Chapter 2.5: A little bit of back story

I quit Old Navy under the false pretense that I was too busy at school to have a job. About three weeks later, I started at Best Buy. But this, however, was not the first time I tried working at Best Buy. I give you....

Chapter 2.5

I quit Red Robin and needed a new job. I applied at a bunch of places, such as Old Navy. But the place I would have really liked to work at was Best Buy. Now, at Best Buy, you don't just walk in and hand over an application. Oh God no. Can you imagine! Someone having to sit down and go through applications to see who is qualified? There's no time for that at Best Buy! They have electronics and appliances to be selling at almost factory-direct prices! Certainly, a different, more technologically advanced screening process is needed. Are you ready for it?

The automated phone interview.

Press 1 if the answer is "yes"
Press 2 if the answer is "no"

Sounds easy enough. I hate talking on the phone to strangers and a phone interview would be even worse, but going through this with a prerecorded voice would be just fine.

So I'm listening to the questions, hitting the 1's and 2's. "Are you over the age of 16?" 1! "Have you ever been convicted of a crime?" 2! It was going just fine. But then the questions got...questionable.

"If an employee is caught stealing less than a dollar, but confesses and returns the money, should they be given a second chance?"

Ok, in retrospect, I should have thought this through more carefully. Yes, in real life, outside of work, I, Steve Szlaga, would ABSOLUTELY forgive something like that. I am a forgiving person. So yes. Yes I believe that this incident is not punishable by termination. 1. Yes. 1.

But what I should have realized, and now, 12 jobs later, would never forget, is that companies are not people. They are companies. They don't care about you. They don't care if you are broke. They don't care about your uncle Ernie. To them, there is NO excuse for stealing even a penny. Yeah, makes sense. But this is before I became the professional part time employee that I am today. So the answer, of course, should have been 2. No. Fire that bastard who stole 2 dimes and a quarter. Put them in the stocks and throw rocks at them. Hang them if need be.

Then the next question. "If a person steals less than 10 dollars, but confesses and returns the money, should they be given a second chance?"

Well there's nothing to blame but my own stupidity for this one. I mean, I said "yes" to stealing before. I 1'd that other question! I have to stick with it now! What would they think if I keep going all over the board! Stealing good! No...stealing bad! So I said yes. Yes steal more money!

At the end of the interview the automated voice said...

"We're sorry, but you do not meet the requirements for employees that we are looking for."

Probably because they thought I was fucking Charles Boles or something. But after that, it said...

"Please do not participate in this interview until records are erased in 90 days."

So...this was just a practice run. Now I knew the questions better. I could do it right this time. It's like the ACT's. You're allowed to retake as much as you want. Just wait a few months.

But a few weeks later, Old Navy called me with an offer I should have refused. But not to worry. Best Buy would happen soon enough. And let's just say, this little phone interview was only the beginning of my supposed "delinquency" at that place. I was a marked man...