200 BLOGS!!

This is it! The big 200! I probably wouldn't have updated so soon after Chapter 11, but then I realized that I was at 200 and I had to do SOMETHING.

So, to celebrate 200 blogs, I've compiled some highlights. It's like one of those episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond where the writers ran out of ideas and the actors wanted to go home early, so instead of actually make an episode they just showed a bunch of clips from previous episodes.

September 20th, 2005
On an unrelated but equally relevant topic, I got an interview to work on the Jerry Springer Show. Isn't that funny? A little over a year ago I was making magic at Disney World, now I'll be working with trailer trash and mexican midgets. Well...maybe the difference between Disney and Springer isn't as big as one would think after all...


October 15th, 2005
Haha. Classy awards. In our little group, whoever does the most ridiculous things when they are drunk recieve the Classy award for the week. The first time I won was because I was still drunk at noon without ever going to bed. The second time was for not only swallowing Ashley's gum, but for drinking a 40 in plain sight on the train. Ohhh college.


November 13th, 2005
HAPPY 200th JESS! HERE'S TO 200 MORE!
I am, of course, referring to how many pounds Jess Dangles has lost since going on the South Beach diet! At this rate she might even be able to get out of bed by Christmas!


January 3rd, 2006
Maggie ate bologna off the floor and Jacob went psycho crazy and ate everything and anything. In our second adventure, Maggie took the bag from a box of wine, put it in her purse, and named it Super Tati. We shared stories about salad bars, mandarin oranges, and bringing home the bacon, all in reference to someone's vagina.


February 17th, 2006
Well it seems everyone was on top of their game last night. Steph and Libby made out like 3 times. Jess and I gave eachother hickies in the recliner while she played Kelly Clarkson repeatedly and sang along. Everyone else locked themselves in Ashleys bedroom. Then there's the "formal" that I'm not even going to say anything about. I could go on and on, but that's not cool because my good friends are putting it on and I will be respectful. I hope everyone who goes has fun, but I must politely decline my invitation. Thanks, but no thanks.


February 21st, 2006
















April 22nd, 2006
Is it really April 22? Seriously? No. It can't be. HP must have programmed the calender function of my computer wrong. RandomHouse has made a mistake in my tear-a-page calender. April. 22. Hardly. Just a few weeks ago I was oling up my face and hair to dress like a mechanic, in our bathroom that was covered in blood from Matt's costume. And how long ago did Jess give me the bacon tape for Christmas? Couldn't have been that long. Wasn't Dani sitting on my floor cutting out paper shapes while I played X-Men Legends II right after that?


May 20th, 2006
It was a good birthday. Jeff and Matt bought me an M&M's ice cream cake.


July 11th. 2006
Jess and I really should have a babysitter. Because we are children. We talk like children and we act like children. And alcohol only exacerbates this tendency. Perhaps I should mention the picture we took of putting our heads in the oven. Or the somersaults off of her brothers bed. Or rapping to 50 Cent and L'il Kim's "Magic Stick" at least 50 times. And let's not forget the mad libs. Walking over to her place, I knew that drunk mad libs with Dangles was going to be the icing on the cake. Unfortunately, due to the extreme amount of disgusting, volatile, racist, crude, and utterly filthy language we chose to use in said mad libs, I don't feel that this is a good place to post them.

August 8th, 2006
The most memorable OL experience so far definitely has to be when Jacob, Cam, Millie, and I watched Final Destination 3. Holy shit, what an evening that turned out to be. If you don't know why, then I guess you'll have to just wonder. It was bucknutty, to say the least. Lollapalooza was awesome. I was wondering if I would have as good of a time this year as I did last year. I most definitely did. even though I wasn't nearly as excited about the line-up, there were tons of bands that blew me away.

September 16th, 2006
Thanks to Baggy, and the fact that I happened to be friends with his new boss, I managed to snag a job as an office assistant at Student Affairs. It's pretty laid back and there's even time to do homework, so it's hard to complain about the work situation.

October 31st, 2006
Highlights-
-Jess Dangles spanking me with her whip and yelling "This is what slavery is like!"
-Maggie doing yoga in the middle of a party
-Elroy humping Wenda
-Going up to every single person I encountered that night and saying "I didn't know you were coming tonight!" over and over and over.
-Stealing a pumpkin decoration from Clark's
-Kicking a hole in someone's iPod costume
-Finding a Spiderman mask and telling Maggie to put it on. She did.
-This: I REFUSED to get off of that tire until somebody took my picture. Luckily Kate jumped up and joined me, otherwise this moment would have been long forgotten.
-Stepping on a girls foot and getting punched
-Getting inexplicably mad at someone dressed as the game Twister and telling everyone at the burrito place how much they sucked
-Trying to piss off every stranger I met
-Giving the Mexican guy at the burrito place 20 dollars for change and him walking away, then coming back acting like I never gave him a 20.
-Shielding Maggie while she pee'd in a doorway right on the corner of Halsted and Belmont -The plethora of stupid things we did but I will never remember.


January 1st, 2007
Happy New Year! Jesus take the wheel!


January 12th, 2007
The run.
It's weird that everything I've been working on for the past four months is over. The entire trip to Disney was incredible. I had an absolutely amazing time. It was the single most rewarding experience of my life, and hopefully I can convince at least one other person to do it next year. (No, not just go to Florida, but raise the money and train. If I can find the time, anyone can.)


