i want a puppy

I am having to exercise an exorbitant amount of self-control in order to keep from looking up the following things online:

-LA apartments (It's not even October. I have lots and lots of time)
-Dogs (Too busy right now to bring in and train an animal, although next semester...)
-Tivo (A VCR will have to suffice for now)

Ashley has been here for the past week. I'm coming to terms with the fact that she is never leaving, although she claims that she is. We have done a lot of cooking which has been beneficial to both our wallets and our bodies. We've done chicken, pizza, sloppy joe (which may not exactly be as beneficial to my body as I think) and some other things. Tomorrow we're making steaks! Right now Ashley is watching the new episode of 7th Heaven on the CW. Apparently Ruthie is gone? So Jessica Biel, Barry Watson, Simon, and Ruthie have all moved out. But somehow those Camdens still manage to keep their house chuck full of troubled and/or misguided kids who just need some lovin' and maybe a bit of Jesus in their life.

Fundraising is going well. Training is also coming along. I got in touch with my training mentor, and my patient honoree. Hopefully I will meet them both soon.

So that's about it for now. School is going well. I'm busy, but we all know that by now, and beating a dead horse isn't necessary.

Chair-itty

I'm sitting at work. This is my schedule of things to do for the next hour:

Take the stuff out of my old bag and put it in the new bag Shannon gave me.
Throw out my garbage.
Blog.
Look at phones on T-Mobile website (that referral money should hopefully be coming at the end of the month.


And...that's about it.

Classes are good. I like TV Program Development a lot. The story I'm working on right now is called Leper High. Yeah, pretty straightforward title there. It should be fun. Oh, and I love Improv class. I'm auditioning for the Improv team tomorrow. Yeah, as if I need more activities to keep me busy. Speaking of which, I didn't get cast in the show I got called back for, but the truth is, that's a good thing. If I was in a show right now, I would be at school from 9am until 10 pm every day of the week for at least a month. And two or three saturdays. This would not include time to train for the marathon either. Sad I didn't get cast? Yes. Relieved? Also yes. I guess all my classes are good. I'm busy, but it's a good busy. I'm busy doing things I enjoy. I'm busy running. I'm busy writing. I'm busy working.

Coming Soon: I'm throwing a benefit to raise money for Leukemia & Lymphoma. It's going to be about $20 or so per person, with all of that going to charity. It's not really a donation, however, because that will entitle you to all of the alcohol you want. And if I hear one more person say "people won't want to do that, there are cheaper ways to get drunk" I will shoot someone.

1. It's a benefit. It's for CHARITY. Getting drunk is a positive side effect of that. It's not a kegger. (although if I have another party, I fully intend on calling it "Kegger for Cancer"
2. 20 dollars is a HELL of a good deal for as many drinks as you want. Ever been to a bar before? Yeah. Exactly.
3. I talked to Steph and we might even try to find a bar to host it at. If that's the case, the young ones can't come anyway, and will be free to shotgun beers and do shots of Skol without any complaining from me.

So, mark you calenders for either the 20th or the 21st of October. If you are one of my out-of-town readers, start looking into train or plane tickets. It's going to be a good time for a good cause, and I'd love to see you there. I might even charge $15 to people who wear green and purple. I would be more worried about getting people to come, but with all of the stuff I've done on campus, I've met enough stand-up folks through Student Government and Orientation and everything else that I know I can count on some of you.

http://www.active.com/donate/tntil/SSzlaga
On an unrelated but equally relevant topic, I got my graduation audit. And it's official! I can graduate. This means nothing to me, since I have been well aware of this fact for the past three years, but it does make my mom feel more comfortable having it in writing on a piece of paper with Columbia letterhead. So Semester in LA next summer is a definite go. I've already started looking at apartments online, just for fun. Hopefully things work out with Flavin so I don't have to do this alone.

And that's about all I've got.

PLEASE HELP!

http://www.active.com/donate/tntil/SSzlaga


that is the address to the website where you can make donations for my Team In Training Fundraising. Remember, all of your money is going to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. It is NOT going to pay for my trip to Florida. If you would also like to pay for my trip to Florida, that's cool too.


Again, that address is
http://www.active.com/donate/tntil/SSzlaga


Please send it to all of your family and friends. This is really something big that I'm taking on, and I need all the help I can get. So be sure to visit the website. It's
http://www.active.com/donate/tntil/SSzlaga

bite off more than you can chew

I don't know what possessed me to become so involved and active this semester. I guess it's not that much of a surprise. Ever since I came to Columbia I've been taking on more and more, but this semster I am really pushing it.

Taking six classes was somewhat necessary. I need to make sure that I am done after Spring. And taking six classes now will hopefully help so that I can be part time next semester, meaning I can have a full time job and save up money for LA.

Then there's SGA. I was the TV Department Senator last year, so of course I came back to do it again. Actually, I did NOT want to do Student Government again, but once I had competition for the Senator position, it suddenly became much more important for me to run for Senator again.

And a job. Thanks to Baggy, and the fact that I happened to be friends with his new boss, I managed to snag a job as an office assistant at Student Affairs. It's pretty laid back and there's even time to do homework, so it's hard to complain about the work situation.

And the other job. I told my cousin I would start walking Shilo again in September. I had to stick with my word, despite the fact that I barely have time to get over there and back between classes on some days. I'd say that I can't do it, but the other dog walkers have already made their fall schedules, and I would be causing a big hassle if I quit two weeks after starting again. And it's an extra forty bucks a week.

And the marathon. I've been following the training schedule (even getting up at 6am to run on Saturdays) and things haven't been too hard yet, but that's only because we're on four miles. Once I'm running double that, running is going to be harder to fit in

And the fundraising. To do the marathon I have to rasie $3,900. That's a lot of money. But I can do it. I have full confidence that I can raise that much, if not more. I've even set up a website for people to make their donations online. I've compiled an enormous mailing list for the site. Now I just need to type up a letter and send it out to everyone. I've also got some Team In Training stationary and envelopes for the people who don't know about internet.

And I entered Off The Clock into a teleplay competition.

And I'm going to help Maggie and some other people write a screenplay.

And I auditioned for a show, even got a callback.

Basically I am gone from 9am-9pm Monday through Friday. But it's not bad. In two years I'm going to look back on these college days, which are rapidly decreasing, and be glad that I did so much.

Classes are good. I'm going to be doing a lot of work, and a lot of writing especially. I'm definitely glad I finished Off The Clock before classes started.

Oh, and I just found out that my friend's mom reads this. I'm quite excited. I hope that wasn't a secret that I wasn't supposed to know about, but I haven't been this exciting about other people's parents since Carrie Burnett's mom cried when I jumped in front of the subway train in After The Fall.

I bought two books online because they were cheaper. Too bad they never came and the sellers at half.com are no longer registered users. Too bad they have about 20 pieces of negative feedback claiming to never receive their books. Too bad I now have to go buy them for their full outrageous price at the bookstore. Too, too bad.

I'm going to take a nap before you're even up.

You know, I've never come up with the title of a blog entry before I've written it. I'd suggest other people do the same. It makes things more interesting. Especially for those of you, who shall remain anonymous, that tend to come up with entries such as "23-pdjsakxjaps" and so forth.

Today was my first day of training for the marathon. Only problem was, I couldn't find it. Driving directions to the Wilson exit off Lake Shore don't do much good when you're getting off the Montrose Brown Line. By the time I even got to Lake Shore, it was 7:20. And I was a mile south of where training had started twenty minutes earlier. Realizing that I wasn't going to make it, and that my first official training day would be next Saturday instead of today, I decided to make something of the fact that I got up at 6am for this, so I ran home from Montrose. Now I'm tired. Fighting the urge to nap, but in a situation where it's either nap or shower, I choose the one that requires less energy.

When I got home, I went to Dominick's and bought ingredients for an omelette. So yeah, an early morning run and a healthy breakfast. Look at me.

It's Obligatory

This summer I...

Moved out of the UC and into Lincoln Park with Jeff and Matt
Got a job at My Pie, a pizza restaurant.
Tried to go to the beach as much as possible.
Spent a lot of time alone.
Took Shilo to the beach.
Went to the Zoo with Jenny, Christian, Jeff and Baggy.
Decided to stop putting a comma before the "and" when listing things.
Said goodbye to Ashley about 7 times.
Said goodbye to Dani twice.
Stop going to work at My Pie so that I could go home for my Aunt's pool party.
Saw Dangles' boobs in the elevator at her brother's condo.
Made politically incorrect Mad Libs and did summersaults off of a bed.
Went to Lollapalooza and loved it.
Worked New Student Orientation for the second year.
Made some awesome new Orientation Leader friends.
Joined the gym again.
Decided to train for a marathon.
Got wasted and sang "Colors Of The Wind"
Found an awesome beer pong partner in Carolyn.
Comforted Millie on the night we're not supposed to talk about.
Made up the most ridiculously fun ID card games with Cameron.
Found out Annie was having my baby.
Went back to Novi for two weeks.
Tanned.
Said goodbye to Alicia as she moved to China.
Said nevermind to the goodbyes I said to Ashley.
Got EXTREMELY silly and watched Final Destination 3 with Jacob, Millie and Cam. (By far my favorite moment of the summer)
After waiting for months, FINALLY saw Snakes On A Plane (loved it)
Played Garfield Drinking Game with Dean and Dangles.
Rearranged my desk.
Finished writing my script for Off The Clock.
Bought earplugs due to the noisy people coming home from bars at 3am.
Bought a fancy journal/notebook for $15.
Wore sunglasses.
Went back to Kalamazoo for a night.
Turned 22.
Rollerbladed all over the city.
Missed my Upass



Looking back on this summer, have you...

