I'm never going to get a girlfriend because I am incapable of differentiating what is appropriate to say to people who know me well, and people who don't know me at all. I'm weird, offbeat, and sarcastic, and unfortunately there's no switch for that, nor is there a pill I can take to hide it temporarily. Because of that, meeting potential girlfriends is essentially impossible. Don't get me wrong...I make no apologies.
For instance, the other night we were at the bar for my friend Sam's birthday and this girl overheard me talking about Chicago. She tapped me on the shoulder and said "I'm from Chicago too!" I asked if she knew Sam and if she was there for her birthday. The girl told me she didn't know Sam. Now...a normal person with any ounce of restraint or even the slightest sense of normalcy would seize this opportunity to meet a new member of the opposite sex and explore various routes to pursue a courtship, whatever they may be. But no. Not me. I responded with a quick "Yeah. She's dead." The girl gave me a horrified look and quickly walked away. Why would I do that? Why would any sane person do that?
Another potential conversation was destroyed when a girl asked if I saw her purse and I told her I stole it. She was not amused. You see what I'm saying? I do not possess the skills necessary to show restraint to present a NORMAL first impression. Maybe it's a subconscious mechanism I employ in order to be remembered. Maybe it's self-sabotage. Maybe I am missing the some sort of chromosome that tells a human what is acceptable behavior when making introductions. Who knows.
Don't get me wrong. I'm perfectly happy with who I am and have no intentions of giving up my quirky demeanor, and I'm well aware that I have plenty of good friends who are just as crazy as me. The difference is, those friends know how to turn it off long enough to meet new people and convince them that they are not a sociopath.
In other news, I'm starting to get a handle on the many tasks I have taken on over the past few months. My comedy writing class is coming to an end. I'll be glad to have my Thursday nights back, and glad to get back into classes for acting and improv, but I really enjoyed it. I wrote a few sketches and monologues that I'm really proud of. I'm not sure I really learned how to write any better or funnier, but this class did force me to sit down and create stuff, so it was well worth it. In fact, I'm going to perform one of my sketches, "Demon Baby's Dirty Diaper," at...
...the comedy show I am putting together! The kegger for cancer never quite took off because there aren't a lot of people in my life right now who are that eager to attend a keg party, so I cancelled it when my RSVP list consisted of six confirmed attendees and about two dozen "maybes." I don't spend money on beer for "maybe." So, with all of this improv and writing I've been doing, I had an even better idea than a keg party. I know plenty of people in the same boat as me who want to perform but don't have that many opportunities, so I'm renting out a theatre for the night, and putting on a benefit. Details are still being worked out, but it will be the evening of Sunday, April 20th (yes, that's Passover. Gentile's only!) and I've gotten a lot of positive responses, so it will be exciting. The show is tentatively titled "Cancer's Not Funny...and Neither Are We: An (Almost) Amateur Night of Comedy." The big concern is actually filling seats, but I'm confident that friends, family, and coworkers of not only myself, but of the other performers, should be a relatively decent size for an audience. Plus, it's for charity so you never know who might see a flyer and show up. I'm just excited to get on stage in front of people. It's been a long, long time. Hopefully this is successful, because if people respond to it I'd LOVE to put on a show every few months. There just aren't a lot of places for people who are just starting out to get up and perform, so I may be on to something here.
So, fundraising and running are going well. Class is almost over. By the end of this week I'll be done with my script, and even though I'm sure there will be a need for major rewrites, the hard parts will be over. Everything is under control, it seems.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still in way over my head, but thankfully I'm a good swimmer.
That was a terrible, terrible turn of phrase. I apologize.
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5 comments:
Sam isn't really dead though, right? You know I think you're charming, just take a girl to sharky's mexican grill! No grill, I mean girl, can resist that.
I already told you everything... RIGHT NOW.
Holy crap... you seem pretty awesome to me. Hope you don't find it really creepy that I feel compelled to read more of your blog entries.
Personally, I find that the hilarity of your responses to their inquiries FAR outweighs the sacrifice of female attention made to induce said hilarity.
And comedy show?? AWESOME. Damnit why don't I live on the west coast?
i think sum1 luh u....
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