Disconnected

I went to Old Navy today. The Old Navy I used to work at. (See Chapter 3)

There was a girl working at the counter that I recognized. I recognized her because I went to High School with her. Also, she worked there when I was there. That was the summer of 2000. 5 years ago. I mean, I guess that's no big deal. 5 years at the same place. Good for you, I say. Same with Eric. He started at Best Buy around the same time as me. Which, as a matter of fact, was shortly after I quit Old Navy.

My point is. For me, that was forever ago. A lifetime. And I'm kind of jealous of that girl at Old Navy. And of Eric. Ever since High School, nothing in my life seems to last. It took me three years in High School to find something for me to do. Something I was good at. That was acting. But it seemed like in the blink of an eye, I was graduating. I finally found something. I finally belonged somewhere. I was no longer sitting at a different lunch table every day. I was a part of something. And I was proud of it. Then, it was over. Graduation. On to Western.

Goodbye Novi.

Western was great. But I'm not even going to start talking about my times there. I think everyone who knows me is pretty sick of hearing about WMU.

Then, I moved to Florida.

Goodbye Western.

Then, I moved to Chicago.

Goodbye Disney.

In a few years, I'll be graduating, and most likely moving again.

Goodbye Chicago.

I don't regret anything I've done with my life. I am incredibly lucky to have had the experiences and friendships I've had. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. But I do get jealous of the people who have stayed put. Or those who graduated, went to school, and stayed there. They have their two worlds. Home and College. They have constants in their lives. I don't. My life, my memories, my friendships, my everything....it's all over the place.

Hey, remember when we did this? Oh wait, that wasn't you. It was my friend who was the equivalent of you before I moved here.

Haha, this reminds me of the time that we...oh wait. That wasn't us. That was somewhere else. With someone else. Someone that you replaced.


A good friend recently told me I need to learn to let things go. I don't think they understand how many things I've had to let go of already.

So, this semester's end makes it official. I have been at Columbia just as long as I was at Western. And longer than I was in Florida. So why don't I feel settled? Why do I feel I can never really connect with people here? Is it because I know that I'll be leaving them, just as I did everyone else? Or is it because I've already done this...had these friends...did these things...said these words...played these games....in another place and time? I've met some incredible people in Chicago, and the last thing I want to do is refer to them as "replacements." Because they aren't. They aren't replacements. They aren't substitutes. They're...something new. And different.

Right???

Yes. They are. I know they are. Comparing them to the people of my past doesn't do them justice. Nor does it do justice to the people of my past. I guess all I can do is consider myself lucky to have a life so chuck full of so many crazy, amazing, hilarious, tragic, inspiring, influential friends, from all over the place.