01. Drank alcohol?
Like I need to answer that.

02. Cried?
When Millie spit her pizza into her hand three times

03. Kissed anyone?
yes

04. Been on a vacation to a different state?
Michigan? No Iowa for me this year...

05. Been on a vacation to a different country?
No.

06. Been to the beach?
I went there quite a few times at the beginning.

07. Been to an island?
Not that I know of

08. Done drugs?
Final Destination 3. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

09. Smoked?
No. Shut up!

10. Snuck out?
Yes, and my roommates grounded me when they found out.

11. Had a sleepover?
Kalamazoo

12. Stayed up all night?
No! Pretty close though that one night at Cam's

13. Slept in someone elses bed?
Maggie Ness.

14. Went pee in a pool?
Sick. Never

15. Went skinny dipping?
No.

16. Been on the computer a lot?
Too much

17. Played video games?
At the beginning. Whatever happened to Resident Evil 4...

18. Listened to an ipod/mp3 player?
yes

19. Been on over 30 car rides?
Doubt it.

20. Been grounded?
This is gay.

21. Been to a party?
A few

22. Regret something?
Nope!

23. Been dumped?
Nope!

24. Lied?
Yeeessss

25. Done anything against the law?
Final Destination 3

26. Been camping?
Nope

27. Got in a fight?
Nope

28. Got a new hair do?
I got it cut?

29. Stayed at a hotel?
No.

30. Talked on the phoNe all night?
Yeah right, and use all my minutes?

31. Went shopping?
yes

34. Someone ask you out?
Nope. Stupid.

35. Got in a car with a stranger?
no

36. Lost someone close?
No.

37. Had someone sleep in your bed?
No

38. Been to a movie?
Snakes on a motherfuckin' plane

39. Been to a club?
No.

40. Slept in?
yes

41. Got tanner?
yup

42. Watched TV for more than 5 hours?
Oh god. When I had the first season of Veronica Mars, you can bet I did.

43. Tried something new?
I had a roast beef sandwich

44. Did homework?
No.

45. Learned something new?
Probably

46. Went surfing?
No.

47. Went dancing?
No.

48. Been to a concert?
Lollapalooza

49. Quoted a movie?
We quoted a lot of FD 3 and SOAP

50. Played with fire?
No.

51. Made new friends?
A bunch of awesome OLs

52. Who is the person/people you were with the most?
Millie, Cameron, Jacob, and Carolyn.

53. What is your favorite ice cream this summer?
Rocky Road

54. What was the best day?
Final Destination 3 at Jacob's with Millie and Cam. Don't even start me on this.

55. What is your biggest regret so far this summer?
Breaking too many plans.

56. What is your favorite song this summer?
Hmmm...hard one. Probably Colors Of The Wind

57. What is your favorite movie this summer?
Little Miss Sunshine

58. Is this the best summer so far?
It's up there

59. Are you looking forward to school starting?
I suppose...

Chapters 8 and 9: Glow Sticks & Waffle Cones, Respectively

Despite everything I put myself through, I managed to survive my first year at Western. The parties, beer bongs, staying up all night drinking and doing another shot at 8am on my way to class, and daily beer pong games was tuition money well spent. The best part was that I never had to get a job. All of the money from my graduation party had pretty much become a limitless supply of all of the drugs, alcohol, and late night Taco Bell runs I could ask for. And that was after I bought a computer! I was lucky to make it all the way through, but by the time I got home, I knew it was time to find a job. And fast. Since every other returning college student was coming home and looking for a job at the same time, I needed to be on top of things.

And it just so happened that a new mall was opening in Novi. The Fountain Walk, deemed a necessary addition to the city by absolutely no one, was starting to open a few stores. And a few of those few were hiring. Finding a place of employment really wasn't as hard as I had feared, and within a week of being home, I had interviews for Putting Edge (glow-in-the-dark mini golf. Perfect) and Coldstone Creamery.

Did I say interviews? I'm sorry. I meant "auditions." Not interviews. I guess the best piece of advice I could give someone looking for a part time job would be...be weary of places that hold "auditions." Putting Edge's audition wasn't too bad. That was more or less a group interview. Nothing strenuous. Just making sure you can play well with others, really. Coldstone, on the other hand, was a little bit more garish. You had to sing. Yes. Sing. For a part time job scooping ice cream for the summer. You had to sing. Have you ever been to Coldstone? You know those terrible songs they sing about ice cream, to the tune of "The Flintstones" or "If You're Happy and You Know It" and all that shit? The ones they sing when they get a tip? Yeah. I had to sing one. Let's just say, when you base your hiring completely on how someone sings some tacky rendition of The Addams Family song instead of on whether they have any customer service or cash handling skills, it shows. I sang this:

(To the tune of 'Row Row Row Your Boat')
Choose choose choose your cone
Put your ice cream in
Lick it up lick it up lick it up lick it up
Wipe your sticky chin!

The only reason I chose that one was because it was the shortest, and therefore, the least embarrassing.

Actually, we had to make up a song at the Putting Edge interview too. So maybe it was a little bit like an audition after all. I did mine to 50 Cent's "In The Club," cleverly titled "With A Club," (miniature golf, remember? Shut up. It's funny).

I ended up getting both jobs. Are you surprised? With these pipes of mine I can sing my way into any situation. The problem is, both places planned on over staffing, in the most severe sort of way. Because of that, I decided to work at Putting Edge and Coldstone. The funny part is that despite having two part time jobs, I was still pulling in roughly 20 hours a week. Talk about big money.

Now, I don't use this phrase lightly, but Putting Edge was one of my favorite jobs ever. That may seem hard to believe, but try to remember, I've hated almost every place I've worked at. It doesn't take much to get into the top 3. I was an Entertainment Coordinator there, which sounds like I had a lot of responsibilities and jobs. Actually, it's just a fancy way of saying "regular employee." There were three aspects to being an Entertainment Coordinator. Retail, which is working the register and selling merchandise and admission. Marshaling, which was walking around the course, having fun with people and enforcing the rules. Being a Party Host was, well, self-explanatory. Although I suppose "retail" and "marshaling" were pretty self-explanatory also. Marshaling was pretty fun. It was basically walking around playing mini golf for an entire shift. I would be armed with a putter and 2-for-1 passes burning a hole in my pocket. I would challenge people on certain holes, and tell them that if they did better than me, I would give them a 2-for-1 pass. The only problem was, when I first started, I pretty much sucked the big one when it came to mini-golf. I'm surprised I didn't single-handedly put Putting Edge out of business.

But my favorite duty of all was being the host for birthday parties. You got to spend the entire afternoon with the kids. Taking them on the course to golf, serving them pizza, entertaining them with games and such. Most people were not a fan of party hosting, but I loved it. I got tipped pretty well, too. The kids liked me, believe it or not. There are some people who can't believe how good I am with kids. But believe me I am. You'll learn more about that in Chapter 11, though.

The best party I ever hosted was for this kid who was turning 11. Actually, I have no idea how old he was turning, but ages 9-12 are pretty much the same thing to me. It was all boys, which is so much more fun than girls, because the boys like to compete and roughhouse and cause trouble in general. The girls on the other hand, reach their peak of excitement when picking out a ball color, and never seem to achieve that level of fun on the actual course. So I had these boys, all about 9-12 years old or so. And about halfway through the course, they decided that I was more fun than actually golfing. So they made it their priority to annoy, bother, entertain, mock and hurt me. Basically, anything that would get my attention, they would try. I can't say I didn't enjoy it. I mean, in order for them to get my full attention, they were giving me their full attention, and God knows how much the attention slut inside of me loves an audience. Maybe that's why I loved hosting parties so much. Sure, it was the birthday kid's big day, but I was in charge of everything. I was the fucking host. All eyes were on me. I was the Pied Piper of Putting Edge. I'm not even sure what the Pied Piper did, to be honest. Whatever. I was the Pied Piper, Peter Pan, and Papa Smurf all rolled into one. Okay, Papa Smurf makes no sense, but alliteration is a very effective literary device.

The boys in the party took to asking me every question they could think of. Including, but not limited to:

"Are you the boss?"
"Is your dad the boss?"
"Do you get paid?"
"Are you in college?"
"Are you gay?"
"Is your dad gay?"
"Is the boss gay?"
"When is your birthday?"
"Can I kick you in the crotch?"
"Do you like cake?"
"Is the cake gay?"

These questions and more were fired at me like spit-balls in a rapid succession. The answers were, in this order: Yes, no, yes, yes, no, no, yes, May 19, no, it's ok, queer as shit. An added bonus to party hosting was that you got first dibs on leftover pizza. Which many times became the highlight of my day.

