I've seen my share of movies this week

It was actually really funny. No Lilo & Stitch by any means, but still decent. I saw it with Ashley and her family (go figure) when we drove back to Michigan.



















I bought it without watching it. Loved it. And the best part is you can definitely watch it more than once because there are a lot of things you don't quite pick up on. I guess it's a little like Veronica Mars.


















Freak
ing
loved
it.
I can't say enough about it so I won't even start. So good.






























Tough one. I thought the good parts were really good, and the boring parts were really boring. Halfway through you forget it's even about 9-11 because it's all about the guys stuck under the rubble. It was decent. It was definitely safe, and not controversial in any way. It tells a good story though, and I think anyone who thinks that it is "too soon" for a 9-11 movie is wrong. It's a good way for people to remember this. Because it did happen, and there's no point in pretending it didn't.





















What a way to follow up a 9-11 drama (and that's the gospel truth)



















It was ok. Not nearly as funny as Shrek and The Incredibles, which is sad because I was hoping it would be. It was actually surprisingly clever, though.




















Season 2 is far and away better than the first season. And that says a lot. It's nominated for like 5 Emmys, which is completely deserves. Too bad I don't have Showtime. And the newer episodes aren't even on iTunes yet, damnit.

101 blogs already !?!?

Despite the fact that the pool is this awful color, I still fully intend to hop on a raft and do some reading in the sun.









But first, I have some important things to get done.

-Watch Celebrity Fit Club (Carnie Wilson is an inspiration to us all)
-Look at apartments in LA, despite the fact that I have a whole year left in Chicago
-Send a resume, cover letter, and transcript to Upward Bound to apply for a tutor job
-Look at pets online even though I know I can't get a dog yet (ferret? guinea pig?) I found a beagle that I must have. I wish it was going to be put to sleep because then I'd have an excuse to get it and no one could argue.
-Check every new MySpace blog. Baggy has Mono? Dangles got a haircut?! Dani went to the mall? Ashley hasn't found an apartment!
-Wonder why I'm still inside
-Check half.com for TV show DVDs for cheap

I went to the dentist this morning. He said I had a cavity. I told him that I haven't drank pop in about 5 months, so I can't have a cavity. He said I did. I told him that if I can give up pop and still get cavities, that everything he's ever told me was a lie.

I parked on an incline at the dentist, and when I was leaving, I put the car in reverse and pulled out. But the car stopped and wouldn't go anywhere. I had no idea what to do, since it's a brand new Explorer. Well, turns out I didn't start the engine. The only reason the car backed up is because it was going down a hill. Dumb.

100 blogs already!?!?

Well, I suppose there's no sense in celebrating my 100th blog when the reality is that it's only my 100th on Blogger. If you were to count my Deadjournal, Livejournal, and Myspace accounts, there would be quite a few more. More than the stars in the sky, I'd assume. Please don't be distracted by those links. I know how fascinated you must be by my theory that Anna Nicole Smith is the reason for terrorism, or what my trip to California with Brent Beeler in the summer of 2002 was like, but please, try to focus.

I guess making it to 100 is kind of cool. There are a few people I'd like to thank, while I'm up here. First and foremost, I'd like to thank my parentheses. I use them quite frequently (at least once every entry) and I doubt my blog would be what it is without them. Thank you (. Thank you ). I'd also like to thank Alicia Hirshfield for telling me to make a Deadjournal account. Not only that, she is the one that got me the registration code for Livejournal. Remember when you couldn't make an LJ account without getting a number from someone who already had one? Well, thanks to Alicia for that as well. She's moving to China tomorrow. I'll miss her. I'd like to go visit, since I've always wanted to go to Shanghai, but my mom insists that I don't. She is convinced that some stranger will plant illegal narcotics in my suitcase and I will be falsely persecuted and spend the rest of my life in a third world prison. And yes, she came to this conclusion after watching Brokedown Palace on Lifetime. Fucking Claire Danes always finds a way to ruin my international affairs.

I'd also like to thank those of you that comment here. It is no secret that in my writing, much like my entire life, for that matter, I seek constant validation. I'd like to thank those of you that comment frequently for supplying me with that. Mostly that means Dani and Dangles. If my blog were a Subway and you got your card punched for commenting, those two would be munching on a 12 inch Daily Special right now. Although Twigger, Baggy, and Jenny often jump in with things to say as well. So does Ashley Rush from Disney, which is slightly random but that's why I love it. If you don't comment, I still appreciate that you at least read what I say. No. That's a lie. Fuck off. Either comment or jump off a fucking cliff. You ingrates.

I really need to finish Catch 22. I really love it. I just don't love reading. I used to read all the time. I was a big reader. My mom would always say, "Oh yeah, Steve loves to read." She'd take me to Borders once a week so I could get a new book. I was reading in the intermediate section way before anyone else! I was onto Fear Street when everyone else was still reading Goosebumps. Not that I didn't read Goosebumps too. But they really only took me about 3 hours to get through. I didn't notice at the time, but Goosebumps sure had some ridiculous titles. What was RL Stine thinking?

















Seriously?



My mom used to tell me that RL Stine didn't write all of the books. That he had writers that worked for him, because it was impossible to write an entire novel once a month. Yeah, I can see that. But come on. The Horror at Camp JellyJam? A Shocker on Shock Street? Yeah, I could believe that Shakespeare had help writing his plays, but to say that RL Stine needed help to make Egg Monsters From Mars just doesn't seem right.

Back to Catch 22. How is it that I am a writer (I've been published on websites, I go to SCHOOL for writing, I have a blog, I've written and registered a treatment and script for an original pilot) and I just can't sit down and read? I'll finish it eventually. Besides, I DID read Grapes of Wrath for fun once. That's gotta count for something.

My two biggest priorities right now are to finish my Off The Clock script and to finish reading Catch 22. Having my computer die made it a little harder to finish OTC, but once I get back to Chicago, I'm buckling down. I've had a few other ideas that I'd like to work on, but not until I finish this. My other pilot idea is about a family of carnies. Also I have an idea for a show based on all my friends in Chicago. But OTC comes first. I forgot my Batman notebook in Chicago and it's killing me that I can't write down my ideas. Then again, it's not like I've had that many. Hmmm. Uh-Oh. Am I boring now? I mean, the Goosebumps part, that was pretty good, right? Now I'm just talking about myself and my writing and I feel I've lost my audience. Quick Steve, think of something.












Yeah. There you are.

Annnyway. I went to my grandparents house this weekend. They just moved to a farm. My grandmas brothers used to live in the house, and I used to go up to the farm a lot when I was little. However, it seems that the years of Oakland County, Novi Public Schools, 12 Oaks Mall, Fountain Walk, and living in Downtown Chicago have really taken the country boy out of me (was there ever one in me? No. Probably not). It was a weekend of picking corn and potatoes, burning garbage, and going out after dinner to look for deer. I really really wanted to go to the Demolition Derby at the county fair, but that didn't happen. It brought back a lot of memories of my childhood trips up to the farm. Like the cats that lived in the barn and scratched the hell out of my arm when I tried to pet one. Or the time I went swinging on a rope in the barn and accidently let go and fell about 10 feet on my back. Or the time I went walking around with my Dad and ran ahead and shouted "Follow me Dad!" and without looking jumped right into a giant pile of cow shit. You know the Beatle's song "Mother's Nature's Son?" It's about me.

It really was a good weekend though. I got to relax and work outside and not even think about cell phones or internet or anything.

Happy 100! Here's to 100 more. Oh wait, didn't I used to write about jobs or something? Eh...Peace out.

so much to catch up on!

I hate MySpace. I just hate it. For all intents and purposes, I should love it. (When I was little I thought the phrase was "for all intensive purposes," isn't that hilarious!?!?) I mean you can decorate your background, put tons of sweet pix up in your bio, even play songs and videos! Baggy certainly couldn't post such a salacious picture of buxomed beauty Charo on my FACEBOOK wall, could he? That's out of the question! And you can blog on MySpace too!

Hard to believe there is ANY reason for me to hate MySpace, I know. Here is a short list:

1. It never works. On the off chance that the page actually works, you are still waiting a good 10 minutes for it to frackin' load. But don't worry, there is never any error in loading those John Tucker Must Die pop ups.

2. People who I don't know adding me. I don't mind cool people checking out my profile and seeing how awesome I am and wanting to be my friend. I can't blame them. What I don't like is when SexyVMonica tries TWICE to add me because she "saw my profile and loved it. Wants to hook up for webchat with her sexy friends" Not to mention all of the crappy bands, which leads me to...

3. MySpace Music. Useless. Pointless. Annoying. Consists of nothing but shitty Fall Out Boy wannabes and wierd goth/punk/metal/folk/lullaby craziness. Sure, a lot of big bands have MySpace music pages now too, but they don't need them. And what's the difference between a MySpace profile and a MySpace Music profile? You can play songs in both of them.

Annnnywaaaay....

Summer is almost over. Can you believe that? I guess we still have a whole month left, but I'll be home. Plus, I count my chickens before they hatch.

