it's not oprah. i get it

Another sober Saturday...two weeks in a row now. I guess my Thursday and Friday nights make up for that though. Spent the day with my family that is in town. Had dinner, played with Shilo, watched the Sox win (OK fine I DO care but only kind of). Came back and didn't bother to go out. Too lazy.

It's been a while since I updated, what did I talk about last I don't even remember. Hmmm..

Springer has been going well. Mondays I work the show and that's always interesting. I come home feeling wrong, though. Like...last week, as I was getting the transexual a straw for her energy drink and she was telling me her nipples were hard, it hit me. What the hell am I doing with my life? Is this really an experience that I need? Escorting a pimp and a prostitute outside so that they can chainsmoke like bandits....is that in some way relevant to a career in writing and producing? I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Other days I just work in audience. Which really means sit and answer the phone and say "Thanks for calling The Jerry Springer Show what city are you calling from?" Over and over until my throat is raw. People that call for tickets are sometimes even worse that people who call to be on the show. And trust me, the people who call to be on the show are pretty ridiculous.

"Hi Jerry this is Shelia May....I'm callin' cause I wanna be on the show. I have a 380 dollar phone bill Jerry. And I need to be on the show so you can help me with my phone bill. It's 380 dollars."

Yeah...ok lady, how about we stop calling talk shows to tell them our financial troubles? That might save you a little on the phone bill. Or try Vonage. People do stupid things. Woo hoo woo hoo hoo!

So I know what you are wondering. Is it fake or is it not fake? Well, much like when I signed away every basic right that I had in Florida to ensure the preservation of Disney magic, I was required to do the same thing for Springer. All I can say is this. These people come to us. We do not make it up.

Our studio is right by where Jenny Jones used to tape. Too bad she's gone. God knows I'd love to meet Mrs. Jones. I heard that interns for her show weren't even allowed bathroom breaks. I bet that was at Jenny's request. Chicken, Rachel, and I used to intentionally stay up until 2am to watch Jenny Jones freshman year. It was BET Uncut from 1-2 and then Jenny. BET Uncut is an excellent program. If you are into quality music such as "I ain't got no panties on" and high art music videos, especially those featuring slapping girls asses with buttered spatulas, then I highly recommend BET Uncut.

Eric turned 21 yesterday. He got a keg and we had a party at Jason's. It was a lot of fun. Jason's is always a good time. Eric brought the empty keg back here. He's going to keep it on the window ledge. I think we should decorate it for Christmas. Even put presents around it.