The manager at Putting Edge was Craig. Craig did not get me. I often wondered if he hated me. He did not seem to appreciate my wry humor or my sarcastic ways. But he did appreciate that I was a damn good employee, which is why he had me go with him to the Novi Town Center Cinema on opening night of Terminator 3 to play games with people and promote PE. Unfortunately, nobody goes to the Town Center Cinema, so about 7 people were actually informed about our new glow-in-the-dark mini-golf funtown.

On the other side of the Fountain Walk, Coldstone Creamery's popularity was snowballing at an alarming rate. Alarming only to those of us who worked there, since it meant an extremely long line that took an extra 45 minutes after closing time to serve. At times people would have to wait an hour for ice cream. I've never understood people's urge to wait in line for so long for something so inconsequential. It's ice cream, for crying out loud. Sure, you can get fresh sponge cake or a Twix bar mashed in it, but it's still just ice cream. And it's not cheap. Someone who was more economically minded (aka my Dad) would skip the Coldstone line and go buy a gallon for the same price at the grocery store.

The singing at Coldstone was not bad. I would usually try to find reasons to not sing. Like act as if I was concentrating really hard on making a waffle cone, or pretending there were dishes that needed to be done in the back. Of course these little tricks didn't work all of the time. I sang my share. I refused to sing for less than a quarter though. That bullshit of dropping a penny in the tip jar just to get us to sing didn't fly with me, and I refused to acknowledge any coin other than a quarter. Even a quarter only warrented a half-assed rendition of "She'll Be Comin' Round The Mountain." If you wanted the real gold, if you wanted the Addams Family song or "That's Amore" you had to break out the George Washingtons.

Coldstone was a franchise store. It was run by Kevin and Michelle, a married couple with an adorable little girl. They named the ice cream maker Aunt Bea. They put their blood, sweat, and tears into that place. I found it hard to slack off when working there, because Kevin and Michelle were literally always around. You really don't want to be cutting corners when working with the people who just spent crap upon craploads of money to open the store they are paying you to work at. It's bad form.

I left both Coldstone and Putting Edge at the end of August when it was time to go back to school. Around September or October I found out that Kevin had died. A bunch of crew members from Coldstone went to the funeral, but I wasn't able to make it out there. I did send Michelle a sympathy card, and a teddy bear for their little girl. Sometimes I wonder how Michelle and her daughter are. I'd like to go back to Coldstone and see. Hopefully she wouldn't be there. If she wasn't there, it would mean she could afford to hire more shift managers. And if she could hire more shift managers, it would mean the store was doing well. And if the store was doing well, then Michelle and Kevin's dream of owning an ice cream parlor was a success.

I did go back to work at both places during the Fall semester. I went back to PE for just one weekend. Despite my greatest efforts to work there in the month between leaving WMU and moving to Florida, Craig insisted that they were fully staffed and couldn't use me. Coldstone, on the other hand, always found a little bit of room on the schedule for a few hours. It was never the same though. The old summer crew was gone. I was working with new kids I didn't know, and white trash supervisors who listened to Nickelback on repeat. Plus it was winter, so nobody really wanted to come try the ice cream. Which meant less work for me.

I've noticed that I didn't mention my coworkers this time around. I probably should. At Putting Edge, it was Scott and Jennifer than I remember having the most fun with. Scott was just as offbeat and sarcastic as me, and Jennifer had crazy energy and made every shift exciting. Also, there was Kerry, who was another fun person to hang out with. The Coldstone Crew definitely gelled more than the PE people. We all went out after work together every night. Me, Arlie, Mark, Greg, and all the other people would spend all of our tip money (and seeing as how we embarrassed ourselves constantly, there was always quite a bit of tips) at Buffalo Wild Wings. Not only that, whoever got off work early would even drive back to the Fountain Walk late at night to hang out with everyone. Arlie and I even started the first Coldstone romance when we used my free movie passes to see Uptown Girls. Her choice, not mine.

Putting Edge and Coldstone were the perfect summer jobs. Easy and carefree. Fun people to hang out with. When compared to my other friends, like Todd, who was standing at Sam's Club all day trying to sell Empire Carpet, it sure was a plum gig.

Doo run run run

OK. I'm running a marathon.

Or a half marathon.

It's the weekend of January 7th.

It's at Disney World.

I'm going to start training this week (Giving me a little over 4 months, so I need to get my ass in gear)

Anyone interested in joining?

I'm registering by Monday, so there really is no time to hem and haw, but I definitely would like to do this with someone. (Although I know if I am the only one RUNNING, there are at least two people who will be going to Disney at the same time. ::COUGH COUGH::)

I've decided to do it. That's the easy part. The hard part is...how do I want to do it? There are a lot of different groups that participate in it. I'd really like to join Team in Training, because they raise money for Leukemia and Lymphoma, but I think it might be too late for that. Another option is the AT Children's Project, which will reimburse me for travel, and provide a group for me to run with. My other choice is to book reservations through a travel agency, get the discount since I'll be running the marathon, then raise money for any charity of my choice. I'd prefer to do that, but I don't want to run the marathon alone. And train alone. No fun there.

I'm leaning towards the AT Children's Project, just cause it's for the kids.

noodles

I have 8 coupons for Noodles In The Pot. They are sweet coupons, too. Buy one entree get one free. The catch is that the bill AFTER the coupon must be at least 12 dollars. This means that each person getting an entree is not enough. You must also get an appetizer. So, an appetizer to split, and your own entree (may I suggest the pad thai or cashew chicken), and you're only paying about 6 dollars. And there will be leftovers. You can try to be like Won Jargo or Kara Would and pretend you can finish it all. But you can't. So yeah, eight coupons. And they are on the back of Dominick's receipts, which means I'll only be getting more. Who wants to come? Any takers?

I want to watch Vanished, Heroes, Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip, 30 Rock, Lost, The Nine, The Office, and Nip/Tuck this season. Think I'm gonna need a VCR.

Allow me to dispel the rumors

I will not be uploading my blog to facebook notes. Don't hold your breath. Or if you do, at least breath through your nose silently. What a neat parlor trick.

facebook notes

Are you familiar with the newest facebook feature? Facebook notes. It's basically useless.

Ummm

It's called Snakes On A Plane.

It's about a plane. With snakes on it.

How do you NOT get that?

If you can't stop taking things seriously for one second to understand how fun that is, then it really sucks for you. Because I think it's a blast.

"Snakes on a Plane doesn't speak volumes about shit. It just says people are still making movies that people are having fun going to watch."
-Samuel L. Jackson.

Sam couldn't have said it better. I wish he was my brother :)

Not every movie you see has to be life changing.

It's been exactly 2 years since I left.




And I still can't decide if it changed my life completely, or just plain ruined me.




With a voice from every country
And a face from every land
We'll celebrate the future
Hand in hand!

The makers of the ToastMaster want to make sure your Pop-Tart is never burnt.

Coming soon...

Chapters 8 and 9 are almost ready. They go together. Are you drooling? I know Dani is....

Sorry Dani, but Java Shitty is still a long way off.

But yeah. Soon. I promise.

It'll be a double shot of you love it

Google is taking over Blogger. Eep

I've seen my share of movies this week

It was actually really funny. No Lilo & Stitch by any means, but still decent. I saw it with Ashley and her family (go figure) when we drove back to Michigan.



















I bought it without watching it. Loved it. And the best part is you can definitely watch it more than once because there are a lot of things you don't quite pick up on. I guess it's a little like Veronica Mars.


















Freak
ing
loved
it.
I can't say enough about it so I won't even start. So good.






























Tough one. I thought the good parts were really good, and the boring parts were really boring. Halfway through you forget it's even about 9-11 because it's all about the guys stuck under the rubble. It was decent. It was definitely safe, and not controversial in any way. It tells a good story though, and I think anyone who thinks that it is "too soon" for a 9-11 movie is wrong. It's a good way for people to remember this. Because it did happen, and there's no point in pretending it didn't.





















What a way to follow up a 9-11 drama (and that's the gospel truth)



















It was ok. Not nearly as funny as Shrek and The Incredibles, which is sad because I was hoping it would be. It was actually surprisingly clever, though.




















Season 2 is far and away better than the first season. And that says a lot. It's nominated for like 5 Emmys, which is completely deserves. Too bad I don't have Showtime. And the newer episodes aren't even on iTunes yet, damnit.

101 blogs already !?!?

Despite the fact that the pool is this awful color, I still fully intend to hop on a raft and do some reading in the sun.









But first, I have some important things to get done.

-Watch Celebrity Fit Club (Carnie Wilson is an inspiration to us all)
-Look at apartments in LA, despite the fact that I have a whole year left in Chicago
-Send a resume, cover letter, and transcript to Upward Bound to apply for a tutor job
-Look at pets online even though I know I can't get a dog yet (ferret? guinea pig?) I found a beagle that I must have. I wish it was going to be put to sleep because then I'd have an excuse to get it and no one could argue.
-Check every new MySpace blog. Baggy has Mono? Dangles got a haircut?! Dani went to the mall? Ashley hasn't found an apartment!
-Wonder why I'm still inside
-Check half.com for TV show DVDs for cheap

I went to the dentist this morning. He said I had a cavity. I told him that I haven't drank pop in about 5 months, so I can't have a cavity. He said I did. I told him that if I can give up pop and still get cavities, that everything he's ever told me was a lie.