Orientation is done for a few weeks. Boy did we have some fun times. I'm genuinely looking forward to going back to work with everyone at the end of the month. Well, I'm more or less looking forward to our after-work parties. The most memorable OL experience so far definitely has to be when Jacob, Cam, Millie, and I watched Final Destination 3. Holy shit, what an evening that turned out to be. If you don't know why, then I guess you'll have to just wonder. It was bucknutty, to say the least.

Sorry Dangles, I've really been typing a lot, so I don't even know if I can get to Flavor of Love 2 in this post. But does every girl on that show have a lisp or gap teeth? I'm pretty sure they do. I love the white girl who wants a man that can "hold me, and hold me DOWN!" Classy. Best line so far, "I threw the first punch, yeah, but she threw flowers at me!" followed closely by, "Dear God, please forgive me for beating this bitch ass." That girl was too nuts to be real. She was a plant. She was put there to go nuts and get kicked off first and set the tone for the show. I mean seriously, she was CARRIED out. She wasn't real. I wish she was real, because I'd marry her, but she was just a plant.

Lollapalooza was awesome. I was wondering if I would have as good of a time this year as I did last year. I most definitely did. even though I wasn't nearly as excited about the line-up, there were tons of bands that blew me away.

On Friday, the Raconteurs were by far the best. I love White Stripes already, and now Jack White is in another one of my favorite bands.

The two best shows on Saturday were The Go! Team and Manu Chao. Two shows that most people didn't seem to see beside me. I loved how crazy The Go! Team got, despite it being about 11117 degrees outside. Celsius. And I never wanted to see Kanye. I don't like him. I never did. I wish more people felt the same way, but nobody seemed adventurous enough to trek over to check out Manu. Those who did got to enjoy dancing barefoot in Grant Park, under the glowing skyline, to some awesome latin rock. Everybody there was having an awesome time, and if more of my friends (you know who you are) would have just fessed up to not liking Kanye and TRIED something different for once, they would not have been disappointed. Alicia made her way over, and we had a blast. No doubt, the best part of the weekend.

By Sunday I was dead. 30 Seconds to Mars was great, especially because I spent most of it with a wasted Twigger who had snuck in an Aquafina bottle full of wine. The Shins were decent. A perfect band to listen to while you nap in the trees and try to keep your back turned to the line of a million porta-potties that are less than 20 feet from you. I wanted to check out Broken Social Scene, even though I didn't know a lot about them. Most people seemed to choose Blues Traveler, which I thought was strange. I didn't know people actually liked them (much like my discovery last year that everyone in the world loves Cake besides me), and the only song I know is that "sure fire way to keep things up" song, which is by no means one of my favorites. I'm glad I watched the Social Scene. They blew me away. Of all of the music that I need to download after Lollapalooza (and trust me, there's a lot), Broken Social Scene is the top of my list.

And who can forget the Chili Peppers. I couldn't find Alicia, which was sad, since I didn't get to say goodbye to her, but I did come across some other friends and we rocked out. But not with our cocks out. Well, Dangles had hers out, but only for "Dani California." After a relatively uneventful summer, aside from working, drinking, and sometimes going to the beach, Lollapalooza was just what I needed.

Oh, and my computer is broken. Did I say that yet? Oh, probably last time. Yeah, it went off during the thunderstorm last week and won't turn on. And yes, I have a surge protector so don't even fucking ask. Obviously a 5$ surge protector from Walgreens is hardly capable of living up to its name. The kicker? A little over a year ago, when I got my laptop, I couldn't decide if I wanted the 1-year warrenty, or if I should spring for the 2-year. After seeing Matt go through hell with his laptop and not having the warrenty cover it, I decided I better go with the 2 year.

THANK GOD.

Although the hour and a half I spent on the help line answering questions like "No it doesn't work plugged in with no battery. No it doesn't work not plugged in with a battery. No it doesn't work plugged in with a battery. No it doesn't work not plugged in with no battery," was not very helpful (If it doesn't work plugged in and with a battery, how the HELL is it going to work NOT plugged in with NO battery?!?) but they sent me a box to FedEx my computer to them. They should be sending it back to me next week. But don't worry, I'm going home tomorrow, so I'll have an all-you-can-eat internet buffet. And you better bet I'm stuffing rolls in my pocket.

Just a quickie. But worth it. (That's what she said)

My computer is broken right now. I am on Jeff's while he takes a shower and eats cereal. No, not at the same time. Milk, although a necessity to the cereal eating process, already causes sogginess, so consumption in the shower would only hasten the process.

No time for everything I want to say so I'm not gonna start. Stay tuned. Lollapalooza, last days of Orientation, summer fun, Flavor of Love 2, and what happened to my computer are only a few of the topics that I will be touching on. Are your pants still dry?

Didn't think so.

Hi friends

Millie is coming to pick me up so I am blogging while I wait. Every so often I will check out the window and see if she is here. I love not having to take the train this morning! Hopefully I'll be able to find a RedEye at the 1104 building, since I usually pick one up on the way to the Fullerton stop and read it on the train. Now, don't worry about me not having enough time to read the RedEye at work. My 10 hour days consist of about 9 hours of downtime. So not only will I read it front to back (Wait, it's the RedEye. We all read it BACK to FRONT) but I will most likely read it 4 times, and finish both Sudoku and the crossword puzzle. OK, that's a lie. I probably won't finish the crossword since there's always like two words left at the end and I have absolutely no idea what they are. I've gotten pretty good though.

Tomorrow is the last day of Summer Orientation. Hopefully there will be a big blowout tomorrow night to celebrate. Perhaps I should host it since Cam, Jacob, and Millie have already done one.

Lollapalooza is this weekend, and yes I am going. I'm not nearly as excited to go as I was last year. Mostly I just don't know the bands as well and am NOT looking forward to how hot it's going to be, but I know I'll still enjoy myself. Plus I have three, yes THREE separate friends coming into town who will be leaving shortly after Lolla and I will not see for a long time. So all in all this weekend will be busy but it's necessary.

Then I have Monday off. Then I go home for 2 weeks on Tuesday. Holler.

Home streeeeeetch

In the Fall, I will be taking:

TV Program Development
Writing The Sitcom
Small Screen Video
Improv Techniques
Urban Geography: The Study of Cities

After that, I only have one more semester in Chicago. I'm not done with Columbia, but done in Chicago. Next summer, if all goes according to plan, I'll be taking "Writing the One-Hour Drama" on the CBS Television lot for the Semester in LA program. And from there? Who knows. My friend who is out there now just got an internship with Passions. I'm hoping with Disney and Springer under my belt, I'll be able to get some sort of job/internship out of the SLA also. Preferably something that pays. Preferably a job as a Writer's Assistant for 24, Lost, Veronica Mars, The Office, Scrubs, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Nip/Tuck, or something equally as exciting. Or maybe I'll come back to Chicago. Or maybe somewhere else. Who knows?

While I don't technically graduate in Spring of 07, I am walking in the ceremony. It's the only ceremony there is, so if I want to walk, that's when I'd have to do it. And I want to walk. A lot of people don't care about it, and many just don't want to do it. But it's kind of important to me. High School graduation was important I suppose, but not that big of a deal to me. It's what you're supposed to do. But when I think about walking in Spring, I think about all that I've done since High School. Western Michigan University where I made some awesome friends, worked on the radio station, and tried to figure out who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. Orlando, Florida, where I worked full-time at Disney World for 8 months and learned what I'm capable of. Then of course, Columbia College Chicago, where I, dare I say, finished what I set out to do at WMU, learning exactly who I was and exactly what I wanted to do. Who would have imagined that in 5 years my life would change so much? When I walk in the Spring, it's the culmination of all of that. It's the beginning of....ughhhh....real life.

for your amusement

I don't understand why people continually underestimate me. Why do people see my ability to laugh at myself and take failure in stride as a weakness? Just because I can take admit to my faults doesn't mean that I don't have strengths. Perhaps my dim-witted inexperience is merely a subtle form of manipulation used to lower people's expectations and thereby enhancing my ability to effectively maneuver within any given situation?

Mediocrity and I have always walked hand in hand. I was always so-so at the sports I tried. I got decent parts in plays. I can sometimes (but not always) win at card games. I don't think there's ever been a single thing that I would say I excel at. Besides being funny, which I tend to latch onto with every ounce of my being, on account of that being about all I've got working for me. I'm not sure where I was going with this. I guess I could just stand for a few less people acting like my life is a farce in which I bumble and fail at everything.

Speaking of success, today I forgot to put on deodorant and I didn't smell at all. Despite some moisture throughout the day, there was no stench. See? And you think I'm not good at anything.

things I like: summer '06 edition
























The Office webisodes

Qdoba burritos

Orientation Leader parties













Running along the lake

Going to the beach



















Global facebook groups

Rollerblading through Lincoln Park

Working on my Off The Clock pilot

Alcohol + Mad Libs

The 4way (coming soon)

Noodle In The Pot on Halsted



















Ava Moore before discovering her "secret"






























Air conditioning

My upcoming 2 1/2 week trip back home to lay by the pool

Lincoln Park bars

Not working at the restaurant anymore

















I'll add more as they come.