January 30th, 2007
Things I hate at the moment:

Being sick because of the incident on Friday in which I had to make sure drunk Kara got home safe, as she continued to fall down, get in cars with strangers, piss people off, make out with old men, and or just plain refuse to keep walking. It was not unlike The Canterbury Tales.


February 12th, 2007
I’m excited to be moving on with my life and to try new things. I’m finally going to pursue what I’ve wanted to do all my life, and it’s exciting. I wish everyone actually could come with. In a physical sense, not just some cheesy sentimental blog post way. But at the same time, I love the fact that I have friends all over the world. And I know that all the people who are important to me will not be leaving my life any time soon.


March 4th, 2007
I'm really enjoying myself out here. A lot. I know that a lot of that has to do with the fact that it's barely been a week and I'm still in the honeymoon phase, and that soon the novelty of going to class at CBS Studios will wear off and I'll start to miss Chicago and everyone back there. And I'll of course find ways to make myself miserable like always. I have friends out here, which is good. I saw Rob last night, and I'm friends with the neighbors and with a bunch of people from class, but I just don't see myself meeting another group like the gang back in Chicago. Don't cry for me, though. I'm having the time of my life.

April 13th, 2007
I just want to reiterate the fact that I hate LA and I'm miserable. Not because I want sympathy. Not because I want to go home. Not because I'm lying. But because I want to look back on this part of my life in five years, whether I'm still in California and loving it, or back in Chicago, or selling tea-cozies made out of horse fur in Shipshewana, and remember how much I hate life right now. Because then I'll think to myself "Well, I'm so happy with where I am today, and I know that I'm a better, stronger, and faster(rule of three, every comic's best friend) because of hitting that low point.

Chapter 11: Part One: If You Don't Put Out That Cigarette I'm Moving To Disney World

This was the hardest chapter for me to write, by far. Have you ever cut yourself (not on purpose, you morbid freak) and then as soon as the wound started to heal, you just decided to take a pen, stab the wound, tear it open, and pour a carton of Morton Salt into it? That's kind of what reliving the Disney College Program is like. Okay, no. Not really. The College Program wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to me. It didn't degrade me, destroy my character, and spit me out as a hollow shell of what I used to be. Although, at times I definitely thought it would. It's hard to write about this experience because there's just so much that needs to be explained, and I don't know where to start. If Best Buy had two parts, then how many would the epic Disney tale take to unfold?

Let's just start the story already, and see where it takes us, shall we?

During my Freshman year at Western, my friend Alicia and I both interviewed for the Walt Disney World College Program. We were on our way back from our bi-weekly trip to the Rec Center (one of the few times we actually went, instead of just going to her place to get high, play The Sims, and half-heartedly convince ourselves that we were going to use the ab-roller) when we saw a flyer for an information meeting. I'm not quite sure how the conversation went, other than it segued to Alicia telling me I needed to find a girl to give me head, but all that really matters for the sake of this story is that we decided to go to the meeting and set up interviews. Flash forward a few weeks later, and both Alicia and I had gotten offers to go to Florida to work Quick Service Food & Beverage. And that is when I learned...

LESSON NUMBER 1: YOU ARE NOT THE PRIVIEST PRINCESS
Disney made sure that we got as little information as possible about most things. If you don't know a lot of what's going on, then you can't complain about it. It's kind of a subdued tactic that they employ in order to keep "cast members" in control. In this case, you were only given your specific "role" and program start date. You were not told where you would be working or exactly what you'd be doing. You could get offered a job in Operations and you could end up working Pirates of the Caribbean. Or, you could end up waving lightsabre-like wands and directing the trams in the parking lot. Which would you rather do? In this case, all Alicia and I knew was that we would be serving food and/or beverage in a quick manner. Now, regardless of whether it's a turkey leg cart, Pinocchio's kitchen, or McDonald's in DinoLand USA, leaving college halfway through your Freshman year to work Quick Service Food and Beverage didn't really seem...you know...applicable to my life goals. Even though I wasn't quite sure what my life goals were at the time, I had the utmost certainty it didn't involve stocking condiment bars and hawking overpriced popcorn in collectible buckets. Alicia and I both declined the offers, and never really thought about it again.

"Role?" "Cast Member?" You're probably wondering if this was a full time job or a high school production of "Crazy For You." Before we go any further, let's get through...

LESSON NUMBER 2: YEAR OF A MILLION DREAMS, LAND OF A MILLION EUPHEMISMS
Here's a quick rundown of the Disney lingo.
"Cast Members" are employees.
Your "Role" is your job.
"Showkeepers" are the janitors.
"Guests" are customers.
"On stage" is anywhere that guests can go.
"Back stage" is an employees-only area
"Bad show" is when you are breaking one of the many guidelines to the "Disney Look" such as your earrings being larger than a quarter, your sideburns being too long, having a goatee, wearing too many rings, sunglasses where a guest can't see your eyes, or wearing white socks with black shoes (or even worse! black shoes with shorts!)
A "Disney Point" is the only way that you can direct a guest. You always point with two fingers, not one.

Now that you understand the fundamentals (and aren't they truly the building blocks of fun?) we can get back to the story. Alicia and I declined the jobs.

"But wait! Steve! Surely this chapter can't be over already!!!"

