There's something wrong with the world today

I hate banana flavored candy. I hate when you have somewhere to be but Helen Keller is walking in front of you on the escalator and you can't get by. I hate shirts with phrases on them. I hate that girl who looks at the picture she's just taken on her digital camera and says "No, do it again" 7 times. I hate other people's children, tourists, mall security, Red Robin, and flossing. Actually no, I kind of like flossing. I hate dogs that wear clothes (who the hell doesn't?) and standing in lines. But more than anything, I hate the American Family Association.
"What? The American Family Association? How can someone hate that? What, are you opposed to family values and good clean fun?" Well, as a matter of fact, yes. I am. But that is not why I hate the AFA. People may think that hating something like the American Family Association is like hating puppies or shortcake or kids with terminal illnesses, but that is not true at all. Make no mistake. The American Family Association is the devil.
Allow me to give you a brief history. In 1977, a man named Don Wildmon decided that since he didn't like sex, violence, or anything else in the world, he didn't want anyone else to enjoy them either. He created the AFA, which has since worked diligently and annoyingly to stop the media from causing any moral decay.
The current headline on the AFA website is "Fox allows 'S' word! Take a stand for our children!" Apparently, during a NASCAR race, they interviewed someone who said that his car was a piece of s**t. Since the race aired live, Fox didn't have time to bleep it. The AFA is outraged that Fox didn't put a 5 second delay on the program so that they could bleep any expletives. Shame on you Fox. Shame on you for thinking that you could get away with airing a live car race without profanities! What were you thinking? The "S" word, by the way is "Shit." Oh shit. I said it. Shit, I said it again! Shit, don't tell your kids!
The fact of the matter is most kids in America whose parents are not insane religious fanatics probably hear their parents cuss on a daily basis. I know my parents let "shit" slip a few times when I was little. So it being said once in a NASCAR race (which you'd practically have to force a child to watch anyway) isn't that big of a deal. "Shit" happens. Now had he said "The car is a piece of shit and I fucked a hooker in the backseat last night," then perhaps there would be a more concrete case.
The AFA is also in the midst of a massive boycott on Ford because it advertises to homosexuals. They INSIST that Ford should no longer advertise to gays and stop "choosing sides in this culture war." Wait a second, wouldn't appeasing the AFA and stop advertisement to gays be considered choosing sides? Hmmm. I also like that it is referred to as a "Culture War." If those damn gays would stop watching TV and reading magazines, Ford wouldn't be able to advertise to them to begin with. The most recent incident was when the motor company had a commercial played during a TV show that featured two girls kissing. If you're interested in seeing this "controversial" scene, you can see it on the AFA website. Yeah. Whenever something is deemed distasteful or offensive, they post it on their website for people to see. Sometimes the whole episode. And here I was about to go out and buy Nip/Tuck. Now I don't have to! Thanks AFA!
For 50 dollars a year, you can purchase the AFA Family Internet Filter. It blocks any and all websites that they feel are offensive. This includes but is not limited to Yahoo, Google, CNN, Blogger, Disney, and Ask Jeeves. This is a super way to have no internet, without the hassle of crawling under the desk to unplug the cord.
The AFA is also taking credit for the cancellation of a show on NBC called The Book of Daniel. It was about a priest who could see and talk to Jesus and it pissed them off because the priest had a gay son and did drugs or something. Anyway, the AFA called to boycott the show and it was cancelled shortly after. This is, of course, was because of the boycott, and had nothing to do with the fact that nobody is going to stay in on a Friday night to watch a TV show about Jesus.
Just as good as the AFA is OneMillionMoms.com. This is a noble group of one million (but really just twelve or so) moms that are noble enough to believe that they can change the entertainment industry. Sure, it's a multibillion dollar economy in itself, but it stands no chance against a bunch of stay at home moms who desperately want to remain involved in their rapidly aging children's lives for no other reason than because they haven't life of their own. OneMillionMoms has a nifty little list of all of their "accomplishments." They take credit for a lot of advertisers pulling sponsorship from shows such as The Shield. I have to wonder why these mothers are so concerned with a show that is not only on cable, but airs at 10 pm on a school night. Then again, they probably have such intense distaste for the public school's sex ed program that they've decided to homeschool the kids. Thus, they can sleep in later.
The Mommies also had a problem with Wonderfalls. An hour-long "dramedy" about a young woman who hears the voices of inanimate objects--which instruct her to help out total strangers." Apparently we don't want our youth watching a show in which a young woman helps total strangers. She must have been helping gay people. Disgusting.
We can also thank El Madres for persuading Best Buy to stop advertisements during South Park. I think. According to their site, "Although Geico and Best Buy have not formally responsed to your concerns, our monitoring idicates they no longer sponsor South Park." I'm not sure what exactly how they monitor, but if watching one episode of South Park and not seeing a Best Buy commercial is an "idication" that they dropped sponsorship, well then let's here it! GOOOO MOMS! Nice to see that Best Buy "responsed" We'll overlook the fact that although Best Buy may (or may not, as they have not formalled responsed) have dropped ads that air during South Park, they sure don't mind selling the DVD boxed sets. They also don't mind advertising those boxed sets in their weekly ads. And they sure don't mind selling them to children. But hey, at least now I can watch South Park and not have it ruined by that stupid commercial with the Black Eyed Peas.
They also succeeded in petitions stores such as Lowe's, Sears, and Walgreens to have the phrase "Merry Christmas" on their bags during the Holidays. Thank God for the Moms! Thousands of people are dying of AIDS in Africa, but at least my Walgreens bag will say "Merry Christmas." Hopefully it won't mention Hannukah. Wouldn't the Mom's be pissed!
But mama doesn't get to have ALL the fun! OneMillionDads.com is also pushing for a cleaner America. And what are the dads against? Well let's face it. Whatever the moms tell them to be against. Well, one thing the dads are against is The Gay Games. They have no tolerance for such debauchery. To show how much they hate gays, they have several pictures of scantily clad homosexual men at the on their website. Why? Because apparently the words "Scantily clad homosexual men" weren't enough. They had to show you what that meant. And yes, there's even asses. There are pictures of gay asses on OneMillionDads.com. Maybe OneMillionDads is keeping a little secret from OneMillionMoms. And maybe that guy named Gary who calls OneMillionDads during dinner is more than just a coworker from the office. Hmmm.
In conclusion, shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker. Have a nice day.