And it's not even the tribal pattern like the old one

I got a credit card in the mail. No, not a credit card application, an actual, real, honest-to-God credit card. It's the same card number as my current card. So basically, if I were to activate it, they would essentially be charging to the same account. But the thing is...I didn't order a new card. My card isn't even expired. So what's the deal? I'm halfway convinced that the ineptness of the mailroom workers at the UCC has once again caused inconvenience in my life, despite the fact that I moved out two months ago. Picture this. New person living in 534. Mailroom does not check names on incoming mail, gives them my credit card bill. Person in 534 gets my card information and orders a new card, hoping that the mailroom will fuck up once more, therefore getting their hands on my credit card.

Maybe that's a little farfetched. But credit card fraud happens, people. And you should all be vigilant. It's not always like that episode of Friends wear Monica becomes best friends with the girl stealing her credit card. If you charge shit on my dime, don't expect me to start taking dance classes with you and go out and try exotic cuisine. No, I'm sorry. I'm just not that type of person. Unless you teach me salsa dancing, because who can resist salsa dancing? Credit card theft be damned, let's get steamy on the dance floor.

Last night was the Orientation Leader gathering. And what do Orientation Leaders, the smiling, friendly faces of Columbia College, the first person a new student meets, do when they get together outside of work? Get shitfaced. Millie and I were the first ones to get to Jacobs, at about...9:00. We wasted no time, and by the time other people finally started showing up, we were already hobbling around trying not to act too wasted. I can't really remember any specific moments that stood out. That is, aside from Carolyn laughing (and not just laughing, but snorting) every time I told her Jonbenet's mom died. Oh, she would just lose it.

There's nothing good on TV and I'm way too lazy to start planning on what to do tonight. Pirates of the Carribbean is on USA, but if you figure in commercials, I think it's about 6 1/2 hours long. I'd say that Project Runway is stupid, but then I would have to answer to a million people vehemently defending it. The Suite Life of Zach & Cody just makes me feel terrible for those two twins who will no doubt finish puberty with thoughts of suicide every time they think about how awkward and weird they looked on that show. I don't want to watch TV, I don't want to watch a movie, I don't want to go outside, and I don't want to play video games. If I take a nap I won't wake up until tomorrow, but I'm starting to wonder if that's really such a bad thing.

"I put my feet in the printer because I thought it was my shoes"

I haven't written in a while. Now I don't know what to talk about or where to even start. I suppose it really doesn't matter, since I will inevitably get sidetracked and go on some inane tangent anyway.

I should at least mention my night with Jess Dangles. That should take priority over everything else that I may want to talk about. You see, Jess and I really should have a babysitter. Because we are children. We talk like children and we act like children. And alcohol only exacerbates this tendency. Perhaps I should mention the picture we took of putting our heads in the oven. Or the somersaults off of her brothers bed. Or rapping to 50 Cent and L'il Kim's "Magic Stick" at least 50 times. And let's not forget the mad libs. Walking over to her place, I knew that drunk mad libs with Dangles was going to be the icing on the cake. Unfortunately, due to the extreme amount of disgusting, volatile, racist, crude, and utterly filthy language we chose to use in said mad libs, I don't feel that this is a good place to post them.

Orientation is going well. Getting up at six definitely sucks. By the time I get home, all I want to do is pass out. But if I pass out, then I won't be able to sleep at night. Hence, I won't be able to wake up for work at six. Speaking of Catch 22, I haven't read any of it since I quit My Pie. Guess I should start taking it to work, since the biggest challenge an OL has to face is how to survive an insanely long and boring amount of downtime.

I burnt popcorn earlier. Bad. It lit on fire. I didn't even have it in for the full time I was supposed to. Now the whole apartment smells like it, and I'm just glad I'll be in bed before Matt gets home from work and says "Who the hell burnt something?!?!?" Sorry Matt. I had to pretty much fill the entire popcorn bag with water to stop it from smoking. Then I just threw it out. In retrospect, I should have taken it to the dumpster. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20. And I'm not home all day tomorrow anyway.

My new addiction (aside from renting Veronica Mars on DVD) is reading boring people's blogs. I don't know what it is, but I can't get enough of certain people's journals. I'm sure you know the kind I'm talking about. The ones where you read and just can't quite figure out why the author is even bothering to record such tedious and inconsequential things. Like what color garbage bags they bought or how much their suitcase weighed at the airport. For some reason, despite the fact that these blogs are less interesting than reading my grandmas grocery list, or hell, even the phonebook, I am thoroughly entertained. I find it funny. I laugh out loud sometimes. And the worst part? Most of the blogs I read? I don't even know the people writing them...

And who do I think I am to sit here and say that my blog is any better?

Oh come on. Face it.

Lastly, I want to make sure everyone has heard, or is at least aware of, Fergie (from the Black Eyed Peas) and her new solo song, "London Bridge (Oh Shit)" I think this is important, because never in our lives, will we ever witness lyrical genius that can even be compared to lines such as "Grey Goose got my girls feelin loose, and I'm wishin' that I didn't wear these shoes" Generations before us their was John Lennon. And now? "London Bridge (Oh Shit)"

How come every time you come around
My London London bridge wanna go down
Like London London what? It's goin' down.

And you thought "My Humps" was a masterpiece.

Frankie says relax

So I suppose there is indeed such thing as fate. I don't know whether or not I believed in it before. I guess nothing ever really happened that I could attribute to fate. But now there is. Now I'm a believer. (Not a trace of doubt in my mind....sorry)

On Saturday I was on the phone with my mom. I was telling her how I don't want to go back to work ever again because the mexicans in the back make fun of me in Spanish and I just don't like having to deal with that. I told her I wanted to just go home but couldn't because a bus or train ticket was too much. I told her if I could just get home I wouldn't even care if I never went back to work. I told her I didn't know what to do, that I didn't want to be irresponsible and immature, but I just didn't want to go back to My Pie.

If only I had a reason to stop going.

And then, while on the phone telling my mom I didn't want to go to work and I wanted to go home, my cousin calls. She says she'll give me 50 dollars if I go walk the dog later. Well, there's a pretty good excuse to not go into work. My cousin, who is the only person I know of who has had more jobs than me, gives me a pretty good reason not to go back to the restaurant. Then she offers me a ride back home Sunday morning. How perfect. 50 dollars to not go back to work, and a ride home. This all happens at the very same moment I had been telling my mom I wanted to quit work and go home. See? Fate.

Anyway, my whole family was in, including my brother, his girlfriend, and my grandparents, so it was really nice to be able to go home. Even though I was there for less than 48 hours. When I talked to my grandma on the phone and told her I would be home on Sunday, she sounded really excited. My mom and aunt were really excited too. I feel bad for what I did to all of the employees at My Pie, but...it was really really good to see my family. And that alone made it worth it.

It was a relaxing day and a half of lounging by the pool, lounging in the living room, and lounging about in other places as well. With a little bit of shopping with Mom and drinking with Brother. My biggest regret isn't quitting my work. It's that Summer is halfway over almost and this was the first time I really got to just relax.

That's Hawt

My apartment has no hot water, so I can't shower. The landlord called and said someone was coming over here to fix our hot water heater, so we'll wait and see. At this point I think it is either being fixed or is fixed entirely, because if you try to get hot water, it doesn't come out cold. It doesn't come out hot, either, but last night there was no trace of warmth whatsoever. This leads me to believe that the pump has been fixed, but the hot water needs to be made. So I'm waiting for our hot water heater to whip up a batch of hot water.

I wouldn't be writing this if I had hot water. I'd be shaving and showering. In hot water. But I don't want to shave or shower with cold water. Nothing in the world is worse than showering in cold water. Although shaving with cold water is a close close second. I don't work until 5 so as long as there's hot water by 4:30 (or even 4:45, like I'm ever on time) then there won't be a problem. I just need hot water so I can go to work and feel fresh because without hot water I won't feel fresh and clean. I'll feel cold and most certainly unfresh. So come on, hot water.

I know what you're thinking. The answer is 11. Go ahead and count it.

How to quit my job...that's the biggest issue I'm facing right now. I've known for several weeks that orientation was starting soon. And about 2 weeks ago I made the decision to leave My Pie for it. Well, I've definitely been putting off the whole ordeal of quitting. I'm afraid. I've never been good at it. What do I say? Sure, My Pie Pizzeria has been around for about 30 years, but will it last one day without me? I doubt it. I'd say that today is the day. That I'm going to go in and tell my manager the truth. The "truth," of course, being that I just found out I got the orientation job today, and that I would like to come back to the restaurant to work in about a month and a half. Some of that might be fiction. Some. Not all. I mean, the part about me leaving for orientation is true. Maybe I didn't JUST find out about orientation and maybe I DON'T plan on going back afterwards, but they don't need to know that. Useless facts! My boss has a restaurant to run! He can't be bogged down with useless facts!

I'll figure something out. I haven't really "quit" many jobs. I've had them go out of business, I've gone on vacation and never come back, I've written notes and stopped showing up, I've stopped showing up without writing a note, I've left because it was only a summer job, but the only time I actually put in 2 weeks and let them know what was up was Old Navy. Java City too. Well, not really Java City because they wouldn't have kept me for the summer anyway.

Time to check for hot water.