Not by a long shot, proverbial reader whom I just quoted in order to make a point and try a new literary device. The story is just beginning. Flash forward (again) to one year later. I hated life in Kalamazoo. Mostly, I just hated my roommates. They smoked cigarettes in the house. Once again, Disney was in town recruiting. Alicia backed out on me this time, but I still went to the interview. Somehow, I managed to get offered an even better position. I was asked to be a "Role Hopper." This meant that I got to be trained in all lines of business and "hop" (not literally. I have a bad knee) to different locations. I found out soon enough that all Role Hoppers worked at Epcot, and that they were affectionately named the Rescue Rangers. Cute, huh? Like I said, land of euphemisms. Impressionable young adults aren't going to say goodbye to their entire life and move to Florida to work 40 hours a week for 6 bucks an hour if they're called "everybody's bitch," but they certainly won't hesitate to be a "Rescue Ranger."

I had gotten a pretty sweet job offer. Way better than Quick Service Food and Beverage. Way better than practically every other job that the College Program offered. But now came the hard part. Committing. Did I actually want to do this? Sure, interviewing and seeing if you can get a job is all fine and good, but when it comes down to actually packing your bags, saying goodbye, and moving thousands of miles away all by yourself, it takes quite a bit of thinking. And thinking is exactly what I did. A lot of it. I had two weeks to accept or decline the offer...

..and I decided not to do it. It didn't seem worth it. I was transferring to Columbia after sophomore year. This would mean I would be cutting my days as a Bronco even shorter, and I didn't want to leave my friends any sooner than I had to. So, like every other momentous occasion in my life, I waited until the exact last moment possible make a commitment. Literally, the last moment. I was home for Thanksgiving break, and my parents had gone to bed at about 10:00. We had a lengthy discussion and I stuck by my conclusion that Disney wasn't for me. Sure, it seemed like fun, but what was I really going to get out of it? Was it really worth leaving my friends and family, and falling behind in school? Nope. We all broke into song and belted out "It's Your Thing" by the Isley Brothers, and that was that. I was staying at Western for another semester.

It was all but official. I wasn't going to participate in the Walt Disney World College Program.

Then, at 11:55 pm, 5 minutes before the deadline...I accepted the position.

LESSON NUMBER 3: I THINK I'M INDECISIVE. AREN'T I? OR NO?

Why did I accept all of the sudden? I don't know. What changed my mind? Hard to say. I got online and started checking out websites and message boards about the program, and something inside me just clicked. What's strange is that most of the websites and message boards that I visited were condemning the College Program. They were telling me NOT to do it. But, sometimes you just have to go against the grain. I often do things just because people tell me not to. I'm erratic that way. I mean, living in an apartment in Orlando with people from all over the country, working at the "Happiest Place on Earth," getting a serious tan...what could be better?

The next morning, I told my mom that I changed my mind, and that I accepted the job.

She said "good!"


And so that's how it happened. I suppose this isn't so much a part of the Disney story as it is an extremely long and drawn out (but still entertaining, so fuck you) prologue.

In retrospect, I could have just asked my roommates to stop smoking in the house. Instead, I moved to Florida.

An announcement

I'm going to China in the summer of 2008. This means that as soon as I get a real job, I am going to be doing some hardcore saving. This also means that aside from the trip to Florida for next year's marathon and trips home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I won't be traveling anywhere else. This means that the odds of me making another trip to Chicago between next month and the Summer of 2008 are less than slim.

But...I'm REALLY excited for China!

Pledge

So it's Earth Day and I was listening to talk radio on my way back from San Diego this morning. (Yeah, it's 5am, I got 3 hours of sleep, it's still dark and I can barely keep my eyes open, but TALK RADIO seemed like a good stimulant). They had on people talking about doing our part to be environmentally conscious and all that. I decided that I was going to go green and start taking the train or bus to work.

Then I found out that while there are various rail and bus routes that can get me to The Weinstein Co, the shortest one would take an hour and a half. Granted, it already takes me fifty minutes to drive to work in the morning, but to take the bus I would need to get up at 7 am, and I wouldn't get home until 9:30 pm. Then, I thought "oh, well maybe I'll take do this once a week, that's still doing my part!" But being realistic, I don't think I'll be able to handle that kind of commute even once a week. But then again, my original plan for Semester in LA was to live in Huntington Beach, and that would have been like a two hour commute...

So, I cannot pledge to take public transportation every day, and I highly doubt I could manage to take it even once a week. But, I do pledge to make an effort to occasionally take the bus or train to work or class.

Let's twist again

I just got back from a little run and I'm getting ready to go to San Diego, but I'm kind of scared to go to my car. It's the only one parked in the parking lot, and while the area is safe and my car is literally next to a Kindercare-type establishment, it is the only care in the parking lot, and there just happens to be a crazy old asian man standing in the middle of the lot shaking his hips.

Yeeeeaaaahhhh....

Something new for a change

I feel like I haven't really experienced much here. This thought occurred to me when pulled out my digital camera and realized I haven't taken a single picture in over a month. Once again, I blame it on the fact that I have no one to go places with. Once Flavin is out here, I promise you pix aplenty. But for now...anyone wishing I'd stop writing blogs that alternate between "I LOVE IT!" and "I HATE IT!" and want some juicy Hollywood bullshit, here you go.