I parked on an incline at the dentist, and when I was leaving, I put the car in reverse and pulled out. But the car stopped and wouldn't go anywhere. I had no idea what to do, since it's a brand new Explorer. Well, turns out I didn't start the engine. The only reason the car backed up is because it was going down a hill. Dumb.

100 blogs already!?!?

Well, I suppose there's no sense in celebrating my 100th blog when the reality is that it's only my 100th on Blogger. If you were to count my Deadjournal, Livejournal, and Myspace accounts, there would be quite a few more. More than the stars in the sky, I'd assume. Please don't be distracted by those links. I know how fascinated you must be by my theory that Anna Nicole Smith is the reason for terrorism, or what my trip to California with Brent Beeler in the summer of 2002 was like, but please, try to focus.

I guess making it to 100 is kind of cool. There are a few people I'd like to thank, while I'm up here. First and foremost, I'd like to thank my parentheses. I use them quite frequently (at least once every entry) and I doubt my blog would be what it is without them. Thank you (. Thank you ). I'd also like to thank Alicia Hirshfield for telling me to make a Deadjournal account. Not only that, she is the one that got me the registration code for Livejournal. Remember when you couldn't make an LJ account without getting a number from someone who already had one? Well, thanks to Alicia for that as well. She's moving to China tomorrow. I'll miss her. I'd like to go visit, since I've always wanted to go to Shanghai, but my mom insists that I don't. She is convinced that some stranger will plant illegal narcotics in my suitcase and I will be falsely persecuted and spend the rest of my life in a third world prison. And yes, she came to this conclusion after watching Brokedown Palace on Lifetime. Fucking Claire Danes always finds a way to ruin my international affairs.

I'd also like to thank those of you that comment here. It is no secret that in my writing, much like my entire life, for that matter, I seek constant validation. I'd like to thank those of you that comment frequently for supplying me with that. Mostly that means Dani and Dangles. If my blog were a Subway and you got your card punched for commenting, those two would be munching on a 12 inch Daily Special right now. Although Twigger, Baggy, and Jenny often jump in with things to say as well. So does Ashley Rush from Disney, which is slightly random but that's why I love it. If you don't comment, I still appreciate that you at least read what I say. No. That's a lie. Fuck off. Either comment or jump off a fucking cliff. You ingrates.

I really need to finish Catch 22. I really love it. I just don't love reading. I used to read all the time. I was a big reader. My mom would always say, "Oh yeah, Steve loves to read." She'd take me to Borders once a week so I could get a new book. I was reading in the intermediate section way before anyone else! I was onto Fear Street when everyone else was still reading Goosebumps. Not that I didn't read Goosebumps too. But they really only took me about 3 hours to get through. I didn't notice at the time, but Goosebumps sure had some ridiculous titles. What was RL Stine thinking?

















Seriously?



My mom used to tell me that RL Stine didn't write all of the books. That he had writers that worked for him, because it was impossible to write an entire novel once a month. Yeah, I can see that. But come on. The Horror at Camp JellyJam? A Shocker on Shock Street? Yeah, I could believe that Shakespeare had help writing his plays, but to say that RL Stine needed help to make Egg Monsters From Mars just doesn't seem right.

Back to Catch 22. How is it that I am a writer (I've been published on websites, I go to SCHOOL for writing, I have a blog, I've written and registered a treatment and script for an original pilot) and I just can't sit down and read? I'll finish it eventually. Besides, I DID read Grapes of Wrath for fun once. That's gotta count for something.

My two biggest priorities right now are to finish my Off The Clock script and to finish reading Catch 22. Having my computer die made it a little harder to finish OTC, but once I get back to Chicago, I'm buckling down. I've had a few other ideas that I'd like to work on, but not until I finish this. My other pilot idea is about a family of carnies. Also I have an idea for a show based on all my friends in Chicago. But OTC comes first. I forgot my Batman notebook in Chicago and it's killing me that I can't write down my ideas. Then again, it's not like I've had that many. Hmmm. Uh-Oh. Am I boring now? I mean, the Goosebumps part, that was pretty good, right? Now I'm just talking about myself and my writing and I feel I've lost my audience. Quick Steve, think of something.












Yeah. There you are.

Annnyway. I went to my grandparents house this weekend. They just moved to a farm. My grandmas brothers used to live in the house, and I used to go up to the farm a lot when I was little. However, it seems that the years of Oakland County, Novi Public Schools, 12 Oaks Mall, Fountain Walk, and living in Downtown Chicago have really taken the country boy out of me (was there ever one in me? No. Probably not). It was a weekend of picking corn and potatoes, burning garbage, and going out after dinner to look for deer. I really really wanted to go to the Demolition Derby at the county fair, but that didn't happen. It brought back a lot of memories of my childhood trips up to the farm. Like the cats that lived in the barn and scratched the hell out of my arm when I tried to pet one. Or the time I went swinging on a rope in the barn and accidently let go and fell about 10 feet on my back. Or the time I went walking around with my Dad and ran ahead and shouted "Follow me Dad!" and without looking jumped right into a giant pile of cow shit. You know the Beatle's song "Mother's Nature's Son?" It's about me.

It really was a good weekend though. I got to relax and work outside and not even think about cell phones or internet or anything.

Happy 100! Here's to 100 more. Oh wait, didn't I used to write about jobs or something? Eh...Peace out.

so much to catch up on!

I hate MySpace. I just hate it. For all intents and purposes, I should love it. (When I was little I thought the phrase was "for all intensive purposes," isn't that hilarious!?!?) I mean you can decorate your background, put tons of sweet pix up in your bio, even play songs and videos! Baggy certainly couldn't post such a salacious picture of buxomed beauty Charo on my FACEBOOK wall, could he? That's out of the question! And you can blog on MySpace too!

Hard to believe there is ANY reason for me to hate MySpace, I know. Here is a short list:

1. It never works. On the off chance that the page actually works, you are still waiting a good 10 minutes for it to frackin' load. But don't worry, there is never any error in loading those John Tucker Must Die pop ups.

2. People who I don't know adding me. I don't mind cool people checking out my profile and seeing how awesome I am and wanting to be my friend. I can't blame them. What I don't like is when SexyVMonica tries TWICE to add me because she "saw my profile and loved it. Wants to hook up for webchat with her sexy friends" Not to mention all of the crappy bands, which leads me to...

3. MySpace Music. Useless. Pointless. Annoying. Consists of nothing but shitty Fall Out Boy wannabes and wierd goth/punk/metal/folk/lullaby craziness. Sure, a lot of big bands have MySpace music pages now too, but they don't need them. And what's the difference between a MySpace profile and a MySpace Music profile? You can play songs in both of them.

Annnnywaaaay....

Summer is almost over. Can you believe that? I guess we still have a whole month left, but I'll be home. Plus, I count my chickens before they hatch.

Orientation is done for a few weeks. Boy did we have some fun times. I'm genuinely looking forward to going back to work with everyone at the end of the month. Well, I'm more or less looking forward to our after-work parties. The most memorable OL experience so far definitely has to be when Jacob, Cam, Millie, and I watched Final Destination 3. Holy shit, what an evening that turned out to be. If you don't know why, then I guess you'll have to just wonder. It was bucknutty, to say the least.

Sorry Dangles, I've really been typing a lot, so I don't even know if I can get to Flavor of Love 2 in this post. But does every girl on that show have a lisp or gap teeth? I'm pretty sure they do. I love the white girl who wants a man that can "hold me, and hold me DOWN!" Classy. Best line so far, "I threw the first punch, yeah, but she threw flowers at me!" followed closely by, "Dear God, please forgive me for beating this bitch ass." That girl was too nuts to be real. She was a plant. She was put there to go nuts and get kicked off first and set the tone for the show. I mean seriously, she was CARRIED out. She wasn't real. I wish she was real, because I'd marry her, but she was just a plant.

Lollapalooza was awesome. I was wondering if I would have as good of a time this year as I did last year. I most definitely did. even though I wasn't nearly as excited about the line-up, there were tons of bands that blew me away.

On Friday, the Raconteurs were by far the best. I love White Stripes already, and now Jack White is in another one of my favorite bands.

The two best shows on Saturday were The Go! Team and Manu Chao. Two shows that most people didn't seem to see beside me. I loved how crazy The Go! Team got, despite it being about 11117 degrees outside. Celsius. And I never wanted to see Kanye. I don't like him. I never did. I wish more people felt the same way, but nobody seemed adventurous enough to trek over to check out Manu. Those who did got to enjoy dancing barefoot in Grant Park, under the glowing skyline, to some awesome latin rock. Everybody there was having an awesome time, and if more of my friends (you know who you are) would have just fessed up to not liking Kanye and TRIED something different for once, they would not have been disappointed. Alicia made her way over, and we had a blast. No doubt, the best part of the weekend.

By Sunday I was dead. 30 Seconds to Mars was great, especially because I spent most of it with a wasted Twigger who had snuck in an Aquafina bottle full of wine. The Shins were decent. A perfect band to listen to while you nap in the trees and try to keep your back turned to the line of a million porta-potties that are less than 20 feet from you. I wanted to check out Broken Social Scene, even though I didn't know a lot about them. Most people seemed to choose Blues Traveler, which I thought was strange. I didn't know people actually liked them (much like my discovery last year that everyone in the world loves Cake besides me), and the only song I know is that "sure fire way to keep things up" song, which is by no means one of my favorites. I'm glad I watched the Social Scene. They blew me away. Of all of the music that I need to download after Lollapalooza (and trust me, there's a lot), Broken Social Scene is the top of my list.