Let's Get Literary

The best part of my job is how much I get to read. I've already finished Choke, Bonfire of the Vanities, and Thank You For Smoking. Choke was pretty good, but I've heard it's not Palahniuk's best. Another guy at work is reading Haunted and once he's done we're gonna trade. Bonfire of the Vanities, I've read before, and continue to love just as much. It's a long one. Not an easy read, but one of my favorite books by far. Thank You For Smoking was good. But...just good. I though I'd love it. I thought I'd be raving and not be able to put it down. Well, I liked it a lot. But it was easy to put down. I loved the end though. I really do need to see the movie. Now I'm on to Catch 22. I've never read it, even though I probably set some sort of world record for how many times I've checked it out of the library. Now I own it and plan on actually opening it.

I can't wait for Orientation to start. I don't know what I'm going to do about my job at the restaurant (still haven't told them) and the more I think about, the less sure I am if I even want to go back. I'm going to try and leave that door open, just in case I end up needing a job, but I'm hoping that orientation can segue into a job on campus. Preferably a job with the orientation office. I don't mind the restaurant. It's just the hours that get to me. I hate working nights. I spend all day dreading the fact that I have to go in. Also, I'm just done with customer service at this point. The fact that I wrote chapter 7 last week and I'm still not halfway through my jobs is proof that I've put in my time.

I registered my Off The Clock treatment. That was exciting. Now no one can take my idea, and Kristin is out in LA right now. Probably showing it to all the major Hollywood players. I just hope I can finish school before someone buys it and makes me rich. I'm about halfway done with my script for the pilot. Not that you care. I don't want to be one of those boring journals where people start to skim because the author lost their attention. Shit, you aren't skimming, are you? Fuck you for skimming! Ok, first person to comment and says they didn't skim gets an Arctic Orange milkshake at McDonalds on me. Bribery works wonders. But yeah, I do want to finish my Off The Clock script sometime before the end of the summer. That's my biggest goal.

America's Got Problems

The cover of the Red Eye says "Lollapa-Line-Up" Yes, folks, summer in Chicago now not only signifies an abundance of sweaty tourists, fireworks at Navy Pier, and free Argo Tea Samples, but also the criminal overuse of sayings that either start with "Lolla" or end with "Palooza" Don't be a Lollapaloser! See? It's catching. Soon it will be everywhere. I think I'm going to start a running count of how many times this happens. I'm guessing the Red Eye will account for about 98% of these offenses.

Speaking of offenses. I did manage to watch America's Got Talent. And I hope everyone else did as well. Simon Cowell had a brilliant idea when he decided to bring back Star Search. Only take the already overused format of American Idol and mix that in. Brandy is of the Paula Abdul "I have no real opinion" school of judging. The only time Brandy exercises any sort of backbone is after every act she DEMANDS that the three judges come to a vote. As if David Hasselhoff and the british guy would forget to vote, had Brandy not been there the forcefully remind them. If the brit, Davey, and yourself are all giving POSITIVE feedback, then why do you feel inclined to call it to a vote. Obviously, the contestant is going on. It's like she's that girl in preschool that forced everyone to be in her little club and do everything the way she wanted. Fuckin' Angelica Pickles is bringin' shit to a vizote. Oh and she's sneaky. Did you notice that she makes the brit vote first. Then David. Then, if they both vote no, she doesn't have to! Majority rules! Moesha is never cruel! And the british guy is nothing but a ripoff of Simon Cowell. Every reality show with judges now must have a snarky man from Londontown to tear the people apart. "Your singing is worse than an earwig in my ear." Clever. I can see why they pay you the big bucks.

I liked the pirate who played the nose flute. Believe it or not, when I was in Hawaii in 6th grade with People to People, we got nose flutes made out of bamboo. My mom stepped on it and broke it a few months later, now that I think of it. Anyway, we got the nose flutes and pretty much messed around with them for about a day before shoving them to the backs of our suitcases. However, in that one day of half-ass practicing, I think I gained more nose flute talent than that guy had. I liked when he tore apart the judges, though. He asked Brandy why she hasn't released a huge hit lately. Oh he had sass. And the pirate costume. Sass and style? America's got it.

I don't like that Hugh Grant would continually reach over and press David's buzzer too. I mean, granted, David is a little generous on the buzzer time. He'd probably even enjoy watching my cousin floss her dog. But there's a reason that there are 3 judges. If they didn't want three separate judges, they'd just have Rupert Everett sit there with 3 buzzers. He buzzes way too early. The complete opposite of David. It's like David is chocolate ice cream, and Ewan McGreger is vanilla. Brandy is halfway between. She's twist ice cream. Wait, shouldn't she be chocolate? Hmmm...nevermind.

Oh, Regis. I get the feeling that Regis just doesn't like to be at home. He probably is lonely, has no wife and kids, and keeps busy with work and other things so that he never has to face the emptiness that is his personal life. Or maybe I have it backwards. Maybe Regis does, indeed, have a wife and kids. He just hates them.

What is it with talent shows? Aren't we running out of people to be on them? I mean, clearly we're scraping the bottom of the barrell with this one. The harp lady? The dancing cow? I mean, American Idol at least messes with the audition process so that only the really bad and really good people go on in front of the judges. Is there no sort of screening implimentation set up? There should be. True, sometimes it's fun to see people suck terribly. And it's always heartwarming to see that little 13 year old girl belt her heart out (and make Brandy harken back to her tween years when she was something special), but it's the mediocre ones that just drag it all down the shitter.

Then again, summer isn't the time when you want to watch anything deep and thought provoking. I'm still getting over the season finale of Lost, and that was like a month ago. So it's nice to have mindless garbage like this to blog about. Oh, and I hated when the british guy told the bird trainer that if he had an hour with her bird he could make it talk too. That's fucking uncalled for. That lady is a professional who no doubt works hard at what she does, and then she's putting herself out there for the whole world to critique. Have some fucking respect, dude. At least she has a real talent. A real job. Not that being friends with Princess Diana and shaking Diana Ross' hand isn't super cool and all, but do you really think you're something special?

I'm glad she stood up to him. Way to go, bird lady. See you at the Universal City Walk! I'll throw a dollar in your hat.

Fall Out Boy is always in my shower

It never fails. Every time I take a shower, I turn on the radio, and every time I turn on the radio, "Sugar We're Going Down" is playing. What is this? 2005? I really didn't mind the song at first, but at this point, I have to wonder why the radio station thinks people still want to hear a song that was pounded into their brains 43949348 times already. It's probably because of The Mix's no-repeat work days. If they can't play the new Kelly Clarkson song to death, they have to make room for other songs. Everyone (anyone?) who was worried they would never hear "Sugar We're Going Down" can rest easy. It's on every afternoon when I'm in the shower. So just give me a call, ask when I'm gonna be in the shower, turn on The Mix, and rock out. I'm just a notch in your bedpost but you're just a line in a song...

Orientation starts in a few weeks. And I have a problem. A problem that will soon become a debacle. And after that, a full-fledged fiasco. Right now I am working at the restaurant. A solid part time job. About 25 hours a week. Well, when orientation starts, that's basically a full-time job. Every day 7:30 until aout 4 or 5. I don't know if I can handle working about 40 hours a week for orientation AND 25 at My Pie. That would be about 65 hours a week. On top of that, I wouldn't have a day off in about a month. Monday-Friday would be 7:30-5. Then on top of that, Wednesday 5-10, and Friday 5-12. Oh, and Saturdays 5-10, Sunday 4-10. I know the summer is time to make money, but it's also time to relax and...enjoy summer. So I think I might tell the restaurant I'm going to need some time off. Since there's only two hosts and both are needed every weekend, there's a good chance that this means my job won't be waiting for me when I get back.

I also need to finish my treatment so I can register it with the WGA before Kristin goes to LA so that she can talk up Off The Clock with people. I'm just so damn lazy these days I can't get anything done. Like today. It's super nice out. I could go for a run. Go to the beach. Go do anything outside. But I don't want to. Why? Because I work later. I just want to sit around and do absolutely nothing until I have to. Tomorrow, on the other hand, it will be 94, so I will definitely be hitting the beach before work.

My biggest problem is if I have nothing to get up for, I just don't get up. I can wake myself at 9 or 10. I really can. No problem. But I'm not going to get up that early just to sit and watch tv and play on the internet. Go somewhere? Go where? Hang out? Everyone's at work or still sleeping. So I end up sleeping until noon or so, then feeling like a lazy bastard. Luckily orientation is coming. Then I'll be back in routine. Work all day, come home and hang out. Weekends off. I love routine.

That's Entertainment

When we moved into the apartment, we drew names out of a hat to get rooms. I got the one I wanted. It was the one with the window facing the front. Facing the street. Also, it's apparently the biggest. Although when all the rooms were empty, I didn't notice that. I just wanted to face the street.

Now, my apartment is on the first floor. And Lincoln Park is not for having approximately 92,000 bars. When I was choosing my room, it didn't occur to me how many drunk, crazy, shouting people would be walking down my street, right past my window, at all hours of the night. At first this bothered me. I had to buy ear plugs, no joke. And I was starting to get really pissed about these people making such a scene when I'm trying to go to bed.

