A Hole for Laura Jane

I'd like to introduce a new segment that I shall call "Today's Crazy," in which I talk about one of the many insane people wandering the streets of downtown Los Angeles. Perhaps I'll even come up with a jingle for it in the future, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Today's Crazy is a man sitting on a bench in the small courtyard near our parking structure. He had one shoe off, and was raising his foot, adorned in a clean pink sock, in the air and shouting "Where's my pinky! There's my pinky!" and giggling incessantly. He really, really, really liked that sock. Like, I mean, he must have fucking loved that sock. For a homeless man to keep their feet clean...that's devotion. True love for the simple things.

Wow I got some good advice on not being afraid to fail and don't be hard on yourself and all that. Thanks guys! Who needs therapy?

Sadly though, this may all be a moot point. I have a second interview on Thursday for that development job that I really, really want. Hopefully they will understand that I've already paid for class and need to leave early on Tuesday's for a few weeks. I'd even come in an hour early in the morning to make up for leaving a half hour early that night. I'm not going to worry about this right now. My focus is mainly on just getting that job and not being a PA anymore. Talk about thankless. Sure, the money is great but doing stuff like draining air conditioners, assembling 40 office chairs, and taking four hours of your day to drive to Hermosa Beach and then getting a parking ticket on top of that...it really starts to wear you down. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Working on that attitude, remember? However, it is only human that as I clean out the fridge after a Coke can exploded, I can't stop thinking about how badly I want that new job.

Mike interned for a company that accepts blind submissions. Essentially this means that any Tom, Dick or Andy is welcome to email them an idea for a movie. If they like the idea, they ask for a full script. This is one of the very few places left in Hollywood that still accepts unsolicited material (scripts not send in from an agent). Mike has developed an alias in which he sends the company ludicrous and offensive material, just for shits and giggles. I decided I wanted in on the fun, and so I sent them this little gem. It's called "A Hole for Laura Jane." Below is the pitch that I sent to the company.

“A Hole For Laura Jane” is a heartwarming Christmas tale in the vein of "The House Without a Christmas Tree," only instead of a house, it is a young girl growing up in a small country town, and instead of a Christmas Tree, it is a vagina.

The story begins when Laura Jane, 12, notices in the locker room that her body is different from the other girls. She asks her parents why she doesn't have a "bajingo." They take Laura Jane to Dr. Gamora, who diagnosis her with acute vaginaloctopi. The only option is a risky surgery, that could result in Laura Jane's death. The family spends their holiday season in each other's arms, as they try to come to terms with Laura Jane's situation. Would it be better for Laura Jane to grow up with no Vagina, or not grow up at all? Laura Jane wakes her parents up on Christmas morning with the news. She has decided that she wants the surgery. The family spends what may turn out to be their last Christmas together with not only quiet and somber reflection, but also hope for the future. The next day, Laura Jane is taken to a walk-in clinic, where the doctors prepare for the major surgery. Only moments before the surgeon's scalpel is to pierce her nether regions, a startling discovery is made. Laura Jane does have a vagina! It just happens to be closed. In a heartfelt climax, the surgeon opens up Laura Jane's vagina. To everyone's surprise, a baby comes out! Laura Jane has been immaculately impregnated, and the son of God is conceived.