And who can forget the Chili Peppers. I couldn't find Alicia, which was sad, since I didn't get to say goodbye to her, but I did come across some other friends and we rocked out. But not with our cocks out. Well, Dangles had hers out, but only for "Dani California." After a relatively uneventful summer, aside from working, drinking, and sometimes going to the beach, Lollapalooza was just what I needed.

Oh, and my computer is broken. Did I say that yet? Oh, probably last time. Yeah, it went off during the thunderstorm last week and won't turn on. And yes, I have a surge protector so don't even fucking ask. Obviously a 5$ surge protector from Walgreens is hardly capable of living up to its name. The kicker? A little over a year ago, when I got my laptop, I couldn't decide if I wanted the 1-year warrenty, or if I should spring for the 2-year. After seeing Matt go through hell with his laptop and not having the warrenty cover it, I decided I better go with the 2 year.

THANK GOD.

Although the hour and a half I spent on the help line answering questions like "No it doesn't work plugged in with no battery. No it doesn't work not plugged in with a battery. No it doesn't work plugged in with a battery. No it doesn't work not plugged in with no battery," was not very helpful (If it doesn't work plugged in and with a battery, how the HELL is it going to work NOT plugged in with NO battery?!?) but they sent me a box to FedEx my computer to them. They should be sending it back to me next week. But don't worry, I'm going home tomorrow, so I'll have an all-you-can-eat internet buffet. And you better bet I'm stuffing rolls in my pocket.

Just a quickie. But worth it. (That's what she said)

My computer is broken right now. I am on Jeff's while he takes a shower and eats cereal. No, not at the same time. Milk, although a necessity to the cereal eating process, already causes sogginess, so consumption in the shower would only hasten the process.

No time for everything I want to say so I'm not gonna start. Stay tuned. Lollapalooza, last days of Orientation, summer fun, Flavor of Love 2, and what happened to my computer are only a few of the topics that I will be touching on. Are your pants still dry?

Didn't think so.

Hi friends

Millie is coming to pick me up so I am blogging while I wait. Every so often I will check out the window and see if she is here. I love not having to take the train this morning! Hopefully I'll be able to find a RedEye at the 1104 building, since I usually pick one up on the way to the Fullerton stop and read it on the train. Now, don't worry about me not having enough time to read the RedEye at work. My 10 hour days consist of about 9 hours of downtime. So not only will I read it front to back (Wait, it's the RedEye. We all read it BACK to FRONT) but I will most likely read it 4 times, and finish both Sudoku and the crossword puzzle. OK, that's a lie. I probably won't finish the crossword since there's always like two words left at the end and I have absolutely no idea what they are. I've gotten pretty good though.

Tomorrow is the last day of Summer Orientation. Hopefully there will be a big blowout tomorrow night to celebrate. Perhaps I should host it since Cam, Jacob, and Millie have already done one.

Lollapalooza is this weekend, and yes I am going. I'm not nearly as excited to go as I was last year. Mostly I just don't know the bands as well and am NOT looking forward to how hot it's going to be, but I know I'll still enjoy myself. Plus I have three, yes THREE separate friends coming into town who will be leaving shortly after Lolla and I will not see for a long time. So all in all this weekend will be busy but it's necessary.

Then I have Monday off. Then I go home for 2 weeks on Tuesday. Holler.

Home streeeeeetch

In the Fall, I will be taking:

TV Program Development
Writing The Sitcom
Small Screen Video
Improv Techniques
Urban Geography: The Study of Cities

After that, I only have one more semester in Chicago. I'm not done with Columbia, but done in Chicago. Next summer, if all goes according to plan, I'll be taking "Writing the One-Hour Drama" on the CBS Television lot for the Semester in LA program. And from there? Who knows. My friend who is out there now just got an internship with Passions. I'm hoping with Disney and Springer under my belt, I'll be able to get some sort of job/internship out of the SLA also. Preferably something that pays. Preferably a job as a Writer's Assistant for 24, Lost, Veronica Mars, The Office, Scrubs, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Nip/Tuck, or something equally as exciting. Or maybe I'll come back to Chicago. Or maybe somewhere else. Who knows?

While I don't technically graduate in Spring of 07, I am walking in the ceremony. It's the only ceremony there is, so if I want to walk, that's when I'd have to do it. And I want to walk. A lot of people don't care about it, and many just don't want to do it. But it's kind of important to me. High School graduation was important I suppose, but not that big of a deal to me. It's what you're supposed to do. But when I think about walking in Spring, I think about all that I've done since High School. Western Michigan University where I made some awesome friends, worked on the radio station, and tried to figure out who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. Orlando, Florida, where I worked full-time at Disney World for 8 months and learned what I'm capable of. Then of course, Columbia College Chicago, where I, dare I say, finished what I set out to do at WMU, learning exactly who I was and exactly what I wanted to do. Who would have imagined that in 5 years my life would change so much? When I walk in the Spring, it's the culmination of all of that. It's the beginning of....ughhhh....real life.

for your amusement

I don't understand why people continually underestimate me. Why do people see my ability to laugh at myself and take failure in stride as a weakness? Just because I can take admit to my faults doesn't mean that I don't have strengths. Perhaps my dim-witted inexperience is merely a subtle form of manipulation used to lower people's expectations and thereby enhancing my ability to effectively maneuver within any given situation?

Mediocrity and I have always walked hand in hand. I was always so-so at the sports I tried. I got decent parts in plays. I can sometimes (but not always) win at card games. I don't think there's ever been a single thing that I would say I excel at. Besides being funny, which I tend to latch onto with every ounce of my being, on account of that being about all I've got working for me. I'm not sure where I was going with this. I guess I could just stand for a few less people acting like my life is a farce in which I bumble and fail at everything.

Speaking of success, today I forgot to put on deodorant and I didn't smell at all. Despite some moisture throughout the day, there was no stench. See? And you think I'm not good at anything.

things I like: summer '06 edition
























The Office webisodes

Qdoba burritos

Orientation Leader parties













Running along the lake

Going to the beach



















Global facebook groups

Rollerblading through Lincoln Park

Working on my Off The Clock pilot

Alcohol + Mad Libs

The 4way (coming soon)

Noodle In The Pot on Halsted



















Ava Moore before discovering her "secret"






























Air conditioning

My upcoming 2 1/2 week trip back home to lay by the pool

Lincoln Park bars

Not working at the restaurant anymore

















I'll add more as they come.

And it's not even the tribal pattern like the old one

I got a credit card in the mail. No, not a credit card application, an actual, real, honest-to-God credit card. It's the same card number as my current card. So basically, if I were to activate it, they would essentially be charging to the same account. But the thing is...I didn't order a new card. My card isn't even expired. So what's the deal? I'm halfway convinced that the ineptness of the mailroom workers at the UCC has once again caused inconvenience in my life, despite the fact that I moved out two months ago. Picture this. New person living in 534. Mailroom does not check names on incoming mail, gives them my credit card bill. Person in 534 gets my card information and orders a new card, hoping that the mailroom will fuck up once more, therefore getting their hands on my credit card.

Maybe that's a little farfetched. But credit card fraud happens, people. And you should all be vigilant. It's not always like that episode of Friends wear Monica becomes best friends with the girl stealing her credit card. If you charge shit on my dime, don't expect me to start taking dance classes with you and go out and try exotic cuisine. No, I'm sorry. I'm just not that type of person. Unless you teach me salsa dancing, because who can resist salsa dancing? Credit card theft be damned, let's get steamy on the dance floor.

Last night was the Orientation Leader gathering. And what do Orientation Leaders, the smiling, friendly faces of Columbia College, the first person a new student meets, do when they get together outside of work? Get shitfaced. Millie and I were the first ones to get to Jacobs, at about...9:00. We wasted no time, and by the time other people finally started showing up, we were already hobbling around trying not to act too wasted. I can't really remember any specific moments that stood out. That is, aside from Carolyn laughing (and not just laughing, but snorting) every time I told her Jonbenet's mom died. Oh, she would just lose it.

There's nothing good on TV and I'm way too lazy to start planning on what to do tonight. Pirates of the Carribbean is on USA, but if you figure in commercials, I think it's about 6 1/2 hours long. I'd say that Project Runway is stupid, but then I would have to answer to a million people vehemently defending it. The Suite Life of Zach & Cody just makes me feel terrible for those two twins who will no doubt finish puberty with thoughts of suicide every time they think about how awkward and weird they looked on that show. I don't want to watch TV, I don't want to watch a movie, I don't want to go outside, and I don't want to play video games. If I take a nap I won't wake up until tomorrow, but I'm starting to wonder if that's really such a bad thing.

"I put my feet in the printer because I thought it was my shoes"

I haven't written in a while. Now I don't know what to talk about or where to even start. I suppose it really doesn't matter, since I will inevitably get sidetracked and go on some inane tangent anyway.