However, now I find it entertaining. Because it seems that every group of drunk people walking down Lill at 2 in the morning is having a miserable time. And I love it. The other night this girl was yelling and crying because she lost her necklace, or bracelet or something. They were there for a good long time looking for it on the sidewalk. Oh, and it was raining. Ha!

I've listened to at least 3 couples break up in the past week. And it's always the girl who won't stop screaming and swearing. In fact (don't be surprised because it's Lincoln Park, remember), it's always the girls that are screaming and cussing and angry. The guys for the most part are just having a good time and being crazy. The girls don't. Last night a couple broke up and this girl was yelling and yelling and calling her boyfriend an asshole and a fucker and all sorts of things. Then she started to cry. Ha!

Feel bad for her? Fuck that. I listen to this shit every night of the week.

Speaking of entertainment, I have a summer full of TV ahead of me. Now, last year the only thing I watched all the time was Lost. Sure, I got every episode of The Office on iTunes. And I caught up with Scrubs and 24 on DVD. But Lost was the only thing that I watched on a weekly basis. But now...

Monday- Fresh Meat Challenge. After missing out on Battle of the Sexes 2, Gauntlet 2, and Inferno 2, I'm sucked into the newest one. They hate the Austin cast and are trying to send them all home. Melinda and Danny are gone. My money is Johanna won't last much longer. I never even watched Real World Austin but these kids suck.

Tuesday- Last Comic Standing. Always a staple in my summer television viewing. I was addicted to the second season when I was in Florida. My favorite guy, John Heffron, even won. Jay Mohr isn't hosting anymore but he didn't really do anything funny ever anyway. Not entirely happy with how the finals are going. A lot of my favorites didn't make it. But we'll see. The guy with cerebral palsy will most likely win.

Thursday- I got sucked into the first episode of the show where they all win the lottery. I probably wouldn't have watched it, but since the MTV Movie Awards were the lamest piece of shit ever, I had no other choice. I like the black girl that delivers pizzas and didn't even know she won the lottery. And now some bitch is coming in and saying that the unclaimed dollar was hers. If I remember to watch, it should be interesting. Good thing it's a summer show because My Name is Earl and The Office own my Thursdays in the Fall.

I got the first episode of last season of 24 for free on myspace. Now I'm in a pickle because I don't want to buy the rest of the season but that episode was so fucking good. What am going to do? I'll see if I can get Matt to download them all illegally. I don't care about piracy. Not on shows like 24 that 3049830352 people are watching.

It's Always Sunny In Philidephia starts soon. Next week I think. If you like Arrested Development or Scrubs you should definitely watch it. They even get to say "shit" in it. And Danny DeVito is joining the cast? What?

I don't have HBO so I can't watch season 3 of Entourage, but I never finished season 2. That just came to DVD so I'll be picking that up as soon as I get paid. I never got to see what happened with the Aquaman movie because I had to move out of the frat house.

Chapter 7: The Inevitable Arrival of the FNG

Leaving PacSun wasn't hard at all. Still to this day, I consider the earlier months of Pacific Sunwear to be one of my best job experiences. I liked it there. Until Satan himself took on the form of an overweight forty-something with no life ambition beyond retail management. Then it wasn't quite the same. About 2 weeks after I left Pat ended up leaving too. Isn't that ironic? He got a job at Marshall Fields or something that was apparently his "dream job" that he just couldn't pass up. I always wondered what position there was at Marshall Fields that any normal human being would call a "dream job." I'd assume the Ticket Master booth. Or maybe mattress sales.

So after leaving PacSun, I was now employed only at Leslie's Pool Supply. Sure, it was tough adapting to only receiving one paycheck now, because I surely did look forward to my bi-weekly payments of $23.47 from PacSun, but hey, when life hands you lemons...

For the first time since Twist & Shout (the first time) I had this strange feeling of freedom. Leslie's was not nearly as corporate as Red Robin, Best Buy, Old Navy, or PacSun. Yes, PacSun is extremely corporate. Sure, they fool you by employing youngsters who wear t-shirts and studded belts with devil-may-care attitudes, but I assure you, there's quite a bit of politics going on behind the scenes. At Leslie's, there wasn't a week of training. There was no orientation. There were no poorly written and horribly acted videos explaining what to do in the event of a shoplifter. By all means, we weren't jumping off the walls and freebasing in the parking lot. We still had Leslie's t-shirts to wear, and don't even think of coming in without a name tag, but demeaning acts such as suggestive selling and "the customer is always right" did not live so prominently here. Mostly because our job was to sell pool supplies to pool owners. This is quite different then finding Amber the perfect top to go with those pleated shorts. Pool owners come in knowing exactly what they need. And we get it for them and sell it. You can't really fuck with that. You can't suggest other chemicals when all they need is chlorine.

A lot of people came in with water samples for us to test. This was far and away my favorite thing to do. Putting in all the different colored drops to make the water change color. Then you take the results back to Diendre, the manager. He goes through his little book, tells you what chemicals they need, and you go and get them. Easy as pie. Easier than pie, actually. More like no-bake brownies.

The problems only arose when people tried to act smarter than us. As if they knew exactly what was wrong with their pool. They knew what chemicals were needed and didn't agree with our diagnosis. That's because the people who came to Leslie's were all extremely rich and Jewish. No offense to my Jewish brothers. I'm not saying all Jewish people are jerks. I'm not saying all Jewish people with money are jerks. I'm saying...all Jewish people with money who own pools are FUCKING ASSHOLES.

A gentleman may come in with a water sample, complaining that his pool is green. We do the test, and it is decided that he needs to shock his pool, then add a gallon of Bright N' Clear, then use some No-Phos for maintenance.

"No-Phos! I've never used No-Phos! I'm not going to buy that because I don't need it!"

Then he comes in 2 weeks later complaining that his pool is still green, and it's our fault. That sort of thing. Or one time this guy bought a huge heavy bucket of chlorine. After paying for it, he walked out of the store, leaving the bucket on the floor in front of the counter. About 30 seconds later he walked back in, looked at me like I was an idiot, and said, "Well? Aren't you going to carry it to my car?" That sort of thing.

Aside from Amanda and Diendre I don't really remember the names of the people at Leslie's. I was only there for like two months. If I were to put on a parade of all the jobs I've had, Leslie's probably wouldn't even have a float. Just a couple of people throwing Jolly Ranchers out of the back of a Sebring convertible.

But I do remember Marguerite. You don't easily forget a person like Marguerite. Mostly because she was maybe insane. She reminded me of Pat from Saturday Night Live. Imagine if you finally discovered Pat was a woman. Now add about 15-20 years. That's Marguerite. She never really did anything funny. I don't have any stories or anecdotes to share on the silliness that was Marguerite. She was just there. And crazy.

Also there was the assistant manager. Matt. Or Mike. Or Gerald. Hell if I know. The only thing I remember about him was that he'd sit on top of big crates of highly flammable chemicals, smoking cigarettes. He was alright. I never blew up, so I can't complain. Also there was a girl who I think was named Courtney but could have been Whitney who was going to MSU to get a degree in meat packaging or something. I found that to be extremely interesting. Did you know that Taco Bell beef is grade D because the grades are only based on the size of the animal? Well, now you do. Tell your friends. Think outside the bun.

As I said, I had a lot more freedom at Leslie's. I didn't feel like I was being suffocated by corporate bullshit. Because of that, I started to come out of the shell that I had built up around myself because of places like Red Robin and Old Navy. I started to be myself. I started to be funny. What did this mean? Heavy doses of sarcasm. Off-hand comments such as "Tell the bitch to drain her pool so she stops coming in here" became commonplace. And every time I said something like that, Diendre would say "Fuckin' new guy..." Which is how I got the nickname FNG. After being there for over a month, I was still the FNG. If anyone had been hired after me, I'd still be the FNG.

As August rolled around, business slowed. People were getting ready to close their pools, and we didn't need as many people on the clock. Naturally, the policy was "last hired, first fired," so I was the first to go. Mind you, I wasn't exactly fired. I was "let go." But that doesn't rhyme with "hired."

Summa Tom

It's been nice the past couple of days and I can't help but NOT want to be in my apartment at all during the day. By far my favorite new activity is going to the beach, which I've done two days in a row now. Yesterday I went for a run along the lake, and today I skated down there and laid in the sand. I also took Shilo to the beach and park by Navy Pier. Proving to be a little too hot for her taste, the second we got to a fountain in the park she hopped in and laid down in the water.

The problem I have with the beach and the nice weather is there are too many people. Too many tourists who don't have the slightest instict to be at least somewhat vigilant of their surroundings and always have no idea whatsoever that anyone is behind them trying to get by. Too many fat hairy men with their shirts off. Statistics will prove that 98 percent of fat men who take their shirts off in public have hairy backs. Look it up, it's the truth. I swear. Too many muscular guys with no shirts on that make me feel bad about myself, also. Although I've stolen a bunch of free one-day passes to the Lincoln Park Athletic Club so perhaps one day I too will be a buff stud on the beach.