-I stood in line in front of Marisa's little sister from The OC at Pinkberry.

-I walk down a street they use for Brothers & Sisters every day.

-I delivered a script to someone who is apparently very important at Disney. I had to go into this immaculate building. Even though I'm interning on the lot and have every right to be there, I still felt underdressed, because this place (it's called Team Disney) is gigantic, pristine, and intimidating. The pillars of the building are carved into the shape of the seven dwarves, and you can always tell which couriers haven't been on the lot before, because they stand in the parking lot taking cell phone pictures of it. Anyway, you walk in, and you're absolutely convinced that everybody is looking at you because you're wearing a black zip-up hooded sweatshirt and sneakers. Even though the important guy you're delivering to isn't dressed up either, the entire office gives off the distinct impression that they don't want you there and that you suck at life. It also smells like the Pirates of the Carribbean ride, for some reason.

- My friend Cam from Columbia is in San Diego this weekend, so I'm planning on driving down there tomorrow after Improv and spending the night. I'm excited because not only do I get to see a friend, but I get to go do something fun and California-like.

- The homeless people in LA are 300000 times crazier than the ones in Chicago. Fortunately, Weinstein is in an upscale neighborhood and Offspring is in Burbank, so I never really get to see them except when I'm driving up La Brea to get home. They're never out in the morning, it seems.

- Britney Spears has been rehearsing at a studio not to far from where I live.

- I have been putting off any sort of scriptwriting for far too long, so before I go to bed I'm going to finish an outline for 30 Rock and write a five page sketch that will end up not being funny.


There. See? My life in LA is slightly more fun than I let on. I think once I get a solid group of friends and have stuff to do, I surely won't mind living out here as much. I think I'm going to make some good friends in Improv, and the other interns start at Weinstein in a few weeks, so I'm crossing my fingers that pretty soon I'll have stories and pictures to share.

untitled

I just read a quote from some of the coroners in Virginia saying that the hardest part for them when they were bringing in bodies from the VT shooting was the constant barrage of ringing coming from the victims' cell phones. People trying to contact them to see if they're alright. I just find that chilling. Hearing some corny jingle, or a rap song like "Chain Hang Low," knowing that the person on the other line has just lost someone, and they don't know yet. And as the phone kicks into voicemail, you can't even begin to imagine how terrified those people must be.

I also read about a girl who was one of only four people in her class of 25 that wasn't shot. Can you imagine? I mean, seriously. Take a second and think about that. Put yourself in that situation. Think about one of your actual classes. For me, I chose Speech: Communicating the Message, because there were about 30 of us. Now think about all of the people in your class. Pick four of them randomly. Don't think about who you like, who you don't like. Don't think about who's a good person or who's not so nice. Don't think about who is late or absent a lot. The shooter sure didn't. Just pick four people. And there you have it. The quiet guy that falls asleep in the back all the time, the girl who never turns her cell phone off, the guy who failed every test because he always came stoned, and that bitch who yells at you for kicking her chair. Of the entire class, they're the only ones who got out. You're probably dead. Odds are certainly not in your favor. Why? Would it be to cliche to say "God only knows?"

Now comes the inevitable persecution of the shooter. You'll hear tons of people saying he was a sick fuck and deserves to burn in hell and that sort of thing, but in a lot of ways, I feel sorry for him. Obviously, it's a heinous act and a terrible tragedy, that goes without saying. But I don't hate this guy. I pity him. I pity that he never received the help or treatments that someone with so many mental issues needed. I pity him because as a society, we failed him miserably. I don't believe that people are born bad, or that they make decisions like this because they are evil. I believe that the world not only ignored his needs, but in many ways nurtured his violent tendencies. And because of that, innocent people suffered. Don't hate him. Don't hate anything at all. Hate is what caused this tragedy in the first place. When something doesn't make sense to you, don't go to that dark place in your heart. Try to understand it. Try to make sense of it. If I were a less clever writer, and I wanted to end this paragraph with a cliche as well, I'd probably say that "hate breeds hate."

How do you come back from an experience like this? My heart truly goes out to all of the students at Virginia Tech. How do you go back to class? How do you go about your life? How do you ever feel safe again? How does anybody ever feel safe again? Why does anybody ever feel safe to begin with? If nothing else, doesn't this tragedy demonstrate that an "unspeakable act of horror" can take place anywhere, anytime? These were normal college kids. These kids were me and you. They had families. They had dance parties. They had adventures. They went to Starbucks. They played video games. They blogged. The had facebook accounts. They missed their high school friends.

Sure, it didn't happen to you. And you probably don't even know anyone that goes to Virginia Tech (I don't). And in a few weeks, you get to go back on with your life and put this unpleasantness behind you. I'm not trying to sound ominous by saying "It could be you!" I think your local action news does a plenty good job instilling that state of mind already. All I'm getting at here is...none of us are really that different. We're all in this crazy, mixed-up, tragic, awful, beautiful world together. And on Monday morning, our team lost 33. Try and remember that.

-----
Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.

I don't hate life anymore, for now.

Writers write.

That's what Uncle Jim told me last week when I went to Huntington Beach for Easter. Writers write.

He also told me never to hire my friends, that public television should be dismantled, and that horses should have lights strapped to their heads in case they escape their stables after dark, but for now, but that's neither here nor there.

