oh wow, I'm growing up. I gots bills to pay.

I may have some connections to get myself an internship at Ellen. Also, there's the lady at NBC. On top of that, my portfolio advisor really liked me and told me to keep in touch with him and he may be able to get me a job as a PA or something on a new show called Swingtown, if it gets picked up. On top of that I'm applying for an internship at The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (pays really, really well, but super selective. I'll never get it), and a one-year writing fellowship at Nickelodeon, which also pays.

So, my days are usually spent working on essays, a spec script, my resume, getting letters of recommendation, and emailing people.

Jess will know exactly where I got THIS from!

Soooo it's late and I can't sleep because as I was going through all of the stuff that I moved out of the apartment today it finally hit me that I'm leaving in two weeks. I am not ready for this. Gah...

Sooo I needed something to distract me from myself. It was either an internet survey or tear all my hair out and bawl hysterically. I think I made the right choice.


What's your middle name?
-- Michael

How big is your bed?
-- Ummm if you want to sleep with me just ask. It's a futon, btw.

What are you listening to right now?
-- Our Lady Peace "Somewhere Out There" (I'll probably be listening to it non-stop for the next month)

what are the last 4 digits in your cell #?
-- First the bed question and now this? Perv. 3670, although I remember fondly the days of 0464.

Last thing you ate?
-- Some peanuts

Last person you hugged?
-- Oh wow...ummm.....I'm not a hugger, really. I don't even know.

How is the weather right now?
-- BITTER! FRIGID!

Last person I talked to on the phone?
-- My mom.

First thing I notice about the opposite sex?
-- Teeth.

Favorite type of food?
-- I really really like tacos.

Do you want children?
-- Yeah. I think I do.

Do you drink?
-- Is Paula Abdul's body saturated with painkillers?

Ever got so drunk you don't remember a night?
-- I ususally remember most of it.

Hair color?
-- Blonde.

Eye color?
-- I'm bored with this?

Do you wear glasses/ contacts?
-- UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. contacts.

Favorite holiday?
-- Halloween and Christmas. Too hard to choose.

Favorite season?
-- Summer

Have you ever cried over a boy?
-- Oh wow. This is getting a touch personal. No. I haven't.

Last movie you watched?
-- The Descent. Scarrrrry.

What books are you reading?
-- The Comic Toolbox

Piercings?
-- There was the famous canadian cartilage piercing but that's been gone since the second week of Disney.

Favorite movie?
-- I Heart Huckabees or Very Bad Things

Favorite college football team?
-- GO BRONCOS!

What were you doing before filling this out?
-- Going insane.

Any pets?
-- no.

Favorite flower?
-- Pussywillow.

Have you ever loved someone?
-- Maybe. But probably not.

Who would you like to see right now?
-- Seriously? Anyone.

Have you ever fired a gun?
-- no.

Do you like to travel by plane?
-- Shit no. I thought I was gonna throw up on the way to Orlando.

Right hand or left hand?
-- right.

If you could go to any place right now, where would you go?
-- The University Center circa 2005

Are you missing someone?
-- yes. more than just one some.

Do you have a tattoo?
-- Nope. Maybe one day.

Do you still watch cartoons on sat. mornings?
-- You think I'm up for cartoons on saturday morning? Well, actually I am. But the answer to that is no. I don't.

Are you hiding something from someone?
-- Come on, who isn't?

Are you 18?
-- 22

What is on the wallpaper of your cell phone?
-- Shilo

Did you get enough sleep last night?
-- no! Power Hour and then getting up for work at 8. I'm exhausted.

First thing you thought about this morning?
-- Yesssssss I don't have a hangover.

Grilled or fried?
-- grilled. Fried food kind of grosses me out. But I'll eat anything when I'm starving.

What makes you unique?
-- Random, sarcastic, wildly inappropriate, sentimental jackass

Are you afraid of the dark?
-- Not so much.

Favorite hangout place?
-- I don't think I have a favorite place. Anywhere with fun people is good.

3 things you can't live without?
-- chips & salsa (which count as one thing, so STFU with that), television, my friends.

Favorite song?
-- Buckcherry "For The Movies"

What are you afraid of?
-- death

Are you a giver or taker?
-- both

Do you have nicknames, what?
-- Ooooh here we go:
Scooby, Brita, Brita Steve, Baby Shoe, Baby Steve, Steve-O, Stevicus, Peg, Peglet, Mr. Peg, Pegasaurus, Peggington

What is your dads middle name?
-- Francis. Okay this survey is making me mad.

What is your mothers middle name?
-- Theresa

Stuck on a deserted island & could take one thing?
-- A boat? Nah...definitely my George Foreman grill.

Favorite tv commercial?
-- The one where Ellen is working with animals. I laugh out loud.

Whos your cell phone provider?
-- T-Mobile. Stick Together.

First thing you'll save in a fire?
-- computer. Or a roommate. (computer)

What are the things you always take with you?
-- phone. wallet. keys.

What did you wanan be when you were a kid?
-- Famous.

What do you usually do when the clock hits 11:11?
-- Sacrifice four goats and drink the blood of a virgin while doing sand art?

What about you think about before bed?
-- Regrets.