When I was skating back from the beach, I took a long route. Not because I wanted to, but because there's a slight incline on Fullerton right before Clark, and for some reason there was this very wide man in a very wide wheelchair slowly making his way down the hill backwards. I didn't know what he was doing or if he needed help, but I did know that I am a terrible skater, and therefore not the one who could be of service to him. So I went up a few blocks and took Diversey down. This time, I accidently cut off a guy driving one of those electric carts like they have at Disney World and Kroger. I figured that cutting him off wasn't such a bad thing to do, because unlike me, he knew how to operate his breaks. He yelled at me, which I thought was uncalled for. Dude, if you're in such a fucking hurry than how about you drive a CAR instead of your little motor scooter hoveround bullshit.

We called them ECV's at Disney World. Electronic Convenience Vehicle, or something. What's funny is for the most part the people who used them were the 600 pound Americans (because foreign people aren't as fat and lazy, trust me) who probably could use a good bit of exercise for the day. Now it's a 50 dollar deposit on those things. People had quite a problem with that. The fat people generally didn't argue with the deposit. They already had to admit that their own legs could no longer carry their enormous body for extended periods of time, and the last thing they were going to do was get fussy over the price of a scooter. The old people complained the most. They were "too old" to walk around the entire park and didn't understand why they had to be "ripped off." Mind you, there were wheelchairs that were only a four dollar deposit, which would also be effective in keeping the elderly off their feet. In my experience at Disney, old people (and black people, for that matter) always have an underlying suspicion that the system is trying to screw them over. Now, granted, 9 times out of 10, the system most definitely IS screwing them over. However, that 1 other time, the time when you are trying to rent an electric scooter from Disney World but have to leave a 50 dollar deposit, that's for loss prevention purposes, not for screwing you over. ECV's are expensive, and they don't want you to steal it. Although, if you tried to, you wouldn't get far. Even the fattest people could probably outrun one of those things. Not to mention the challenge you'd face when trying to get through the turnstiles.

















"Fifty bucks?! Why I oughta..."

New York is all upset because their Anti-Terrorism funding was cut by 40 percent. They are rallying to the government to get more.

Oh, shut up, New York. You had your moment. You think you're SOOOO COOL and you're going to get ALL the terrorist attacks because you're just so pretty and popular, don't you. Well guess what, you're not. You're old hat, my friend.

Do you remember the last attack? Terrorists hijacked planes and flew them into buildings. Those suckers have got panache. Do you really think they'd repeat themselves? I mean seriously. Would Julia Roberts wear the same dress to two award shows? Doubt it. They're going to be going for something new. Something cutting edge. Something...au courant. Like Omaha.

Look, you had September 11th, New York. You were totally in the spotlight. We cried with you. We prayed for you. We fought for you. And I mean, we totally still heart NY, don't get me wrong. It's just...we don't think you're a terrorist target anymore. And you know how America is. Always attracted to the bad boys. The ones who live dangerously. So you'll understand why money is going to Omaha for Anti-Terrorism efforts. If the government gave you 40 million more, what would you really do with it. Help wash your grandma's hair and go buy pencil cases, I imagine.

Deuce Deuce

The problem with getting off work at Midnight is that it's not early but it's not late. If you get off work early, your whole night is ahead of you. If you get off work late, you simply go home, lay down, dick around on overheardinchicago.com, and pass out. But when you get off at midnight, you have to choose between the two. Go out? Stay in? Walking back from My Pie the sidewalks of Lincoln Park are crawling with tipsy bargoers. Do I want to join them? Or am I ready to call it a night?

Tonight, my choice was simple. I called Matt and found out that everyone had gone to Stunkel's but was already on their way home. Therefore, my decision was easy. Go home, open a Blue Moon, and chilax.

My birthday was yesterday. It was pretty good. I guess there's a stigma that after turning 21 there's nothing to look forward to in a birthday. I did my best to avoid that feeling. There's still plenty to look forward to after turning 21. Like checking your facebook and finding 30 wall edits of people wishing you a happy birthday. Like checking your voicemail and having all of your family and close friends wishing you a good one. Like having a party at Tequila Roadhouse and having a bunch of people come out to celebrate and grab some free drinks. So yeah, it was a good birthday. Matt and Jeff got me an M&M ice cream cake which made it even more exciting.

We're pretty much moved into the new apartment. For the most part everything is unpacked and put away. We still have some boxes and things that need to be put away, but it's starting to feel like home. I like it a lot. The only thing is it's a lot more lonely when no one is around. Not like the UC where you could always find someone else who was home. But it's fun to be living in your own place. And having already done this living on my own thing before, I have all of the things I need. A desk, dresser, rug, etc.

The past week has been a lot of fun. I've hung out with Zach a lot, which is cool since I really didn't see him a lot during second semester. We went to Ikea and bought shit and then hung out with Dangles on Monday. That was a lot of fun. He drove me back to my apartment in his big Budget Rental Truck afterwards. It was a fun ride except for the part where the seat belt choked me and I got stuck in it. Tuesday Jess and I went with Zach to return said truck. This involved driving into the ghetto. We were harassed, whistled at, and asked if we wanted to buy batteries. Afterwards we picked up Jill and Zach made spaghetti. And Jess told us the FUNNIEST story about a wedding she went to. I don't want to spoil it for you though. Ask her yourself! Wednesday Ashley came to town. We went to the pet store and Target and then over to Dan's to watch Lost. It was also fun. I'm going to miss Ashley next year but New York is going to be awesome and it gives me a good reason to go, since I've never been. Thursday it was back to Ikea with Zach because they "drilled the holes in the chairs wrong," he claimed. Nope, turns out Zach used the wrong screws. Good job, Zachary. After that I went to Christine's with Jeff and Matt, in our first outing together since moving into the apartment.

And since I'm sure I've bored you to tears, I'll end it here.

Workin for the money

So when I started hosting at Red Robin, I had a 3 hour orientation. I also had days of training.

My orientation at My Pie basically consisted of "Christina is the other host. She'll tell you what to do."

My training at My Pie basically consisted of "Ummm...just take some menus and seat them wherever. Try to spread them out, though."

I'm getting paid pretty decent. There are only two hosts, Christina and me. We only work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Kind of sucks because there goes every weekend night, but hey, summer is almost here. Every day is the weekend. Plus usually one host gets off a little earlier so basically I'll be working until midnight one night and 10ish another. Not too bad. Works well in conjunction with dog walking and orientation. By the end of the summer I'll hopefully be a server and then I won't just be working just weekend nights.

The place is very laid back. And I mean...very laid back. I like that a lot about it. I can sit around and read when we aren't busy and no one cares. Speaking of not busy, we were absolutely DEAD last night. Someone left The DaVinci Code in the host stand so I started to read it. I'll probably bring my own book tonight although it will probably end up being busier.

Oh, and I can wear whatever I want.

Basically its everything Disney World wasn't.

A lot of people that live in Lincoln Park are bitches though.

pizza pizza

Almost done with school. Finished most of my projects. Now I just have a very long paper to write by Thursday and that's it. I presented my Super Hero project on Wednesday. I performed my final movement piece. I did my final scene. Monday I present The Project which I just finished last night and will soon have on a DVD for all to see.

I got a job. It's at My Pie, a pizza restaurant in Lincoln Park. Close to the new apartment so that's a bonus. I interviewed at Dick's Last Resort on Wednesday but I haven't heard from them so I took the job I was offered at My Pie. If they do offer me a job, I suppose my employment plans may be changing.

I had pink eye this week, which sucked. This is my first day since Sunday with a contact in my right eye. Since I didn't have glasses it kind of sucked having one contact in. Oh depth perception, how I've missed you. Time to go walk the dog so I have time to sit around and do nothing before work.

Mr Waters

Alicia and Jared were here this weekend. They came to see John Waters. Don't tell anyone but they don't actually go to Columbia. Shhhh! It was like sneaking underage kids into a bar.

Speaking of sneaking underage kids into bars, all my under 21 friends need to get some fakes by May 19th so you can come to my birthday party at Tequila Roadhouse. Free drinks for an hour!

Anyway, Alicia took on the identity of Ashley Marshall and Jared became Dani Eller and before we knew it we were sitting in the audience waiting for John Waters. Now, I'm not that big of a John Waters fan. Haven't seen much of his stuff. I loved Cecil B. Demented and Twigger and I quote A Dirty Shame constantly, but I haven't seen his old stuff. The stuff he's really known for. The gross transvestite eating dog shit kind of stuff. Alicia and Jared have, though. And they are big fans of it. So it was cool just to see them enjoy it. Plus the guy was funny. And gross. Real gross. Grosser than Marc, Libby, and Jess put together, if you can imagine.

From there we went to Tantrum since it was right around the corner. Had a couple drinks. It was fun. We caught up on stuff and talked. Mostly about TV. Actually, all about TV. It's sick I know but it's what Alicia and I do best. It's what our relationship is founded on. We're not those people that act like we don't watch TV or that we are better than it. I hate those people. They can blow me. They're lying too. Yeah, you say you don't ever watch tv but then for some reason you just HAPPEN to know that Svetlana got mad that she couldn't be the manager at the tanning place. Yeah, but you don't watch TV. But you saw that episode of Date My Mom yesterday. But you don't watch TV. But you own Sex and the City on DVD. But you don't watch TV.

I digress like it's my day job.