I should at least mention my night with Jess Dangles. That should take priority over everything else that I may want to talk about. You see, Jess and I really should have a babysitter. Because we are children. We talk like children and we act like children. And alcohol only exacerbates this tendency. Perhaps I should mention the picture we took of putting our heads in the oven. Or the somersaults off of her brothers bed. Or rapping to 50 Cent and L'il Kim's "Magic Stick" at least 50 times. And let's not forget the mad libs. Walking over to her place, I knew that drunk mad libs with Dangles was going to be the icing on the cake. Unfortunately, due to the extreme amount of disgusting, volatile, racist, crude, and utterly filthy language we chose to use in said mad libs, I don't feel that this is a good place to post them.

Orientation is going well. Getting up at six definitely sucks. By the time I get home, all I want to do is pass out. But if I pass out, then I won't be able to sleep at night. Hence, I won't be able to wake up for work at six. Speaking of Catch 22, I haven't read any of it since I quit My Pie. Guess I should start taking it to work, since the biggest challenge an OL has to face is how to survive an insanely long and boring amount of downtime.

I burnt popcorn earlier. Bad. It lit on fire. I didn't even have it in for the full time I was supposed to. Now the whole apartment smells like it, and I'm just glad I'll be in bed before Matt gets home from work and says "Who the hell burnt something?!?!?" Sorry Matt. I had to pretty much fill the entire popcorn bag with water to stop it from smoking. Then I just threw it out. In retrospect, I should have taken it to the dumpster. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20. And I'm not home all day tomorrow anyway.

My new addiction (aside from renting Veronica Mars on DVD) is reading boring people's blogs. I don't know what it is, but I can't get enough of certain people's journals. I'm sure you know the kind I'm talking about. The ones where you read and just can't quite figure out why the author is even bothering to record such tedious and inconsequential things. Like what color garbage bags they bought or how much their suitcase weighed at the airport. For some reason, despite the fact that these blogs are less interesting than reading my grandmas grocery list, or hell, even the phonebook, I am thoroughly entertained. I find it funny. I laugh out loud sometimes. And the worst part? Most of the blogs I read? I don't even know the people writing them...

And who do I think I am to sit here and say that my blog is any better?

Oh come on. Face it.

Lastly, I want to make sure everyone has heard, or is at least aware of, Fergie (from the Black Eyed Peas) and her new solo song, "London Bridge (Oh Shit)" I think this is important, because never in our lives, will we ever witness lyrical genius that can even be compared to lines such as "Grey Goose got my girls feelin loose, and I'm wishin' that I didn't wear these shoes" Generations before us their was John Lennon. And now? "London Bridge (Oh Shit)"

How come every time you come around
My London London bridge wanna go down
Like London London what? It's goin' down.

And you thought "My Humps" was a masterpiece.

Frankie says relax

So I suppose there is indeed such thing as fate. I don't know whether or not I believed in it before. I guess nothing ever really happened that I could attribute to fate. But now there is. Now I'm a believer. (Not a trace of doubt in my mind....sorry)

On Saturday I was on the phone with my mom. I was telling her how I don't want to go back to work ever again because the mexicans in the back make fun of me in Spanish and I just don't like having to deal with that. I told her I wanted to just go home but couldn't because a bus or train ticket was too much. I told her if I could just get home I wouldn't even care if I never went back to work. I told her I didn't know what to do, that I didn't want to be irresponsible and immature, but I just didn't want to go back to My Pie.

If only I had a reason to stop going.

And then, while on the phone telling my mom I didn't want to go to work and I wanted to go home, my cousin calls. She says she'll give me 50 dollars if I go walk the dog later. Well, there's a pretty good excuse to not go into work. My cousin, who is the only person I know of who has had more jobs than me, gives me a pretty good reason not to go back to the restaurant. Then she offers me a ride back home Sunday morning. How perfect. 50 dollars to not go back to work, and a ride home. This all happens at the very same moment I had been telling my mom I wanted to quit work and go home. See? Fate.

Anyway, my whole family was in, including my brother, his girlfriend, and my grandparents, so it was really nice to be able to go home. Even though I was there for less than 48 hours. When I talked to my grandma on the phone and told her I would be home on Sunday, she sounded really excited. My mom and aunt were really excited too. I feel bad for what I did to all of the employees at My Pie, but...it was really really good to see my family. And that alone made it worth it.

It was a relaxing day and a half of lounging by the pool, lounging in the living room, and lounging about in other places as well. With a little bit of shopping with Mom and drinking with Brother. My biggest regret isn't quitting my work. It's that Summer is halfway over almost and this was the first time I really got to just relax.

That's Hawt

My apartment has no hot water, so I can't shower. The landlord called and said someone was coming over here to fix our hot water heater, so we'll wait and see. At this point I think it is either being fixed or is fixed entirely, because if you try to get hot water, it doesn't come out cold. It doesn't come out hot, either, but last night there was no trace of warmth whatsoever. This leads me to believe that the pump has been fixed, but the hot water needs to be made. So I'm waiting for our hot water heater to whip up a batch of hot water.

I wouldn't be writing this if I had hot water. I'd be shaving and showering. In hot water. But I don't want to shave or shower with cold water. Nothing in the world is worse than showering in cold water. Although shaving with cold water is a close close second. I don't work until 5 so as long as there's hot water by 4:30 (or even 4:45, like I'm ever on time) then there won't be a problem. I just need hot water so I can go to work and feel fresh because without hot water I won't feel fresh and clean. I'll feel cold and most certainly unfresh. So come on, hot water.

I know what you're thinking. The answer is 11. Go ahead and count it.

How to quit my job...that's the biggest issue I'm facing right now. I've known for several weeks that orientation was starting soon. And about 2 weeks ago I made the decision to leave My Pie for it. Well, I've definitely been putting off the whole ordeal of quitting. I'm afraid. I've never been good at it. What do I say? Sure, My Pie Pizzeria has been around for about 30 years, but will it last one day without me? I doubt it. I'd say that today is the day. That I'm going to go in and tell my manager the truth. The "truth," of course, being that I just found out I got the orientation job today, and that I would like to come back to the restaurant to work in about a month and a half. Some of that might be fiction. Some. Not all. I mean, the part about me leaving for orientation is true. Maybe I didn't JUST find out about orientation and maybe I DON'T plan on going back afterwards, but they don't need to know that. Useless facts! My boss has a restaurant to run! He can't be bogged down with useless facts!

I'll figure something out. I haven't really "quit" many jobs. I've had them go out of business, I've gone on vacation and never come back, I've written notes and stopped showing up, I've stopped showing up without writing a note, I've left because it was only a summer job, but the only time I actually put in 2 weeks and let them know what was up was Old Navy. Java City too. Well, not really Java City because they wouldn't have kept me for the summer anyway.

Time to check for hot water.

Let's Get Literary

The best part of my job is how much I get to read. I've already finished Choke, Bonfire of the Vanities, and Thank You For Smoking. Choke was pretty good, but I've heard it's not Palahniuk's best. Another guy at work is reading Haunted and once he's done we're gonna trade. Bonfire of the Vanities, I've read before, and continue to love just as much. It's a long one. Not an easy read, but one of my favorite books by far. Thank You For Smoking was good. But...just good. I though I'd love it. I thought I'd be raving and not be able to put it down. Well, I liked it a lot. But it was easy to put down. I loved the end though. I really do need to see the movie. Now I'm on to Catch 22. I've never read it, even though I probably set some sort of world record for how many times I've checked it out of the library. Now I own it and plan on actually opening it.

I can't wait for Orientation to start. I don't know what I'm going to do about my job at the restaurant (still haven't told them) and the more I think about, the less sure I am if I even want to go back. I'm going to try and leave that door open, just in case I end up needing a job, but I'm hoping that orientation can segue into a job on campus. Preferably a job with the orientation office. I don't mind the restaurant. It's just the hours that get to me. I hate working nights. I spend all day dreading the fact that I have to go in. Also, I'm just done with customer service at this point. The fact that I wrote chapter 7 last week and I'm still not halfway through my jobs is proof that I've put in my time.

I registered my Off The Clock treatment. That was exciting. Now no one can take my idea, and Kristin is out in LA right now. Probably showing it to all the major Hollywood players. I just hope I can finish school before someone buys it and makes me rich. I'm about halfway done with my script for the pilot. Not that you care. I don't want to be one of those boring journals where people start to skim because the author lost their attention. Shit, you aren't skimming, are you? Fuck you for skimming! Ok, first person to comment and says they didn't skim gets an Arctic Orange milkshake at McDonalds on me. Bribery works wonders. But yeah, I do want to finish my Off The Clock script sometime before the end of the summer. That's my biggest goal.

America's Got Problems

The cover of the Red Eye says "Lollapa-Line-Up" Yes, folks, summer in Chicago now not only signifies an abundance of sweaty tourists, fireworks at Navy Pier, and free Argo Tea Samples, but also the criminal overuse of sayings that either start with "Lolla" or end with "Palooza" Don't be a Lollapaloser! See? It's catching. Soon it will be everywhere. I think I'm going to start a running count of how many times this happens. I'm guessing the Red Eye will account for about 98% of these offenses.