So why can't I write lately? I mean, aside from blogging which I don't even really consider actual writing because it takes no creativity whatsoever. I know I need to work on something. I need to keep "flexing that muscle," as many of our guest speakers at CBS said. I can't help it though, I'm just never in the mood. I blame it on the internships. When you're reading scripts for 10 hours a day, by the time you get home at 8pm, writing your own is the second to last thing on your mind. (The last thing on your mind, of course, is strapping a light to a horse's head). So I'll just save it for this weekend. Then there's no excuse.

Speaking of weekends, I love my improv class. Wait, Steve, didn't you already take improv? No, you fucking moron. I dropped it because I was too advanced and because I got a job at Universal (see how well that worked out?) Now I'm in a higher level, and the people in it with me are loads of fun. Some are even my age, which is a nice change of pace.

Drive is one of my new favorite shows. It just started but I'm already obsessed. It's by the guy that did Firefly and Wonderfalls, so you know it's not just some lame ripoff of Fast and the Furious. My mouth is wide open for the entire duration of an episode. You know, in a few short weeks, I will have a degree in Television. That makes me pretty close to a professional. In the court of law, I could be an expert witness. Therefore, my opinions on TV programs should be taken seriously. Have I led anyone astray before? I mean, who wasn't watching Lost Season 1 obsessively in Baggy's room? Ashley, do you not love Veronica Mars and The Office? And Jeff sure loves himself some Heroes and 30 Rock. Trust me people, I know what's good for you. And Drive is is the fucking echinacea of television programming.

I hate life a little bit less now. Partly because I have discovered Drive, but mostly because it's midweek, and I'm always happiest when I'm interning. Weekends are a bit hard to deal with, because that's when I've got nothing to do and realize how lonely I am, but Monday through Friday I'm happy as an overworked and unpaid clam.

I switched my plane tickets. I'm going to be In Chicago from May12th-15th, then Novi from the 15th-19th. I did this mostly so that I wouldn't be alone in Cali on my birthday. Sure, I'm still flying back on my birthday, but at least I'll be able to spend most of the day with my family. The day I turned 20 in Florida was far and away the most miserable day of my life and I just don't even want to relive that experience again, so I'm VERY happy to be home for it this time. Also, it just so happens that I have an hour and a half layover in Chicago on my Birthday when I fly back to LA. No. I didn't plan that. But if anyone wants to stop by Midway and surprise me, feel free. Chances are good I won't be at Lolla this year, and for Thanksgiving and Christmas I'll be going right to Michigan. So if you don't see me at the airport, there's a good chance the rest of your 2007 will be Steveless.

I made this quiz in December 2003. TAKE IT!

What does Steve think of YOU???

Nobody likes your bad attitude. Maybe you're trying to seem more interesting by being so negative, but it's really just annoying. Lot's of people have it worse than you, so eat shit. If life sucks so bad just kill yourself already.
Take this quiz!








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Wandering AIMlessly

I just want to reiterate the fact that I hate LA and I'm miserable. Not because I want sympathy. Not because I want to go home. Not because I'm lying.

But because I want to look back on this part of my life in five years, whether I'm still in California and loving it, or back in Chicago, or selling tea-cozies made out of horse fur in Shipshewana, and remember how much I hate life right now. Because then I'll think to myself "Well, I'm so happy with where I am today, and I know that I'm a better, stronger, and faster(rule of three, every comic's best friend) because of hitting that low point." Without the bitter, the sweet just ain't as sweet. I'm fucking motivated, man. People seem to forget how driven I am. I want to do what I want to do and no smog-ridden, asshole-infested, earthquake-prone shithole of a town is going to stop me from doing what I've set out to do. Plus, my parents paid a lot for my college.

I'm in on a Friday night blogging. That should tell you how bitter we're talking here. However, that will just make the proverbial sweet even tastier when it comes along.

I'm also fasting from AIM. One week, at least. I've already uninstalled it, so this is pretty serious. I think AIM is fantastic and shudder at the mere thought of graduating college in an era without instant communication with friends right at my fingertips, but I also shudder at how much I use it. And for the most meaningless of conversations, too. No, not you, Jess! U no I b luvin' wut we share. So, no AIM for a week. Gives me a chance to write. Gives me a chance to go out and meet people (yeah fucking right, where am I gonna go?) Gives me a chance to spend less time reading away messages and moping.

Universal sent me my last paycheck. Suckers, I totally wasn't even going to ask for it. I considered it a "sorry I quit and fucked you over" payment. But hey, I could totally use that forty bucks right now.

Well, that's all I've really got. I want to revise my earl script for the last time and be COMPLETELY done with it, and write that sketch I've been talking about all week, so now that my life is sans instant messanger, that should be a bit easier. My computer might be AIMless, but I sure as hell am not.

This is a Microsoft Word blog. I’m writing it in my nook (nook? knook? knuk?) at Weinstein. Actually, I don’t even really have a nook. My boss has a nook. I have a small piece of that. A fraction of the knuk, if you will. It is now 10:30 and Karen is not here. I’ve been here since 9:30. I opened up Final Draft to write some sort of funny sketch that I had an idea for (about a crazy uncle, inspired by the true-life story of my crazy uncle), but I’m just not all that inspired for fiction right now. Maybe later.