Saturday Jared had to leave early (funny story about that) and I met up with Alicia and her cousins and we went to the Andy Warhol exhbit at the MCA. It was small and kind of disappointing. Then we just bummed around for a while until Alicia had to go.

So here's the funny story. I have pink eye. No, that's not the funny part. But I'm not mad at you for laughing. I have pink eye, and really should be wearing my glasses and not contacts. But I don't have my glasses. I left them in my bathroom bag in Jared's car last time I was in Kalamazoo. So they brought it back for me this weekend. But Jared left early on Saturday...and took my fucking toiletries back with him. So still no glasses. It's kind of funny. Minus the pink eye.

I started reading Choke by Chuck Palahniuk which I have been meaning to read forl ike 5 months though. The guy works at a colonial theme park and everyone that works with him are sex freaks and drug addicts. It's a lot like what I was doing with Off the Clock so it's pretty entertaining.

Chapter 6: Soak Up The Sun

Twist & Shout died. Twice, actually. And I can say with absolute certainty that if they were to open again tomorrow...

...You better believe I'd go back. Getting paid to sit around and do nothing and eat free pretzels is well worth the lack of job security if you ask me.

Right before T&S closed, I had gone on vacation to California with Brent. We stayed with my aunt and uncle in Huntington Beach and had an awesome time. I mean...an AWESOME time. We'd ride our bikes downtown, go to the beach every day, go to LA, rollerblade, everything. Tons of fun. I guess that's kind of what led me to Pacific Sunwear.

Now, PacSun was not an easy job to get. It will go down in history as the hardest I had to try to get hired. Disney World was easier. I'm not even joking. I wanted this job. I wanted it bad. Cool clothes, cute girls, good hours. I needed it. And it was at a mall. I was 17. Working at malls was still cool. Now, I learned later on that I was not supposed to be hired. Nothing against me, but they were fully staffed. They didn't need anymore people. But I called and called and called and finally assistant manager Mark (down in history as one of the best bosses ever) gave in and interviewed me.

Things got a little sticky here. You see, my teacher, Mrs Laine, has a daughter who worked at PacSun. And I was privy to some information that I probably shouldn't have been privy to. Mostly, that the manager at Pacific Sunwear, Steph, was a huge and raging bitch. Now, I probably should have kept this little fact a secret. Especially to Mark. Especially during my interview. You'd think that having 5 jobs already I would have known better than to say "I hear the manager is a huge bitch!" in my interview. But baby, I don't play by the rules.

Luckily, Steph was promoted to District Manager, meaning she was no longer working at the store. However, Mark really seemed to enjoy the fact that I brought her up and how I heard bad things. Well, Mark told Katy. Mrs Laine's daughter. Katy yelled at her mom. Her mom yelled at me. Now not only was I getting yelled at in freaking SCHOOL for something I said in a job interview, but Katy was actively protesting my getting hired. Looks like I fucked that one up.

Or not. Mark seemed to like me, and Katy quit when she started college, so I got the job. Katy came back eventually. But after 3 weeks of ice cold silence we became good friends. We laugh about it now.

Now the biggest problem with Pacific Sunwear at Twelve Oaks was the fact that they couldn't find a manager. We had three, yes, three assistant managers, but no one person in charge. Now, logic would suggest that one of the three, yes, three assistant managers be promoted to manager. But for some reason or another, this never happened. In fact, for the 9 or so months that I was there, we only had a manager for the first few weeks. It was Dana. Everyone loved Dana. I didn't hate Dana. I know you expected me to. I mean, Duane and Stan certainly left me with a certain disdain for authority figures, but I couldn't hold that against Dana. There were just some things that got to me.

1. She didn't pronounce it like "Day-na," she said "Dan-ah" Which drove me nuts.

2. She was obnoxioulsy passive agressive at times. "You need to go to the bathroom? Hmmm I would have figured you got that done when you came in 10 minutes late..."

3. She often would insinuate that I was gay. "Pinapple and ham on pizza? I always thought that's what gay people liked..."

Don't get me wrong. Dana was alright. She didn't suck. But when she got offered a better job at J. Crew and took it, there were no tears here.

From then, Mark was kind of in charge. Basically he was the store manager in the sense that he made the schedule, dealt with pay, went through paperwork, and did everything else a store manager is responsible for. The difference is he didn't get paid extra for it. He was definitely bitter, which was entertaining. We liked working with Mark.

The other two managers were named Mike. Mike and Mike. Oh, I'm sorry. Michael and Mike. Michael was the closeted homosexual who liked to talk about his days as a successful model to anyone that would listen. Mike was...well. We'll get to Mike later on. I liked working with Mike. He was just as cool as Mark. At first.

So yes. My three bosses were Mark, Mike, and Michael. Huey, Dewey, and Luey.

I also worked with Katherine who was insane but in a hot way, Katie who had just moved from California and desperately trying to move back, Matt who I actually worked with at Twist & Shout, Anita who might still actually be working there, Sean who was either from South Africa or Australia and told me the best joke I've ever heard, Amanda who was there when things got shitty, and got me my next job (Chapter 7), and some other people I don't remember. Oh and Barb. Barb rocked. I hear she married Mike. Or was it Mark? Maybe it was Michael. Doubtful.

I liked working there. I guess it's hard to write hilarious stories about shitty things that happened because for the most part....shitty things didn't happen.

Until Pat.

Yeah. Just like every story has a villain, every retail store has a manager. Although I see Pat as the enemy, I also see him as the victim. The victim of circumstance. He was old. And the manager of a youth retail clothing store. Pretty shitty circumstance.

Pat had his own way of doing things. And he did not like when his employees went about them in a different fashion. Regardless of if the employees' ways were quicker, easier, more convenient, or more productive. If they were not his way, he resented it. I'd love to go into the whole drama of it, but it's the same as my other jobs before PacSun and my jobs after PacSun. Pat liked the new people, hated the old people. Old people hated Pat. I referred 2 people, Brent and Sara-Beth, who were getting paid more than me and getting scheduled twice the amount of hours.

Here's a quick lesson for you. When operating anything, the most expensive thing is paying the employee. Whether you own a thrift store, McDonalds, or Disney World. The bulk of your money goes to paying the working man. So explain to me how giving more hours to the people who get paid more makes any sense economically? It doesn't. You're right,

So Amanda got me a job at Leslie's Pool Supply where she had started working. For a while we worked at PacSun and Leslie's. Since both of us usually worked a maximum of three hours a week at PacSun, it definitely was not hard to juggle both jobs. Then one day I was supposed to work at both places at once. I went to Leslie's. And I sure as shit didn't call PacSun. And I never went back in to work again.

About a week later I went in and asked Pat for my paycheck.




Prologue: A few years later I moved to Kalamazoo and tried to get a job at the Pacific Sunwear near Western. The manager wanted to hire me, but since I was in the system as non-rehirable, that didn't happen.

The Projectz

The final project extravaganza is in full swing. Surprisingly, I'm doing extremely well with time management, which is a first. I even signed up for editing time tonight to work on one of them. Not that it's strange for me to sign up for editing time, but it certainly is strange that I actually showed up to do it. My Production & Editing project is going very well, and I am pretty happy with how it's going to turn out. My Aesthetics & Storytelling project, The Half-Ass Super Heroes vs. The Fruit Snack Bandit, however, I don't know. I guess it's too soon to tell, really. I have to present next week so most of my focus will be going into that. It'll be funny, I'm sure. Then there's the Critical Studies paper I need to write. I'll just pretend that doesn't exist for a few more days. In Body Movement I have to do some sort of movement piece. I don't know how that's going to go. I usually feel like a complete jackass doing those things, but that's only because I look like one when doing them also. I already performed my final scene in Scene Study, so that's 1 down.

Last night there was a lady eating raw hot dogs on the bus. She was talking to the driver and munching away like they were potato chips or something. Now I know that uncooked hot dogs are actually OK to eat, and I myself have done it before. However, I was probably like 6.

Today at the library there was a man who sang this song. I think he made it up. Oh, and he was homeless.

"I've got a condition tonight.
I need a computer, so I can get high"

It was pretty melodic and the lyrics rang true to me. I'll probably be hearing it on Q101 any day now.

I sent My Pie my resume and application. I'm not sure if I actually want the job of assistant manager, not to mention I'm still failing to see how I am actually qualified for it, but that's another story. So I wrote on my application that if not offered the assistant manager position that I would alaso be interested in being a server. I guess we'll see. It's close to the new apartment so that's cool. Speaking of the new apartment, here are a few pixxx. Courtesy of Mr. Frieders.



The living room and dining room.



I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but whatever it is I'm doing it in the hallway between the dining room and kitchen.



The guy who shows us the apartment looking confused in the living room.


Also, we have yet to actually move in so all of the furniture and decorations are not ours, but the girls who lived there before. I know that I was going to get some smart ass comment on the feminine decor.

04-22-06

Is it really April 22? Seriously?

No. It can't be. HP must have programmed the calender function of my computer wrong. RandomHouse has made a mistake in my tear-a-page calender. April. 22. Hardly. Just a few weeks ago I was oling up my face and hair to dress like a mechanic, in our bathroom that was covered in blood from Matt's costume.

