Chapter 4: Part Two: It's Never OK To Vandalize Janet Jackson

Best Buy wasn't bad. I wouldn't say I liked it but that's because it was work. Still to this day I have yet to find a job that I don't dread going to. Even if I worked from home I'd probably hate it. Hell, if I got paid to write stories about my old jobs, I'd probably hate that too.

It was easy, I'll say that. And my hours weren't terrible. Usually I just worked a few evenings a week and then Sunday afternoons.

Now here's the thing.

Ever since the dawn of time, when Jesus first decided this, CDs and movies have been released on Tuesdays. Always. Always. Always. Now, the ads come out on Sunday. Yes. This is true. This would indeed be a most opportune time to advertise something that will be released on Tuesday.

Sounds pretty simple...right?

If you think so, you clearly have never worked retail.

(tangent ahead. Please skip the next few paragraphs if you don't want continuity of the story to be broken)

And you know what...if you have never worked retail, then I have a significantly less amount of respect for you. Well, that's no fair. Customer service. If you have never held a job that required working customer service, then you just don't get it. And you never will. Sure, you think you understand. Even if you try your hardest to actually be polite to a salesperson and pleasant to deal with. You don't know.

I propose that every American citizen is required to work some sort of service job before they turn 25. Be it McDonalds, Gap, or Uncle Ed's Oil Change. Something in which you have to cater to another person's needs. You'll learn more about cultural studies and human behavior in one year in customer service than you will in four years of college. But since I know that won't happen, and that many of you will never experience this first hand, let me lay it out for you.

Cultural Studies: All cultures suck. You will soon learn that stereotypes are indeed based on real life people. Racist? I suppose. But racist against everyone.

Human Behavior: People don't care about other people. They just don't. People don't say excuse me. They don't say please. They are sneaky and impatient and rude. And they will turn their back on you the second they see an opportunity for themselves to benefit.

Yeah, I sound a little harsh. Well, that's exactly the loss of faith in mankind that I feel everybody needs. And that's why everybody needs to work customer service.

Oh...yeah. About the sale ads. This small encounter pretty much sums up 90 percent of my customer interactions on Sundays.

Someone's Mom: I'm looking for the new Backstreet Boys CD.
Steve: Oh I'm sorry. That doesn't come out until Tuesday.
Someone's Mom: Well it's in the sale paper today! That's false advertisement!
Steve: No it isn't. It says that it will be released Tuesday.
Someone's Mom: No it doesn't!
Steve: Yes it does. Right here. Under the picture of the CD. Where it says "Released Tuesday"
Someone's Mom: Where is your manager! I know you have the CD!
Steve: He's on lunch. But he'd say the same thing.
Someone's Mom: Well maybe I'll just call the Better Business Bureau.

Sorry to tell you, but I am not John Frey. This story is not embellished at all. These things happen.

But let's get to the good part of the story. The day everything turned around.

It all started when Nick picked up a black marker. With that sharpie, he marked my fate. Well, not fate. I mean it was a part time job at Best Buy, so whatever happened was clearly not going to change my life in any drastic way, but I digress.

We had posters on the end of every CD and movie aisle. Gladiator, Scary Movie, Charlie's Angels, Britney Spears, Dave Matthews Band...

...Janet Jackson.

Nick thought he would be funny, so he scribbled all over the Dave Matthews poster. Then he gave Janet Jackson a huge hairy mole. After he did this he showed me his work. I really didn't care that much. I was farming (alphabetizing the CD section) and really didn't like being taken out of my zen organization time. Back to farming I went. A little while later, I was on the computer looking something up and Nick's marker was right there. For no reason whatsoever, I picked it up and started carrying it around with me. Oops.

A few days later, I was called into the security office in regards to the vandalizing that occurred. The funny thing is that even though the Dave Matthews poster was more destroyed than the Janet Jackson poster, it was only Miss Jackson (if your nasty) who the security guard seemed to care about. Ironically, his name was on the back of that poster, which meant that once it was taken down, it was his to keep.

As luck would have it, they didn't have any footage of the posters being defaced (Hint: If you ever want to steal anything from the Best Buy in Novi, Michigan, there is apparently a huge area in the South East corner of the music department where security cameras do not go. Have at it). But there was, however, footage of me walking around with a black marker. Suspicious.

I explained it wasn't me but security guy didn't seem to believe me. I didn't care what he thought. He worked for security at Best Buy. Like I was afraid of him. After that, it seemed that I couldn't be trusted with anything. If I untucked my shirt before I left, I was asked to show my belt so that they knew I wasn't taking anything (something that no one else was ever asked to do). I was no longer scheduled to close alone. And I was barely ever assigned to work with movies or CDs.

The funny thing is that I was never explicitly reprimanded or warned. After that meeting with security guy, nothing else was ever called to my attention. But you could tell they were just waiting for me to do something wrong. That's when I started to hate Best Buy.

Then one day I got a phone call from Jason, a guy from Twist & Shout. They had reopened! At a different mall, yes, but alive and kicking nonetheless. He told me that he had gotten a job at the new one, and they were looking for more people. Would I be interested?

Would I be interested? Heck yes I would be interested! But what about Best Buy? That was the dilemma. I'd be getting a dollar an hour less at Twist & Shout than I was getting at Best Buy. After a lot of deliberation I decided that I would keep both jobs. Twist & Shout on the weekends, Best Buy during the week. Summer was coming up so school wouldn't be an issue. So I went to tell my managers.

Best Buy had about 97 managers, so I wasn't exactly sure who to ask. I went to Stan. Stan told me that I couldn't do that. Being part time meant that I had to work at least one day every weekend. I knew he was making that up. OK, I really had no idea if he was making that up or not, because to be honest I didn't read anything that I signed when I became an employee. However, I did not like what Stan was telling me, so I decided it was a lie.

When it came down to the wire, I had to make a decision. Two jobs couldn't work. Best Buy wouldn't let it work. I knew what I wanted. I wanted Twist & Shout. But was that wrong? Was that irresponsible? Taking a pay cut for a job that would be more "fun?" What to do, what to do...

FUCK THAT AND FUCK BEST BUY! I WAS OUT OF THERE.

Now all I had to do was quit. I've always been very mature when it comes to my jobs, and confrontation is something that I have never been afraid of. So when it came down to writing a note saying that I quit and putting it into my managers mailbox, then leaving and saying "See you tomorrow" to everyone when I knew damn well I was gone for good, I had no problem. No problem at all.

The problem after that was...would I ever go back to Best Buy to shop? I mean...would that be awkward? I was definitely afraid to return for a good two weeks.

...but the CDs were so cheap there. And I wasn't about to go to Sam Goody.