Update: Karen is not coming in. She’s got a migraine. So now I’m sitting in a slightly more cramped corner of a slightly bigger office, with my laptop crammed up between a fax machine and a printer. I’ve been told to sit tight until they have something for me to do, but it’s now 11 and I’m still chilaxing. They (and by “they” I mean the British guy who has adopted me as his own for the day) told me to hang tight and go on the internet, but since the IT people haven’t set me up for the wireless network at Weinstein, I can’t get on. Which means there really isn’t a whole lot for me to do on my computer besides type on word and scroll through my massive collection of Victorian-themed pornography.

This weekend I went to Huntington Beach for Easter. It was nice. I wish it was sunnier so that I could have enjoyed more time at the ocean, but it was still relaxing overall. I got up early on Sunday and ran a few miles on the beach, then I watched the surfers by the pier. I really, really, want to surf. But interning full time means no income. No income means no surfing. It also means no fixing the scratch on my car, no new clothes, and no fancy non-sandwich dinners. I’ll survive, though. And if money gets so tight, I’m sure I’ll find a decent job for weekends, if need be.

I’ve been here for nearly two hours and all I’ve done so far is make a phone call.

Oh wow, I just met a girl at Weinstein who is dating a kid I went to high school with. She knows a bunch of my high school friends, and a bunch of people from Columbia. Small world. If Karen didn’t have a migraine I never would have discovered this. Crazy.

Bored. Computer with no internet is so useless.




UPDATE:
Boss never came in. I read a script and wrote coverage. Had Baja Fresh for lunch. The end.

not the band

Let me start by saying that all I eat these days are sandwiches. That's it. Lunch and dinner on a daily basis. Sandwiches. With two unpaid internships takng up all of my time, I can't afford much else. Maybe I'll buy some pitas next time I grocery shop (as long as I don't go over my $30 a week on groceries limit). Don't get me wrong, I'm not regretting accepting offers from both Weinstein and Offspring. I'm just sick of sandwiches.

Offspring is really cool. It's super relaxed, and I basically sit on a comfy couch and read all day. My boss is really really cool, too. I'm excited for the people at both my internships to get to know me and discover that I'm not some weird asshole, because it's been brought to my attention before that I'm not the best with first impressions.

Anyway...Offspring. I basically read scripts all day, just like I do at Weinstein. Today I read the script for an upcoming Adam Sandler movie that we're making, so in a year or so when that comes out, I get to feel special and say "oh em gee I remember when that was in development!" The best part of Offspring is that we are on the Disney lot, so I get an awesome badge and get to feel super cool parking on the lot and walking past all the soundstages. And I can eat lunch at the fancy commissary with all the famous people. My boss saw The Rock today. I didn't see him, but I could faintly smell what he was cooking.

Neither of my internships have to do with TV, which sucks, but these are what are going to get me an opportunity to have an agent read my stuff. Or, they will at least lead to a job that will lead to an agent reading my stuff. It's hard to complain when you're just starting out. My concern at this point, believe it or not, is that my internships will lead to a successful well-paying job and I will end up deciding that I DO like LA and won't go back to Chicago. Although by the time I came back to Chicago, everyone would most likely be gone anyway.

Oh, I got to go to a free screeing of Grindhouse last night. It's a fucking sweet movie. I also saw Shy Labuff at the premiere of Disturbia. I don't know how to spell his name, but it's too fucking hard so I'm not even gonna try. He should change it to something easier to sound out.

Cuz it's my jawb

I started interning at The Weinstein Company today. You're probably wondering what it's like. Well, let me tell you.

You're probably wondering about my desk. I don't have one. I have an end table that I put my computer on. I'm constantly in the way, but I'm working at a premiere film production company, and there are a lot of college students that would love to be sitting at my make-shift desk, so I'm not complaining. Speaking of other college students, none of the other interns start until mid-May, but I'm there now. I'm not sure why this is, but as long as I'm still out by July 1st, I don't care.

You're probably wondering where the office is. It's right across the streets from the La Brea tarpits, if that means anything to you. It's fancy and has a courtyard with fountains. The fact that I never had an official interview and was basically hired off my cover letter left me feeling a bit apprehensive about the validity of this internship, but I do officially work at the LA offices of The Weinstein Company, which is neat-o. Yes. There is a hyphen in neat-o.

You're probably wondering what I do all day. Well, my days are about ten hours long or so. Today I spent the first half organizing, labeling, and putting covers on the many, many scripts that Karen, my boss, has lying around. As a story editor, she has a shitload of scripts to read. So many, in fact, that she can't get through them all. And who is there to help her read through the shitty scripts? That would be me. My second half of the day was spent reading a screenplay and writing coverage (a summary and comments). Basically, a majority of the screenplays sent to companies are shit. My job is to read the shit, mark it as shit, and tell my boss that it's shit, so that she has one less piece of shit to read. I had to sign some confidentiality papers, which sucks because this blog would be a perfect place for entries of the "OMG you won't believe this fucking script I read today and how stupid it was" variety.

I like it. Long hours and actual work are nots things that I have ever been fond of, but I'm working in the industry and its pretty exciting.

Fake Baggy is almost as obnoxious as Real Baggy (almost)

Maybe two internships wasn't smart? I mean...45 hours a week of not getting paid? Okay, that's not true. Offspring doesn't pay but I do get 30 bucks a week from Weinstein. So....if I spend 30 bucks a week of my own money, and the 30 bucks from Weinstein, I can sustain a living for at least a month. Then I go home, graduate college, hopefully get money from family, and that will sustain me for a little bit longer. Maybe I'll find some sort of flexible weekend job, too. We'll see.

