Friday night we went out to a party in Logan Square. All of us got thoroughly toasted before heading home. I'm glad I got really drunk because the party was pretty much all guys and girls that looked like guys. But it was, in fact, a party. There was, in fact, a keg. I was, in fact, with my good friends. And school, in fact, was over. So it was all, in fact, good.
Then in the morning we got up and Matt, Dave, and I exchanged presents. Matt was acting like a 4 year old on Christmas morning, jumping all over the furniture and squealing. Dave said we should make him open his presents last. I said we should have gotten him clothes.
Matt got me Arrested Development Season 2, which will definitely be coming in handy on the train rides home. Having a laptop makes the train rides so much more tolerable. I mean, I still fall asleep for about 94 percent of the trip, but it's nice to be entertained for the other 20 minutes. I got Matt a Coca-Cola Poker Set. Now we can have Poker Nights.
Dave got me the Post Secret book. Way to go Dave. We were at Chicago Comics and I picked it up and told Dave about how much I like the website, so he ended up getting me the book. It's really good. There's some quality secrets in there, such as "I masturbate to pictures of old Civil War soldiers" and "I steal old library cards. Obsessively" I should get a coffee table so I can put it on there. It's a coffee table book. Wait, I think we do have a coffee table. But we use it as a foot rest. I got Dave Justice League Mad Libs and a book called "How To Survive A Robot Uprising." It seemed to suit him.
After that we went and got some Chipotle and to Target so that Matt and I could buy the rest of the presents for our Santa Letters. The Post Office has this program where kids and parents in need write to Santa and then volunteers come and pick up letters and buy what they ask for. I had a boy who wanted race cars and a girl that wanted a Bratz doll. So that's what I got them.
Have you ever seen a Bratz doll? Holy shit, man. Those things are scary. Let me explain.
A Bratz doll has lips that take up about 1/3 of their face, eyes that look like they were transplanted from a cat, and a waist that is smaller than their neck. They also have long stylish hair that is at least 14 different colors. They look like demon women. Succubi! I think Bratz dolls are in fact Succubi! (google "Succubi" if you have to) I think that these dollz are indeed the teenage daughterz of Satan himself.
The Bratz girlz seem to have a lot of interests. The first and foremost being FASHION! Of course. Aside from that, the Bratz enjoy dressing up as cowgirls and riding their Wild West Ponyz, camping out in their ultra stylish tents and hiking couture, playing sportz, dressing up to impress the Bratz Boyz, and also, singing in their totally awesome band, Rock Angelz.
What's weird is...these dolls are hot, hot shit. It was a circus trying to find the right one that my little girl wanted. This, ladies and gentlemen, is Yasmin
I think I had a nightmare last night that an army of Bratz slashed my anklez and then dragged me into a fiery pit where I was eaten by a dog with three headz.
But hey, the little girl really wanted it, and I'm glad that I can help make someone's Christmas a little brighter. Best part is she has no idea this is even coming to her.
"And that's why presents are so great. It's a great way to show someone how much you care. It's a way of saying "Hey, I love you...this many dollars worth"
-The Office
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