And how long ago did Jess give me the bacon tape for Christmas? Couldn't have been that long. Wasn't Dani sitting on my floor cutting out paper shapes while I played X-Men Legends II right after that? Logic says that I started working at Jerry Springer seven months ago. SEVEN!!! I disagree with that. It couldn't have been. That's over a half a year. Not possible.

The year is pretty much over. And now comes all of the typical regrets. Last year I didn't have any. Not a single regret. I loved everything. This year, I have several.

I should have gone out more.
I should have been nicer to people.
I shouldn't have argued with Matt so much.
I shouldn't have had such a bad attitude about places we went.
I shouldn't have lied whenever I lied.
I should have gone to the dance for more than the last 20 minutes.
I should have gotten a real job and not the telefund crap.
I should have made more effort to see Dani and Jill since I don't really know when or if I'll see them again after this year.
I shouldn't have stayed in my room as much when we had company.
I should have kept the apartment cleaner.
I should have invited people over more.
I should have watched 24 like Ashley's mom said to.
I should have auditioned for more plays.

That's enough of that. I could keep going but...well, let's not.

I just don't feel like we did as much this year. Or maybe we all did a lot of things, just not together. Yeah, I guess that's it. And I guess that's not a bad thing. We all grew apart slightly, but that's normal.

I have a job interview next week. It's at a pizza place called My Pie. They are interviewing me to be an assistant manager part time and a server part time. Since I have a month and a half between school and orientation I'm certainly going to need a job. I'll just ask for less hours the month of orientation.

I guess I'm pretty busy, just like everyone else. I've got:

a scene to perform
a 5-7 minute project to shoot and edit
a story that I need to tell three different ways (once with 15-25 pictures, once with only sound, and once with sound and 30-50 pictures)
a 12 page research paper

But it's kind of cool because all of the stuff I'm so busy doing I'm actually really excited to do. I'm having a lot of fun with all of them, even the research paper which is about why people like characters on TV that they would hate in real life.

In the fall I'm taking:

Improv for Actors
TV Program Development
Writing the Sitcom
Culture, Race, & Media (with both of my roommates)
Small Screen Video (The iPod class)

After the Fall, I'm going to be a part-time student for the Spring Semester, then I am doing summer Semester in LA, then I'm done. Staying in LA after that? Coming back to Chicago? Don't know. Please don't make me think about that.

just there

I've pretty much just been going through the motions lately. Go to class. Do homework. Watch TV. Nothing above or beyond. Spring is coming. I should be energetic and wanting to go do things and play outside and have fun with people. I don't.

I've also been skipping way too much class lately. I guess I haven't been skipping too much. Let's put it this way. I had great attendance the first half of the semester and now I'm using all of my absences.

I've got a 17 page paper to write for next week. I guess that's a lot of pages but I'm not too worried. It's about how people enjoy characters on TV who they would normally hate in real life. I have to read articles and cite sources and all that. Anyone wanna do it for me?

There's something wrong with the world today

I hate banana flavored candy. I hate when you have somewhere to be but Helen Keller is walking in front of you on the escalator and you can't get by. I hate shirts with phrases on them. I hate that girl who looks at the picture she's just taken on her digital camera and says "No, do it again" 7 times. I hate other people's children, tourists, mall security, Red Robin, and flossing. Actually no, I kind of like flossing. I hate dogs that wear clothes (who the hell doesn't?) and standing in lines. But more than anything, I hate the American Family Association.
"What? The American Family Association? How can someone hate that? What, are you opposed to family values and good clean fun?" Well, as a matter of fact, yes. I am. But that is not why I hate the AFA. People may think that hating something like the American Family Association is like hating puppies or shortcake or kids with terminal illnesses, but that is not true at all. Make no mistake. The American Family Association is the devil.
Allow me to give you a brief history. In 1977, a man named Don Wildmon decided that since he didn't like sex, violence, or anything else in the world, he didn't want anyone else to enjoy them either. He created the AFA, which has since worked diligently and annoyingly to stop the media from causing any moral decay.
The current headline on the AFA website is "Fox allows 'S' word! Take a stand for our children!" Apparently, during a NASCAR race, they interviewed someone who said that his car was a piece of s**t. Since the race aired live, Fox didn't have time to bleep it. The AFA is outraged that Fox didn't put a 5 second delay on the program so that they could bleep any expletives. Shame on you Fox. Shame on you for thinking that you could get away with airing a live car race without profanities! What were you thinking? The "S" word, by the way is "Shit." Oh shit. I said it. Shit, I said it again! Shit, don't tell your kids!
The fact of the matter is most kids in America whose parents are not insane religious fanatics probably hear their parents cuss on a daily basis. I know my parents let "shit" slip a few times when I was little. So it being said once in a NASCAR race (which you'd practically have to force a child to watch anyway) isn't that big of a deal. "Shit" happens. Now had he said "The car is a piece of shit and I fucked a hooker in the backseat last night," then perhaps there would be a more concrete case.
The AFA is also in the midst of a massive boycott on Ford because it advertises to homosexuals. They INSIST that Ford should no longer advertise to gays and stop "choosing sides in this culture war." Wait a second, wouldn't appeasing the AFA and stop advertisement to gays be considered choosing sides? Hmmm. I also like that it is referred to as a "Culture War." If those damn gays would stop watching TV and reading magazines, Ford wouldn't be able to advertise to them to begin with. The most recent incident was when the motor company had a commercial played during a TV show that featured two girls kissing. If you're interested in seeing this "controversial" scene, you can see it on the AFA website. Yeah. Whenever something is deemed distasteful or offensive, they post it on their website for people to see. Sometimes the whole episode. And here I was about to go out and buy Nip/Tuck. Now I don't have to! Thanks AFA!
For 50 dollars a year, you can purchase the AFA Family Internet Filter. It blocks any and all websites that they feel are offensive. This includes but is not limited to Yahoo, Google, CNN, Blogger, Disney, and Ask Jeeves. This is a super way to have no internet, without the hassle of crawling under the desk to unplug the cord.
The AFA is also taking credit for the cancellation of a show on NBC called The Book of Daniel. It was about a priest who could see and talk to Jesus and it pissed them off because the priest had a gay son and did drugs or something. Anyway, the AFA called to boycott the show and it was cancelled shortly after. This is, of course, was because of the boycott, and had nothing to do with the fact that nobody is going to stay in on a Friday night to watch a TV show about Jesus.
Just as good as the AFA is OneMillionMoms.com. This is a noble group of one million (but really just twelve or so) moms that are noble enough to believe that they can change the entertainment industry. Sure, it's a multibillion dollar economy in itself, but it stands no chance against a bunch of stay at home moms who desperately want to remain involved in their rapidly aging children's lives for no other reason than because they haven't life of their own. OneMillionMoms has a nifty little list of all of their "accomplishments." They take credit for a lot of advertisers pulling sponsorship from shows such as The Shield. I have to wonder why these mothers are so concerned with a show that is not only on cable, but airs at 10 pm on a school night. Then again, they probably have such intense distaste for the public school's sex ed program that they've decided to homeschool the kids. Thus, they can sleep in later.
The Mommies also had a problem with Wonderfalls. An hour-long "dramedy" about a young woman who hears the voices of inanimate objects--which instruct her to help out total strangers." Apparently we don't want our youth watching a show in which a young woman helps total strangers. She must have been helping gay people. Disgusting.
We can also thank El Madres for persuading Best Buy to stop advertisements during South Park. I think. According to their site, "Although Geico and Best Buy have not formally responsed to your concerns, our monitoring idicates they no longer sponsor South Park." I'm not sure what exactly how they monitor, but if watching one episode of South Park and not seeing a Best Buy commercial is an "idication" that they dropped sponsorship, well then let's here it! GOOOO MOMS! Nice to see that Best Buy "responsed" We'll overlook the fact that although Best Buy may (or may not, as they have not formalled responsed) have dropped ads that air during South Park, they sure don't mind selling the DVD boxed sets. They also don't mind advertising those boxed sets in their weekly ads. And they sure don't mind selling them to children. But hey, at least now I can watch South Park and not have it ruined by that stupid commercial with the Black Eyed Peas.
They also succeeded in petitions stores such as Lowe's, Sears, and Walgreens to have the phrase "Merry Christmas" on their bags during the Holidays. Thank God for the Moms! Thousands of people are dying of AIDS in Africa, but at least my Walgreens bag will say "Merry Christmas." Hopefully it won't mention Hannukah. Wouldn't the Mom's be pissed!
But mama doesn't get to have ALL the fun! OneMillionDads.com is also pushing for a cleaner America. And what are the dads against? Well let's face it. Whatever the moms tell them to be against. Well, one thing the dads are against is The Gay Games. They have no tolerance for such debauchery. To show how much they hate gays, they have several pictures of scantily clad homosexual men at the on their website. Why? Because apparently the words "Scantily clad homosexual men" weren't enough. They had to show you what that meant. And yes, there's even asses. There are pictures of gay asses on OneMillionDads.com. Maybe OneMillionDads is keeping a little secret from OneMillionMoms. And maybe that guy named Gary who calls OneMillionDads during dinner is more than just a coworker from the office. Hmmm.
In conclusion, shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker. Have a nice day.