I should be at Universal right now for my last shift. But I skipped it. I want to go running and be productive. I don't want to spend a nice day wearing a straw hat and stamping hands. Most of the people I work(ed) with are either much older than me or obnoxious high school kids, which probably added to my already legitimate reasons for quitting. As for the two internships and quitting my job business...I came out here to work in the industry. Not to work at Unviersal Studios Hollywood. Sure things aren't all that lucrative at the moment but two internships doubles my chances of getting a job, plus doubles my contacts, which doubles my chances of getting my scripts read, which doubles my chances of getting an agent in the future.

I auditioned for Groundlings and passed, so I got into the school. All that means is I don't suck, so I don't have to take the intro workshops. I'm really excited to start next week. Who knows, if I decide I love improv more than writing, I may be back in Chicago sooner than planned. But for now, my plan is to stay in Cali, live with Mike for a year, then next June I'll reevaluate my life and see where I want to be and what I want to do.

Yesterday was the last day of Semester in LA, so if you don't count my online Bio class (which I wouldn't, since I put more effort into making a turkey sandwich than I put into studying), I am officially done with college! Sure, I'm interning, which means I'm still a college student and getting credit and what not. But, as of today I am officially on the "done with class, time to get a real job" train. It's very overwhelming. I already miss SLA. In 24 hours I've gone from going to a bungalow at the CBS Studio Center and hanging out making jokes all day, to being at the absolute bottom of the latter. Luckily, starting Tuesday I get to feel important again when I start at The Weinstein Company and get to work in the Variety building in LA. And even more exciting on Thursday when I go into Offspring Entertainment for the first time, which is on the Walt Disney Studios lot.

Since I skipped work, I'm making up for it by being ultra-productive. Meaning...

1. Finally send out the Thank You cards that I have had for 2 months.
2. Go running.
3. Final revisions of my Earl spec.
4. Laundry.
5. Clean room.
6. Call my grandma.

As of now, I haven't done any of it. I swear, I'll start soon.

Sorry Dani

I promised a chapter eleven, but it turns out the version I wrote a few months ago is gone, so I'm going to have to start over. Disney is a hard one to write about because there's just so much to cover, and I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it. It's like scaling Mount Everest, only without the lack of oxygen and high chance of impending death.

Anyway...Disney. Chapter 11. Some day. I promise.

I just can't be funny and creative in this blog right now. My spec for My Name is Earl basically drained all that out of me. But hot damn I am so proud of how that script turned out. The class really seemed to like it, and even the teachers had a lot of good things to say. Good to know that the tireless nights I stayed up until 4am revising were worth it. I just need to revise it one more time based on the notes from todays table (only four scripts were chosen to be tabled. Mine was chosen by a guest speaker who used to work on Freaks and Geeks and Roseanne. Yeah. Kinda cool.) and I'm officially done with it. Then it will sit around while I intern at The Weinstein Company and Offspring Entertainment, and as I try to find a way to get an agent to read it. I'll probably submit it in my application for the Warner Brothers Writers Workshop, but that program is so competitive and the odds are not in my favor so I'm not going to get my hopes up. Although it would be incredible beyond words.

Today was also my auditon at Groundlings. If all went well, which I'm confident it did, I'll be placed out of the intro workshops and into the actual school.

Then I came back and had to take an online Bio test. Now, I failed the last test, never studied, never read the chapters, don't even own the book, and have no idea what hemoglobin is, but I still managed to get a semi-solid 31/39. Internet classes really should be banned, since Wikipedia pretty much helps those of us who don't care about learning overcome any challenge.

Last night was another 4am night, and I'm starting to pass out. You know when you have those crazy little mini-dreamlike thoughts right before you're about to fall asleep? I think I've been in one all day.

I was wrong

I said I was going to intern at Underground, but I'm not anymore. I just got an internship here

Have I really not blogged in a week???

The parents got mad at me today because I overdrew on my checking and they found out that I'm out of money. They're not mad I'm out of money. They're mad that I didn't call and ask for help. I dunno, I just try to be as self-reliant as possible. They pay for my college and let me do the semester in LA, so asking for anything extra would make me feel guilty. Everything's taken care of, now. And tomorrow I'm setting up a bank account at the Universal credit union for my paychecks. It will be nice to have ATM usage again, since there are no National City Banks out here and it's getting annoying that I have to run inside target and by some Bubble Tape just to get cash back to go to City Walk.

Class is great. I'm bummed it's almost over. We've had some amazing speakers come in and talk to us. Actual successful people, too, not like the halfway-there teachers at Columbia who never seemed to make it. One of the big producers for Malcolm In The Middle came in, and the showrunner for Bernie Mac, and a ton of people that wrote for different shows. Did I ever mention that my teacher was a producer on Full House? I meant to.

I got an internship, but it's not my top choice. I'd love to get something more exciting that's on a lot and has some big names, but none of those people seem to be returning my phone calls or emails, and I think that I better just take what I can get. So, as of now, I will probably be interning at Underground Films (www.undergroundfilms.net). The people there are really cool, and since it's small it's a great opportunity to make contacts with important people. Plus, there's a dog.