Speaking of offenses. I did manage to watch America's Got Talent. And I hope everyone else did as well. Simon Cowell had a brilliant idea when he decided to bring back Star Search. Only take the already overused format of American Idol and mix that in. Brandy is of the Paula Abdul "I have no real opinion" school of judging. The only time Brandy exercises any sort of backbone is after every act she DEMANDS that the three judges come to a vote. As if David Hasselhoff and the british guy would forget to vote, had Brandy not been there the forcefully remind them. If the brit, Davey, and yourself are all giving POSITIVE feedback, then why do you feel inclined to call it to a vote. Obviously, the contestant is going on. It's like she's that girl in preschool that forced everyone to be in her little club and do everything the way she wanted. Fuckin' Angelica Pickles is bringin' shit to a vizote. Oh and she's sneaky. Did you notice that she makes the brit vote first. Then David. Then, if they both vote no, she doesn't have to! Majority rules! Moesha is never cruel! And the british guy is nothing but a ripoff of Simon Cowell. Every reality show with judges now must have a snarky man from Londontown to tear the people apart. "Your singing is worse than an earwig in my ear." Clever. I can see why they pay you the big bucks.

I liked the pirate who played the nose flute. Believe it or not, when I was in Hawaii in 6th grade with People to People, we got nose flutes made out of bamboo. My mom stepped on it and broke it a few months later, now that I think of it. Anyway, we got the nose flutes and pretty much messed around with them for about a day before shoving them to the backs of our suitcases. However, in that one day of half-ass practicing, I think I gained more nose flute talent than that guy had. I liked when he tore apart the judges, though. He asked Brandy why she hasn't released a huge hit lately. Oh he had sass. And the pirate costume. Sass and style? America's got it.

I don't like that Hugh Grant would continually reach over and press David's buzzer too. I mean, granted, David is a little generous on the buzzer time. He'd probably even enjoy watching my cousin floss her dog. But there's a reason that there are 3 judges. If they didn't want three separate judges, they'd just have Rupert Everett sit there with 3 buzzers. He buzzes way too early. The complete opposite of David. It's like David is chocolate ice cream, and Ewan McGreger is vanilla. Brandy is halfway between. She's twist ice cream. Wait, shouldn't she be chocolate? Hmmm...nevermind.

Oh, Regis. I get the feeling that Regis just doesn't like to be at home. He probably is lonely, has no wife and kids, and keeps busy with work and other things so that he never has to face the emptiness that is his personal life. Or maybe I have it backwards. Maybe Regis does, indeed, have a wife and kids. He just hates them.

What is it with talent shows? Aren't we running out of people to be on them? I mean, clearly we're scraping the bottom of the barrell with this one. The harp lady? The dancing cow? I mean, American Idol at least messes with the audition process so that only the really bad and really good people go on in front of the judges. Is there no sort of screening implimentation set up? There should be. True, sometimes it's fun to see people suck terribly. And it's always heartwarming to see that little 13 year old girl belt her heart out (and make Brandy harken back to her tween years when she was something special), but it's the mediocre ones that just drag it all down the shitter.

Then again, summer isn't the time when you want to watch anything deep and thought provoking. I'm still getting over the season finale of Lost, and that was like a month ago. So it's nice to have mindless garbage like this to blog about. Oh, and I hated when the british guy told the bird trainer that if he had an hour with her bird he could make it talk too. That's fucking uncalled for. That lady is a professional who no doubt works hard at what she does, and then she's putting herself out there for the whole world to critique. Have some fucking respect, dude. At least she has a real talent. A real job. Not that being friends with Princess Diana and shaking Diana Ross' hand isn't super cool and all, but do you really think you're something special?

I'm glad she stood up to him. Way to go, bird lady. See you at the Universal City Walk! I'll throw a dollar in your hat.

Fall Out Boy is always in my shower

It never fails. Every time I take a shower, I turn on the radio, and every time I turn on the radio, "Sugar We're Going Down" is playing. What is this? 2005? I really didn't mind the song at first, but at this point, I have to wonder why the radio station thinks people still want to hear a song that was pounded into their brains 43949348 times already. It's probably because of The Mix's no-repeat work days. If they can't play the new Kelly Clarkson song to death, they have to make room for other songs. Everyone (anyone?) who was worried they would never hear "Sugar We're Going Down" can rest easy. It's on every afternoon when I'm in the shower. So just give me a call, ask when I'm gonna be in the shower, turn on The Mix, and rock out. I'm just a notch in your bedpost but you're just a line in a song...

Orientation starts in a few weeks. And I have a problem. A problem that will soon become a debacle. And after that, a full-fledged fiasco. Right now I am working at the restaurant. A solid part time job. About 25 hours a week. Well, when orientation starts, that's basically a full-time job. Every day 7:30 until aout 4 or 5. I don't know if I can handle working about 40 hours a week for orientation AND 25 at My Pie. That would be about 65 hours a week. On top of that, I wouldn't have a day off in about a month. Monday-Friday would be 7:30-5. Then on top of that, Wednesday 5-10, and Friday 5-12. Oh, and Saturdays 5-10, Sunday 4-10. I know the summer is time to make money, but it's also time to relax and...enjoy summer. So I think I might tell the restaurant I'm going to need some time off. Since there's only two hosts and both are needed every weekend, there's a good chance that this means my job won't be waiting for me when I get back.

I also need to finish my treatment so I can register it with the WGA before Kristin goes to LA so that she can talk up Off The Clock with people. I'm just so damn lazy these days I can't get anything done. Like today. It's super nice out. I could go for a run. Go to the beach. Go do anything outside. But I don't want to. Why? Because I work later. I just want to sit around and do absolutely nothing until I have to. Tomorrow, on the other hand, it will be 94, so I will definitely be hitting the beach before work.

My biggest problem is if I have nothing to get up for, I just don't get up. I can wake myself at 9 or 10. I really can. No problem. But I'm not going to get up that early just to sit and watch tv and play on the internet. Go somewhere? Go where? Hang out? Everyone's at work or still sleeping. So I end up sleeping until noon or so, then feeling like a lazy bastard. Luckily orientation is coming. Then I'll be back in routine. Work all day, come home and hang out. Weekends off. I love routine.

That's Entertainment

When we moved into the apartment, we drew names out of a hat to get rooms. I got the one I wanted. It was the one with the window facing the front. Facing the street. Also, it's apparently the biggest. Although when all the rooms were empty, I didn't notice that. I just wanted to face the street.

Now, my apartment is on the first floor. And Lincoln Park is not for having approximately 92,000 bars. When I was choosing my room, it didn't occur to me how many drunk, crazy, shouting people would be walking down my street, right past my window, at all hours of the night. At first this bothered me. I had to buy ear plugs, no joke. And I was starting to get really pissed about these people making such a scene when I'm trying to go to bed.

However, now I find it entertaining. Because it seems that every group of drunk people walking down Lill at 2 in the morning is having a miserable time. And I love it. The other night this girl was yelling and crying because she lost her necklace, or bracelet or something. They were there for a good long time looking for it on the sidewalk. Oh, and it was raining. Ha!

I've listened to at least 3 couples break up in the past week. And it's always the girl who won't stop screaming and swearing. In fact (don't be surprised because it's Lincoln Park, remember), it's always the girls that are screaming and cussing and angry. The guys for the most part are just having a good time and being crazy. The girls don't. Last night a couple broke up and this girl was yelling and yelling and calling her boyfriend an asshole and a fucker and all sorts of things. Then she started to cry. Ha!

Feel bad for her? Fuck that. I listen to this shit every night of the week.

Speaking of entertainment, I have a summer full of TV ahead of me. Now, last year the only thing I watched all the time was Lost. Sure, I got every episode of The Office on iTunes. And I caught up with Scrubs and 24 on DVD. But Lost was the only thing that I watched on a weekly basis. But now...

Monday- Fresh Meat Challenge. After missing out on Battle of the Sexes 2, Gauntlet 2, and Inferno 2, I'm sucked into the newest one. They hate the Austin cast and are trying to send them all home. Melinda and Danny are gone. My money is Johanna won't last much longer. I never even watched Real World Austin but these kids suck.

Tuesday- Last Comic Standing. Always a staple in my summer television viewing. I was addicted to the second season when I was in Florida. My favorite guy, John Heffron, even won. Jay Mohr isn't hosting anymore but he didn't really do anything funny ever anyway. Not entirely happy with how the finals are going. A lot of my favorites didn't make it. But we'll see. The guy with cerebral palsy will most likely win.

Thursday- I got sucked into the first episode of the show where they all win the lottery. I probably wouldn't have watched it, but since the MTV Movie Awards were the lamest piece of shit ever, I had no other choice. I like the black girl that delivers pizzas and didn't even know she won the lottery. And now some bitch is coming in and saying that the unclaimed dollar was hers. If I remember to watch, it should be interesting. Good thing it's a summer show because My Name is Earl and The Office own my Thursdays in the Fall.

I got the first episode of last season of 24 for free on myspace. Now I'm in a pickle because I don't want to buy the rest of the season but that episode was so fucking good. What am going to do? I'll see if I can get Matt to download them all illegally. I don't care about piracy. Not on shows like 24 that 3049830352 people are watching.

It's Always Sunny In Philidephia starts soon. Next week I think. If you like Arrested Development or Scrubs you should definitely watch it. They even get to say "shit" in it. And Danny DeVito is joining the cast? What?

I don't have HBO so I can't watch season 3 of Entourage, but I never finished season 2. That just came to DVD so I'll be picking that up as soon as I get paid. I never got to see what happened with the Aquaman movie because I had to move out of the frat house.

Chapter 7: The Inevitable Arrival of the FNG

Leaving PacSun wasn't hard at all. Still to this day, I consider the earlier months of Pacific Sunwear to be one of my best job experiences. I liked it there. Until Satan himself took on the form of an overweight forty-something with no life ambition beyond retail management. Then it wasn't quite the same. About 2 weeks after I left Pat ended up leaving too. Isn't that ironic? He got a job at Marshall Fields or something that was apparently his "dream job" that he just couldn't pass up. I always wondered what position there was at Marshall Fields that any normal human being would call a "dream job." I'd assume the Ticket Master booth. Or maybe mattress sales.

So after leaving PacSun, I was now employed only at Leslie's Pool Supply. Sure, it was tough adapting to only receiving one paycheck now, because I surely did look forward to my bi-weekly payments of $23.47 from PacSun, but hey, when life hands you lemons...

For the first time since Twist & Shout (the first time) I had this strange feeling of freedom. Leslie's was not nearly as corporate as Red Robin, Best Buy, Old Navy, or PacSun. Yes, PacSun is extremely corporate. Sure, they fool you by employing youngsters who wear t-shirts and studded belts with devil-may-care attitudes, but I assure you, there's quite a bit of politics going on behind the scenes. At Leslie's, there wasn't a week of training. There was no orientation. There were no poorly written and horribly acted videos explaining what to do in the event of a shoplifter. By all means, we weren't jumping off the walls and freebasing in the parking lot. We still had Leslie's t-shirts to wear, and don't even think of coming in without a name tag, but demeaning acts such as suggestive selling and "the customer is always right" did not live so prominently here. Mostly because our job was to sell pool supplies to pool owners. This is quite different then finding Amber the perfect top to go with those pleated shorts. Pool owners come in knowing exactly what they need. And we get it for them and sell it. You can't really fuck with that. You can't suggest other chemicals when all they need is chlorine.

A lot of people came in with water samples for us to test. This was far and away my favorite thing to do. Putting in all the different colored drops to make the water change color. Then you take the results back to Diendre, the manager. He goes through his little book, tells you what chemicals they need, and you go and get them. Easy as pie. Easier than pie, actually. More like no-bake brownies.

The problems only arose when people tried to act smarter than us. As if they knew exactly what was wrong with their pool. They knew what chemicals were needed and didn't agree with our diagnosis. That's because the people who came to Leslie's were all extremely rich and Jewish. No offense to my Jewish brothers. I'm not saying all Jewish people are jerks. I'm not saying all Jewish people with money are jerks. I'm saying...all Jewish people with money who own pools are FUCKING ASSHOLES.

A gentleman may come in with a water sample, complaining that his pool is green. We do the test, and it is decided that he needs to shock his pool, then add a gallon of Bright N' Clear, then use some No-Phos for maintenance.

"No-Phos! I've never used No-Phos! I'm not going to buy that because I don't need it!"

Then he comes in 2 weeks later complaining that his pool is still green, and it's our fault. That sort of thing. Or one time this guy bought a huge heavy bucket of chlorine. After paying for it, he walked out of the store, leaving the bucket on the floor in front of the counter. About 30 seconds later he walked back in, looked at me like I was an idiot, and said, "Well? Aren't you going to carry it to my car?" That sort of thing.

Aside from Amanda and Diendre I don't really remember the names of the people at Leslie's. I was only there for like two months. If I were to put on a parade of all the jobs I've had, Leslie's probably wouldn't even have a float. Just a couple of people throwing Jolly Ranchers out of the back of a Sebring convertible.

But I do remember Marguerite. You don't easily forget a person like Marguerite. Mostly because she was maybe insane. She reminded me of Pat from Saturday Night Live. Imagine if you finally discovered Pat was a woman. Now add about 15-20 years. That's Marguerite. She never really did anything funny. I don't have any stories or anecdotes to share on the silliness that was Marguerite. She was just there. And crazy.

Also there was the assistant manager. Matt. Or Mike. Or Gerald. Hell if I know. The only thing I remember about him was that he'd sit on top of big crates of highly flammable chemicals, smoking cigarettes. He was alright. I never blew up, so I can't complain. Also there was a girl who I think was named Courtney but could have been Whitney who was going to MSU to get a degree in meat packaging or something. I found that to be extremely interesting. Did you know that Taco Bell beef is grade D because the grades are only based on the size of the animal? Well, now you do. Tell your friends. Think outside the bun.

As I said, I had a lot more freedom at Leslie's. I didn't feel like I was being suffocated by corporate bullshit. Because of that, I started to come out of the shell that I had built up around myself because of places like Red Robin and Old Navy. I started to be myself. I started to be funny. What did this mean? Heavy doses of sarcasm. Off-hand comments such as "Tell the bitch to drain her pool so she stops coming in here" became commonplace. And every time I said something like that, Diendre would say "Fuckin' new guy..." Which is how I got the nickname FNG. After being there for over a month, I was still the FNG. If anyone had been hired after me, I'd still be the FNG.

As August rolled around, business slowed. People were getting ready to close their pools, and we didn't need as many people on the clock. Naturally, the policy was "last hired, first fired," so I was the first to go. Mind you, I wasn't exactly fired. I was "let go." But that doesn't rhyme with "hired."

Summa Tom

It's been nice the past couple of days and I can't help but NOT want to be in my apartment at all during the day. By far my favorite new activity is going to the beach, which I've done two days in a row now. Yesterday I went for a run along the lake, and today I skated down there and laid in the sand. I also took Shilo to the beach and park by Navy Pier. Proving to be a little too hot for her taste, the second we got to a fountain in the park she hopped in and laid down in the water.

The problem I have with the beach and the nice weather is there are too many people. Too many tourists who don't have the slightest instict to be at least somewhat vigilant of their surroundings and always have no idea whatsoever that anyone is behind them trying to get by. Too many fat hairy men with their shirts off. Statistics will prove that 98 percent of fat men who take their shirts off in public have hairy backs. Look it up, it's the truth. I swear. Too many muscular guys with no shirts on that make me feel bad about myself, also. Although I've stolen a bunch of free one-day passes to the Lincoln Park Athletic Club so perhaps one day I too will be a buff stud on the beach.

When I was skating back from the beach, I took a long route. Not because I wanted to, but because there's a slight incline on Fullerton right before Clark, and for some reason there was this very wide man in a very wide wheelchair slowly making his way down the hill backwards. I didn't know what he was doing or if he needed help, but I did know that I am a terrible skater, and therefore not the one who could be of service to him. So I went up a few blocks and took Diversey down. This time, I accidently cut off a guy driving one of those electric carts like they have at Disney World and Kroger. I figured that cutting him off wasn't such a bad thing to do, because unlike me, he knew how to operate his breaks. He yelled at me, which I thought was uncalled for. Dude, if you're in such a fucking hurry than how about you drive a CAR instead of your little motor scooter hoveround bullshit.

We called them ECV's at Disney World. Electronic Convenience Vehicle, or something. What's funny is for the most part the people who used them were the 600 pound Americans (because foreign people aren't as fat and lazy, trust me) who probably could use a good bit of exercise for the day. Now it's a 50 dollar deposit on those things. People had quite a problem with that. The fat people generally didn't argue with the deposit. They already had to admit that their own legs could no longer carry their enormous body for extended periods of time, and the last thing they were going to do was get fussy over the price of a scooter. The old people complained the most. They were "too old" to walk around the entire park and didn't understand why they had to be "ripped off." Mind you, there were wheelchairs that were only a four dollar deposit, which would also be effective in keeping the elderly off their feet. In my experience at Disney, old people (and black people, for that matter) always have an underlying suspicion that the system is trying to screw them over. Now, granted, 9 times out of 10, the system most definitely IS screwing them over. However, that 1 other time, the time when you are trying to rent an electric scooter from Disney World but have to leave a 50 dollar deposit, that's for loss prevention purposes, not for screwing you over. ECV's are expensive, and they don't want you to steal it. Although, if you tried to, you wouldn't get far. Even the fattest people could probably outrun one of those things. Not to mention the challenge you'd face when trying to get through the turnstiles.

















"Fifty bucks?! Why I oughta..."

New York is all upset because their Anti-Terrorism funding was cut by 40 percent. They are rallying to the government to get more.

Oh, shut up, New York. You had your moment. You think you're SOOOO COOL and you're going to get ALL the terrorist attacks because you're just so pretty and popular, don't you. Well guess what, you're not. You're old hat, my friend.

Do you remember the last attack? Terrorists hijacked planes and flew them into buildings. Those suckers have got panache. Do you really think they'd repeat themselves? I mean seriously. Would Julia Roberts wear the same dress to two award shows? Doubt it. They're going to be going for something new. Something cutting edge. Something...au courant. Like Omaha.

Look, you had September 11th, New York. You were totally in the spotlight. We cried with you. We prayed for you. We fought for you. And I mean, we totally still heart NY, don't get me wrong. It's just...we don't think you're a terrorist target anymore. And you know how America is. Always attracted to the bad boys. The ones who live dangerously. So you'll understand why money is going to Omaha for Anti-Terrorism efforts. If the government gave you 40 million more, what would you really do with it. Help wash your grandma's hair and go buy pencil cases, I imagine.