I don't feel like writing anymore.

1. I'm going to take more pictures. Well, seeing as how I haven't really taken a single one, I could take a picture of my pinky toe and I've officially lived up to my promise of taking more pictures.

2. Don't expect cheesy pictures of me with random celebrities. Unless I happen across someone that I am a huge fan of, I don't really intend to approach them for a picture or autograph. I just find it incredibly tacky. They're just people.

3. I have no cell phone. Sorry. Stop texting me because I ain't gettin' it.

4. Work started. It's okay. From March 25th - April 15th I am going to be really damn busy. There's a chance I won't have a single day off at all, but I really need money so I'm not complaining.

5. I miss my Chicago friends more and more each day. I love everything out here but I'm not clicking with anyone like I did with everyone at Columbia. I'm sure with work and my upcoming internship and improv class things will pick up, but I'd give anything for some familiar faces. Can't wait for Flavin to get out here.

6. Tatty

sickly

I'm home sick from school but that doesn't mean I have time to rest, unfortunately. I still have errands to run, outlines to write, a FILTHY room to clean, etc. I remember when staying home from school meant laying on the couch drinking Vernors in a cup shaped like a crayon while watching Eureka's Castle. My, how the times have changed. My attitude is changing. Possibly due to the fact that I can never enjoy anything for too long before I start to miss complaining, but mostly I'm just starting to miss Chicago and Michigan. My grandparents are all getting old and I feel like I'm ditching out on the family as their health declines. Not to sound too glib, though. I'm having a great time. Celebrity Watch is up to five sightings now, including Nikki Cox, Harold Parrineau (Michael from Lost), Bob Barker in the cafeteria (sorry Ashley you would bt SO disappointed if you saw him sans make-up), Marisa Jaret Winokur, and Mark McGrath.

Although I am sick today, I still got to go to the Jericho panel last night. The next paragraph is for those people who posted asking for me to write about Paley Fest. If you have no interest in Jericho, just skip this paragraph and go onto the next one.
1. Two deaths are coming up. Pamela Reed says that these were very difficult to deal with because the cast becomes a family.
2. Episode 18 has a HUGE reveal about Hawkins. BIG BIG BIG.
3. By the end of the season we'll know more about the state of the rest of the world. Season 2 (god willing) will go even deeper into that.
4. Skeet Ulrich is just as cool in person as Jake Green.
5. Heather is coming back.
That's about all I can remember right now. The cast was really fun and seems to get along well. We watched the episode that is airing tonight and it's pretty good. A good Hawkins Family episode.

Annnyway, back to the real world, where nuclear attacks have yet to destroy us all. I have an internship interview tomorrow at Booya Studios which is cool because I'm meeting with the owner. They did MTV's Fear, by the way.

I'm also excited for my interview at Offspring Entertainment on Monday because they have an even more extensive list of productions, including the Hairspray movie starring...AMANDA BYNES.

Now I must go to the post office and come back to watch The Riches.

LA cool

I'm keeping quite busy these days. Aside from school and work I'm trying to go out and do as much as I can. Case in point, last night I went to go see two plays that my teacher produced. It was opening night and we got in free, and it was an excellent opportunity to brown nose. Seriously, me? Brown nosing? Has LA changed me that much in such a small period of time? The plays were pretty good. One was about a court room drama and the other was about a couple in a fertility clinic. All of my college education must be paying off because I was able to analyze the themes and characters and figure out why two plays that were so completely different shared the same bill.

Tonight I'm staying in. I have another day of orientation at Universal tomorrow and I'm already tired and with daylight savings time...I'm just not up to going out. That's right, anyone who hasn't seen my updated facebook info may not know this. I have officially accepted a job at Universal Studios Hollywood. I knew the Disney College Program would come back to help me out later on in life. I have enough money for April's rent but not much else, so this is a good way for me to make spending money. I'm actually really excited to be back in a theme park. When we first walked backstage (yes, Universal calls it "backstage" also), I remembered how exciting it was and how important I felt when I first got to go behind the scenes at Disney World. It will be a good job. It will be flexible around my internship, which is what's most important.

Tuesday I'm going to Hollywood for the Museum of Television and Radio's Paley Festival Panel with the cast and crew of Jericho. Yes, ladies, even Skeet Ulrich will be there. I'm really excited for this. I've started watching episodes of the show online to catch up and be prepared. It's actually pretty good. I recommend it to anyone with similar tastes as me. Baggy will be disappointed to know that the panel with the entire cast and crew of Heroes was tonight and I did not attend. That one sold out fast and was by far the biggest night of the festival. I went to try to get standby tickets, but it didn't seem promising so I left.

Wednesday I'm seeing a show at Groundlings. I dropped my pointless improv class because of work, and because I realized that I'm a bit more advanced than Basic Level Workshop A. I have an audition for a higher on the 19th.

Friday I'm going to a taping of Two and a Half Men. I really don't like this show. At all. But it's a good experience and should be fun. Plus, when you watch live shows being taped, everything is always HILARIOUS. Like Leno. When you're in the studio and he gives his monologue, he's the funniest man in the world. Then you watch that episode at night and barely crack a smile. The magic of television, I suppose.

This was boring. I didn't even try to be clever and insightful. But look how much fun stuff I'm doing!!!!

I get two free tickets to Universal. First two people who come out here get them. It's a new competition.